Welcome Comrades to the 52nd edition of the Dispatch With jricart having trouble with his internet connection I get a chance to again take the glory for publishing the issue this week after jrt did all the hard work in getting it prepared for us.
And in the absence of Victor Sullivan (who's on vacation), his two apprentices do a wonderful job in getting the freestyle and foundry sections out, so big thumbs to the work of Safariguy5 and OliverFA respectively.
For freestyle this issue I bring your attention to the investigative journalism that came to us through top-secret sources as we discover the origins of ConquerClub. In tournaments we're given the latest and greatest news on the recently unveiled TPA2, and in the foundry we delve into the wheels of time as we look at Chess through the ages on CC maps. Clans also ends up with an interview of [player]FarangDemon[/player] on the analytical ranking thats been much hailed of late.
So without further ado, here's the freestyle section where we'll see the former Newsletter Executive and current Chatters Head (amongst his host of other contributions), let the Nag speak!
The Clan section would also specifically be interested in reporters who could take over coverage of CC2, and those interested in covering events in the ACC.
Welcome Welcome, to the 52nd issue's Freestyle Section. Unfortunately, our beloved Sully needs to take a quick vacation due to the incorrigible scamps in the Freestyle Department. That or the severe kneecapping I may or may not know/participated in.
Anyways, we have an interview with everyone's favorite Alcoholics Unanonymous leader and co-founder of the Wild Geese, [player]nagerous[/player]. I'm also contractually obligated to mention that we have a new Scum Insider article on cults written by yours truly.
[player]rdsrds2120[/player] is introducing a new column about some of the smaller forums, but for this week, he brings us some community suggestions for new Special Events. And finally, a special report on a possibly troublesome origin of the the CC website.
If you're interested in writing for the Freestyle Team, we are actively looking for new writers. You can apply here.
[spoiler=Interrogation of nagerous]Q. You volunteer here on CC in many different ways and departments. What is/was your favourite?
Being a chat mod, live chat is a fun area to hang out and talk to other CCers, especially all the regulars! Only on occasion do we have to moderate/boot someone and when you do, it can’t be denied that giving someone the boot from the chat room fills you with a sense of satisfaction. Especially banning stunna.
Q. What was it like serving as the Co-Director/Interview Director/Freestyle Team Leader/Freestyle Executive for so long?
It was an enjoyable experience. The hardest part was the deadlines and constantly trying to contact the reporters. I think people don’t realise how much effort goes into producing the newsletter fortnightly and I believe that our executives and reporters all deserve a round of applause for the hard work that they put in to the job.
Q. What was/were your favourite part(s) of that experience?
The best part certainly is directing the interviews; I have conducted interviews with some great characters that CC forums always seem to produce. Pimpdave, saxitoxin, MeDeFe and Snorri were probably the most entertaining interviews I was involved in. Other interviews weren’t as interesting as they could’ve been not mentioning any names but I am happy 2 say it is all in the job.
Q. What is your opinion on Buizels?
They’re the thing fircoal masturbates to right?
Q. What is your favourite mafia game you've played in?
I’ve been involved in some awesome mafia games. 2007 is always referred to as the golden age of mafia and this is truly the case. Re-inquisition mafia and New Jedi Order mafia are certainly two games I won’t forget. The same applies for Wandlore mafia. More recently, I've enjoyed playing in Iliad's Game of Thrones mafia, just a little mad that I died so early in the game!
Q. How did you come up with your username?
I think I came up with it back in 2002 when I was playing a game called racewarkingdoms. I was nagerous the goblin and I convinced people I was a 21 year old law student when in fact I was merely a little boy. I subsequently used the name on other online games around the same time like shimlar (now known as neflaria) where I had a wedding with a 16 year old girl who thought I was 21 too, looking back that was a very paedophilic relationship but it seemed to work. I also used it on runescape, that classic game but often was the victim of racial abuse by random people who liked to bastardise my name and turn it into a racial slur. It seemed obvious to use it at the time when signing up for conquer club though I feel I’ve outgrown the name since then and would change it if I could.
Q. How did you first find Conquer Club?
One of my friends from school was playing it during a lunch hour. I had the classic RISK board game so I thought I’d check it out and play some games.
Q. Do you miss Flame Wars?
Sure I do, that was one hell of an entertaining area of the forum. I think the website is a better place without it however. The problem with that area is it generated a real aura of hate around the website that the administrators have done well to eradicate.
Q. Who is the fairest mod on the site?
Clapper011, except when she is sporting the whips and chains
Q. Who is the sexiest mod on the site?
Master Fenrir. So hot right now. Master Fenrir.
Q. Who is the creepiest mod on the site?
Victor Sullivan obviously.
Q. What is your favourite map?
Battle for Iraq!
Q. Which map do you think has the most fun gameplay?
Battle for Iraq, once again. It has so many different strategies that can be employed and is fun at all settings. I hate maps that in a 1v1 whoever goes first or whoever gets the best drop/dice in the first turn wins. This is not the case at all in Battle for Iraq.
Q. Which map is the nicest to look at?
Treasures of Galapagos. I'm a sucker for the tortoises.
Q. Where is your favourite place(s) you have travelled to on holiday?
Country wise, I think it would have to be a toss up between Australia and the United States with my favourite place that I’ve visited being Cairns. Cairns was amazing and snorkelling in the Great Barrier Reef was a once in a lifetime experience. I have been all over America from the West to the East coast and visited many of the major cities. I look forward to doing more travelling in the future.
Q. Are you sexier than lord voldemort?
That is a subjective question but I have been informed repeatedly by one particular person that I am.
Q. Is your accent sexier as well?
Another subjective question, I know that American girls are suckers for the British accent though. Shame it doesn’t work that way here on our little island.
Q. What medal was the hardest one to earn for you, so far?
I’ve never medal hunted so they’ve all come naturally. I imagine if I wanted to medal hunt, gold assassin would be hell to achieve. As would the mapmaking medal seeing as I have zero talent in cartography.
Q. When are you coming to L.A.?
When I have some money?
Q. Are you currently drunk?
I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine so no. EDIT: I was more drunk when I answered some of the questions later on a different day, try and guess which ones!
Q. Are you currently hungover?
Nope!
Q. What is your favourite Social Usergroup?
Esoog a si !selttiks. Well, when it was active. Nowadays my favourite usergroup is probably McGill, there is always an entertaining thread to read there every day.
Q. Did you find leaving the bandits hard, like a break up? Or were you relieved to be able to start anew, with a clan of your own?
It was a tough change at first. A lot of people wanted me to stay and I don’t think everyone realised I was serious about leaving. I was keen to start a new clan of my own however and enter a new phase of my CC life.
Q. Who is your favourite bandit?
Fruitcake. He has been a good mentor and has taught me a lot about strategy as well as various other life advice such as decent hangover cures.
Q. What is your favourite Disney princess?
Disney princesses aren’t really something I care for in particular. If I had to choose one I guess I’d pick Jasmine, for the reason that I imagine she’d be the hottest in real life.
Q. What are your top 3 favourite movies?
My favourite film definitely has to be The Big Lebowski. I have seen it so many times but every time the film makes me laugh. The Coen brothers are geniuses. Two of my other favourite films would be Taxi Driver and The Deer Hunter. I’m a real sucker for early De Niro films and these two epic films show him at his best. I wrote my dissertation on the psychological impact the Vietnam War had on veterans and how Hollywood has portrayed it and both of these films portray Vietnam veterans who ultimately go quite psychotic. I even managed to reference The Big Lebowski in my dissertation due to the fact that the great Walter is of course, a Vietnam vet.
Q. Is it true that you and InsomniaRed have been having an affair for 8 months?
Ahem...well... I'm sure you've read her leaving posts so you can infer what you want from that.
Q. Can you tell me more about how the Wild Geese came to be?
Me, ga7, fircoal and pmchugh had known each other a long time from mafia games but we were all in separate clans and we wanted to form a clan together. We therefore came up with the proposal to create a brand new clan and gain the core members from ga7’s old clan (formerly run by natewolfman) left4dead.
Q. How good is the PACK?
They are over-rated and have had a lucky run. They can derelict my balls! OH SNAP!
Q. How hot are you right now?
HOW HOT IS HOT?
Q. Are you capable of reaching into your pants and removing your underwear without causing severe injury?
Only with the support of David Bowie and to the sound of Michael Jackson’s Beat It.
Q. Were you the fat kid in 7th grade?
No I’ve always been ridiculously, ridiculously good looking.
Q. Assuming Serbia is in London for the Olympics, where do you plan on taking him to get pissed?
Wherever he wants! There are plenty of places to go out in London, it just depends how hardcore he is as to where I take him
Q. And if he needs a place to crash for a week, do you have room?
Potentially, I can’t make any promises right now though as the property I would be able to potentially offer him isn’t strictly mine.
Q. What about the toe?
FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKING TOE!
Q. What are your thoughts on females?
Dumb question, if I was a religious man, I would constantly thank god for females.
Q. Why, when you came halfway around the world to lord voldemort's fair country, did you not come to his state?
I had a planned itinerary starting in Melbourne, then moving to Alice Springs, then to Cairns, then to Sydney. There was just sadly not enough time to visit everywhere/do everything I wanted.
Q. On a scale of 1 to 10 why did you date a certain person on CC?
You only live once
Q. Do you find CC more fun drunk or sober?
Drunk by a mile, after a heavy bender on the booze though I always wake up thinking ‘oh shit what did I post/say in live chat this time.’ Normally it is just about ok and I manage to contain myself in usergroups, I have woken up a few times to find some craziness in the main forums though.
Do you always look so sexy in green?
My colour has changed more times in the last few weeks than Michael Jackson’s skin.
Q. Why did you choose to have a green colour instead of purple?
I render this question obsolete by recent events!
Q. How many times have you drunkenly cybered with Pirlo while thinking it was someone else?
37 times.
Q. On a scale of 1-10, how nervous are you when squishyg starts a nagerous!!! thread in McGill?
On a scale of 1-10 how nervous are you squishy when you see I have posted in the report a message thread in the discussions HQ?
Q. How many shots/beers can you down before you black out?
Who counts?
Q. What's your favourite hangover cure?
A massive fry up, preferably cooked by someone else
Q. What's your favourite brand of beer and spirits?
I’ve grown quite partial to whisky recently. Always been a big vodka drinker though, not really into my beers.
Q. Why are you secretly in love with Jake (or rdsrds2120, or TheForgivenOne, InsomniaRed can't keep up with your boyfriends)?
I’m sure Ace Rimmer would love me to be in love with him. Rdsrds and TFO definitely wish I was in love with them but sorry I’m a ladies man only.
Q. What is your honest opinion of InsomniaRed?
I feel that people have given her a really bad rap in recent weeks, especially with everyone seemingly convinced that she made it all up and is just some massive liar. I can say with quite certainty that she did not make it all up, she has dealt with a lot of shit from the people in her life and has had a long and rough road in life, dealing with problems the average lucky sonofabitch who visits this site can only fathom. I have seen her on multiple times cry her eyes out because of some of these real world problems. If she does return and I hope she does, I can only hope that people will not continue to troll and belittle her like they have done recently. On the other hand if news of her death due to her health problems does reach the community, I hope those that have mocked her in recent weeks have at least some shreds of humanity and are able to extend their best wishes to her family.
Q. If you were on a deserted island, what non-essential items would you want with you?
After the seriousness of the previous answer, a sharp change of turn and direction it seems is required. Right…. so non-essential items for a desert island. My instinctive first answer would be to bring some alcohol, but surely that would fall under the category of being essential? Other items I may bring along include perhaps some various camping equipment such as a pen knife or some tarpaulin as though they may not necessarily be essential, they would come in damn useful as my objective would be to survive.
Q. Where did you learn to dance?
Whitestazn88 can’t dance like me, safariguy5 can’t dance like me, Victor Sullivan can’t dance like me, ManBungalow can’t dance like me, #1_stunna can’t dance like me, AndyDufresne can’t dance like me, thegreekdog can’t dance like me, pimpdave can’t dance like me, Ace Rimmer can’t dance like me, Leehar can’t dance like me, commander9 can’t dance like me, jricart can't dance like me, Michael Jackson can't dance like me.
Q. How often do you stay drunk to avoid the hangover?
ALL THE TIME!
Q. How many times have you drunkenly cybered?
NEVER!
Q. How many times have you soberly cybered?
NEVER!
Q. Why does everyone think you cyber all the time?
Not a clue, probably because half of the female live chat contingent are in love with me.
Q. Why don't you cyber with Fircoal enough?
Something to do with his Pikachu fetish
Q. Do you listen to the Bear Quartet?
No
Q. Why not, you jerk?
I’ve never heard of them, should I have? EDIT: I played some of their songs whilst filling out this interview, they are ok… I guess.
Q. Did you finally realized that pink was not quite all that manly and changed it to green? Why did you change to green when you know pink is the manliest colour ever?
Well I’ve changed to purple now, so I think that is a step backwards in the man scale. Maybe one day I’ll reach the ultimate man goal of the red that studs such as Twill and Optimus Prime have previously sported.
Q. Who is the best mafia player of all time?
Me, obviously. Joking aside it is hard to give one name as the best mafia player ever. Some players have had flashes of brilliance but also had flashes of complete insanity (I'm looking at you mandy). It is tough to find one player who has consistently remained on top of their game.
Q. What is/was the best moment in CC?
When wicked hacked live chat! That was a blast! Nah seriously, probably the January 2008 battle royales, all of us mafia players had a big msn chat trying to guess the passwords and all the games were great fun. Battle royale day is always my favourite day of the year when it comes to CC.
Q. How come it's not me when you first met Commander9?
Q. What is your favourite song/band at the moment?
I have been listening to a lot of Foster the People recently. They are a sweet indie pop band that are making it big at the moment with some killer tunes. Also been listening to a fair bit of classic prog rock, ranging from The Doors to Camel. I also recommend Crystal Castles
Q. What type of questions do you like more, questions about your drunkenness or your cybering habits?
Drunkeness of course, cybering isn’t something I am interested in.
Q. How do you feel about Pikachus?
They’re the thing fircoal masturbates to right?
Q. What is your favourite mafia game you've modded?
I’ve highly enjoyed all the mafia games I’ve modded. My two favourites would have to be Super Mario Mafia and Godfather Mafia just by the quality of the activity and posting. People hate on wicked, but all things considered she was a damn good mafia player.
Q. What is your favorite Fircoal mafia?
The one I've enjoyed the most was probably his Kirby game, I often find his games too haphazard for my taste!
Q. If you could pick your perfect Mafia team of 6 who would they be? (Game of 24 players, and you're one of the mafia) Oh blimey, off the top of my head – ga7 (when he is active), commander9, strike wolf, mr squirrel, haggis mcmutton, safariguy5
Q. What player is the most pro-town to you? Most pro-scum?
Got tonkaed is the pro-town hero and wicked is always scum.
Q. Do you like to be town or scum more?
Scum for sure! I’ve noticed a disturbing correlation that people always find me more scummy when town than when scum. I think it is because I often try to control the town more when I am town and get frustrated more by inactivity, which people seem to find scummy .
Q. Who do you miss the most from Mafia?
Aimless – I didn’t know him on a personal level but his games were some of the best that the website has seen. Koesen as well, he was a great guy and a great player, I will never forget our day 1 duel in Mandalorian’s New Jedi Order Mafia where we both had 25 players to pick from to guess our rival and we both guessed correctly first time, but I guessed first so I got to kill him
Q. What is your favourite Mafia role?
SK would be my favourite role. I prefer to work alone and manipulate my way to the finish, hopefully kicking some butt on the way. Sadly, however I always tend to be targeted on night one or night two and never survive and claim victory
Q. Who are your favourite Risk partners?
I have been playing doubles with ga7 for over four years now and he has proved himself to be a valuable partner and great team mate. We understand each other so well that there is no need for team chat and we just blag our way to victory . I enjoy playing games with all the geese though like fircoal, pmchugh, bonus_mop, kwanton, drew483, johhny rico etc. From my bandit days, playing alongside fruitcake was always enjoyable, as was playing quads with the General Mojo crew.
Q. Who is your biggest CC/Mafia rival?
My biggest CC rival would probably be scott-land. That guy just hates me with a passion, it is a long story. On the mafia front, my biggest rivals would probably be edocsil and commander9!
Q. Who is your favourite CC-er that starts with Fir and ends with coal?
No.
Q. What is your favourite question in this interrogation?
Where did you learn to dance?[/spoiler]
Hi again amigos and welcome to your favorite part of the Newsletter, "War Games", where you can find information about CC Tournaments.
This time, [player]Dukasaur[/player] is giving us a review of the past editions of his "Meet the Tournament Winners!" series of interviews. [player]Angola[/player] is back on the Dispatch team after a short vacation, and he is bringing us a little review of the new and upcoming TPA 2. And finally but no less important, [player]Sonicsteve[/player] is providing a great compilation of new tournaments currently in the Signup process with his "Join this? Or Not!" Section.
[player]jricart[/player] Tournament Executive
Meet the Tournament Winners!by Dukasaur [spoiler=Interview directory] It's been six months since I started interviewing Tournament Winners for the Dispatch, and I thought some people might be wanting to look back fondly on their old interviews. So, here's a directory of my first six months' production. There are some real gems in there! If you are just starting to follow this column, it might be interesting to look at some of the older ones.
Hello Dispatch readers! This issue [player]Victor Sullivan[/player] is not with us because he is enjoying well deserved holidays In his absence I have compiled the Foundry articles. I hope Sully sends us a postcard from his holiday place! Who knows? Maybe we can even have a map about it!
But even if he is on holiday, [player]Victor Sullivan[/player] has spent some time writing the second part of his Foundry Interview. [player]MrBenn[/player], the well known Foundry Leader, is the one answering the questions in this half. I recommend you to read the interview, as it's a really interesting one.
[player]thehippo8[/player] is continuing his deep search through the Foundry archives, and this issue he informs us about the chess maps that have been made (or attempted to make) during this time. On my side I continue the tour around the Classic maps. This time we are traveling to an Oasis.
Also, I am happy to announce that Victor has enlisted two new reporters. They will improve the Foundry section of the newsletter with quality articles in the next issues. Please welcome [player]Gillipig[/player] and [player]koontz1973![/player]
We have an exciting bulletin up this week with another in-depth look at the matches in CC2, a new ladder that makes it's appearance to critical acclaim, predictions for the first round of All Comers Cup action that starts soon (thanks to [player]reptile[/player] for his unknowing contributions to the newsletter), and our intrepid reporter's interview with the creator of the Algorithm of 400 that sees it's first application in the aforementioned ACC.
Also determined is the crowning of the Clan League Season 3 Champions, Immortal Assassins, who rubber stamped their title with the 10th win on Forbidden City. While it still had it's share of controversy (this time over timing out to skip spoils), IA are no doubt worthy winners after coming tops in a hard fought Division C (Comprising the aforementioned AoC, CC2 Quarter-finalists Foed, my own Nemesis, the now defunct SoW, and up-and-coming Dynasty), suppressing Mythology comfortably, dealing a Spanking to the Monkeys, and now calming the Chaos.
Stay Tuned for the next issue of the ConquerClub Dispatch for an interrogation of [player]Army of God[/player]. Post any questions you may have for them here --> Interrogation with Army of God
Submitting Your Own Articles
If you have a story you think the ConquerClub Community would find interesting, you can submit your articles to [player]nagerous[/player] and you may just see your article published in the Newsletter!
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12:17:31 ‹Pixar› im gonna be fappin to that all night long 10:59:12 ‹rhp 1› holy hell... that did it.. I pissed myself 15:15:52 ‹Ace Rimmer› Sackett58, I think I may get some action this weekend 15:16:05 ‹Sackett58› Right hand or left Ace?
“In the beginning God said, the four-dimensional divergence of an antisymmetric, second rank tensor equals zero, and there was light, and it was good. And on the seventh day he rested.”- Michio Kaku
I have been playing doubles with ga7 for over four years now and he has proved himself to be a valuable partner and great team mate. We understand each other so well that there is no need for team chat and we just blag our way to victory . I enjoy playing games with all the geese though like fircoal, pmchugh, bonus_mop, kwanton, drew483, johhny rico etc. From my bandit days, playing alongside fruitcake was always enjoyable, as was playing quads with the General Mojo crew.
with a 16 year old girl who thought I was 21 too, looking back that was a very paedophilic relationship but it seemed to work. I also used it on runescape, that classic game but often was the victim of racial abuse by random people who liked to bastardise my name and turn it into a racial slur. It seemed obvious to use it at the time when signing up for conquer club though I feel I’ve outgrown the name since then and would change it if I could. 
. 
