Conquer Club

... the Aristocrats!

They said "ouch". It was an iron bar.

jonesthecurl wrote:They said "ouch". It was an iron bar.

...and there it is.

My bar is iron right now.

tzor wrote:Personally I find it disgusting and not particularly funny.

exactly,
whats funny about a kid being molestered and chimotheropy?

Everything

t-o-m wrote:

tzor wrote:Personally I find it disgusting and not particularly funny.

exactly,
whats funny about a kid being molestered and chimotheropy?

Only the wise can see the emperor's beautiful new suit.

t-o-m wrote:

tzor wrote:Personally I find it disgusting and not particularly funny.

exactly,
whats funny about a kid being molestered and chimotheropy?

Well, I think the funniest part was when the bartender beat the shit out of the mom. The fact that he molested a little girl afterwards only accentuates this humor. I'd say that someone needs to step up and finish this story. It may very well be the greatest literary achievement of all time.

Frigidus wrote:

t-o-m wrote:

tzor wrote:Personally I find it disgusting and not particularly funny.

exactly,
whats funny about a kid being molestered and chimotheropy?

Well, I think the funniest part was when the bartender beat the shit out of the mom. The fact that he molested a little girl afterwards only accentuates this humor. I'd say that someone needs to step up and finish this story. It may very well be the greatest literary achievement of all time.

I concur with the above sentiment and wish to point out the extraordinary contrast between the bartender's "noone abuses their kids" and his abusing said kids being fine because he's not family. It's quite simply a stroke of genius.

Frigidus wrote:Well, I think the funniest part was when the bartender beat the shit out of the mom. The fact that he molested a little girl afterwards only accentuates this humor. I'd say that someone needs to step up and finish this story. It may very well be the greatest literary achievement of all time.

That's actually the least unfunny part of the whole plot. You start off with a mother, who apparently is in the bar because one of her kids (gender not known) who suffers from cancer has to urinate. Now she has already walked into the bar with her kids in tow because of this fact yet when the kid mentions the obvious (implied for the second time since that's the explicit reason why she came in ... she didn't want a drink) she attacks the child.

The Bartender uses this as an excuse to commit brutal assault.

The child molestation is a gratutitous insult to the injury. More to the point it doesn't fit within the context ...

The fact that the title says "two kids" mentions "one of the kids" and then again "one of the kids" is an insult to ordinal numbers everywhere. There are only two kids; there is the one and there is the other. So once you mentioned the one kid with the cancer problem and the need to urinate, there is either that kid or the other.

tzor wrote:That's actually the least unfunny part of the whole plot. You start off with a mother, who apparently is in the bar because one of her kids (gender not known) who suffers from cancer has to urinate. Now she has already walked into the bar with her kids in tow because of this fact yet when the kid mentions the obvious (implied for the second time since that's the explicit reason why she came in ... she didn't want a drink) she attacks the child.

The Bartender uses this as an excuse to commit brutal assault.

The child molestation is a gratutitous insult to the injury. More to the point it doesn't fit within the context ...

The fact that the title says "two kids" mentions "one of the kids" and then again "one of the kids" is an insult to ordinal numbers everywhere. There are only two kids; there is the one and there is the other. So once you mentioned the one kid with the cancer problem and the need to urinate, there is either that kid or the other.

spot on me thinks
-
i gotta really good joke!:
knock, knock!
whos there?
boo
boo who?
stop crying its only a joke!
-
wasnt that a treat!

t-o-m wrote:

tzor wrote:That's actually the least unfunny part of the whole plot. You start off with a mother, who apparently is in the bar because one of her kids (gender not known) who suffers from cancer has to urinate. Now she has already walked into the bar with her kids in tow because of this fact yet when the kid mentions the obvious (implied for the second time since that's the explicit reason why she came in ... she didn't want a drink) she attacks the child.

The Bartender uses this as an excuse to commit brutal assault.

The child molestation is a gratutitous insult to the injury. More to the point it doesn't fit within the context ...

The fact that the title says "two kids" mentions "one of the kids" and then again "one of the kids" is an insult to ordinal numbers everywhere. There are only two kids; there is the one and there is the other. So once you mentioned the one kid with the cancer problem and the need to urinate, there is either that kid or the other.

spot on me thinks
-
i gotta really good joke!:
knock, knock!
whos there?
boo
boo who?
stop crying its only a joke!
-
wasnt that a treat!

It could have used more molestation.

Frigidus wrote:

t-o-m wrote:

tzor wrote:That's actually the least unfunny part of the whole plot. You start off with a mother, who apparently is in the bar because one of her kids (gender not known) who suffers from cancer has to urinate. Now she has already walked into the bar with her kids in tow because of this fact yet when the kid mentions the obvious (implied for the second time since that's the explicit reason why she came in ... she didn't want a drink) she attacks the child.

The Bartender uses this as an excuse to commit brutal assault.

The child molestation is a gratutitous insult to the injury. More to the point it doesn't fit within the context ...

The fact that the title says "two kids" mentions "one of the kids" and then again "one of the kids" is an insult to ordinal numbers everywhere. There are only two kids; there is the one and there is the other. So once you mentioned the one kid with the cancer problem and the need to urinate, there is either that kid or the other.

spot on me thinks
-
i gotta really good joke!:
knock, knock!
whos there?
boo
boo who?
stop crying its only a joke!
-
wasnt that a treat!

It could have used more molestation.

You mean something like this:

knock knock!
who's there?
a mole
a mole who?
a molester of children!

What's the best thing about thiry nine year olds?

There are thirty of them.

I thought it was "what's the best thing about having sex with thirty nine year olds?"...

Might just be me though.

Dancing Mustard wrote:I thought it was "what's the best thing about having sex with thirty nine year olds?"...

Might just be me though.

don't piss on his parade DM.


i think Tzor takes things waaaayyyyy to seriously.

Whats the best thing about little girls?

You can turn them over and pretend they're little boys.

It's been quite a long time since we had a "dead baby joke" thread.

It has, and most of them got locked.

So...

What's the difference between a nude beach full of women in their teens and twenties and a dead baby?


Looking at the dead baby gives me a hard-on three times as fast.

Big props to 'NeoTony' and 'MeDeFe'... most amusing.

MeDeFe wrote:You mean something like this:

knock knock!
who's there?
a mole
a mole who?
a molester of children!

Epic win.

Fantastic thread.

A black guy, a jew and a spic walk into a bar. The barman says, "Get the f*ck out."

[the above joke uses racism for comic effect. If that offends you, don't read it.] *2*

What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock?

You can't f*ck a rock.

As far as the original post goes, it's funny because it's true.

*edited because despite being a twat, pimpdave may have a point.

edit 2: The disclaimer AFTER the joke is deliberate. Jeeze.

Two OAPs were visiting an art gallery for their day out. They come upon this large painting of what seems to be 3 naked black men sitting on a park bench, but the one in the middle has a pink penis. The 2 oldie goldies study this artwork for some time but still cannot fathom the meaning of the picture. Finally they spot the gallery curator and ask him to explain what the picture really signifies. The curator rather pompously explains at length that it's the latest artwork of a Scottish artist and the pink penis signifies the emasculation of the black race through it's history of oppression from European colonialists etc. etc. etc.
After a long and patronising lecture the curator leaves them, but the 2 pensioners are still staring at the painting with a bewildered expression when they are approached by a man who has overheard the explaination by the curator.
"Do ye want to know what it really means"
"And how would you know what this means?" they ask.
"I'm the man who created this piece of art" he says with a pronounced Scottish accent.
"You see," he continued " it's really quite simple, all it shows is 3 Scottish coal miners sitting on a bench for a break and the one in the middle popped home for his lunch."

Spuzzell wrote:Fantastic thread.

A nigger, a jew and a spic walk into a bar. The barman says, "Get the f*ck out."

[the above joke uses racism for comic effect. If that offends you, don't read it.]

RACIST.

Thank you for outing yourself, racist.

When's the next cross burning being held?

[CUE: Expected response from racist douche bag]

("Oh, but I'm just kidding, waaaaaaah. I can say all kinds of bigoted and racist things so long as I say "I'm just kidding", afterward. I'm also not funny and deserve to have my head kicked in for being a complete racist, waaaaaaaaah.")





You should put the disclaimer up front, or else it doesn't count for shit. That's like walking up to someone, calling them an epithet, then saying "Well, if you don't like it, you shouldn't have listened, waaaaaaaaaaaaah." God, I hope someone knocks some sense into you.

Pedronicus wrote:Two OAPs were visiting an art gallery for their day out. They come upon this large painting of what seems to be 3 naked black men sitting on a park bench, but the one in the middle has a pink penis. The 2 oldie goldies study this artwork for some time but still cannot fathom the meaning of the picture. Finally they spot the gallery curator and ask him to explain what the picture really signifies. The curator rather pompously explains at length that it's the latest artwork of a Scottish artist and the pink penis signifies the emasculation of the black race through it's history of oppression from European colonialists etc. etc. etc.
After a long and patronising lecture the curator leaves them, but the 2 pensioners are still staring at the painting with a bewildered expression when they are approached by a man who has overheard the explaination by the curator.
"Do ye want to know what it really means"
"And how would you know what this means?" they ask.
"I'm the man who created this piece of art" he says with a pronounced Scottish accent.
"You see," he continued " it's really quite simple, all it shows is 3 Scottish coal miners sitting on a bench for a break and the one in the middle popped home for his lunch."

Yeah, see, this was actually funny. Doesn't go the epithet road, doesn't assert any kind of superiority of one ethnic background over another. It just plays on misconceptions and interpretation of art. If I could give a thumbs up, it'd be on this post. But it's not like anyone cares about my approval anyway.

Just wanted to throw that out there. Thanks for sharing this Pedronicus.