Conquer Club

jonesthecurl wrote:I just realized I'm sitting in a room on my own, doing an impression of a sneering hammerhead.
I think I need to walk away from the computer now.
Later...

jesusfreak16 wrote:An atheist was swimming in the ocean. He saw a shark heading straight for him and he cried out, "God save me!"
Then God answered "Why are you calling on me? You don't even believe in me."
The athiest replied, "Well, could you make the shark believe in You?"
Then the shark stopped, folded its fins, and said, "Thank you, Lord, for this food I am about to eat."

jonesthecurl wrote:Even Superman can do that, and he's only half as powerful as god.
It's simple: you wear them on the outside.

xelabale wrote:"Look, you're obviously trying to tempt me into a river based pun with that", spake God. "Don't you think I'd know if I were in denial, what with omnipotency an all? That's 2 questions. No, I am not a furry. One more question and a miracle, hit it...."

daddy1gringo wrote:

xelabale wrote:"Look, you're obviously trying to tempt me into a river based pun with that", spake God. "Don't you think I'd know if I were in denial, what with omnipotency an all? That's 2 questions. No, I am not a furry. One more question and a miracle, hit it...."

That would be omniscience. Was that a divine spoonerism?

xelabale wrote:

daddy1gringo wrote:

xelabale wrote:"Look, you're obviously trying to tempt me into a river based pun with that", spake God. "Don't you think I'd know if I were in denial, what with omnipotency an all? That's 2 questions. No, I am not a furry. One more question and a miracle, hit it...."

That would be omniscience. Was that a divine spoonerism?

"I made you say that. It was not a divine spoonerism. Your 3 questions are answered. I command you to go forth and spread the word. God is not a Furry. Look, do you want a pen? At least write it down, here's one. Lick it.... that sometimes works..... There you go, now where was I? Oh yes.... God is Not a Furry. God does not make spoonerisms. God is really not a Furry. Got it?

Fine, now for your miracle, tiresome mortal....." said God, sounding a bit exasperated by the whole thing. Did he not have better things to do, after all?

KLOBBER wrote:Dick Dawkins, atheist extraordinaire, barged into a college classroom and claimed that he was going to prove his belief that God somehow didn't exist. He shrieked, "God if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I`ll give you precisely 15 minutes!" Then, he reached into the pocket of his lovely crushed velvet waistcoat, pulled out an oddly stylish silver stopwatch on a thin silver chain, and clicked it with a disconcertingly effeminate flourish.

Ten minutes went by. To the horror of all the students and the professor, Mr. Dawkins kept taunting God, screaming in a shrill, girlish voice, "Here I am God -- I`m still waiting!" He got down to the last minute, when and an imposing 250-pound football player stopped outside the classroom door. The football player ran into the classroom exactly at the 14:59 mark, and tackled the atheist fop full force, sending him flying off the platform into a pile of empty chairs.

After ten minutes of gasping for air, Dicky-boy finally got up, obviously shaken, and after taking the time to gingerly wipe the dust off his fine clothes with his favorite pink silk hanky, he beat his doughy, pale fists on the football player's strong chest, whining, "Why did you do that to me, you big meanie?"

The football player replied, "God didn't want to be in the same room with you, so He sent me instead!"

xelabale wrote:Hey, are you another disciple - should we get together to write this thing or do you wanna each do a bit then we'll submit it together. I'm working on the next chapter, it's called Miraculus Whereaboutus

And God did spake testily "Look, do you want your miracle or what? Come on, what's it to be?" and did the very Earth tremble at his grumpiness and was The Midlands struck by a freak earthquake.

If you could proof-read it, you know what He's like if you make a mistake...