Why did the hippo leave us? [contest]

[Dukasaur]

[spoiler=some facts about the hippo]http://www.seaworld.org/animal-info/animal-bytes/animalia/eumetazoa/coelomates/deuterostomes/chordata/craniata/mammalia/artiodactyla/hippopotamus.htm

SCIENTIFIC CLASSIFICATION
COMMON NAME: hippopotamus, hippo
KINGDOM: Animalia
PHYLUM: Chordata
CLASS: Mammalia
ORDER: Artiodactyla
FAMILY: Hippopotamidae
GENUS SPECIES: Hippopotamus (horse, a river) amphibius (on both sides, living)
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FAST FACTS
DESCRIPTION: Huge gray bulky body with a large head. Its facial features somewhat resemble those of a pig.
SIZE: 3.96-4.57 m. (13-15 ft.) long; 1.52 m. (5 ft.) high at the shoulder
WEIGHT: 1,800-3,600 kg (4,000-8,000 lb.)
DIET: Herbivores, prefer short grasses of the African plains
GESTATION: 8 months
SEXUAL MATURITY:
MALE At 7 yrs.
FEMALE At 9 yrs.
LIFE SPAN: 20-40 years; 50 years in captivity
RANGE: West and East Central Africa; extinct in northern and southern parts of original range
HABITAT: Rivers and lakes in grasslands; found mainly in large populations on preserves
POPULATION: GLOBAL No data
STATUS: IUCN Not listed
CITES Appendix II
USFWS Not listed


FUN FACTS
1. Hippos were once thought to sweat blood. Actually, hippos secrete a pinkish colored oil that helps them keep their skin moist in the hot African climate.

2. Hippos spend most of their days in the water or wallowing in the mud, generally coming up on land to feed at night.

3. Hippos are efficient grazers - their lips are almost 70 cm. or about two feet wide!

4. Baby hippos swim the moment they are born because they are born underwater. And female hippos will actually baby-sit a group of other female's babies.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler=More hippo facts][/spoiler]

Okay, above you have some fun facts about hippos. Based on those, I came up with some lame jokes about the possible reasons why [player]thehippo8[/player] has retired from the Media team. I'm sure you're capable of much greater creativity than I, so here is the challenge:

The "Why did the hippo leave us? [contest]" contest.

Write a brief story (between 1 and 5 paragraphs) about why the hippo left us. Make it funnier than any of my lame poll options. PM it to me ([player]Dukasaur[/player]) in the next 8 days. NOTA BENE: This means the contest closes at noon on June 25th. I'll put together a group of judges who will eveluate your comedic talent.

I must receive at least 5 entries or I will have to cancel this contest. Assuming I get 5 or more, I'll pass them through the judges panel. The top 3 entries will be published in Issue 98 of the Dispatch, and get a free entry into the next Conquer Cup. The very best will be awarded a GA medal as "Funniest Hippo Dispatcher."

[DoomYoshi]

Thehippo8 is not a real hippo. Nor is he a real person. He is a CIA team sent here to drive natty_dread mad. When they first arrived, they started filling in subliminal messages into the Cartography section saying "natty should leave, natty should be banned". Eventually, those messages were read by the Admins, the C+A team and most importantly: natty_dread himself.

Then it happened. In what seemed to the majority of the CC world as 2 harmless speeders, the CIA found a patsy - [player]Gillipig[/player]. Using a top-secret code still unsolved by ciphers to this day, in Game 10637790 and Game 10637848, the CIA contractually hired Gillipig to carry out the deed. A Wikileaks report tells me that "gl" (part of the secret code) actually means: antagonize him until he ragequits and we will pay you.

After the mission was accomplished, thehippo8 stayed around for a bit longer to tie up some loose ends - all in the interest of US National Security, of course. [player]pimpdave[/player] was grilled for hours until he finally revealed the Tea Party Death Squad's HQ. Viceroy was paid handsomely to continue the creationist debates so that the American people wouldn't notice the wool being pulled over their eyes. Yes, even poor [player]Ballslap[/player] was slapped in the balls so that the Hasbro-Zionist-Big Oil lobby could stop the much awaited iPhone App.

Yes, we've all been had. The CIA even infiltrated the Mafia forum in the vain hopes that the big 5 families would reveal themselves. It is safe to say that we are all better off now that Project Hippo - Unit 8 has been swept under the rug shut down.

[notyou2]

The Hippo and Snowden the Squealer are actually one and the same.

[SirSebstar]

thehippo8 is the undercover alias of E Snowden. Due to his valiant actions he is now forced to hide underwater.
Do not anger a hippo, cause they can be quite unpredictable, as the thehippo8 has shown. The * being the reverence to the "Magic *ball"which again has been an open hint to the "intelligence" community. * being the magic NSA service number and the number that you can divide his IQ by... just some funny facts about the guy....

[Dukasaur]

Remember that the rules said to PM your stories.

[omiljeni]

he played doubles with freakns and cause for walkout is in that pvt chat logs?

[DaveH]

Dukasaur transmutated him to get his job!

show

[PLAYER57832]

He never left, he is just hiding.

[Dukasaur]

The deadline has passed and the contest is now closed. But by all means, we can keep having fun with this thread...

[notyou2]

thehippo8 is the undercover alias of E Snowden. Due to his valiant actions he is now forced to hide underwater.
Do not anger a hippo, cause they can be quite unpredictable, as the thehippo8 has shown. The * being the reverence to the "Magic *ball"which again has been an open hint to the "intelligence" community. * being the magic NSA service number and the number that you can divide his IQ by... just some funny facts about the guy....

This sounds suspiciously like something I read somewhere else.

[notyou2]

Dukasaur transmutated him to get his job!

show

Proof that giraffes and tortoises can breed and make offspring

[Dukasaur]

Dukasaur transmutated him to get his job!

show

Proof that giraffes and tortoises can breed and make offspring

For god's sakes don't tell anyone in the evolution thread!

[smegal69]

Could he have been another one of Great Ollie's Multi's? do you see the similarity between Waterman5000 and theHippo8
They both like Water and 5000 stands for 5000 pounds (that's what a hippos weights)

[shadistic]

some facts about the hippo

True facts about the hippo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJm6nDnR2SE&t=2m40s

[rotean]

Last Tuesday, in the middle of a daydream whilst wallowing in Gabonese mud (which is particularly therapeutic, whether you are a human or a 300 pound hippopotamus) this particular hippo inadvertently, and some say intentionally, snapped up one of those bold (and some would say just plain stupid) white birds that like picking its teeth on Tuesdays. (This little incident should not be used to reflect the general intellectual backwardness of male Gabonese hippopotamuses under any circumstances.) The hippo had actually been daydreaming about truffles, and imagined itself gobbling one up, when the unfortunate bird began its dental work. The bird, thus being condemned to eternal gastronomical exile, was never able to tell its heart wrenching tale of woe. The Hippo, however, wracked with unspeakable remorse and guilt, (not to mention a terrible bellyache) left its accustomed watering hole to seek repentance and, since the aforementioned creature was unable or unwilling to leave any forwarding address or hint as to its next destination, it has never been detected, smelled, tracked, nor seen by any living creature in Gabon, nor, for that matter in any part of this planet or any other planets.

[Bradley Bomber]

He went out the door, got even fatter, then couldn't fit back in.

[notyou2]

Another hippo killed him.

[notyou2]

Oh oh oh.....the Copenhagen zoo deemed that his genes were not diverse enough, so they killed him and cut him up in front of children and fed him to the zoo's lions.

[Dukasaur]

Oh oh oh.....the Copenhagen zoo deemed that his genes were not diverse enough, so they killed him and cut him up in front of children and fed him to the zoo's lions.

[notyou2]

Oh oh oh.....the Copenhagen zoo deemed that his genes were not diverse enough, so they killed him and cut him up in front of children and fed him to the zoo's lions.

Did you read that story about Marius the giraffe? Unbelievable.

Surely they could have found a home for him.

[Dukasaur]

Oh oh oh.....the Copenhagen zoo deemed that his genes were not diverse enough, so they killed him and cut him up in front of children and fed him to the zoo's lions.

Did you read that story about Marius the giraffe? Unbelievable.

Surely they could have found a home for him.

I personally don't understand the outrage. I'm with the zookeeper who said, "if it was a pig nobody would raise an eyebrow." Animals eat other animals. Why is it more cruel to kill a giraffe to feed the lions than to kill a cow to feed the lions?

I'm not insensitive. I wish it were otherwise, but the universe is set up to guarantee death and suffering. Net entropy always increases, so you cannot build without destroying, and you cannot live without killing.

[notyou2]

Oh oh oh.....the Copenhagen zoo deemed that his genes were not diverse enough, so they killed him and cut him up in front of children and fed him to the zoo's lions.

Did you read that story about Marius the giraffe? Unbelievable.

Surely they could have found a home for him.

I personally don't understand the outrage. I'm with the zookeeper who said, "if it was a pig nobody would raise an eyebrow." Animals eat other animals. Why is it more cruel to kill a giraffe to feed the lions than to kill a cow to feed the lions?

I'm not insensitive. I wish it were otherwise, but the universe is set up to guarantee death and suffering. Net entropy always increases, so you cannot build without destroying, and you cannot live without killing.

As a child I had a lot of freckles. Giraffes hold a special place in my heart.