Nice and Easy does it

JoeBeevers · Post by **JoeBeevers** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:16 pm

"Move it Slag, out of my way you Nonce"
Those were the words Genial George said to the owner of Partridge Hall.
Him and me were there last night, we heard the old geezer there kept all his paintings in his cellar. And these paintings were worth about £5 Million.

To backtrack, yesterday morning Genial George phoned me up with a plan.
"Joe, you know Partridge Hall out in the country in Essex? one of my contacts told me the owner Lord Larry Long keeps all his Old Master paintings in his cellar"
"Yeah I know it George" I replied
"Fancy coming with me there tonight? we can do it over and split the proceeds, I know an art dealer who`ll give us 4 million for them"
"Yeah allright George"

So there we were, at midnight on a clear warm night, I was wearing my black Business suit and black trilby hat, Genial George was wearing black jeans, black t shirt, in his left hand he carried a 3 foot long thick cosh, in his right was a metal jemmy.
I gave him the wink and he jemmied the back door in, the lock gave easily and we stood in the hallway.
"Where`s his bedroom George?" I asked
"Upstairs, 3rd on the right" he replied
2 minutes later we were outside his bedroom door.
I nudged George and he barged in, I shouted out "Stand and Deliver"
The old Lord was asleep but awoke at my shout, he sat up in bed and said "What the hell? what do you want?"
"We want your paintings Pal, wheres your cellar Slag?" I growled.
He trembled and said "Sir, the door to it is in my kitchen, just near my pantry, please don`t hurt me"
"Come with us" George said, "Show us and no funny business"
We followed the old man down the stairs, into the kitchen, and right next to his pantry was an old oak door.
"Open it and quick" I growled
He fumbled with the lock and it opened.
"Move it Slag, out of my way you Nonce" Genial George said, he pushed the old Lord aside and we went into the cellar.
Propped against the wall were 5 paintings, they all gleamed in the light coming from the kitchen.
"Get them George, and lets go" I said.
George grabbed them and handed them to me, "Here you go Joe, just got to do something"
I took them, George raised his cosh and brought it down onto the old Lords head, he groaned and collapsed.
"You killed him George?" I asked
"Yeah, never mind Joe" he said
I laughed and we went out of the house, I clutched the paintings as I got into the passenger seat of Georges Jag parked in a lane near the house.
"I will see my contact on monday Joe" George said, "I`ll bring the £2 million around on tuesday if you like"
"Sure George, used 50s?"
"Yeah Joe,now was that the easiest money ever?" he asked
"Deffo George, lets go back to the pub to celebrate" I said
We drove off laughing, no-one messes with me and Genial George...

misterman10 · Post by **misterman10** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:20 pm

go defend yourself in the flame wars you little tool

misterman10 · Post by **misterman10** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:20 pm

http://www.conquerclub.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=24215

no excuses now redneck

JoeBeevers · Post by **JoeBeevers** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:25 pm

misterman10 wrote:go defend yourself in the flame wars you little tool

One day I'll catch up with you. You want a war? I'll give you a war one arm tied behind me back. I'll shoot you - blow you to kingdom come. They'll need a dustpan and brush to scrape you off the walls. Make mincemeat out of ya. Pie and mash, puddles of blood. I'll leave you lying there.

EvilPurpleMonkey · Post by **EvilPurpleMonkey** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:29 pm

Hey Joe, have you ever considered being a crime fiction author? I think you'd be pretty good.

Oh, and before I forget, f*ck off.

misterman10 · Post by **misterman10** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:32 pm

JoeBeevers wrote:
misterman10 wrote:go defend yourself in the flame wars you little tool

One day I'll catch up with you. You want a war? I'll give you a war one arm tied behind me back. I'll shoot you - blow you to kingdom come. They'll need a dustpan and brush to scrape you off the walls. Make mincemeat out of ya. Pie and mash, puddles of blood. I'll leave you lying there.

maybe you can kill me while you are playing your little poker games in hendon

:lol:

JoeBeevers · Post by **JoeBeevers** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:34 pm

EvilPurpleMonkey wrote:Hey Joe, have you ever considered being a crime fiction author? I think you'd be pretty good.

Oh, and before I forget, f*ck off.

I don`t write fiction Pal, I write fact.
You ask Genial George, just before he coshes you...

JoeBeevers · Post by **JoeBeevers** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:36 pm

misterman10 wrote:
JoeBeevers wrote:
misterman10 wrote:go defend yourself in the flame wars you little tool

One day I'll catch up with you. You want a war? I'll give you a war one arm tied behind me back. I'll shoot you - blow you to kingdom come. They'll need a dustpan and brush to scrape you off the walls. Make mincemeat out of ya. Pie and mash, puddles of blood. I'll leave you lying there.

maybe you can kill me while you are playing your little poker games in hendon

Look Nonce, my "little" poker games have £3-8 million on the table sometimes.
On Thursday night I won £3.5 million for 5 hours work.
I walked out of the den with the cash in my hands, some blokes were thinking of mugging me but I gave them one of my stares and they walked off frightened...

misterman10 · Post by **misterman10** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:37 pm

JoeBeevers wrote:
misterman10 wrote:
JoeBeevers wrote:
misterman10 wrote:go defend yourself in the flame wars you little tool

One day I'll catch up with you. You want a war? I'll give you a war one arm tied behind me back. I'll shoot you - blow you to kingdom come. They'll need a dustpan and brush to scrape you off the walls. Make mincemeat out of ya. Pie and mash, puddles of blood. I'll leave you lying there.

maybe you can kill me while you are playing your little poker games in hendon

Look Nonce, my "little" poker games have £3-8 million on the table sometimes.
On Thursday night I won £3.5 million for 5 hours work.
I walked out of the den with the cash in my hands, some blokes were thinking of mugging me but I gave them one of my stares and they walked off frightened...

I would be frightened if I saw an ass on top of a neck and your asshole was giving me a stare too

:lol:

Shadowstar · Post by **Shadowstar** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:41 pm

So basically, according to your story, you storm someone's house, outnumber him, kill him, and claim superiority, saying that no one messes with you, when, according to your story, you messed with him...

Bad plot developement, Joe... [-(

JoeBeevers · Post by **JoeBeevers** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:43 pm

He didn`t mess with us though did he?
George cracked his skull and left him lying on his kitchen floor.
I bet Plod will be round there soon, but we can buy off Plod if they find any "evidence"...

misterman10 · Post by **misterman10** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:43 pm

Shadowstar wrote:So basically, according to your story, you storm someone's house, outnumber him, kill him, and claim superiority, saying that no one messes with you, when, according to your story, you messed with him...

Bad plot developement, Joe...

I cant believe you actually read it :shock:

Aegnor · Post by **Aegnor** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:44 pm

misterman10 wrote:
Shadowstar wrote:So basically, according to your story, you storm someone's house, outnumber him, kill him, and claim superiority, saying that no one messes with you, when, according to your story, you messed with him...

Bad plot developement, Joe...

I cant believe you actually read it

I did, it was funny.

Shadowstar · Post by **Shadowstar** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:49 pm

JoeBeevers wrote:He didn`t mess with us though did he?
George cracked his skull and left him lying on his kitchen floor.
I bet Plod will be round there soon, but we can buy off Plod if they find any "evidence"...

You just proved my point in that post, Joe... In your little story, the guy had no beef with you, and your little friend coshes him while you rob him. Seriously, who's messing with who? [-(

Norse · Post by **Norse** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 3:01 pm

JoeBeevers wrote:George raised his cosh and brought it down onto the old Lords head, he groaned and collapsed.
"You killed him George?" I asked
"Yeah, never mind Joe" he said
I laughed and we went out of the house

Classic.

Another beautiful story Joe, I like the way that you are becoming more articulate with your stories.

Aegnor · Post by **Aegnor** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 3:02 pm

I think Joe enjoys the negative comments more than the positive ones

Shadowstar · Post by **Shadowstar** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 3:06 pm

Aegnor wrote:I think Joe enjoys the negative comments more than the positive ones

That's probably true...

riggable · Post by **riggable** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 3:06 pm

hitman is a weird guy.

Dancing Mustard · Post by **Dancing Mustard** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 3:06 pm

I personally think we ought to get a bit of a Cockney Mafia Roleplaying thing going on in here. It'd be proper pukka.

cena-rules · Post by **cena-rules** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 3:10 pm

Joe when will this takeover happen?

When it does can I be a mod. Im pissed off with chat.
Also where are these poker nights?
I fancy a bit of money

Dancing Mustard · Post by **Dancing Mustard** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 3:14 pm

I also deserve mod privileges when the takeover occurs. Even if it is just in Flame Wars / 'Social Farm Club'. I'd be a totally awesome mod and would not tolerate either grasses or nonces, nor would I arbitrarily lock/delete threads and/or ban users based only upon inconsequential factors such as avatars, usernames, or my general level of boredness at any given moment.

Norse · Post by **Norse** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 3:20 pm

DM, Nonce

You, my boy, are 'avin a giraffe. Me 'N' my moite 'Big Baz' are gonna take over this establishment, and it is a beautiful establishment.

Me 'N' you son are gonna take a walk soon, and I don't mean dan the fakkin strand for an ice-cream either.

I'm off dan the nuclear.

s.xkitten · Post by **s.xkitten** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 3:38 pm

*sigh* and here i was hoping Joe had died... :cry:

Shadowstar · Post by **Shadowstar** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 3:40 pm

s.xkitten wrote:*sigh* and here i was hoping Joe had died...

QFT

Serbia · Post by **Serbia** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 11:48 pm

Waiting on the takeover Joe. And reminding you to ban me first. Before Hecter even.

Nice and Easy does it

Nice and Easy does it

Re: Nice and Easy does it