Conquer Club

Posted: **Wed Aug 22, 2007 7:02 pm**

It seems little farm boy Johnny accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Johnny!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up."

"That's mighty nice of you, " Johnny answered, "But I don't think daddy would like me to."

"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But daddy won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Johnny thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know daddy is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish !" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

Posted: **Wed Aug 22, 2007 7:06 pm**

Did you hear about the 2 peanuts walking down the street? One was assaulted.

Posted: **Wed Aug 22, 2007 7:53 pm**

The teacher asks the class "if there are 4 birds on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many are left?"

Little johnny says "none, they'd all fly off at the sound of the shot."

Teacher says "Right answer is 3 but I like your thinking."

Little johnny says "I got a question for you - there are 3 women sitting on bench having ice cream - 1 delicately licking the sides, 1 gobbling down top and sucking cone & 1 biting top off ice cream - which one is married?

Teach blushes and says "well I suppose its the one that gobbles top and sucked cone."

Little johnny says "It's the one with the wedding ring but I like yer thinking!"

Posted: **Wed Aug 22, 2007 8:26 pm**

lalaland wrote:It seems little farm boy Johnny ally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Johnny!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up."

"That's mighty nice of you, " Johnny answered, "But I don't think daddy would like me to."

"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But daddy won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Johnny thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know daddy is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish !" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

didnt see that coming

Posted: **Wed Aug 22, 2007 10:25 pm**

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

'elephino!

Oh and the worst one I've heard.

A piece of rope walks into a bar. The bartender yell's "Hey! we don't serve your kind in here! Go away!"

The rope is incensed. He goes out into the alley and beats himslef against a wall (doing considerable damage to himself), then in his disgust he actually tangles himself tying himslef up over and over again. When he gets over it he notices something, then immediately goes right back into the bar.

The bartender says "Aren't you that rope I threw out of here a few minutes ago?" The rope answered "No, I'm a frayed knot".

Posted: **Wed Aug 22, 2007 10:45 pm**

This Horse and a Chicken are sharing a field, and one day the horse gets himself stuck in the mud.

"chicken!! CHICKEN !! " the horse shouts.

'What's up Horse, you sound like you're in trouble?'

"I'm stuck in this here mud chicken, you'll have to go get the farmer to get me out!!"

So the chicken goes up to the farm house, but the farmer's nowhere to be seen. What he does see though, is the Farmer's ferrari, and the keys are in it. So, he drives the ferrari down to the horse, and throws the horse a towrope.

'Horse, you grab that with your teeth, and i'll pull you out of the mud!!'

With that, the chicken sticks the ferrari into first, and slowly pulls the horse out of the mud.

Two days later the horse is running about the field, and he hears a little voice shouting 'Horse HORSE !!, help me, i'm stuck in this mud...helllllp'

The horse runs over, and finds the chicken knee deep in the same piece of mud that he was stuck in before.

'Horse, run up to the farmhouse, and see if the keys are in the ferrari sao i can get out of this'

"No need my friend, you just wait there a second", and with that, the horse slowly straddles the mud, so as not to get stuck, and shouts at the chicken.

"Right, you grab a hold of my cock with your beak, and i'll pull you out"

The chicken grabs on tight, and the horse heaves, and pulls , and walks backwards pulling the chicken to safety.

The moral to that story is : - If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a flash car to pull a chick

Posted: **Wed Aug 22, 2007 11:14 pm**

2 Muffins are sitting in an oven

Muffin 1 : Whew, it is hot in here
Muffin 2: OH MY GOD....A TALKING MUFFIN

What do you call an Ethiopian woman with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese.

What's the difference between a truck of bowling balls and a truck of dead babies?

You can't unload a truck of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

What is worse than a 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?

One dead baby nailed to 10 trees.

Why does Mexico's Olympic team suck?

Because all those who can run jump or swim are already in the United States

A fish swims into a wall and exlaims DAMN

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice

and last but not least, a very bad chemistry joke

A brown bear and a white bear fall into a lake...which one dissolves first?

The white one, because it is polar

Posted: **Wed Aug 22, 2007 11:45 pm**

Alright I will add my two favorite new lame jokes.

what does Snoop Dog use to wash his clothes..... Bleee aach!

why does Snoop Dog always carry an umbrela...... Fo' Drizzle.

gotta love the lame jokes.