Cheese Shop

[neanderpaul14]

There might, I'll check... ah no. Sorry sir but it would appear that my assistant used the last of it for salad dressing at lunch. Most unfortunate.

Do you have any of the salad dressing for sale?

[oVo]

Salad dressing? Don't be absurd. This is a cheese shop. If you're interested in dressing a salad...
Might I suggest you try the habberdashery across the street. We only sell cheese here.

[jonesthecurl]

[reaches into briefcase and pulls out copy of "Un fromage pour chaque jour" by Pierre Androuet]

Let us approach this systematically.
[reads]
Laruns, peut-etre?

[oVo]

I regret to say we have no public facilities on the premises,
so you'll have to resolve that personal business elsewhere.

[jonesthecurl]

[strikes through "Laruns" in the book]
Fine, never heard of that. Hmm Roquefort, no, done that already. Twice.

Do you have any Evisa?

[oVo]

I regret that we have no computer or internet access, maybe Starbucks down the street
can assist you in aquiring proper identification for your international travels ?

We sell cheese here, comprende?

[jonesthecurl]

[sighs and continues]

No Evisa. [crosses it out]
No Roquefort[crosses it out]
No Laruns[crosses it out]


...there's over four hundred cheeses in here, y'know...
Which I strongly suspect not to be the case with Arthur Wensleydale, Cheesemongers.

[neanderpaul14]

[sighs and continues]

No Evisa. [crosses it out]
No Roquefort[crosses it out]
No Laruns[crosses it out]


...there's over four hundred cheeses in here, y'know...
Which I strongly suspect not to be the case with Arthur Wensleydale, Cheesemongers.

Shopkeeper: Oh Roquefort?? Would you like some Roquefort???

[jonesthecurl]

Were that to actually lie within the bounds of possibility, I would indeed be desirous of such a thing. However, it was my understanding that we already established the contrary, i.e. that Rocquefort was in fact a part of the class of entities "not currently available in Arthur Wensleydale's Cheese Emporium".

Was I perhaps erroneous in reaching said conclusion?

[oVo]

If an erroneous conclusion is what you seek? I can highly recommend the bathhouse two blocks further down the street. This is a Cheese Shop, and as such... that is the only service we are able to provide.

[jonesthecurl]

Pray tell me, my good man, just how a visit to the bath house would furnish me with an erroneous conclusion, not that this is what I was in pursuit of of course, but merely to satisfy my curiosity?

[oVo]

How you mix your erroneous zones and Rocquefort is none of my business, as I'm not one to pry into another's private life and I was simply trying to be helpful. Local gossip is of no interest to me,
I sell cheese

[jonesthecurl]

So I have been informed. The evidence so far is to the contrary.
However, to return to the task in hand


[opens book]

Cinto?
Casatorra?
Porto-Vecchio?
Brocciu?
Nicio?
Bastelicaccia?

[oVo]

Shopkeeper: Hmm let's see Cinto? You should have been here yesterday, it was half price and all sold to a gentleman from Highgate Hill. Casatorra? No oriental house cheese available after Memorial Day. Porto-Vecchio? The neighbors whined constantly about the smell and we had to give away our last few bits to promote the shop. Brocciu? Is that the one with the broccoli sprouts? As you already know, we don't do fruits... or veggies. Nicio? Nicked by MI5 as evidence for some racketeering scam at the dairy. Bastelicaccia? Ahh now that is a particularly delicious choice indeed... and I believe we still have some overstock remaining after the Prince's christening. Allow me one moment to just step into the cellar and see what we have left.

[jonesthecurl]

[customer waits impatiently].

[oVo]

Shopkeeper: So sorry to keep you waiting, I had totally neglected my lunch break and popped over to the public house for a quick pint. I'll have you know my associate has assured me that the Bastelicaccia is absolutely a brilliant selection of cheese, but unfortunately he sold the last of it yesterday after the gentleman from Highgate Hill cleaned us out of Cinto. Might there be another that would satisfy your cheese craving?

[jonesthecurl]

Call me suspicious, but did you perchance consume a cheese ploughmans during your degustatory interludewhilst in the tavern, in order to highlight the irony?
Never mind.

[opens book]

Second page:I would be immensely pleased if your inventory included some fromage frais - perhaps some Fontainebleu or Pouligny frais?

[Votanic]

Yes, we are indeed well-stocked with a wide variety of fromage frais from both of your preferred localities. let me pop back to our storeroom and bring out a selection for your approval. (departs)

(returns) I'm terribly sorry sir. but after thoroughly inspecting our fromage frais inventory, I determined that it differed inno appreciable way from common yogurt. As it was thus deemed a non-cheese, I thereby felt compelled to scuttle the entire lot into the rubbish bin. I thank you for your kind understanding of the matter.

(momentary pause) Very well then, let's make it a half-kilo of Gorgonzola.