Conquer Club

Pardonne moi, perhaps I didn't quite express my query in precise enough terms. it was comestibles of the cheesy variety, viz some actual cheese, about which i was enquiring. Which of the horde of cheeses currently in stock in your cheese emporium, (in which very establishment I am currently standing, and in which you are also as of this moment physically present), which I say would you sequester for yourself should you be in possession of sufficient funds - a happy situation in which you will actually find yourself as soon as you actually sell me some bloody cheese?

Shopkeeper: I'm sorry you asked which curd-based delight would I be moved to purchase if I could afford it, and to be quite honest I'm extremely fond of the fruit curd the elderly lady across the street sells. It's very tasty she has raspberry, strawberry, and lemon. She makes them herself I'm told. I enjoy them on muffins and toast. At times I even have some on toasted muffins.

Customer: So by chance have you retained any of these succulent berry concoctions
or are you only in the habit of distributing muffins?

oVo wrote:Customer: So by chance have you retained any of these succulent berry concoctions
or are you only in the habit of distributing muffins?

Shopkeeper: I'm sorry we have neither of those here this is a cheese shop.

Customer: Okay... very well then. I'd like some Edam.

(shopkeeper chortles)
Did you realize, sir, that Edam is always made backwards? Sorry, sir, just a little cheese humour to lighten the situation.

jonesthecurl wrote:(shopkeeper chortles)
Did you realize, sir, that Edam is always made backwards? Sorry, sir, just a little cheese humour to lighten the situation.

That was funny TY Jonsey


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Do you perchance carry cottage cheese?

Why yes we do, unfortunately its all at my summer cottage right now... so I won't be able to sell you any. My apologies. I can offer you a nice Sample of pepper jack if you like?

trinicardinal wrote:Why yes we do, unfortunately its all at my summer cottage right now... so I won't be able to sell you any. My apologies. I can offer you a nice Sample of pepper jack if you like?

Excellent,......could I have a 5 pound sample please???

I'm sorry sir, but the samples are pre-cut and pre-packaged into 1 0z samples.... and I'm only able to give one per customer.

A sample in the quantity of a single ounce is not exactly what I was in pursuit of, nevertheless let us meander down this merry little conversational cul-de-sac for the sheer pleasure of continuing the badinage...
Were I to essay a sample, and find the quality of the aforementioned sample to be adequate, could I then move on to purchase a larger quantity, he asked politely?

Of course! That is the purpose of sampling. I feel it only fair to warn you, though, that you will have to wait a week before you can make any purchases since I have only received the samples but have not yet received the bulk of my shipment.

trinicardinal wrote:Of course! That is the purpose of sampling. I feel it only fair to warn you, though, that you will have to wait a week before you can make any purchases since I have only received the samples but have not yet received the bulk of my shipment.

What other types do you have to sample??

In point of fact, my good man, I will eschew the sampling entirely, delightful though I am certain it is.
The longer we converse on the topic, the stronger the taste I find myself pining for.
Is there even a vanishingly-small smidgen of a chance that your inventory includes a decent Roquefort?

jonesthecurl wrote:In point of fact, my good man, I will eschew the sampling entirely, delightful though I am certain it is.
The longer we converse on the topic, the stronger the taste I find myself pining for.
Is there even a vanishingly-small smidgen of a chance that your inventory includes a decent Roquefort?

Shopkeeper: A decent one??

Moderately decent?
of acceptable quality?
Not deserving of immediate withdrawal from sale on the grounds of public safety and fear of litigation?

jonesthecurl wrote:Moderately decent?
of acceptable quality?
Not deserving of immediate withdrawal from sale on the grounds of public safety and fear of litigation?

Shopkeeper: Do you have a strong stomach??

Prior to my response to your enquiry, might I enquire in my own turn the purpose for which you desire to elicit a response through your interlocution?

jonesthecurl wrote:Prior to my response to your enquiry, might I enquire in my own turn the purpose for which you desire to elicit a response through your interlocution?

Shopkeeper: Merely to hear you speak.

Very well, then: my digestive system is undoubtedly resilient enough to permit the addition of a tasty portion of Roquefort. I am in point of fact growing a trifle impatient to undergo this degustible experience. Pray, good shopkeeper, bring forth the Roquefort for my delectation and delight.

While this conversation is undoubtedly most fascinating and while I enjoy hearing you speak. I would like to direct your attention back to page 2, I'm afraid that the situation has not changed since then.

jonesthecurl wrote:Well, while we're on that subject - peut-etre a little soupcon of Roquefort, then?

trinicardinal wrote:Unfortunately the batch we got was made from milk delivered 19 days after lambing. Thus the AOC has recalled the full extent of the batch including all our stock so I have none to sell you.

That part of the scenario had momentarily been erased from my memory due to the overwhelming grief which it caused my taste buds and their expectations.

Perhaps we should njow divert into the slightly dubious corridors of the cheese world - Do you have any Huntsman?

jonesthecurl wrote:That part of the scenario had momentarily been erased from my memory due to the overwhelming grief which it caused my taste buds and their expectations.

Perhaps we should njow divert into the slightly dubious corridors of the cheese world - Do you have any Huntsman?

As you say sir it is dubious to many including myself. I have always found it of dubious benefit to purchase cheese that has been layered by the manufacturer thus resulting in highly increased prices when one can obtain the same effect by performing the same process oneself.

I like to keep my prices affordable for my customers which is one of the reasons that my sales are so high. Thus i have refused to pay the higher prices for what is, in effect, merely a "brand name".

Suffice it to say you will find no Huntsman cheese in this shop.

In some ways that is a relief, but I find myself both unsurprised and still completely lacking in cheese.

In the absence of Roquefort, and assuming that I'm not repeating myself, might there be a litttle Blue Vinney?

There might, I'll check... ah no. Sorry sir but it would appear that my assistant used the last of it for salad dressing at lunch. Most unfortunate.