Welcome Comrades to the 48th edition of the Dispatch
Yes, my comrades, three apocalypses. Allow me to explain my clever metaphor in a convenient numbered list:
May 21st, 2011 - The beginning of the end, or so says Harold Camping. Are we all sinners doomed to die in a massive earthquake on October 21st, 2011, and be condemned to burn in the agonizing flames of hell? Are you going to waste precious, waning time on reading this edition of the CC Dispatch? Well, we on the Newsletter Staff would like to thank you for spending your End Times with us.
The Second Second Coming - Another Conquerer has silently strolled in to rule once again, except he's not here to rapture his faithful friends. Yes, [player]Blitzaholic[/player] is back in the virtual flesh to take back what [player]ljex[/player] and [player]rabbiton[/player] briefly enjoyed. Thankfully this Conquerer won't be condemning us all to hell!...or so we hope...
The Horsemen - A heated clan war is taking place between The Horsemen of the Apocalypse (THOTA) and the Bulletproof Bandits (BpB). Nominated by the subject of this issue's interrogation as "Best Thread of the Year", will Blitz be able to swoop in and help his Horsemen clean house, or is it too late for our asterisked hero to play Mrs. Doubtfire?
Also, a shout-out to all you Newsletter Subscribers: Thanks for subscribing! We at the Dispatch are honored to be your number one source of CC news and entertainment! For those of you that haven't subscribed but want to, click here!
A streamlined issue of the freestyle news but for all those mafia addicts we have an extended Scum Insider, complete with a mini interview with CC's longest running mafia player fircoal so every cloud has a silver lining. You're in for a shock when you 'read' DoomYoshi's random game analysis and we pick JoshyBoy's brains in our regular newsletter interrogation.
[player]nagerous[/player] Freestyle Executive
The Scum Insiderby nagerous, fircoal and safariguy5
[spoiler=Interrogation of JoshyBoy]Hey there JoshyBoy! Well hello there!
Are you a racist? Contrary to popular opinion, no.
Are you ripped? Not any more. I was at the age [player]tdans[/player] is now, at about 150lbs. I'm spending my time gaining strength and size. Going pretty good, hit 170lbs.
What were the benifits and deficits of being a Suggestions Mod? Benefits - Unlimited supply of bananas, free premium, and the undivided attention of TFO. Defecits - Time consuming, thankless position, strenuous job, and the undivided attention of TFO.
Have you ever watched an episode of Hannah Montana? If so, why? I could deny it if I wanted, but it's true. Why? I have three younger sisters.
Nuclear spoils, the ability to spam all you want, or nagerous in bed? I've had Nuclear Spoils (and they suck!), and the ability to spam all I want does not appeal to me, so it's definately nag's lucky night.
Do you think you'll propose to your girlfriend? Wow, way to put a guy on the spot...! I would like to think so.
Who have you had the longer relationship with? CC or Your current GF? I've been with ConquerClub for 3 years on the 26th of May, and me and the mrs. have been together 2 years and 2 months. ConquerClub 1, [player]JukeBox[/player] 0.
The real reason you left Suggestions is because you don't love me anymore, isn't it? </3 My love for you was never in question TFO, I miss working with you.
Was the expression that baby has in your avatar the same as the one when you saw that picture I sent you? Oh... yeah... someone needs to remind me not to leave my laptop on when I'm visiting my girlfriend's parents....
Will you propose to CC? We've been happily married since 26th September 2008, and are expecting our first mutant child this winter.
Are you enjoying CC more, less, or the same now that you're not a mod? If I'm honest, I'm enjoying it more, although I do miss the team.
Do you like it when owenshooter stalks your posts? Who's owenshooter? Just kidding. I wouldn't say "like", but I don't mind, and I'm getting used to him.
How's Jukebox? I haven't seen her around lately. She's good, never has been into CC as much as me, so you won't see that much of her.
Are you an ass or breasts man? Ass. All day, every day. More things you can do with that region of a woman's body.
Is it creepy that I can remember your girlfriend's name easily? Is it creepy I can remember your phone number, credit card number, pin, and street adress easily?
Is your favorite clan experience TIME? No, but it was good fun.
When did you know it was TIME to move on? When [player]eddie2[/player] messed everything up. Nah, I'm only kidding, I think it was best that we let TIME rest in peace. It was something that had to be done. Besides, I'm very happy in my new home at NEMESIS.
When do you think you will be ready to become a JoshyMan? Hey, if squishy and clapper keep rejecting my advances, I may never be a JoshyMan.
How do you manage to keep such a high rank? It's not that high a rank. I'm averaging around a Captain this year, occassionally breaking Major and have not slipped below Lieutenant in about 6 months. I guess I am just getting better after 3,500+ games.
How do you find the time to play so much? I don't know.
When you retire, can I have your account? Umm... no.
Who is your favourite mod? I love most of them, but [player]clapper011[/player]. It's those eyes.
Who is your favourite person to play against? Anyone who is a noob, and kindly donates their points.
What are your ultimate dubs/trips/quads teams? Dubs with [player]tdans[/player], he's my main man. Trips with [player]Leehar[/player] and [player]TheTrueNorth[/player], good partners. Quads with [player]quetzlecoatle[/player], [player]tdans[/player], and [player]Seulessliathan[/player]
Who do you admire the most on CC? [player]AndyDufresne[/player] is an awesome, awesome, awesome guy. Back in the day, I would have said [player]Fortress[/player].
Who is your least favourite mod? [player]Night Strike[/player] and me used to hate each other. I think we are OK now though.
What was it like being a mod? It was tough, but fun!
I was in a speed game with you, Game 9030131, and you said
2011-05-08 13:10:24 - JoshyBoy [team]: Guys... I have to go eat my dinner. I'm visiting my girlfriend's parents, and I think it would be rude to keep running away from dinner....
When did she take your balls?
Is there any evidence to suggest I had any to begin with?!?
Do You Love Our Cute Language We Take In? Heys, come ons, do not asky me these questionies on ConkyClub!
Will We Ever Save Enough Money To Get Married? Probably not, and I just spent £180 ($290) on a brand new Iphone.
Do You Think We'll Graduate And Make Lots Of Money And Live In A Nice House With Lots Of Babies? As a Neuro-Surgeon and a Strength and Conditioning Coach, most definately.
And FFS Will You Ever Stay Off CC Long Enough For You To Be Wildly Romantic? Hang on, I just got a double cash in an escalating TerminaDoodle!
Can You Teach JukeBox Not To Always Use Initial Caps? You don't think I've tried....?
Why were you speeding while at her parents' house? You really thought that was a good idea? I live with them... it's a long story. Probably not at dinner time, no.
Why did you decide to go to the clan scene? For the competitive side of CC, and to make some friends.
Do you still wet the bed? Does your mum still call my name out in the middle of the night? I'm just answering the question with the same level of maturity...
Why did you decided to give away free premium? I've given away about 5 or 6 already, because I like brightening up a random person's day. Keep watching my thread in Callouts!
What subject did you like/hate the most in high school? Math. Although ironically, it's one of my favourite subjects in life.
Is Berry Berry Kix really Kid-Tested and Mother-Approved? Who gives a flying...?
How fruity is it that I occasionally cuddle my 51-year-old stuffed bear, "Big Bear", while listening to Britney Spears' "Circus"? That is fruity. I think I just wet myself.
What is the punishment for stealing a banana from "The Stash"? A spanking from Andy, and you're not allowed to enjoy it.
Does Coke Zero really taste like Coke? Coke Zero is the biggest rip off within that corporation. When I drink a beverage of the carbonated variety, I want caffeine, I want sugar, and I want calories.
What makes TFO purr? Stroking him works. But don't rub him up the wrong way, or he'll get his claws out.
On a scale of Smallcom X to Langston Huge, how big of a personality is the black jesus in the forums? I love the guy, but really couldn't comment using that scale. I'd say he's about a 5.5 on the Richter scale - "Can cause major damage to poorly constructed buildings over small regions. At most slight damage to well-designed buildings."
Thanks for your time JoshyBoy! You're more than welcome, thanks for having me![/spoiler]
Hi again amigos and welcome to your favorite part of the Newsletter, "War Games", where you can find information about CC Tournaments.
We regret to inform you that [player]Soldierboy[/player] has left our team due to real life issues. Soldierboy, we in the tournament team wish you the best for a quick and complete recovery.
On this edition of War Games, we have a "TPA Update" brought to you by [player]Angola[/player], the "Join this? or Not!" and the "Beginners guide to hosting a CC Tournament" by [player]sonicsteve[/player].
Hey, folks! Unfortunately this issue is rather bare, due to technical difficulties with the Foundry Featurette and OliverFA has been quite busy lately. But, this issue, I do bring you the next Foundry Talk topic and a Map Spotlight with [player]RedBaron0[/player]! Enjoy
It's been an interesting fortnight in the clan world, both inside and out. Latest news has it that the BpB-Thota war has been locked again due to the controversy engendered therein, and discomfiting rumors abound on Conqueror's Cup initial wars not being applicable for medal hand-outs.
My co-reporter for this issue [player]Jigger1986[/player], and I have updates on the situation for the Conquerors and Newcomers Cups respectively, but there are also events in the 1v1 Challenge where Empire and FOED both reach the final, and particularly noteworthy is the inspirational display by The Spanking Monkeys in holding off IA's entrance to the Clan League Final with a determined stand in Game 8794802 - a game written off by many more than a month ago.
Stay Tuned for the next issue of the ConquerClub Dispatch for an interrogation of [player]Serbia[/player]. Post any questions you may have for them here --> Interrogation with Serbia
Submitting Your Own Articles
If you have a story you think the ConquerClub Community would find interesting, you can submit your articles to [player]nagerous[/player] and you may just see your article published in the Newsletter!
Subscription
Did you enjoy this Issue? Have you subscribed to the Newsletter yet?
If you want each and every issue of the ConquerClub Dispatch delivered right into your Inbox, then Subscribe Here!
Objection. Conqueror's Club 2 Update: The C&A thread opened by Bones2484 against josko.ri has nothing directly to do with the current challenge. No proper decision could ever have been handed down in time to impact that challenge. It *IS* true that some of the events mentioned as evidence occurred during the current challenge, but in NO way is the C&A thread an attempt to influence a challenge in progress.
I consider the implication that the thread was INTENDED to affect the challenge (A recent twist in the tale comes in however as G1 open a C&A case against Kort star-player josko.ri, stay tuned for the details to see what arises from these allegations.) to be offensive.
The C&A thread exists only to clarify "Account Sitting" and "Account Sitting Abuse". G1 believes we observed the latter, and as such, reported it.
Currently Running Tourneys: -none- Tourney Winner: "You're Eliminated" III; Keep It Simple Quads - Team Generation One
Thanks Kinnison, well said. Very poor writing/decision by whoever included that in our challenge with KORT. If we intended the C&A report to be used as a reason to seek for forfeits then Chuuuuuuck and possibly jpcloet would have been informed, but they have absolutely nothing to do with it and neither were informed about the thread before it was made.
If you notice, no one from G1 has participated in the "if the Josko bust goes down" thread in the clan forums. Frankly, I find it extremely poor taste that such a thread even exists before a decision has even been made by the admins/cheating team.
