Conquer Club

oVo wrote:

shopkeeper wrote:Well I think it would be more accurate to say we have Swiss Holes.

Customer: How can you distinguish for certain that these holes are actually Swiss?

Shopkeeper: Wouldn't you like to know??

Customer: By any chance do you keep these Swiss holes with your sales receipts?

No, no sir, even the enormous cheese-swallowing Swiss holes could not contain the enormous quantity of sales receipts which Arthur Wensleydale, Cheesemongers, generate. Daily.
And that's us, in case you were wondering.

Customer: Could we plug the Swiss holes with variously sized wheels of Gouda?

StiffMittens wrote:Customer: Could we plug the Swiss holes with variously sized wheels of Gouda?

Shopkeeper: Sorry we have no Gouda to plug Swiss holes with.

Do you have cheese cake?

European style cheesecake, or New York style cheesecake?

New York Style

A shame, sir, a shame. That style has been extremely popular of late and i'm afraid we have sold out.

European then?

That, sir, is also off - demand for the European style has fallen off since the value of the pound sterling fell so far. We did have some, but it's "sell by" date was yesterday, and I'm afraid it's landfill now.

I suppose I could have saved us both some time really when you said "have you got any cheesecake", said "no", and not gone down that conversational sidetrack at all!

Nevermind. How about 6 ounces of Moo Town Snackers string cheese?

StiffMittens wrote:Nevermind. How about 6 ounces of Moo Town Snackers string cheese?

Shopkeeper: Moo Town Snackers string cheese? For the love of god man this is a respectable cheese shop not a convenience store. Why I've a good mind to beat you over the head with stale bread.

Customer: I'm starting to doubt you have any cheese inventory at all and yet you claim to have stale bread in your possession? I suspect this shop is unfortunately mislabelled and worry you are simply too lazy to correct the signage?

Can you satisfy my curiosity with a two pound wedge of Jarlzberg?

Well I can show you a wedge but all our stock in Jarlzberg was ordered by a regular customer not five minutes before you came in Sir. I am simply awaiting my delivery boy to return so i can send it to the customer. I understand he has a Wine & Cheese party tonight and has placed a substantial order as a result.

It's not really much of a cheese shop is it?

On the contrary sir, Arthur Wensleydale, Cheesemongers are an extremely popular cheese shop. In fact it is extremely hard to keep up with the demand from our notable clientele, hence your difficulty at this present time.

Customer: Sooooo... if this is indeed the extremely popular cheese shop you claim it to be
what sort of culinary dairy delight might I aquire here?

oVo wrote:Customer: Sooooo... if this is indeed the extremely popular cheese shop you claim it to be
what sort of culinary dairy delight might I aquire here?

Shopkeeper: Cheese

Customer: Can you recommend your most popular cheese?

oVo wrote:Customer: Can you recommend your most popular cheese?

Shopkeeper: Are you asking my favorite kind of cheese?

let me put it this way, shopkeeper:
Of the huge variety of cheeses which you doubtless have available, which would you buy at this precise moment?

jonesthecurl wrote:let me put it this way, shopkeeper:
Of the huge variety of cheeses which you doubtless have available, which would you buy at this precise moment?

Shopkeeper: I really don't have any extra money at the moment.

Very well, my good man - here is a banknote of medium denomination - now, if you were holding it in your own hot and sweaty, pray do tell - which curd-based delight would you be moved to purchase?

jonesthecurl wrote:Very well, my good man - here is a banknote of medium denomination - now, if you were holding it in your own hot and sweaty, pray do tell - which curd-based delight would you be moved to purchase?

Shopkeeper: I'm particularly fond of fruit curd, thank you for asking.