Welcome to rating jokes!!!!
Moderator: Community Team
Forum rules
Please read the Community Guidelines before posting.
Please read the Community Guidelines before posting.
-
vtmarik
- Posts: 3863
- Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 9:51 am
- Location: Riding on the waves of fear and loathing.
- Contact:
Why do more dead baby jokes? Are they too morbid?
One afternoon in a beginners sky diving class, the students sat attentively as the instructor lectured. During class he would take time to answer any of the student's stupid "First Timer Questions". One guy asked:
"If our chute doesn't open... and the reserve doesn't open, how long dowe have 'til we hit the ground?"
The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life."
One afternoon in a beginners sky diving class, the students sat attentively as the instructor lectured. During class he would take time to answer any of the student's stupid "First Timer Questions". One guy asked:
"If our chute doesn't open... and the reserve doesn't open, how long dowe have 'til we hit the ground?"
The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life."
Initiate discovery! Fire the Machines! Throw the switch Igor! THROW THE F***ING SWITCH!
3ish
least it would be a nice view on the way out
least it would be a nice view on the way out
DOING HARD HIT SURVIVAL...IN A SERPENT CULTURE!
http://www.negrilstories.ca/index.php?pr=Dudus_and_Oil
>>>>yes.
☻/
/▌
/ \
EASIEST MAP - Pearl Harbor
http://www.negrilstories.ca/index.php?pr=Dudus_and_Oil
>>>>yes.
☻/
/▌
/ \
EASIEST MAP - Pearl Harbor
A man and his wife are at the zoo. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large, hairy gorilla. Noticing her, the gorilla starts bouncing around his cage. He jumps up on the bars and, holding on with one hand, grunts and pounds his chest.
The husband, finding this funny, suggests that his wife tease the poor primate. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would raise the dead. Then, the husband suggests that she let one of the straps to her dress fall to show a bit more skin.
She does and Mr. Gorilla nearly tears the bars down. "Now, lift your dress up to your thighs and sort of fan it at him," says the man. She does, driving the gorilla absolutely crazy to the point at which he starts doing flips.
Then, the husband grabs his wife, throws open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut.
"Now tell HIM you have a headache."
The husband, finding this funny, suggests that his wife tease the poor primate. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would raise the dead. Then, the husband suggests that she let one of the straps to her dress fall to show a bit more skin.
She does and Mr. Gorilla nearly tears the bars down. "Now, lift your dress up to your thighs and sort of fan it at him," says the man. She does, driving the gorilla absolutely crazy to the point at which he starts doing flips.
Then, the husband grabs his wife, throws open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut.
"Now tell HIM you have a headache."
THE DEBATE IS OVER...
JESUS SAVES!!!
PLAYER57832 wrote:Too many of those who claim they don't believe global warming are really "end-timer" Christians.
JESUS SAVES!!!
-
thejackofhearts
- Posts: 128
- Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2006 5:33 pm
- Location: On top of the Queen of Hearts
3 that was kinda sad, even for dead baby jokes
heres one:
A rabbit is hopping through the forest and he comes upon a fox smoking pot. He says to the fox "Drugs are bad for you, throw that away and frolic with me through the forest" The fox looks down at his joint, then back at the rabbit, then throws the joint away and follows the rabbit
They're hopping along and they come across a wolf snorting cocaine. The rabbit says to the wolf "Drugs are bad for you, throw that away and frolic with me through the forest" The wolf looks down at his lines of coke, then back at the rabbit, then he throws the coke away and follows the rabbit
They're hopping along and they come across a lion shooting heroine. The rabbit says to the lion "Drugs are bad for you, throw that away and frolic with me through the forest" The lion looks down at his syringe, then back at the rabbit, then jabs his syringe into the rabbits heart.
The rabbit is lying there foaming at the mouth and twitching, and The fox looks up at the lion and says "why'd you do that, he was just trying to help you" and the Lion says "He always says that when he's on ecstacy"
heres one:
A rabbit is hopping through the forest and he comes upon a fox smoking pot. He says to the fox "Drugs are bad for you, throw that away and frolic with me through the forest" The fox looks down at his joint, then back at the rabbit, then throws the joint away and follows the rabbit
They're hopping along and they come across a wolf snorting cocaine. The rabbit says to the wolf "Drugs are bad for you, throw that away and frolic with me through the forest" The wolf looks down at his lines of coke, then back at the rabbit, then he throws the coke away and follows the rabbit
They're hopping along and they come across a lion shooting heroine. The rabbit says to the lion "Drugs are bad for you, throw that away and frolic with me through the forest" The lion looks down at his syringe, then back at the rabbit, then jabs his syringe into the rabbits heart.
The rabbit is lying there foaming at the mouth and twitching, and The fox looks up at the lion and says "why'd you do that, he was just trying to help you" and the Lion says "He always says that when he's on ecstacy"
-
vtmarik
- Posts: 3863
- Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 9:51 am
- Location: Riding on the waves of fear and loathing.
- Contact:
Yeah, I was stretching there.
A 5 my friend, that was fucking funny!
A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."
A 5 my friend, that was fucking funny!
A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."
Initiate discovery! Fire the Machines! Throw the switch Igor! THROW THE F***ING SWITCH!
3
one baby joke,only one
What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?
One live one in the middle is eating its way out.
one baby joke,only one
What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?
One live one in the middle is eating its way out.
DOING HARD HIT SURVIVAL...IN A SERPENT CULTURE!
http://www.negrilstories.ca/index.php?pr=Dudus_and_Oil
>>>>yes.
☻/
/▌
/ \
EASIEST MAP - Pearl Harbor
http://www.negrilstories.ca/index.php?pr=Dudus_and_Oil
>>>>yes.
☻/
/▌
/ \
EASIEST MAP - Pearl Harbor
-
thephule77
- Posts: 70
- Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2006 2:06 pm
- Location: Earth
LOL! 4.5
Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
-
vtmarik
- Posts: 3863
- Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 9:51 am
- Location: Riding on the waves of fear and loathing.
- Contact:
0, older than dirt man.
Two guys were at a bar arguing with their friend who was a midget. Sudden out of nowhere, the Pope walks into the bar!
"Oh my god its the pope! " they all say at once
The midget says to the guys "That's it I'm going ask him." So he walks up to the Pope and asks "Sir, are there midget nuns in America?",
"No, no, no." says the Pope
"Are there midget nuns in the entire world?"
"No, no, no." says the Pope
"Are there even such things as midget nuns?"
"No, no, no." says the Pope.
His friends burst out chanting, "Joe screwed a penguin, Joe screwed a penguin..."
Two guys were at a bar arguing with their friend who was a midget. Sudden out of nowhere, the Pope walks into the bar!
"Oh my god its the pope! " they all say at once
The midget says to the guys "That's it I'm going ask him." So he walks up to the Pope and asks "Sir, are there midget nuns in America?",
"No, no, no." says the Pope
"Are there midget nuns in the entire world?"
"No, no, no." says the Pope
"Are there even such things as midget nuns?"
"No, no, no." says the Pope.
His friends burst out chanting, "Joe screwed a penguin, Joe screwed a penguin..."
Initiate discovery! Fire the Machines! Throw the switch Igor! THROW THE F***ING SWITCH!
-
vtmarik
- Posts: 3863
- Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 9:51 am
- Location: Riding on the waves of fear and loathing.
- Contact:
Look like good?
Either learn the language or quit speaking it man.
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the Aussie definition for each, is listed below ....
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the backside and having the balls to say: "You're next!"
I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.
Either learn the language or quit speaking it man.
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the Aussie definition for each, is listed below ....
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the backside and having the balls to say: "You're next!"
I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.
Initiate discovery! Fire the Machines! Throw the switch Igor! THROW THE F***ING SWITCH!
-
givmeyrmony
- Posts: 27
- Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2006 3:09 pm
- Location: Brantford, Ontario
not even sure how to rate that one:
A Blonde Joke
A blind man walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the drink arrives he asks out loud " would anyone here like to hear a blonde joke"
The waitress approaches and say " You know sir, I am blonde and I have a blackbelt in karate. The bartender is the womens heavyweight boxing champion of the world. And the woman sitting beside you is the womans heavyweight wrestling champion. The woman at the end of the bar is the world's women powerlifting champion, and they are all blonde. Now do you really want to tell a blonde joke.
Blind man's response...."Not if I am going to have to repeat it 4 times"
A Blonde Joke
A blind man walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the drink arrives he asks out loud " would anyone here like to hear a blonde joke"
The waitress approaches and say " You know sir, I am blonde and I have a blackbelt in karate. The bartender is the womens heavyweight boxing champion of the world. And the woman sitting beside you is the womans heavyweight wrestling champion. The woman at the end of the bar is the world's women powerlifting champion, and they are all blonde. Now do you really want to tell a blonde joke.
Blind man's response...."Not if I am going to have to repeat it 4 times"
-
joeyjordison
- Posts: 1170
- Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 9:10 am
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by
a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who
asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and
asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine
with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago" the homeless woman
replied.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the
woman asked. "No, I don't waste time shopping, the homeless
woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay
alive
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the
woman asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I
haven't had my hair done In 20 years!"
"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the
money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with
my husband and myself tonight."
The homeless woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be
furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I
probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to
see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping,
hair appointments, and wine."
a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who
asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and
asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine
with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago" the homeless woman
replied.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the
woman asked. "No, I don't waste time shopping, the homeless
woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay
alive
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the
woman asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I
haven't had my hair done In 20 years!"
"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the
money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with
my husband and myself tonight."
The homeless woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be
furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I
probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to
see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping,
hair appointments, and wine."
-
givmeyrmony
- Posts: 27
- Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2006 3:09 pm
- Location: Brantford, Ontario
lol/ yes definetly a womans joke/ this is my second favorite
A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.
>
> The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him,
> "What's your IQ?"
>
> The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation
> about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality,
> biochemistry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory,
> nanotechnology, and sexual proclivities.
>
> The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He
> decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and
> comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the
> perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"
>
> The man responds, "about 100."
>
> Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football,
> NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, and
> women's body parts.
>
> Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the
> robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him
> and asks, "What's your IQ?"
>
> The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."
>
> And the robot says... real slowly,
> "So... is.. your... party... gonna... nominate... Hillary... for...president ???
A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.
>
> The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him,
> "What's your IQ?"
>
> The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation
> about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality,
> biochemistry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory,
> nanotechnology, and sexual proclivities.
>
> The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He
> decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and
> comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the
> perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"
>
> The man responds, "about 100."
>
> Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football,
> NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, and
> women's body parts.
>
> Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the
> robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him
> and asks, "What's your IQ?"
>
> The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."
>
> And the robot says... real slowly,
> "So... is.. your... party... gonna... nominate... Hillary... for...president ???