DKs Intensities in Ten Cities! [Winner=TX AG 90]

by **GregDavidson** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:09 am

I remember a lot of older gay men who used to take tour bus trips to the gay bars in Montreal and spend a small fortune tipping the go-go dancers on the bars. I never went, but they were hooked! They never came back unhappy!

by **GregDavidson** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:16 am

I remember groups of older gay men who would take group vacations to hit all the gay bars in Montreal and spend a small fortune tipping the go-go boys who dance on the bars. I never went, but they swore by it and never came home to LA looking dissatisfied. I don't know how the dancers felt about them! lol

by **MattiWacklin** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:30 am

A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here." The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here." The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason. The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I have learned to speak 'blonde." He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without question she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. "I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."

by **dominator2000** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 4:00 am

A 90 year old Quebecian dies. As his spirit rises out of his body, St. Peter greets him. The Quebecian says, "I've lived a full and long life. I am ready to go to heaven." St. Peter says, "Yes, you are! But in order to get there, you must first fly to Montreal and then transfer from there."

by **moudy** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 4:19 am

Montreal... the furthest the French could get from any conflict.

by **General Brewsie** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 6:08 am

My contribution to the C&F contest: Did you hear the joke about the French-Canadian from Montreal whose name was Pee-aire?

by **GreenBaize** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 7:12 am

Heres one for all you Hockey fans out there -

An exhausted looking Montreal Canadiens fan dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the Canadiens fan answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."

A few weeks later the Canadiens fan returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"

"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

"That may be true," answered the Canadiens fan wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"

by **TX AG 90** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 7:38 am

Montreal Canadiens Joke

In court the other day there was a case regarding the custody of a small child.
The judge asked the boy, "do you want to live with your mother?"
He replied, "No I don't want to live with her because she beats me!".
The judge then asked, "Do you want to live with your father?"
The boy stated, "No he beats me too."
Finally the judge asked, "where do you want to live?"
The child responded, "I want to live with the Montreal Canadiens!".
The judge asked, "Why do you want to live with the Montreal Canadiens?"
The boy exclaimed, "Because the Montreal Canadiens don't beat anybody!"

by **Dukasaur** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 8:12 am

wolfpack0530 wrote:Two cannibals from Montreal are eating a clown. One says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

If you have ever been to Montreal, you know there are cannibals everywhere. In fact the only things more annoying are all the damn clowns, so really this situation is a win win!!

I know it's just recycled scrap, but for some reason it really hit my funny bone -- I laughed half an hour. The only thing more annoying are all the damn clowns! Cirque du Soleil, here we come!

by **TX AG 90** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 8:32 am

OK,

McShanester googled the same Montreal Joke page I did, so here's another one.

This is not from a web page, but from my mental archives, as limited as they may be:

Q: Where's the best place to hide something from a French-Canadian
A: Under the Soap!

Q: How would you get him off of your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza!

by **Dukasaur** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 8:39 am

All games have now begun except those involving stokiepaul, whose invites expired. Not like stokie to miss turns, so I won't panic yet; hopefully he's just had a rough weekend. Reinvites sent.

by **GregDavidson** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 10:52 am

I remember when I lived in LA there was a group of gay men of a certain age who would travel in groups to the gay clubs in Montreal, where theey would spend a small fortune tipping the naked go-go dancers who danced on the bars. They always came hope quite broke and quite happy. And I remember when it was bus trips to Indian casinos that was the fun thing to do for those of a certain age!

by **Dukasaur** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 11:22 am

GregDavidson wrote:I remember when I lived in LA there was a group of gay men of a certain age who would travel in groups to the gay clubs in Montreal, where theey would spend a small fortune tipping the naked go-go dancers who danced on the bars. They always came hope quite broke and quite happy. And I remember when it was bus trips to Indian casinos that was the fun thing to do for those of a certain age!

I think we get the picture.... :-)

by **Dukasaur** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 11:23 am

General Brewsie wrote:My contribution to the C&F contest: Did you hear the joke about the French-Canadian from Montreal whose name was Pee-aire?

Did he find it necessary to wear a waterproof toque?

by **DJENRE** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 11:34 am

Dukasaur wrote:All games have now begun except those involving stokiepaul, whose invites expired. Not like stokie to miss turns, so I won't panic yet; hopefully he's just had a rough weekend. Reinvites sent.

Stokie paul also missed some of my tournaments since many days. I think you should replace him.

by **GregDavidson** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 11:43 am

sorry if I over-posted my story...it took me a bit to find the right place, and it was the only anecdote I had about Montreal...SORRY!

by **macbone** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 11:46 am

Some excellent jokes here, guys. =)

Here's my contribution:

Boss: "Johnson, we're giving you a promotion but you have to move to Montreal."

Johnson: "Montreal! Nothing comes from there except hookers and hockey players!"

Boss: "Listen pal, my wife comes from there!"

Johnson: Without missing a beat replies, "No kidding! What position does she play?"

by **bragsie** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:46 pm

Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in a park in Toronto, when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the dogs collar and twists,breaking the dogs neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident,and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Leafs Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Leafs fan," the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we are in Toronto, I just assumed you were." said the reporter and starts again. "Little Jays Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" hecontinued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Jays fan either," the boy said. "I assumed everyone in Toronto was either for the Leafs or Jays fan."What team do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Montreal Canadiens fan." the child said. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little French Bastard from Montreal Kills Beloved Family Pet.

by **Dukasaur** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:06 pm

DJENRE wrote:
Dukasaur wrote:All games have now begun except those involving stokiepaul, whose invites expired. Not like stokie to miss turns, so I won't panic yet; hopefully he's just had a rough weekend. Reinvites sent.

Stokie paul also missed some of my tournaments since many days. I think you should replace him.

Stokie's a pretty competitive player. I don't think he would miss turns without good reason, so I imagine something important has come up in his life. Let's just all hope it's nothing really bad.

That being said, if he misses his second invite he will of course be replaced. The show must go on.

by **Dukasaur** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:07 pm

GregDavidson wrote:sorry if I over-posted my story...it took me a bit to find the right place, and it was the only anecdote I had about Montreal...SORRY!

No problemo!

by **Mad777** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 3:35 pm

Dukasaur wrote:
DJENRE wrote:
Dukasaur wrote:All games have now begun except those involving stokiepaul, whose invites expired. Not like stokie to miss turns, so I won't panic yet; hopefully he's just had a rough weekend. Reinvites sent.

Stokie paul also missed some of my tournaments since many days. I think you should replace him.

Stokie's a pretty competitive player. I don't think he would miss turns without good reason, so I imagine something important has come up in his life. Let's just all hope it's nothing really bad.

That being said, if he misses his second invite he will of course be replaced. The show must go on.

From my side he didn't respond after 2 consecutive invitations for the same game in one of my tournament, I unfortunatly called to replace him.

by **dazza2008** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 4:46 pm

I give up every joke i google is already posted lol

by **Dukasaur** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 5:59 pm

dazza2008 wrote:I give up every joke i google is already posted lol

I'm surprised that so few people have tried to make up something original. I expected some to just turn to google, but I didn't think it would be everybody. For my part, I can assure you that my joke was 100% originated by me. (Does it show?)

Too bad I'm not in the running for the points, lol.

by **General Brewsie** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 6:08 pm

I never even thought of a Google site for these jokes. You say "everybody" drew upon that source. Are you saying my joke about a dehydrated French-Canadian named Pierre is there? It's one I remember from high school, 50 years ago. I'd be most surprised if it were there.

by **dazza2008** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 6:17 pm

General Brewsie wrote:I never even thought of a Google site for these jokes. You say "everybody" drew upon that source. Are you saying my joke about a dehydrated French-Canadian named Pierre is there? It's one I remember from high school, 50 years ago. I'd be most surprised if it were there.

I am not saying they all are off the internet just the ones i found were already here.

I don't know any myself so tried that

DKs Intensities in Ten Cities! [Winner=TX AG 90]

Re: DKs Intensities in Ten Cities! [Phase 1 - Montreal]

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