5 Undeniable Facts of Life
1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.
2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
3. Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks is priceless.
4. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband
5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors and Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
THE 5 ANSWERS YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR:
1. Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'downunder'.
2. Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear .
3. Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES ORIGINALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wet and wild, and when they go, they take your house and car with them.
4. Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch.
BONUS QUESTION & ANSWER
Q: What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.
Nominated as the world's best short joke :
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?"
"Not yet!"
OSA Forum Funnys :)
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willedtowin1
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Re: Forum Funnys :)
Fun fact: most archeologists are women, due to their uncanny ability to dig up the past.
“Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
― Voltaire
― Voltaire
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willedtowin1
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Re: Forum Funnys :)
Overheard at the bakery this morning,...
"My daughter took her driving test today, she did pretty good, got 8 out of 10.
The other 2 guy's jumped out of the way."
"My daughter took her driving test today, she did pretty good, got 8 out of 10.
The other 2 guy's jumped out of the way."
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willedtowin1
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Re: Forum Funnys :)
Two Priests decided to go to Honolulu on vacation.
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as Priests.
For once, they'll enjoy a vacation as regular people. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on the beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a bikini came walking straight towards them.
They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good morning, Father,' and 'Good morning, Father.', nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.
These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.
After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said: 'Good morning, Father,' and 'Good morning, Father.' and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
'Father, it's me,' she replied, 'Sister Rosemary!'
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as Priests.
For once, they'll enjoy a vacation as regular people. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on the beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a bikini came walking straight towards them.
They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good morning, Father,' and 'Good morning, Father.', nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.
These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.
After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said: 'Good morning, Father,' and 'Good morning, Father.' and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
'Father, it's me,' she replied, 'Sister Rosemary!'
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willedtowin1
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Re: Forum Funnys :)
Today's Headline: Thief who stole Viagra from a local pharmacy is a hardened criminal.
Re: Forum Funnys :)
willedtowin1 wrote:Today's Headline: Thief who stole Viagra from a local pharmacy is a hardened criminal.
“Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
― Voltaire
― Voltaire
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willedtowin1
- Posts: 651
- Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 4:32 pm
- Gender: Male
- Location: Halfway between the Boondocks & Timbucktoo
Re: Forum Funnys :)
A farmer brings home a new rooster. He lets it out and it immediately mounts and breeds all 30 hens. The next morning the farmer looks out the window and the rooster is breeding all the ducks. That afternoon while doing chores the farmer observes the rooster mounting all the geese.
the next morning on the way to the barn, the farmer sees vultures circling. He finds the rooster half alive and tells him “that is what you get for mounting everything that moves”. The rooster opens one eye half way and says “shhhhh…. They are about to fly down”.
the next morning on the way to the barn, the farmer sees vultures circling. He finds the rooster half alive and tells him “that is what you get for mounting everything that moves”. The rooster opens one eye half way and says “shhhhh…. They are about to fly down”.
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willedtowin1
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- Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 4:32 pm
- Gender: Male
- Location: Halfway between the Boondocks & Timbucktoo
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willedtowin1
- Posts: 651
- Joined: Thu May 12, 2011 4:32 pm
- Gender: Male
- Location: Halfway between the Boondocks & Timbucktoo
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celliottii
- SoC Training Instructor
- Posts: 2454
- Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2012 9:09 pm
- Gender: Male
- Location: Belmont, MI
- Contact:
OSA Forum Funnys :)
A collection of humorous jokes collected by the OSA clan...NSFW and definitely not PC.
