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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby LiveLoveTeach on Wed Sep 14, 2016 5:54 pm

A duck was about to cross the road when the chicken looked at him and said "don't do it man, you'll never hear the end of it!"
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby misteryforall on Wed Sep 14, 2016 5:56 pm

Wife asks her husband:
- Did you tell your boss that the two of us we can not live from that your little salary?
The husband replies:- Yes.
wife:- So, what did he say?
Husband:- To get a divorce ...
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby misteryforall on Wed Sep 14, 2016 6:01 pm

Sit two guys in the sky.
- "From what are you dead?"
- "From the winter!"
- "And you?"
- "Out of luck!"
- "How to - happiness ?!"
- "Behold, I come home, I find a woman in bed and immediately search the whole house: basement, attic, under the bed. I do not find anyone anywhere, and I die of happiness."
- "Oh, you idiot, if you look in the freezer, we would both be alive!"
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby lokisgal on Wed Sep 14, 2016 6:23 pm

Why does Piglet smell?


because he plays with Pooh!
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby b00060 on Wed Sep 14, 2016 7:24 pm

How do you seduce a fat woman? Piece of cake.
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby t4mcr53s2 on Wed Sep 14, 2016 7:55 pm

Sol is lost in the desert and finds a lamp
One wish the genie says
peace in the Middle East Sol replies
The Genie explains he knows all about the religions, being a spiritual creature and there's plenty of common ground, but isnt familiar with where the ethnic group and political boundries are nowadays.
Sol draws a map in the sand ( probably thinking about it more than Balfour did.
The genie studies it for a long time from all angles and says he doesnt think it can be done; "ask something else"
Sol thinks a long time "Ethel's been the model of a good Jewish wife to me for 40 years always helpful, never complains, but just once I wish that she would pleasure me with her mouth, you know, oral sex.
The genie replies ....

show
I wish either my father or my mother, or indeed both of them as they were in duty both equally bound to it, had minded what they were about when....

If 2 player fog game,please allow 12 hour snap courtesy, or post what I could have seen.... Thank you
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby zipper66 on Wed Sep 14, 2016 10:04 pm

A Preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and
discovered a dead donkey in the church yard. He called the
police.
Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police
referred the Preacher to the health department.
The health department said since there was no health threat
that he should call the sanitation department.
The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule
without authorization from the mayor.
Now the Preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call
him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to
deal with, but the Preacher called him anyway.
The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant &
rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me any
way? Isn`t it your job to bury the dead?"
The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to
direct his response. He was led to say, "Yes, Mayor, it is my
job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of
kin first!"
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby t4mcr53s2 on Wed Sep 14, 2016 11:45 pm

another physics particle joke ; this ones about the Weyl fermion .....

what do Roberto Duran
show

a lapsed Catholic
show

Nixons 1972 electoral college victory map
show

a Weyl fermion
show

and getting laid in Alaska have in common?
show
Last edited by t4mcr53s2 on Fri Sep 16, 2016 7:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I wish either my father or my mother, or indeed both of them as they were in duty both equally bound to it, had minded what they were about when....

If 2 player fog game,please allow 12 hour snap courtesy, or post what I could have seen.... Thank you
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby ElricTheGreat on Thu Sep 15, 2016 12:30 am

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behaviour of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.

"And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.

Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby Charle on Thu Sep 15, 2016 12:32 am

Two men are walking down the street, and they see a dog licking his balls.
One of the guys says, "I really wish I could do that."
To which his friend replies, "Well go for it, he looks like a friendly enough dog..."
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby takman2k on Thu Sep 15, 2016 1:29 am

I had a computer mouse attack someone a few years ago. I think it was karma, because he and i werent gelling that well during our meeting at the house. He said some things that upset me. Im on the floor with my computer, and my mouse is to the left of me. Tight squeeze to get past me, the tv, and the mouse box(for the lack of a better word, it was propped up by an empty cardboard box, at a good height where my arm wouldnt be sore). He was leaving, and must have gotten under the mouse cord. I looked up to see why he was falling forward, and around his ankle the cord wrapped a full 2 times! around. I let out a 'heh' chuckle as he was heading out.
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby Razorvich on Thu Sep 15, 2016 8:23 am

Double updated to here... anyone that didnt get 2 clues...let me know please
Razorvich wrote:High Score: 2569
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TeeGee has my PW... Wall him if I get below 1 Hour in CLAN GAMES ONLY !!
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby mrswdk on Thu Sep 15, 2016 9:11 am

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

nietzsche.
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby cgblack on Thu Sep 15, 2016 9:13 am

Two newfies (Newfoundlanders for non-Canadians) walk into a building.

You'd think that after the first hit it, the second would have known better!
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby Tobikera on Thu Sep 15, 2016 11:13 am

Knock, knock---
Who's there?
Control Freak

show: continued
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby b00060 on Thu Sep 15, 2016 12:52 pm

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby misteryforall on Thu Sep 15, 2016 2:21 pm

Going rabbit throw forest and see that all of animals running away, stoped the little mouse and asked him:
- Mouse, why all run away?
A mouse will it:
- The lion broke it while fleeing a lioness cheating all questionable.
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby LiveLoveTeach on Thu Sep 15, 2016 4:35 pm

What is something that even the most careful person overlooks?

show
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby Winged Cat on Thu Sep 15, 2016 7:23 pm

To celebrate the 100th anniversary of the first offensive use of tanks (the Battle of Flers–Courcelette): there were two classes of tank at that time, one equipped with a large cannon and one with machine guns, designated "male" and "female" respectively. Why were the latter, anti-infantry tanks designated "female"?

show


It's true.
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby simi16 on Fri Sep 16, 2016 1:08 am

Why do the French like to eat snails so much?
They can't stand fast food.
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby Charle on Fri Sep 16, 2016 1:36 am

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.
"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse?" said the owner. "A female horth" the dwarf replies.

So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf,
"Can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?"
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.

The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
Can I see her wun awound?"
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby djelebert on Fri Sep 16, 2016 2:31 am

Knock knock
Who's here?
Abdel
Abdel who?
show
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby takman2k on Fri Sep 16, 2016 2:39 am

Time for a video test. I found this amusing and would do this to my own cat:
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby takman2k on Fri Sep 16, 2016 2:40 am

Razorvich wrote:Double updated to here... anyone that didnt get 2 clues...let me know please

No 2 clues.
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Re: SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

Postby rizky_biznezz on Fri Sep 16, 2016 3:30 am

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.

"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.

"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.

And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

"Go and get help!" he cried.

"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"

"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
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