Convince me....m

[what,me worry?]

To choose marriage over a domestic partnership or neither and just date the same person

Obviously the institution of marriage is now a tax purposes driven idea with many more negatives than positives

[betiko]

people don't need to convince you, you do whatever the hell you wat with your private life, no one should tell you what to do. You just sound like someone who doesn't want to get married, so why should you?

[what,me worry?]

people don't need to convince you, you do whatever the hell you wat with your private life, no one should tell you what to do. You just sound like someone who doesn't want to get married, so why should you?

Monogamy was a valuable tool that worked well in society at for a length of time

Today, statistically it's a failure but there is a large economy around it and our society still sells the dream

In my opinion, picking an option that doesn't include the potential for a lengthy and expensive divorce sounds appealing, especially since me are at a disadvantage. I believe in walking away when things naturally come to an end (if ever).

That's where my stance and I was curious what others who believed in the sacrament of marriage thought to possibly change my views

[KoolBak]

Of course it's not gonna work when you go into it with the shit attitude that it's gonna end. Why bother? I suggest you avoid dating. And thinking people care about your opinion.

I took my wedding vows seriously 31 years ago. Still do. It ain't easy but I'm proud of my one and only marriage. And my kids have a solid relationship base example for their future and understand how men should treat the fairer sex.

Pressing on....

[what,me worry?]

Of course it's not gonna work when you go into it with the shit attitude that it's gonna end. Why bother? I suggest you avoid dating. And thinking people care about your opinion.

I took my wedding vows seriously 31 years ago. Still do. It ain't easy but I'm proud of my one and only marriage. And my kids have a solid relationship base example for their future and understand how men should treat the fairer sex.

Pressing on....

Congrats Koolback

I'm emotions prone to marriage and am on love with the idea of having a lifetime partner dedicated to the cause and my kids

The stat that scares me is the divorce rate sitting at ~45% and that would be a clean break. This isn't a poll on who is happy with their marriage, separations,or chaos that ensues when their is instability for kids within the family unit causing issues for them

The divorce rate for those who are on their second marriage sits at ~60%. With that said, my parents fall into the second marriage catagory and they are still happily married, going on their 35th year. They have 5 kids total including me ( I have 4ub older half siblings) 3 of 4 have emotional issues from the other parent who they spent weekends or holidays with as their household was chaotic and otherwise unstable especially emotionally with divorced partner infighting, pysholpgical backbiting, and them dating

My parents kept it classy, usually trying to keep the cheating fights compartmentalized away from us but obviously it spilt out which in hindsight was good

I'll be 33 in March and will be focusing on my life and self-development with the goal of dating seriously again. I'm leaning toward finding someone who is willing to swing respectfully out of neccesity as I have found that in 2020, with technology, and living in a densly populated area of the Bay Area, CA there are many options and people get hit on all the times during the ups and downs of relationships

At the very least I expect to be cheated on an I want to find some who recognizes things happen and that this is a partnership and team for the family unit

I think having an outlet of the swinger world...that is having a "main" (the wife), a seni-regular (work wife or ex girlfriend with high compatability) and an irregular which may be someone at a swinger club who they find attractive physically and emotionally

Either way that last part would have to be completely honest and ensure that the sex is signed off on as that's the whole point of even having that system. You'd rather make the decision together and have each other sign-off then to have them go behind your back and negatively effect the family unit or the marriage end in divorce which is an unfair contract for the male

[HitRed]

sad

[betiko]

i think that either way, a relationship is what you want it to be, and the most important part is to be always straightforward and honnest. I think that people give way too much importance to cheating. I think that the biggest problem for the person cheated on is the way you discover it. I don't really see the problem to spend your lifetime with the same sexual partner... you just need not to be boring and keep the fire going. There are always ups and downs in a relationship, you just need to find the right person that you know will stick with you till the end if you behave the way they expect and if they behave the way you expect in return.
And marriages don't end up just because of people being unfaithful, there are tons of other reasons why a relationship doesn't work. You focus on this a bit too much.
But yeah, just don't get married because you're the right age and you need to start your own family... do it with a person you can imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with, imagine everything that you don't like about her that will become worse with time, what she doesn't like about you will become worse, and wonder if you can handle it on the long run.

[what,me worry?]

:( sad

Like most things, a good, workable partnership demands honesty combined with a high ceiling of potential

I suppose all of my thoughts are just ideas until I find someone to make any of them, no matter the direction, a reality

I believe every couple should do couples therapy as maintenance. We maintainance out cars and houses because they have value

Relationships should be no different

[jimboston]

people don't need to convince you, you do whatever the hell you wat with your private life, no one should tell you what to do. You just sound like someone who doesn't want to get married, so why should you?

+1

[what,me worry?]

i think that either way, a relationship is what you want it to be, and the most important part is to be always straightforward and honnest. I think that people give way too much importance to cheating. I think that the biggest problem for the person cheated on is the way you discover it. I don't really see the problem to spend your lifetime with the same sexual partner... you just need not to be boring and keep the fire going. There are always ups and downs in a relationship, you just need to find the right person that you know will stick with you till the end if you behave the way they expect and if they behave the way you expect in return.
And marriages don't end up just because of people being unfaithful, there are tons of other reasons why a relationship doesn't work. You focus on this a bit too much.
But yeah, just don't get married because you're the right age and you need to start your own family... do it with a person you can imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with, imagine everything that you don't like about her that will become worse with time, what she doesn't like about you will become worse, and wonder if you can handle it on the long run.

Betrayal would be a good word to use

Also, I think there's not enough thought given to the emotional destruction that being stabbed in the back can do to someone who doesn't enter a relationship with maturity and contingency plans

Most marriages I've witnessed end were due to infidelity (which the courts recognize as a major factor for allotting an estate) and finances...because she was being a whore and spending all her money on rendezvous

[betiko]

Well personally in my case with the mother of my daughter we didn’t end our relationship because of infidelities but because we were really not getting a long and we had different views on too many things. She was unable to compromise on anything, it was never about meeting half way, but always about conceding and doing exactly what she said about anything. This and being egotistical and ungrateful.
I don’t know, I think that most couples break up for other stuff than infidelities.
If you are unfaithful in the first place it’s because you are unhappy in your relationship... so it’s not the primal cause, more of a consequence.

[thegreekdog]

people don't need to convince you, you do whatever the hell you wat with your private life, no one should tell you what to do. You just sound like someone who doesn't want to get married, so why should you?

Monogamy was a valuable tool that worked well in society at for a length of time

Today, statistically it's a failure but there is a large economy around it and our society still sells the dream

In my opinion, picking an option that doesn't include the potential for a lengthy and expensive divorce sounds appealing, especially since me are at a disadvantage. I believe in walking away when things naturally come to an end (if ever).

That's where my stance and I was curious what others who believed in the sacrament of marriage thought to possibly change my views

To choose marriage over a domestic partnership or neither and just date the same person

Obviously the institution of marriage is now a tax purposes driven idea with many more negatives than positives

Monogamy is not synonymous with marriage. You're probably asking the wrong question if your choices are (1) marriage; (2) monogamy; and (3) dating. You can be married and date. You can marry and be monogamous. You cannot be monogamous and date.

Further, please note that monogamy, for a certain period of time, may carry the same "penalties" as marriage does (depending on state of residence).

To answer the question I think you want to ask - Being alone may be a terrible thing. I don't know you, but good luck!

[KoolBak]

Welcome back GD...you've been away for some time I believe.

[mrswdk]

my kids... understand how men should treat the fairer sex.

Throw their coats over puddles so the dainty women don't get their feet wet?

[2dimes]

If there is any question than you definately should not get married.

It's difficult just living with another person. Something about promising to do it for the rest of your life makes it more so.

my kids... understand how men should treat the fairer sex.

Throw their coats over puddles so the dainty women don't get their feet wet?

Even though you are joking with a silly example. If men who marry women look after them, it goes a long way to help build a marriage.

Also I will hold a door for absolutely anyone. It should just be common decency.

Women are pretty easy to annoy. Some are extremely difficult to please.

There's more to it than just trying to not cheat.

[mrswdk]

I don't think the onus is on men to look after women. It's a relationship between two people, both need to be making their own contributions to that relationship.

[2dimes]

Like I am suggesting women don't have a responsibility to contribute to a marriage. Nice try.


Maybe you should go back to posting your expert analysis of the US&A for us.

[mrswdk]

Like I am suggesting women don't have a responsibility to contribute to a marriage.

You are putting the onus on men to look after women when you say 'If men who marry women look after them, it goes a long way to help build a marriage'. If the gender is isn't important then why mention it?

[tzor]

To choose marriage over a domestic partnership or neither and just date the same person

Obviously the institution of marriage is now a tax purposes driven idea with many more negatives than positives

Marriage is an institution ... but who wants to be in an institution?

But isn't that the problem right there? The biggest evil one can have is to take something sinister and wrap it around something good.

So let's talk about marriage, not the institution. In the "Christian" world (marriage is different depending on the cultures involved), marriage started out as a "sacrament." (An outward sign instituted by Christ to give grace.) The ministers are the two getting married (the "priest" only acts as a witness and a recorder of the event). There are lots of other sacraments, baptism, confirmation, ordination, and none of them are really enshrined in secular law.

Now one could make a good case for the "sacrament" of marriage ... a vital part of the sacramental life ... because it is a part of a total and complete package of grace and something that a couple can lean on when problems happen.

But the "legal" institution of marriage ... the one who determines who gets the inheritance, the one that kept mixed marital unions, and so on ... yea, it's a meaningless one size fits all legal contract that doesn't really work most of the time.

[what,me worry?]

Well personally in my case with the mother of my daughter we didn’t end our relationship because of infidelities but because we were really not getting a long and we had different views on too many things. She was unable to compromise on anything, it was never about meeting half way, but always about conceding and doing exactly what she said about anything. This and being egotistical and ungrateful.
I don’t know, I think that most couples break up for other stuff than infidelities.
If you are unfaithful in the first place it’s because you are unhappy in your relationship... so it’s not the primal cause, more of a consequence.

And that's what I'm saying. People change. Your literal and figurative taste buds change.... the idea of a contract to prove loyalty seems.... disadvantageous and cheap. I'd still put and ring on it and probably tell everyone we're married for added, "glue" to the commitment and social pressure/accountability/shame.

And social shame can be a healthy tool

[what,me worry?]

Like I am suggesting women don't have a responsibility to contribute to a marriage.

You are putting the onus on men to look after women when you say 'If men who marry women look after them, it goes a long way to help build a marriage'. If the gender is isn't important then why mention it?

You can give people grace through the benefit of the doubt instead of trying to set up cheap shots

I'll clarify the the cloudiness: It doesn't matter who the bread winner is in a loving partnership. Typically it is the male, as data shows because of the ability to give birth. So, when he makes a generalization, it's because that's what is general "rule" and not the exception. Now, feel free to attack me for using the word, " rule" loosely and then get mad at me for speaking about heterosexual relationships

[mrswdk]

Like I am suggesting women don't have a responsibility to contribute to a marriage.

You are putting the onus on men to look after women when you say 'If men who marry women look after them, it goes a long way to help build a marriage'. If the gender is isn't important then why mention it?

You can give people grace through the benefit of the doubt instead of trying to set up cheap shots

I wasn't taking any shots. Y'all need to chill.

I'll clarify the the cloudiness: It doesn't matter who the bread winner is in a loving partnership.

That's your view but KB's and 2dimes (the latter apparently accidentally) indicated that they think men and women have different roles in a relationship.

Typically it is the male, as data shows

Not really, and the number of couples where the man is the higher earner is falling pretty quickly.

because of the ability to give birth

Oh lawdy.

[jimboston]

I don’t care if you get married or not... but please don’t reproduce.

[what,me worry?]

Like I am suggesting women don't have a responsibility to contribute to a marriage.

You are putting the onus on men to look after women when you say 'If men who marry women look after them, it goes a long way to help build a marriage'. If the gender is isn't important then why mention it?

You can give people grace through the benefit of the doubt instead of trying to set up cheap shots

I wasn't taking any shots. Y'all need to chill.

I'll clarify the the cloudiness: It doesn't matter who the bread winner is in a loving partnership.

That's your view but KB's and 2dimes (the latter apparently accidentally) indicated that they think men and women have different roles in a relationship.

Typically it is the male, as data shows

Not really, and the number of couples where the man is the higher earner is falling pretty quickly.

because of the ability to give birth

Oh lawdy.

Listen dummy, men and women do have different roles. If only you were open a book or educate yourself in on the internet, instead of looking at wittle D porn, you'd understand the relationship of the masculine and feminine on every relationship

Men traditionally have more testosterone than women which is why we use generalities such as men are the bread winners

Use *finger quotes* science and *finger quotes* data when you speak crazy to me. Ok? Ok.

[mrswdk]

Men traditionally have more testosterone than women which is why we use generalities such as men are the bread winners

men have penises and that's why there aren't as many women CEOs