Conquer Club

Have you seen Mike Hunt?

Dukasaur wrote:Have you seen Mike Hunt?

Bonus point foy Duk for pulling out an old Porky's joke

Man comes home and finds his underage son drinking his 50-year old Scotch.
Father: "What are you doing? You know this is off limits."
Son: "Today I had my first blow job."
Father: "In that case, let me pour us both one. We'll celebrate together."
Son: "Naw, if three shots didn't get out the taste, four won't help either."

What was the 1st BUS to cross the Atlantic Ocean?

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Two hunters go on their annual moose hunt and hire a small aircraft to take them to a remote hunting location. The pilot tells them that, due to the size of the aircraft, they'll only be able to bring back one moose each. They go hunting for the day and manage to get a couple of moose each, and bring them back to the aircraft. The pilot tries to tell them that the aircraft won't be able to take the weight and they'll need to leave two behind, but they persuade him to take all four by saying that last year's pilot managed to fit four into the same size aircraft. The pilot relents and loads all four, gets the two hunters on board, and starts to take off. It only just manages to rotate by the end of the runway, and is struggling for lift as it flew across the treetops into a valley. After five minutes, the pilot is unable to control the aircraft and it crash lands. Dazed and confused, one hunter asks the other where they are. The second hunter takes a good look round and replies...

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Why don't zombies attack player armies? Because Conquer Club zombies are too busy "attacking" the lands they're on: even if the terrain is meat or abstract thoughts, they can farm it. They're all about the graaains.

my ex decided she wanted more money to spend so she began working down on a street corner. On her first day her best friend called her and asked how she did that day. "made $200.50" she replied. Who did you take $0.50 from?. "all of them she replied"

sit three grandmothers in the dark ....
when forth come in and turn on the light ....

how did Helen Keller's parents punish her?


they re arranged the furniture!

A teacher asks, "What's the difference between a problem and a challenge?"

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Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

[spoiler=Response]Doctor: "Nine."[/spoiler]

in honor of duk's joke ....on the first day of school my older brother (pre-computers) used to sneak a new student card for " Richard Hertz, Jr.," into he stack on the teachers desk.. while the teacher got more and more frustrated calling roll without "Richard Hertz" raising his hand hand until it occured to the teacher that he might not be called Richard at home....

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I have been trying to give up sexual inuendos, but its hard.
... real hard

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor who?
Yes.

Who do arm wrestlers not want to meet?

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A newlywed couple moves into their new house.

One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, ‘Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?’

The husband says, ‘What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?’

A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, ‘Honey, the car won’t start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?’

He says: ‘What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?’

Another few days go by, and it’s raining pretty hard.

The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, ‘Honey, there’s a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?’

He says, ‘What do I look like, Bob Vila?’

The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened.

‘Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them,’ she says.

‘Great! How much is that going to cost me?’ he snarls.

Wife says: ‘Nothing. He said he’d do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him.’

‘Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?’ asks the husband.

‘What do I look like,’ she says, ‘Betty Crocker?’

A woman finds a old bottle covered in dust while cleaning out an attic, she starts to clean it when all of a sudden a Genie pops out and says, "You may have three wishes, but your husband will get ten times more than what you wished for."

The woman agrees. Her first wish was that she would be the most beautiful woman in the world. "You realize," the Genie said, "that your husband will be ten times more beautiful than you, and more women will gawk at him?"

"That's okay," says the woman, "He'll only look at me because I will be the most beautiful women." So the wish is granted.

Her second wish was that she would be the richest woman in the world. "You know your husband will be ten times richer, right?" the Genie asks.

"That's okay. What's mine is his and what's his is mine," replied the woman. So the wish was granted.

The woman then thinks long and hard about her last wish. She finally wishes that she had a mild heart attack.

An elderly man was reported to be having sex with pistachios. He's fucking NUTS!!!

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, “You should've been here at 8.30!” He replies. “Why? What happened at 8.30?”

Q: What is the name of the first electricity detective?
A: Sherlock Ohms

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''

Why is a fire engine red?

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Why is a pool table green?

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Why don't they have toilet paper at Kentucky Fried Chicken?

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updated to here

How does NASA organize a party?

They planet