Greatings, comrades, and welcome to the 122nd issue of the Conquer Club Dispatch. WOW! We have so many contests to announce! This is a wild and crazy time!
Okay, let me see if I can keep this straight:
In OFFICIALDOM, [player]bigWham[/player] announces the new Bot Naming Contest. He also goes on with his delusion that he's on some kind of a ship, instead of behind his big oaken desk, where I KNOW that I put him!
In CARTOGRAPHIC SURVEILLANCE, we have the third installment in [player]dakky21[/player]'s Guess the Map contest, still the most successful contest we've ever had!
In WAR GAMES, we have not one, but two contest announcements:
[player]jdean1[/player] announces the launch of his Top Tourneys contest, and
[player]sempaispellcheck[/player] describes the big TPA5 Shield and Signature Design Contest.
In the MESS HALL, we have an update on [player]jak111[/player]'s Mafia Trivia while we wait for the third round to start, plus many more features, including JamesKer's mid-month spotlight on some noteworthy Suggestions, a great SoC success story, courtesy of [player]ElricTheGreat[/player], and another Scum Insider by [player]StorrZerg[/player]
Finally, in the INTERROGATION ROOM [player]ChrisPond[/player] has just won the contest for most loquacious interrogation!
Hello friends, and welcome to your favourite part of the Newsletter, "War Games", where you can find information about CC Tournaments, and other stuff in the Tournament scene!
Question: What started on Wednesday June 29th, 2011 at 8:44 pm; had 947 players; amassed 247,579 points and has just finished? See below for the answer!
In this edition of War Games we continue to deliver our news staples with my update of TPA happenings in TPA Wrap and we also have a special announcement from [player]sempaispellcheck[/player] who launches the TPA5 Shield & Signature Design Contest! which has a deadline of August 26.
Have you a favourite tournament? Was there one that you enjoyed so much that you want it rerunning? If so, you can participate in [player]jdean1[/player]'s Top Tourneys which is a new series of articles just for you!
[spoiler=interrogation of Chris Pond]When you're in the middle of a pond erection, have you ever dropped your rocks into the hole? I do from time to time get pretty excited about the pond I am building, but I do not recollect ever getting a pond erection. Waterfall erection…yes quite possibly that has happened. You have to be excited about what you do in my opinion…not going to be embarrassed about it. Perhaps if you saw first hand what I have built, you would get excited as well? But for the record, I am all about safety on my job sites…construction and erections and rocks off or in…..
How much would you be willing to pay to learn that your interest in building ponds stems from your bed wetting years? And all these years I was thinking it was because I never grew out of playing in the dirt. I will admit I still enjoyed playing in my sandbox when I was in 16. Since my wife and I have had a child, I have been looking forward to my pond remodel so I could build a big sandbox (for my son of course). I basically get paid to play in the dirt all day…best job in the world.
How many clans turned you down before TOFU let you in? Just one actually that I can remember…and then in my first challenge we gave them a good whooping. I think the pm I received said something about needing to play 10,000 games before being considered for Atlantis. Nice guys though. Anyway, if you have resisted clans for years and then decide you want to join one and you like attention, I suggest you do something like this… http://www.conquerclub.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=443&t=195382
How disappointed were you to find, at registration, that hopalong was already taken, and that the best your imagination could then come up with was 'ChrisPond'? I had to look this up…Chrispond joined Conquer Club March 15th 2009, hopalong joined Conquer Club on April 28th,2011. So I ask you Odd Fellow, how disappointed were you when you discovered that “Chrispond” was all ready taken. Looking at these dates, I now realize my first child was born pretty much 9 months after I joined this site…not saying cause/effect here, or maybe I am? New marketing campaign for CC…playing CC leads to more action online and offline.
What does L M S really stand for? I guess that depends on the current situation and how creative you can get. In this Game 14494269 we just call him Last Man Standing (we are honestly not sure if Deli is a male or female…there have been rumors that Deli could be part man and woman…so in this case LMS was the Last Man Standing). LMS could also mean Likes Many Sets in this game, you just have to be creative and figure it out on your own.
What are your failproof superstitions you turn to when you want to break a bad dice streak? I find screaming this works quite well. My son used to click the mouse for me, but he is now more interested in posting smiles in the clan forum so he no longer helps me roll the dice (clan leadership said they had enough of random smiles posted in important threads). If I lose a few consecutive rolls, I recommend exiting the game and then reentering so you “reset” the dice. If that does not work, you need to log out and log back in. If that does not work, you need to restart your computer. Next step is to move to a different device…perhaps a tablet or phone? And last resort is knocking on the neighbors door and finishing your turn from their computer (my neighbor has given me the code to the garage door so I have access to their computer 24 hours a day…guarantee I can put an end to bad dice quick!)
What have you been burying under all them ponds? Your secrets will be safe here. That is my “side business”. I don’t ask questions…I just dispose of whatever they bring me. We have had a few employees go missing, but my guys are trained to talk about how X employee always “wanted to just leave one day and see the world”. You have heard the saying, “I have a gun and a shovel”? Well, I have a shovel, a skidloader, and excavator, and more….I can dig a big hole and quickly…and I dig them every day.
Wasn't ChrisPond interviewed not so long ago? Yes, as a matter of fact I was…but not on CC. I am a local celebrity here in my area and I am in the newspaper, on the news, or on local radio station at least 2-3 times a year. This is my first (and last I am sure) interview on CC.
Why do you have your top rank and score in your signature? Why not? When I was younger and in my physical prime (did I even have one?), I was a competitive runner. Runners are obsessed with “PR’s”…guessing it carried over. Plus my memory sucks, so without recording it somewhere, I will never remember what my top score and rank was. Why don’t you put your high score and rank up?
What's the best thing about being in TOFU? The camaredrie? Great group of people here.
Are you CoF in disguise? Is this a compliment or are you implying that we are multi’s? That COF is a bit smarter than me and his posts are usually way over my head, so I don’t pretend to be him. Plus he is a sharp dresser, it’s a big deal if I even break out a razor and shave.
If not, are you something Dako created in the depths of his Russian fortress? Possibly? If so, I just wished Dako had given me some more skills.
What special abilities do you have? According to my 4 year old son that is obsessed with super heroes, I am not a super hero (kind of bums me out). I do feel like I can “talk to rocks” (the whole waterfall and pond builder thing). I used to be a runner and was pretty fast. I am 38 years old and a bit over weight (currently 65 pounds heavier than I raced in college) and out of shape, but I still managed to run a 5:00 mile last fall when I was working out (before I had to have my knee scoped). Does being forever immature count as a special ability?
How many times do you tell hopalong to hop off? Not often, but in our first clan game together I was ready to come through the screen and strangle him if he took GIV or GVI. I think he kept telling me he wanted to take them just to get me excited. I was highly medicated from a knee scope and was a bit out of it…still not sure if he really wanted to hit those ter or not but I still have nightmares that he did and we lost the ACE playoff because of that (did I say that out loud?)
On a scale of yes to definitely, how bipolar is L M S? I think he is normal. Have you seen my medication?
Who is your favourite TOFU lady? Don't give any shit answers please, just choose one. Are you kidding me? I am not an idiot…I am married to a woman so I will answer this honestly. I like them both, they are both special in their own way. They are both some of the best partners I have ever had on this site. If my wife was into CC I would want her to be just like them. If I had any concerns about them, it would be that I get a bit uncomfortable about Cat sending me emails of photos of shaved cats wearing dominatrix outfits and that Denise totally facebook stalks me, but I can live with both of things since they are such good CC partners.
How come TOFU's recruitment requirements have dropped over recent months (not including you)? They have? Oh….you must be referring to us bring in hopalong….he is “special”
Do you feel the clan is desperate to re-achieve it's top flight status? Did we ever lose it?
What made you join TOFU over any other clan? Catnipdreams and the cookie monster
Why do you prefer joining an already established clan rather than one that is new to the scene and making a big name? I was looking to play with great teammates. I found them in TOFU. Not a player there I would not gladly play with. Great group of players and teammates.
Have you ever played JamesPond? Are you related? Funny question. That was actually the basis for my name…the play off of James Bond. Just imagine how annoying I could be by typing in chat…”shaken, not stirred”
Think very, very carefully about one of the previous questions in this thread!Editors: Is that a question? You decide. Which question?
If you could build a water feature anywhere in the world, with an unlimited budget, what would you build, where would you build it, and why that location and design? Easy question, easy answer. My backyard of course. It would be more like a lake and I would swim in it every day. I would have a grotto under the waterfall of course…a hidden room where I would run LED lights right behind the waterfall. Lots of patios around it so I could interact with it. Some nice streams, that start out of sight so it would take some exploring..so much more. Trust me, I could easily design something you could drop millions of dollars on.
How would you build a water feature on a moon base, where gravity is much lower? Assume the water is completely recycled, but there are no other constraints, except the gravity issue. I would turn the design of this water feature over to an architect (or engineer) and then tear his ideas apart while taking no responsibility of course. Sounds like no way one could make that project a success…I need to protect my image.
What kind of water feature would you design for a spaceship, where the people would be on it for years, and would need a water feature to stay sane? See the answer above…
Is it at all reasonable to build a water feature that flows over a dwelling? For instance, an earth-sheltered home built into a hillside, such that a water feature would make the home blend in even more with the surrounding landscaping, maybe even hiding it, and one entered the house by walking behind a waterfall? How much would this cost, and what would be needed to ensure that there were no leaks through the "roof"? See the answer above. though I would say Frank Lloyd Wright tried something similar with “Fallingwater” and I have read they have a horrible mold problem. Wait…now that I think about it, I think someone pulled it off with Batman’s cave. I could figure this out I think but it is not going to be cheap…think of a real big number……ok, now add an extra zero to the end of it
What is the strangest thing that ever happened while you were building a water feature? When I finished I was completely satisfied. Not sure that has ever happened though but it would be strange.
What is the funniest thing that ever happened while you were building a water feature? Not sure I could think of anything…no wait, I got one. I was working on a big commercial install and a guy I really disliked that worked for me got stuck in a culvert. The best part was he was upside down and his legs were sticking up out of the culvert and another employee texted me a picture asking if he should try and jam him down farther in it. I had to come out from behind a 4 ton boulder and see it for myself. Took us 20 minutes to get him out of it….fired that guy about a week later, he was a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you feel the clan is desperate to re-achieve it's top flight status? next question
When did the clan lose it's top flight status? exactly
~ What is the best pond you have ever created? The next one I build? I am always trying to get better but I am very fond of the one I use here for my avatar, even if I did lose 5 figures on that project.
~ How many beavers are on your staff? Not enough
~ How many “beavers” are on your “staff?” Same answer.
~ Is it true you are the original creator of the PED (Performance Enhancing Dice) script? no. and undortunately I do not use it (sorry Deli, Doc, Armandolas, Arama, ect…). I have been requesting a PES script but my clan just ignores me. Kind of pisses me off and I tear into them when I am drunk and angry.
~ Do you think a “cat-fight” would occur if you picked the wrong TOFU lady? No. I would just get my ass kicked by a cat, and I would never even see it coming.
~ If Aeternus and TOFU were in a clan war, how many games do you think it would take before Aeternus cried uncle? Before the first set…or maybe after we sent our first batch of home games? I can’t be sure since I am not a member of that clan.
~ If you could have lunch with any one person, dead or alive, who would it be and why? Great question! Perhaps Jesus? Why would you not pick Jesus (I am referring to Christ of course). I would not even consider myself a religious person as I have not been to church in 20 years. I was a mormon though.
~ Have you ever trained for, or competed in, a tri-athlon? (edited question) Who the f*ck asked this question? Picking at wounds I see? Here is the story…in February I announced to my clan that I would be competing in one at the end of August. A week later my knee swelled up like a ballon. My knee ended up having surgery on the knee about 6 weeks ago. I have gained about 30 pounds since February since I can not do anything to physical.
~ Do you believe LMS is awesome? Yes, he is in TOFU!
~ Who are the players you respect the most on CC? Why? No way I can list them all but I will list some. Universalchiro: great player. Enjoyed my game with him Joroki and ika pakao: great team. Always good games against them Ballenus: Conquer rome Astoriana: conquer rome Josko: awesome CC player Loutil: good teammate Cookiemonster: seuss…great player Benga: always seems to give me a beat down Rockfist: best player on the site Everyone in TOFU:
~ Do you believe in mind control? no. but I know how to get in other people’s heads and ruin their day.
Oh wonderful teammate Chrispond, Regale us with your tale of your favorite victory of all time. Is there a whimsical tactical strategery that you are most fond of? 12832459. No strategy I can think of right now…just go with the flow. If hopalong is reading this though, I will kill you if you take GIV
Tell us (pictures are nice) of your favorite fountain, waterfall, pond, or pool you have fashioned? My avatar. I also really like the 200k pond I built last year. We set some fountain stones that weighed 7000-9000 pounds in it as well. They took a bit of planning but they went in so easy, like we had done it a million times. Nice when things work just like you want them to.
Legend has it you are 8feet tall and shoot fire out of your A--, is that truth? No, I am the runt in my family. I am less than 6’ and my “little” brother is 6’ 5”. I did run 800 meters under 1:50 though at one point in my life. As for the ass comment…it is possible that my ass is a bit more active than most…
What is your favorite map to play? Hive?
In your spare time, when bonding with family, what is your favorite activity? Hiking, traveling, sports. Just spent a week on a lake with my siblings and their families…was great fun.
What is your favorite movie? Not sure I have one but I have watched Tombstone more time than I should have. I also have watched the modern version of Romeo and Juliet (with Leanardo Dicrapio) to many times. I do enjoy Adam Sandler, Will Farrel, Chris Farley movies more than most.
Of all the superheros (including all genre) who wins a fight to the death and support? I will have to get back to you after I ask my 4 year old. I am guessing his answer will be Batman though.
Are you related to Amelia Pond? No idea?
As a pond expert - what mix would you recommend to repair the crack in the wall? Not my expertise. I dry stack stone. Only mixed up concrete one time and that was enough for me.
Would you recommend using angel statues around a water feature? do you live in a trailer park?
As a pond expert, what kind of pond would you build for fishydance and her friend spleenfish? for fishydance, one that is beautiful and peaceful…where she could stretch out her fins and really enjoy herself. That would be the objective. For spleenfish…sounds like this fish needs to consult a vet or something. I will build based off the vet’s recommendation.
After you submit your answers, do you think the mods will discuss a word limit for future dispatches? Haha. Good one.
Filets--rare, med rare, med, burnt? Medium well. are you grilling?
Do you think Jackal could disguise his beef brisket as a vegetarian dish and serve it to cat? The better question would be if jackal thinks that would be a good idea?
On a scale of yes to definitely, how bipolar is L M S? he seems normal to me. I readily admit though that I am obsessive compulsive and have ADD. I also think I am a perfectionist. Spend some time thinking about those all mixed together. Then again, I was sent these questions weeks ago and I have still not completed them. Man, I really have a lot to get done before tomorrow morning…
On a scale of yes to definitely, does iamcaffine have a life-size poster of L M S hanging up in his office? Probably…I do. If not, I can send him a copy of mine.
If the Conquer Rome map were a publicly traded stock, would you buy, sell, or hold? Buy as much as I could and then hold. In my opinion, conquer rome should have it’s own gaming site.
Do you ask your clients to address you as "ChrisPond"? “Sir” usually works fine for me. One time on a commercial job a maintenance guy for the facility kept referring to me as the “pool boy” in emails to the architect and it really pissed me off. The architect kept forwarding me the emails…I think he was waiting for something unprofessional to happen and then it did. Weeks after I completed the project, I had to show up on the site to reset a gfi outlet for the maintenance guy…what a worthless ass hole…
Trucks--Ford, Chevy, or Dodge? Chevy for now. I have more relatives than I can count that have built GM products. I thought about switching to Ford after the bailout but then realized Ford has been bailed out before.
Favourite song? Anything Pearl Jam..circa 1990’s. Lately I have been listening to this a lot though.
Do you think it's fair to consider the Gulf Stream a river and that it is therefore, the largest river in the world? I don’t think I am an expert on this. I did read though that at one point the Nile River at ne point ran through the Med and dumped into the Atlantic at Gibralter before the end of the ice age and sea level rose. Kind of cool in my opinion.
Can you define a pond? A pond is really any body of water. Today my dog thought a mud puddle was a good pond and splashed in it for 5 minutes. If you want to be technical, I build water gardens. In that case, I would define them this way…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYe-2weWOrA
Favorite flavor of Ice Cream? Chocolate
If you could go back time, would go back to the day you signed up for CC and stop yourself doing it? Haha! Good question! If I could and would, I wonder how much bigger and successful my business would be right now?
Will you be allowed to move form the couch to the bed, now that your wife knows that you are famous on CC? Have you seen a picture of me? She can not resist me…CC can not put me on a couch. I once had finished…well you know…bypassed cuddling, headed for the computer, brought home a world 2.1 no spoils 8 man game, went back to bed, told my wife about my game winning moves, and got lucky again. What can I say…woman want to be with me and men want to be me.
What do you want most to happen at/with CC? Have not really thought about it.
How long did you need for you (a) fastest and (b) slowest turn? I know I have used all 60 minutes before in a turn. Fastest turn has to be around 10 seconds. I am not to quick on a computer.
What is your longterm goal at CC? I used to want to be Conqueror. Now I realize what needs to be done to become Conqueror so I don’t think that is a goal anymore. Here is a movie clip for you:
Do you prefer to pond creating or pond cleaning? I prefer pond building. Pond cleaning is a nice way to start the season when the weather sucks though.
How did you end up as a pond maker and what did you want to become when you were a kid? I wanted to be a professional athlete…first a baseball player and then a runner. I almost made it as a runner. I became a pond builder because I wanted a pond in my backyard. It just kind of happened after I built my first pond at my house.
When will you allow your son to loose his youth and spend all day and night at CC - like his dad? Whenever he is ready.
When will you allow your wife to play at CC? Whenever she wants, she has declined so far.
How much did you understand the map that you like best now during your first game on that map? Man I wish I had the email I sent you. That would be a good read. Boy was I pissed when that game started
How much chuck could a woodchuck chuck..... if a woodchuck could chuck wood? None?
What sound do you love? a waterfall!
What is your most embarrassing experience? Not sure I have ever been embarrassed? I am not the type of person that cares what others think. Pretty much willing to try anything.
What do you miss most about being a kid? Stress and responsibilities.
At what age did you become an adult? I would say 23. I had finished college and my running career was over and I realized I had to find a way to support myself with a job or a business. I was so broke at the time….i could no longer say “some day”, as some day was now “today”.
What's the hardest thing you've ever done? Went from a pond builder to business owner. I have failed at it twice all ready. 3rd time is the charm right?
What is it about Conquer Rome you like so well? you can overcome a bad drop (is there such a thing on that map) and bad dice if you play it right. Can you say that about any other maps here?
What do you wish was different about CC? Not sure. I obviously like it.
What about the game keeps you here? The competition.
Are you self taught or did you have a mentor when you first joined the site? Self taught at first. Early partners that I learned from include rockfist, geoturk, and g8keepr off the top of my head. I am a sponge with a new teammate..try and learn from them and add to my game.
If you could team with anyone, who would you like to that you haven't yet? Ballenus and astoriana from kort.
Who have been some of your toughest opponents? Same people I mentioned earlier.
What kind of gameplay do you like best (game type (singles / teams, ...), intial troops, and so on)? fog, no spoils, chained,
If you would get 50$ per hour spending on CC, how much would be your yearly income? over 100k…lol!
Would you beacome a "CC professional" if you could earn the same as a pond guy? Good question.
Which area of the world you would like to visit? All of it! Never been to Yellowstone and I want to go so bad. Best time to go though is when I am busiest with my business. I mostly travel during the winter…really like Hawaii!
What would be your concept for a pond map? An ecosystem. Probably something similar to how kabanellus sets up his map. I have some good ideas on how to set it up but it would be about having a good balance in your “pond”
What question would you ask yourself? Why?
What will be the tofu-kort final score? (Each point difference with the actual final score will owe you one whipping from cat) Have to be honest…kind of excited about being whipped. So in that case I say 60-0
How are the tofu forums since i left; are you now posting 81% of the odd fellow s arms posts? Ask Doc. Guessing he could calculate it pretty quick. I started my own thread called “Chrispond posts” just so people know not to read through it unless they have the time and a degree or a lead on a therapist for me.
Why did you let loutil buy armandolas s premium? I told you I was working on becoming a better businessman right?
Rank your top 5 best tofu team game partners (no fuckin around, provide a real answer with 5 names, write something so that the others don t feel jealous though!) my favorite teammates in no particular order: Doc: guy is a genius! Denise: awesome teammate! Armandolas: very rounded player Kexor: possibly the most underated player on this site Cat: she can chat more than me
Which one player would you draft to join TOFU? nardoc
One a scale of "hate it" to "want to blow my brains out," how thrilled are you about the way the most recent version of Firefox works with BOB and the CC site? Thankful I fund chrome and armandolas
It's the zombie apocalypse! Do you think your pond building or your conquer club skills have better prepared you to survive? pond building…. You should see me with a shovel
Would you rather fight zombies with a group of pirates or ninjas? ninjas
Which CC player do you want at your side when you face the zombies? dako…I think the guy is a Russian ninja
why don't you answer the questions? I didn’t?
What is your favourite crash site of all time? Please, ONLY choose one. I don’t understand the question?
What is the difference between 'cum', 'come' and 'comme'? 'Beer', 'bear' and 'bare'? If you are from Canada (canuck-land), there is no difference.[/spoiler] On behalf of Conquer Club's members, I would like to thank ChrisPond for participating in the Interrogation process, and for the hours of work it must have taken him to process all those questions! Thank you!
The Scum Insiderby: StorrZerg [spoiler=You should click me]Newbie Help
Want to get into the Mafia scene, but don't know how to play or even what it is? Consult these threads: Mafia Information, Mafia and You, and Rules and Terms of Mafia. Too much work? Too lazy to read through everything? No worries, you can always jump right into a game and ask for other players or the game runner to help guide you. Feel free to contact [player]StorrZerg[/player] with any questions.
What is "Mafia"? Mafia is an educated guessing game of epic proportions. The objective of the game is to lynch or kill all mafia members before they outnumber the rest of the town. It's much like a game of poker because mafia members are also part of the town during the day and may manipulate the vote to their liking. If the mafia at any time outnumber or equal the townspeople, they win. The town's goal is to lynch all the members of the mafia.
Mafia News Previous announcement of a Show match Between TNC and GoN has been delayed indefinitely. You're welcome to pm [player]StorrZerg[/player] on the matter.
A new series of games will be starting, and the aim is to help introduce newer players to the game of Mafia, as well as educating them with their Conquer Club peers. So please, if you have not played a game and have no idea what I am talking about join "Newbie Mafia" Currently the first game is full and starting. How ever if you are still interested please send a pm to [player]StorrZerg[/player] and he will put you on the list for the next game.
Recently Finished Games
Game of Thrones Mafia has ended. Mafia managed to come out with a victory on the 6th day. viewtopic.php?f=213&t=205178 MVP goes to [player]Robik[/player], replacing into the game and pulling the wool over everyone's eyes. The game was fairly close and pretty entertaining. Great thanks to [player]virus90[/player] for helping co-host this complex game.
On Going Games Currently we have two games about to start. The first is Conquer Club Newbie Mafia #1 viewtopic.php?f=213&t=206310 the game is just about set to role, expect to see some fresh blood get down and dirty.
mikeymike55 wrote:How do I join the mafia trivia round
Inbox me answers, the next set of questions will be out for the next issue, just been having.. issues.. myself lately with ConquerClub and things going on in real life.
Highest Rank: Major:2157
"All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers"
