Corrupt a Wish

[DirtyDishSoap]

Goes as follows:

"I wish I had a car."

Person below grants but corrupts the wish.

"Granted, but its only the body kit on wheels."

I'll start.

I wish I could fly

[2dimes]

Granted but you have to use a jet pack from the 1970s.

I wish I was a rock star.

[Dukasaur]

Granted, but you're one of the Bay City Rollers.





I wish I was on a Mediterranean cruise!

[DirtyDishSoap]

Granted, but you have gonorrhea the whole trip.

I wish i lived in Ireland!

[Pack Rat]

Potato famine strikes again.

I wish I found a gold nugget the size of Trump's hand, ooops, I mean DirtyDishSoap hand.

[Votanic]

...but then whiny-hideous Piss-rat shows up and projects his own ego-insecurities about hand size onto an opposition political candidate.
Is a merely materialist lump of element 79 worth the stain on both your ethics and aesthetics?

The entire universe instantaneously collapses to a dense, one-dimensional singularity.

[DirtyDishSoap]

You're suppose to make a wish you f*ck!

I wish to eat the world's tastiest sandwich

[Votanic]

You're suppose to make a wish you f*ck!

I wish to eat the world's tastiest sandwich

That was a wish, you dumb double-f*ck.

And you were supposed to give a reply, like this:
...so you deep-throat the whole over-sized meaty cylinder down your pie-hole (as usual) and choke on it!

Now try it again, and this time do it right!
The entire universe instantaneously collapses to a dense, one-dimensional singularity.

[DirtyDishSoap]

You're suppose to make a wish you f*ck!

I wish to eat the world's tastiest sandwich

That was a wish, you dumb double-f*ck.

And you were supposed to give a reply, like this:
...so you deep-throat the whole over-sized meaty cylinder down your pie-hole (as usual) and choke on it!

Now try it again, and this time do it right!
The entire universe instantaneously collapses to a dense, one-dimensional singularity.

OKAY! I'LL HELP YOU YA TRIPLE f*ck!

[----->I WISH<-----]The entire universe instantaneously collapses to a dense, one-dimensional singularity.

WISH GRANTED, BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO EXPERIENCES IT, WHILE THE REST OF US CONTINUE TO EXIST!

I WISH FOR THE WORLD'S TASTIEST SANDWICH!

[Votanic]

Ugh, you insufferable quad-f*ck. I already gave a response for that one.

Refer back to the line in my previous post where I implied your were a big ol' dead cocksucker, ...found with a chewed-off dick still in your mouth.

The following is a new wish:
All beings must conform to decent ethical & aesthetic parameters (MY determination) or instantaneously disintegrate into nothingness, never to return.

...and no DDS, I do NOT need to preface that sentence with the phrase 'I wish'. Such is already implied in context.

[DirtyDishSoap]

Okay there you quintuple fuckface!

You just don't make wishes by demands! That's not how it works! YOU'RE RUINING A PERFECTLY INNOCENT GAME!

I'll grant your stupid demand though! You couldn't follow your own code of ethics and dissolve into a liquid puddle of shit, where we all take turns pissing on it!

I am a simple creature however. I wish to have pumpkin pie.

[Dukasaur]

Granted.

But you accidentally attempt to pay for it with your stolen credit card, and end up in jail.

[Votanic]

Granted.

But you accidentally attempt to pay for it with your stolen credit card, and end up in jail.

Hmm? It appears that bodhisattva Dukasaur has transcended all worldly desire and wishes for nothing.
His selfless lack of ego is what ultimately ruined DDS's 'perfectly innocent' little game.

[DirtyDishSoap]

Way to go Duk! GAWD

Since you simpletons can't follow basic instructions, I'll try it again!

I wish for a grilled cheese sandwich!

[Votanic]

So in response, some kind person on the Internetz helpfully posts a simple how-to video where DDS is sure to see it.

Isn't this sense of caring community on Conquer Club a beautiful thing?

I wish somebody would post that famous/notorious DDS skydiving video.
You know, the one where he rejects the patriarchal oppression and colonization-rape of parachute usage and instead relies on his own innate resources and power of positive thinking to work with gravity, instead of being a cause of anti-constructive conflict against it.

[DirtyDishSoap]

Wait a dick... you want food porn?! This man is unhinged!
I've only starred in...'Watermelon Destruction 3" with Ron Jeremy. Don't ask how he knew me, he wouldn't, for i f*ck all fruits.

Speaksing of wishes, i wish my girlfriend was Mila Kunis
Spell check be damned! I live dangerous!

[Dukasaur]

Granted, but she just informed you she wants reassignment surgery.

I wish I had a Maserati.

[Votanic]

Whatever, ...Granted.
So now you're some pudgy middle-aged loser having a mid-life crisis and driving around in an overpriced automotive symbol that only shows the status of your desperation and mental decline.

Boring wishes are the worst, Duk. Try better next time.

Post the link to the TED talk where DDS carefully diagrams out his thought processes that equate (confuse) aeronautic snuff films with fruit diddler porn.

[DirtyDishSoap]

You don't need the TED talk, because i can tell you it's just the booze talking. Wait, was that a wish? Whatever.

I wish I was hung like a horse!

[Votanic]

This is the standard option. Will this work for you?
If you want to be hung by another body part (the neck is also very popular) you have to let us know by Sunday because all horse hanging orders need to be on the assignment managers desk first thing Monday morning.

I want a magical lady to rise up from a magical lake and deliver to me a magical sword that will proclaim my Divine Right to rule over all!
I can kinda see where this is heading, ...but whatever, lets just go with it.

[Dukasaur]

Granted, but of course this means that your best friend will f*ck your wife, and your incestuous illegitimate son will make this public knowledge in order to start a civil war between you and your best friend, which will rip your kingdom apart and ruin everything you were hoping to accomplish. Have fun!

I wish to have the Walnut Chuck recognized as an Olympic sport, and to be the unquestioned World Champion of Walnut Chucking!
Figured it's time for some more modest dreams.

[Votanic]

It all started out with such hope and innocence. Nobody chucked the golden endocarp farther than the Canuck wunderkind who revolutionized that long-hallowed Juglandaceous Sport of Viceroys, ...and the whole World loved him for it. Children everywhere idolized him and devoutly wore his omnipresent CHUCKSTRONG rubber wristbands with pride.

But eventually Duk's love of glory surpassed his love of virtue... When the scandal broke, an overwhelming sense of betrayal and devestation was felt by all.
The lying, cheating, steroided-swollen wretch that was once a man named dukasaur skulked away and hid himself from the world. In the rotten hollow of an old sugar maple tree, as legend has it.

Now, if he is remembered at all, it is only as a sad, dark memory of one despicable human being that severed yet another unmendable thread on the fragile cord by which hangs humanity's ability to trust in truth, fair play, and the decency of their fellow man.

I wish for a full array of household servants that will work devotedly on my behalf with honesty, thrift, discretion, skill, efficiency, and attention to detail, like it was in the days of yore when the highest honor that could befall a humble peasant was to be honored with the task of working in the manor-house or garden of their noble lord and liege, and all for little pay beyond humble room and board.

[DirtyDishSoap]

Granted! But they form a union and beat you to death for unfair wages. You heartless f*ck!

I wish for a body like Hugh Jackman! Even my straight ass was like "WUUUUUUT."

[Votanic]

Congrats! You just got cast in a scene with the body of Jackman's gay porn look-alike, Huge Jackoff.
Your gay-for-pay ass is like "WUUUUUUT!?!?!

I want to time-travel back about seventy thousand years ago to help guide early humanity onto a better path than what occurred by mere stochastic chance.
I want to go back equipped with a giant time-traveling space station full of ultra-high tech, including: computers, holgraphic projectors, medicine, food, bots/droids, weapons, and a variety of smaller land, sea, space, and aircaft, etc. because I'm going to need all the help I can get trying to knock some sense into those paleolithic half-monkey fools.

[Dukasaur]

Granted, but on the very first day you contract a fatal disease which leaves you completely paralyzed. A disease for which none of your medicines is designed, because that strain no longer exists in our time, and you could not have foreseen it. All you can do is watch in horror while the proto-men use your sophisticated gadgets as decorative trinkets.

I wish for a magic tablecloth that, on my command, produces a feast of any specified type.