The Fungus and Wagons Thread

[Army of GOD]

I'm the narrator. Describe your character and whatever the f*** I say goes!

So there the group was. About to chip in to buy a Booster Pack of Pokemon Cards. Hoping, for a Holographic Charizard

[Victor Sullivan]

My character is a borderline attractive woman in her early thirties from the sixties.

Gogogogogo.

-Sully

[/]

My character is a creepy looking Japanese-schoolgirl android sent by Nintendo to test marketing trends on Pokemon fans.

[MeDeFe]

My character is a drunk hobo carrying a garden gnome. He has no idea why he's got it, but he makes sure not to lose it because it might be important.

[jonesthecurl]

My character is a garden gnome. He's pissed off because someone has kidnapped him.

[shieldgenerator7]

My character is an all too enthusiastic pokemon fan with too much money and a huge fetish for ponies, and he is also hoping the pokemon deck will contain a rapidash.

[tkr4lf]

My character is a white-trash meth head from backwoods Tennessee with a serious chronic masturbation problem. He is missing the teeth in the upper front row, from the meth.

He dresses in fading, torn Wrangler's purchased from the fine folks at Wal-Mart, with a "These Colors Don't Run" patriotic 9/11ish T-Shirt, and a pair of discolored Doc Martin's he got on sale at the Outlet Mall a few towns over.

He hates Muslims with a passion. He's never actually met one, but he's pretty sure they're responsible for all the world's evils. If only they followed Jesus like he does, the world would be a much better place with free meth and child porn for everyone. Oh yeah, he's also a pedophile. Although he's never actually followed through on it, he has lot's of child porn, hence the chronic masturbation problem.

This guy is a real winner.

[jonesthecurl]

Oh, and my kidnapped garden gnome is Muslim, and underage.

[DoomYoshi]

I'm a store clerk. I like to lock the doors when I see creepy groups approaching.

Now get in here and narrate, dammit!

[tkr4lf]

Now get in here and narrate, dammit!

For reals. I want to see where this amazing story will lead.

[shieldgenerator7]

Now get in here and narrate, dammit!

For reals. I want to see where this amazing story will lead.

+1

[Army of GOD]

The garden gnome and the drunk hobo are dating but the white-trash meth guy wants to f*ck both of them for some reason.

The store clerk is just some random guy who's following the group from the distance because no one likes him and the pokemon fan has been dead for 7 days but no one realized because he smelled bad anyway.

The group then encounters THE FUCKING MONGOLIAN ARMY

[DoomYoshi]

Ok, these guys look legit. I will unlock the doors.

[shieldgenerator7]

My zombie self will slowly assimilate the mongolian army, like a cult in a mafia game

[jonesthecurl]

My underage muslim kidnapped garden gnome says nothing. He's the strong and silent type.

[tkr4lf]

My white trash methhead eyes the subtle curves on the underage Muslim garden gnome.

He fails to even notice the large army of mounted Mongolians heading toward the group, due to the ferocious battle going on in his mind. On the one hand, this underage garden gnome is hot, plus the whole "strong and silent type" bit is a big turn on. On the other hand, it's a heathen Muslim that should be stoned to death.

He considers asking if the garden gnome would like a piece of candy that he keeps in his car trunk, at which point he finally notices the horde...

[/]

The android searches its data-banks and initializes a pre-programmed sequence titled "PokeMongolians"

A large hologram of a Kangaskhan with Genghis Khan in her pouch is projected from the robot girl's eyes, scrolling tag lines in projected on either side in Mongolian Script "Pokemon Gold, for the Golden Horde", "No conquest is greater than Pokemon Master".

The mechanized adolescent's poorly lip-syncs the words to the J-pop and Pokemon rap remix blaring from its internal speakers.

[MeDeFe]

The hobo blinks and smells at a bottle half-filled with something alcoholic. Booze doesn't usually have an effect like this.

He approaches the pokemon fan and tries to ask him what the hell is going on.

[Votanic]

I'm going to convert Genghis Khan from an NPC to my own player character.
My first move is to extract myself from Kangaskhan's pouch.
My second move is to question the store clerk.
I ask him if I can purchase Pokemon cards in the store.