
Welcome Comrades to the 104th edition of the Dispatch
Right out of the starting gate, I can tell you my favourite line in this entire newsletter. It is in the Interrogation, and it reads as follows:
Dispatch interrogator wrote:Q. Do you hate dice?
Gotta love that Qwert! If you don't love Qwert at least as much as you hate dices, you need to consider retirement!Qwert wrote:A. Of course, any normal person here hate dices. If you one day start to not hate dices, then its time for retirement.
The biggest news of the last two weeks has been the Bot Invasion
Spoiler
Subject: Update 09/19/13 - Behold The Bot Invasion!
Some people love the idea, likebigWham wrote:Greetings Paltry Humanoids Of The Conquer Club.
We have come in peace to crush, maim and destroy you! Please surrender your troops, BUT NO POINTS, to us! I repeat - we do NOT WANT YOUR FOOLISH HUMAN POINTS!
In case you want photos to keep in your purses, this is what we look like:
whamBot
SassboT
[*] Playing Bots have Joined The Club! Try it out here or join one of the four Official Bot Invasion Tournaments, hosted by greenoaks!
andsniffie wrote:I would say: a round of applause for our new webmaster!!
sniff
andMad777 wrote:good way to learn a map without wasting our points...thanks!
Others hate it, likecelliottii wrote:Love the bots...just played one on Classic....I think they would be a great teaching tool to help with learning new maps and strategies...
Here is my response to one unhappy customer:Tirasak wrote:A new low for CC
Subject: should we put cc bots in IQ test ?
Anyway, if you haven't tried a game against the bots, give it a shot, and if you want to make a competitive thing out of it, sign up for one of greenoaks' Official Bot Invasion Tournaments!Dukasaur wrote:Don't worry, the bots can't join games of their own accord, and they can't be invited to games. They are strictly a 1v1 thing that you play if and only if you choose to.Agent 86 wrote:Not a chance, left Land Grab because of Bots fucking up a good game. I can't believe CC would put this in place against so many other good ideas. Fail as there are so many maps with varieties of play, no bot can be programmed to be competitive on such a diverse playing field. Will not have any bot in my games ruining real games.
86
CC put in the bots for a very good reason. Our Number 1 problem has always been new user retention. People hear about the site, they come and check it out, sign up for a few games, and nothing happens. The game they joined doesn't start until maybe days later, and meanwhile they've moved an and are playing some other game on some other site. Even if the game does start, their turn doesn't come up right away, and if it does, it's probably because they are playing some farmer who has been waiting to ambush them.
We've tried various strategies to improve new player retention, but without much success. The most recent major push was to have some free speed games for new members. That did more harm then good. It increased the creation of multies, it increased farming, and it didn't do much to improve the retention rate.
This is a new attempt to achieve that goal. New players can come, get some instant gratification by having a few games that begin right away. The bots aren't very good as players, but they are just good enough to give a new player a bit of a challenge, as well as an introduction to how the game plays out and the basic mechanics. With a bit of luck, the new player will develop a taste for the game and be much more likely to stick around.
A lot of veterans have tried some games against the bots now, mainly out of curiosity. There is even a nice official tournament involving those games. However, you and I are not the target audience, and the bots are not intended to be serious competition for a veteran. They are a new player hook, we hope, and that is all they are meant to be.
Spoiler
First:
The second of SOS Africa Qualifying Tournaments is now open for signups! This batch includes:
ManBungalow's African Nuclear Singles,
Dukasaur's The Battle for the Cape,
TeeGee's MADagascar Trips, and
mcshanester29's Let's Terminate Rorke!!
Second, for those of you who are not into tournaments and feel left out, there are a couple of really cool non-tournament events.:
One is a Photojournalism Contest which gives you the chance to win a prize just by sharing cool online pics of Africa. Many of you already do stuff like this on Facebook or other sites, why not do it here, too?
The other is a wilderness safari in LIVE CHAT! How often have you been to live chat lately?
And finally, and perhaps most importantly, remember that this is a fundraising event. Here's the uber-cool macbone reminding us:sempaispellcheck wrote: The Live Chat African Safari!
Premise:
Details:
- The SOS Africa Event is hosting an African Safari in Live Chat this week and we've imported a ton of African animals to the CC forums for you to find!
We will give five clues per animal as to what animal you are looking for and where. Then you must race against the other competitors to be the first person to spy all the animals. Each Safari session will have five African animals for you to search for, plus a sixth elusively hard-to-spot animal that only those with the sharpest eyes might spot. I've heard if you see that animal first, you might receive a small amount of something that ends with ...ium.
- Date: Friday, October 4th
Times: 3 African Safaris will be held that day at the following times [CC Time]:Location: Live Chat, enter /join SOS Africa in the message box to join the room where the event will be held.
- 09:30
- 14:30
- 23:00
Format: The first member who finds the all five African animals hidden within the CC forums wins. The winner of each session will not be allowed to compete in the following session/s. However, if you compete and are unsuccessful, you may compete in other sessions.
Prizes: A shiny gold GA medal and a place in the SOS Africa Finals Tournament, which will be played on the Africa II map !
Subject: SOS Africa
Remember, you don't need to use your real name (unless you live in the U.K. and want the tax receipt.) Your CC username is all we want for this purpose.macbone wrote:It looks like with no graphic on the front page this time, the donations have been sloooow.
http://www.justgiving.com/Conquer-Club
If you guys have some time, consider donating!
rdsrds2120 wrote:How To Donate:
As we have done in the past, Conquer Club has set up it's very own JustGiving page! You could find us there, but we've made it a bit easier! Here's a big, red, 'Donate Here' sign;
DONATE HERE!
(Note: And if you reside in the UK, check out this post by a fellow UK Conquer Clubber which explains how you can have the UK Government attach some extra funds to your donation, at no extra cost to you!)
When donating, to claim your free entry into our Mega-Tournament, please INCLUDE YOUR CONQUERCLUB USERNAME in the "Your Name" field as shown below:
and be sure to keep the option to hide your donation "unchecked."
So far, donations have been much lower than last year. Please help us beef them up!
Late-breaking News and Announcements
Spoiler
In addition to the bots, the September 19th update from BigWham contained many other improvements:
I don't know when I missed the announcement, but the Map Directory that many of us have asked for is now a reality. Check out this cool new feature!BigWham wrote:
- New Header Design - refreshed logo and main navigation, included Clans in main navigation
- New Slideshow with high quality map images on Home Page
- Search for Games with 13+ Players - implements this Suggestion
- Hide Dead Players - implements this Suggestion
- Blocked Manual Troops Option when Only 1 Starting Territory - implements this Suggestion
- Clan Page, available from main navigation
- Clan Admin Upgrade - Phase 2 of our rolling updates to Clan Admin - integrates Clan Wars, Games and Players and provides a Clan Scoreboard of sorts
On September 20th, we had a callout for Facebook volunteers, and Tazzy_J has now joined the Media Team to work on our Facebook presence. Congratulations Tazzy, and a thank you as well to all other applicants!
Now, what many of you will probably love:
The Beta Team has issued a callout for Beta Testers. The Beta Team has been in existence for a while now, but only Team CC members were on it. Now, they are asking for you to join them:
Subject: [Callout] Beta Testers Needed!!!
IcePack wrote:
Callout: Beta Tester Volunteers!!!
As you may have noticed, bigWham, blakebowling and the Conquer Club Development Team have been busy lately!
They've brought us some fantastic updates the last few weeks; like 12 player games, new bots, clan tabs, invitation upgrades, no fort games....need I say more?
Needless to say, all these updates have been getting developed at record pace and our Beta Testers Group could use some help!
Over the next few weeks, we'll be collecting applications for the Beta Testers Group!
Active in forums
Positive Disciplinary History
A Keen Observation Eye
Previous Beta / Test Experience a Plus (but not required)
Ability to Accurately describe bugs / issues in forum
Working Knowledge of Conquer Club and its Features
If you're interested in helping your favorite world domination site, have a little extra time, and would like to come aboard the team to make an awesome change, then send me a PM to me (IcePack) explaining why you feel you should be considered and we'll get the ball rolling. Thank you for your time!
Cheers,
IcePack
Note: This is a callout for beta tester volunteers (players), not a TeamCC position
The first regular section is Mess Hall and Interrogation Room, which includes the wonderful interrogation of Qwert. But that's not all! This freestyle section also includes a brand new contest run by IAmCaffeine! Prizes? Yes, of course there's prizes! A 3-month or CCup Entry prize to be given away every single issue for 10 issues, followed by a grand prize of a year's Prem. All that, and of course some medals, too. But first, you have to answer the questions so scoot on over to the Freestyle Section forthwith!
The Platoon Report covers all aspects of the Clan scene. It's just bigger and better than ever. IcePack's chart are a delight to look at. Amazing how much data those crazy dudes of the clan world can generate. It's like baseball statistics, but better, because while none of us will ever be Alex Rodriguez or Brett Saberhagen, some of us will be in a Top-10 Clan!
War Games with five big articles also comes close to breaking new records for activity. In the last issue, the section passed the milestone of the 50th tournament interview, and anamainiacks prepared a fine trivia contest to celebrate the occassion. This issue, the winners of that contest are revealed! I won't say anything: you'll have to look for yourself!
While you're down there, check out the latest TPA news, as well as a new interview (the 51st, if you're counting) with danryan.
Cartographic Surveillance covers the Foundry with the usual level of thoroughness. Among other things, there's a spotlight on a cool new map called Ziggurat.
Our Next Mission Brief includes such things as the closing credits and information on how to subscribe.
With no further ado, please enjoy the product of our labours!
Dukasaur - Chief Executive

If you would like to apply to join the news team, please visit the thread below for more details!
Click here for Recruitment Details...
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