*Cannot think of anything nice to say so pastes extemely random story into this thread*
It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Dukasaur, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly pleased, Dukasaur punched a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he realized that his beloved iPad was missing! Immediately he called his lover, Ronaldinho. Dukasaur had known Ronaldinho for (plus or minus) 1.2 billion years, the majority of which were sassy ones. Ronaldinho was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... dimwitted. Dukasaur called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Ronaldinho picked up to a very mad Dukasaur. Ronaldinho calmly assured him that most legless puppies sigh before mating, yet legless puppies usually charismatically yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Dukasaur. Why was Ronaldinho trying to distract Dukasaur? Because he had snuck out from Dukasaur's with the iPad only five days prior. It was a exotic little iPad... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Dukasaur got back to the subject at hand: his iPad. Ronaldinho belched. Relunctantly, Ronaldinho invited him over, assuring him they'd find the iPad. Dukasaur grabbed his whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Ronaldinho realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the iPad and he had to do it randomly. He figured that if Dukasaur took the neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket, he had take at least ten minutes before Dukasaur would get there. But if he took the Flying Dice? Then Ronaldinho would be barely screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Ronaldinho was interrupted by four abrasive BigWHAMs that were lured by his iPad. Ronaldinho turned red; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling pleased, he fearlessly reached for his wolverine and aimlessly poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Flying Dice rolling up. It was Dukasaur.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Dukasaur was out of the Flying Dice and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Ronaldinho's front door. Meanwhile inside, Ronaldinho was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the iPad into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind his canoe. Ronaldinho was pleased but at least the iPad was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Ronaldinho earnestly purred. With a hasty push, Dukasaur opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish genocidal maniac in a homemade car,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Ronaldinho assured him. Dukasaur took a seat ridiculously far from where Ronaldinho had hidden the iPad. Ronaldinho cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Dukasaur was distracted. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Ronaldinho noticed a annoying look on Dukasaur's face. Dukasaur slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Ronaldinho felt a stabbing pain in his ear when Dukasaur asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the iPad right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on Dukasaur's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's wolverines from when she used to have pet albino cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Dukasaur nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Ronaldinho could react, Dukasaur aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The iPad was plainly in view.
Dukasaur stared at Ronaldinho for what what must've been seven seconds. A few freaknasty minutes later, Ronaldinho groped flamboyantly in Dukasaur's direction, clearly desperate. Dukasaur grabbed the iPad and bolted for the door. It was locked. Ronaldinho let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Dukasaur,' he rebuked. Ronaldinho always had been a little insensitive, so Dukasaur knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Ronaldinho did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at him or something. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he gripped his iPad tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Ronaldinho looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Dukasaur. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Dukasaur. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Ronaldinho walked over to the window and looked down. Dukasaur was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Dukasaur was struggling to make his way through the bush behind Ronaldinho's place. Dukasaur had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral BigWHAMs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the iPad. One by one they latched on to Dukasaur. Already weakened from his injury, Dukasaur yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of BigWHAMs running off with his iPad.
But then God came down with His plucky smile and restored Dukasaur's iPad. Feeling exasperated, God smote the BigWHAMs for their injustice. Then He got in His time machine and sputtered away with the fortitude of half a million South American hissing sloths running from a big pack of man-eating capybaras. Dukasaur tripped with joy when he saw this. His iPad was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in six minutes his favorite TV show, Two and a Half Men, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When man-eating capybaras meet malaria'). Dukasaur was jubilant. And so, everyone except Ronaldinho and a few unborn fetus-toting spotted wolf hamsters lived blissfully happy, forever after.
), like, dyrtydog, Emmdizzle, General Roy, king achilles, nicestash, and swimmerdude99. Thanks to all my mentors for being such cool guys (and girls) to help other players along! Kudos to you all.
This past year I had to perform CPR on a friend of mine who didn't make it, which is something that stealth99 share in common. I've spent a lot of time with the Stealthy One (a take off on "The Great One" Wayne Gretzky, after which he partially named himself (99) ) and have really enjoyed our time together! MyTurnToWin has been a wonderful wealth of information, having played every map (I think), and is willing to share her wellspring of knowledge, when no one else I contacted could or would! Lord Arioch, Frank Martel, jusplay4fun, ender_w99, HolyToterSmiter (my son), BIG_John, and MestreLion have all made my stay here at CC a very pleasant experience!
