CC Dispatch [Issue 110 07-01-14] Wham Questions Answered!

[Dukasaur]

Welcome Comrades to the year 2014 and the 110th edition of the Dispatch




Our 8th Anniversary has come and gone. 8 years old, the Club Conquête now is! Venerable! Ancient!

Okay, shut me up while there's still time...

As always, Battle Royales were included in the Anniversary celebration. There were a total of 263 speed games on the weekend. 856 unique players participated (or about seven percent of the membership) and each player that participated played an average of 7.87 games.

For the second time, casual BRs were created after the speed BRs. Casual BRs are continuing to be created today. Check the link here to see if there are any still available when you receive this.

Casual BRs are, to me, a real sign of CCs evolution. I remember in 2011, during the 5th Anniversary celebration, when there were maybe two or three of us asking for sequential BRs, (link) and the rest of us were telling us that we were basically idiots, that casual BRs could never work. Then, after much pushing and prodding, Game 10000000 was made sequential and casual, and proved that the concept works. Incredibly, after that sequential BRs were still snubbed in the 6th Anniversary. I had this to say about it! During the 7th Anniversary, a handful of sequential BRs were created, but now, in the 8th Anniversary, we finally have casual BRs, both sequential and freestyle, and in sufficient numbers created over a sufficient time span to allow everyone a shot at them. Thank you, blake!

Here's what we have on tap for you:

The first regular section is Mess Hall and Interrogation Room, which includes the long-awaited Interrogation of BigWham!. It also includes the next installment of IAmCaffeine's Dispatch Trivia Contest.

The Platoon Report covers all aspects of the Clan scene.

War Games brings you all the latest from the Tournament world, including TPA updates!

Finally, our Next Mission Brief includes such things as the closing credits and information on how to subscribe.

[player]Dukasaur[/player] - Chief Executive

And finally some late-breaking news:
Late-breaking News and Announcements

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If you would like to apply to join the news team, please visit the thread below for more details!
Click here for Recruitment Details...
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[safariguy5]

Happy New Years everyone. Hope you all have some good resolutions. We have another Scum Insider, more trivia, and our fearless leader [player]bigWham[/player] is interviewed.

You Stay Classy, CC.

[player]safariguy5[/player]
Freestyle Executive

Dispatch Trivia - Round 5 of 10 by iAmCaffeine

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The Scum Insider by safariguy5

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[spoiler=Interrogation of bigWham]Q. Which banned member of CC are you, anyway?

Getting banned is way too much work for me.

Q. When will you be changing the log on page/front page?

I think the log on the front page has been improved.

Q. How big is your wham?

Only slightly smaller than infinitely large.

Q. Do like the band Wham?

While I would say that, in the pantheon of Whams, I consider them somewhat of a moistWham, that

does not stop me moving lithely to their glossy dance beats until the small hours of yesterday.


Q. On a scale of 1 being worst and 10 being best, rate the following:
Ham
Scam
Spam
Dam
Abraham
Wigwam
Tram
Ram
Pram

Ham - 5
Scam - 5
Spam - 5
Dam - 5
Abraham - 6
Wigwam - 8
Tram - 5
Ram - 7
Pram - 5

"Wigam" is clearing the standout word here, though "Ram" does hold its own. As Dr. Seuss recognized, it's pretty hard to go below a 5/10 when you're ending with an AM.

Q. Ass or breast man?

Fascinating, unexpected options... but these days elbows are really more my thing.

Q. Why did you choose to spend money on CC instead of building your own from scratch?

Building things from scratch is not difficult. Capturing the magic that is in CC might just be

impossible. Also: time is money.


Q. Why have the forums died so much? Do you think removing perma bans would help, or is it too
late?

The forums have fallen off as the website has, but perhaps more so. As always, there is not

just one simple reason for this. We have put in place an appeal process for perma bans, so it

is possible to have them removed, however this is only a very small part of the puzzle.

Fundamentally we need to create a more vibrant environment, and that is something we are

working on. We have a new team called Community, that I am leading, and additionally we are

evolving the role of the Discussions Team specifically based around generating more life on the

forum.


Q. When are you giving the chat moderators a raise?

It's just a question of working out what the % should be.

Q. Is there a Mrs Wham, do you have any little Whams?

You are all my little Whams, and some of you are my Mrs Whams

Q. Is your name inspired by the greatest movie of all time?

If it is I am unaware of it, and I suspect this is probably a good thing.

Q. Can you describe a life in the day of wham?

Arise at midnight shaking my fists at the air. Code like a space monkey. Skim the surface of

some very deep thoughts. Make obtuse comments to random team member. Praise the Conquer Gods

that everyone on CC is perfectly content and has no issues. Deal with issues. Cause Issues.

Brainstorm new ideas for issue-causing. Tickle bugs on the chin. Drink 2 coffees at once. Enter

the room of invisible mirrors. Dream of human androids. Practice fancy hat wearing. 17 hours

more coding. Get in and about. Connect to the outertube. Laugh at the cover of a book. Skip

breakfast, lunch and dinner. Greet myself in the long, sultry hallway of my heart. Kablooie.

Blam! Watch out! Arise at midnight shaking my fists at the air.

Q. Are you glad blake is around?

Yes.

Q. What was the biggest event in the past year on CC?

The event we are having right now for our 8th Anniversary is pretty big!

Q. Which implemented suggestion made you want to be a player the most?

The Championships, because I have explicitly excluded myself from participating.

Q. Who do you like more, blake or king A?

C'mon, who could not like KA more? I like KA more than myself! blake has other redeeming

qualities

Q. Are you a Leader or Micro manager?

A Micro Leader!

Q. Do you trust your volunteers?

With my sacred scrolls and magic scepters of holistic granditude? No. With the fine work they

do throughout the community? Yes!

Q. Will the site ever replace BMO with a new community manager?

Absolutely possibly! Community is a critical part of our experience and something that will be

a focus of mine the first part of this year. I am involving myself by taking leadership of the

Community Team. After I have worked out what is happening, and needs to happen, then we will

evolve from there.

Q. With the slew of updates we have been getting since your arrival , when do you think

enough will be enough?

I assure you that too many updates are barely enough

Q. Do you regret any decision you have taken since becoming the boss man?

If I didn't regret any decisions, then I would not be making enough decisions.

Q. Can we get some xml updates soon so the site can have some new types of maps?

Yes! Along with Community, this is another major focus for the first part of this year. We are

working towards what I believe will be a very exciting time for map-making and the community of

players that are looking for new playing experiences. Let me just say that we want to be

producing more than maps that look fantastic, but play like many other maps we already have.

Q. Do you wish Ace Rimmer would come up with a new question other than arse or breasts?

I agree that the brain of Ace Rimmer warrants closer investigation with some type of razor

sharp cutting device.

Q. Speaking of body parts, what floats your boat more: Thorax or Coccyx?

Any body part that ends with x is not to be trifled with. I am imagining my boat floating

around on a sea of body parts however, and wondering what type of voyage I am on here.

Q. Have you owned a business or website before?

Yes and yes

Q. What are your plans for attracting more players to CC?

We have been putting building blocks in place. The challenges with new players are often very

different, if not the exact opposite, of those for existing players. We have done some things,

and there are more in the pipeline. The previous, much reviled, home page resulted in an

immediate, and significant, increase in new player signups. Hopefully the current one will

continue that trend... but we need to work through the entire new player process to ultimately

get the results we need. For one thing, much of the website needs to be refreshed to make us

competitive with the vast world of gaming options that are available now,and it needs to work

on mobile devices. These are big tasks that unfortunately have no direct, immediate benefit to

existing members.

Q. What are your plans for retaining players? Shouldn't there be some sort of loyalty bonus for

premium? I must have had premium/had it bought for me many times since I registered, yet no

incentive to buy again? Free stuff after x amount of years?

I would hope CC's premium membership provides good value on its own merits. However, this is an

idea that may have a natural mechanism for implementation soon (*tease*).

Q. Who do you think you are?

The It Girl on everyone's wiggling tongues.

Q. What do you want?

As an interviewee all I long for is substantive questions.

Q. What's the story behind rds not being community manager anymore?

RDS just did not have time to fully put into the role.

Q. Will you play me (smegal69) at a game of No limit Hold em poker....... If I will I get CC

and if you win you can take my wife?

I presume your wife owns something better than CC? Not sure what that would be though...

Q. What portion of updates are done by you? Blake?

All portions of updates are done by a room full of highly strung Mountain Goats.

Q. What about bug fixes? (prevents are fine)

We are moving to a more streamlined bug process that blake is leading.

Q. Do you hire coders / designers or do you do everything yourself?

I hire coders, but that is largely to afford me massages and various related services.

Q. Why do you allow teenage "staff" to treat paying customers who embarrass them in fora to

vacations(not delivering what they payed for), meanwhile account sharing and blatant cheating

is allowed. How is saying treated worse than doing?

Due to the sprawling metaphysical nature of this highly practical question I am not sure where

to begin exactly, but probably the max age cap of 19 I placed on all volunteer positions may be

having an impact here.

Q. Do you think a primary clause and a subordinate clause should be cast in the same tense?

All clauses should be blurted out in one word.

Q. On a more serious note: Triple Sec or Grand Marnier?

I will apply the logical OR here, meaning both, since I always take those drinks together.

Q. Do you wake up excited about the next thing you are going to try on CC or tired of being

late trying to fix something on CC?

Both, of course!

Q. How many lines of original conquer club code have you rewritten?

Many 1000s. 10s of 1000s in fact. When I jump on those mountain goats and start smashing my

fingers up and down the code just flows forth.

Q. How long until clans will get a sitter function?

Not to answer the question, but I can say that it is something that is being actively worked

on!

Q. Can you distill your basic philosophy of life into a single paragraph?

(And obviously, what is it?)

1. Do what you say. 2. Do something great.

Q. Anything you care to share with us at this point about what you have done, are doing, and

will do?

It's rolling out before you, and will continue to do so.

Q. Any time frame for incorporating the useful add ons that have been broken into the site?

Clickies(don't even try and suggest site has clickies, not near as user friendly)
Map rank
Bob

You already collect the data for medal stats, so wouldn't be a stretch to rejig things for map

rank for example.

Well, I would have preferred to integrate Bob a few weeks ago with the new panel interface, but

I thought that if I did that then people probably wouldn't appreciate it, wouldn't notice it,

and would then get very upset and demand to know when Bob would be integrated! In that

approximate order. So, maybe we will do something like this with Clickies and Map Rank as well.

(Sigh!)


Q. Do you think banning people for offering frank feedback is sustainable? People that take the

time to complain and suggest, are doing so because they are interested in continuing on site.

Something I (BoganGod) would think your trying to encourage.

It would be sustainable if this was a Banning Website, a great idea who's time is sure to come.

Having said it, sometimes the unenlightened can confuse 'frank feedback' with 'obnoxious piffle

that has little to no redeeming value'. In these situations it is worth considering whether one

truly wants to make a legitimate point, and if so whether it is worth adapting one's

communication style to the situation.

Q. Can you tell us more about the girl who inspired sassbot? A CC female player from the early

days?

I prefer to keep my private life, private! Thank you!

Q. When did you decide that you were going to buy cc from el jefe? Are you guys real life

acquaintances which led to this fast takeover?

This took some time in fact, and we were not acquaintances.

Q. When can we expect to start getting medals for 'defeating unique opponents while using the

new Game Panel'?

Hmmmm!

Q. Eric - token or butters?

the dude on crutches? i don't know eric, but we do need more of those dudes on crutches around

the place.

Q. When will #1_stunna get interviewed? (It's what we all are really hanging out for)

While I am not told who asks these questions, sometimes I get a premonition.

Q. How come there is no rank minimum for mods? Like some where ABOVE cadet.. They should at

least be able to play this site..

To the Suggestions forum you go!

Q. What is your favorite liquor?

Liquor is for liquaholics

Q. What is your favorite NHL team?

The Los Angeles TwinkleBottoms

Q. What do you think of Serbia's bollocks?

It's the ultimate in cultural thievery!

Q. Where's the most interesting place you've ever visited?

A geographic place? Mexico City. A real place? http://www.conquerclub.com.

Q. What kind of games do you play besides Conquer Club?

Board games, video games, card games, dice games. I-don't-have-time-for-games-but-I-have-to-

play-them-to-keep-up-with-the-latest-games games.

Q. What kind of car do you drive?

A spacetime traveling unicycle. With the sports upgrade.

Q. Is there a Mrs. Wham? Any Little Whamsters or Whamettes?

Just me, the bots, a harem of administrators, and a menagerie of floppy-headed squawkeninnies.

Q. Dogs or cats?

Dogs are surely man's most annoying friend.

Q. If you knew the precise date and time of your death, what would you do on your last day?

Rebirth myself.

Q. Who's your favourite author?

Clock McCannister

Q. Who's your favourite movie director?

Jasper Zipline

Q. If you could go back in time and be the bombardier on the Enola Gay, would you drop the

bomb?

Yes, but I would fill it with pamphlets saying "8:15 - Hi! We could have a dropped an atomic

bomb right here but we decided to send this note instead. You might like to think about pulling

back on the global domination stuff a bit. We have plans for Pearl Harbor including a night

club with a Sushi bar on the dancefloor! Kisses, Enola Gay (my plane, not my mom, she sends

kisses too and hopes they never, ever fade away)"

Q. What's your favourite Saturday Night Live sketch?

Not sure... are they meant to be funny? This always confused me. Sometimes they seemed like

they were edging in that direction, then at other times it seemed more likely that they were an

advertisement for a local street theater performance.

Q. Do you root for the Coyote, or the Roadrunner?

The Coyote needs to get his stuff together to be rootable.

Q. What's the single biggest sign that the End Times Are Near?

A lack of discussion of the end times would seem very ominous.[/spoiler]

[Swifte]

Welcome to the first 2014 edition of the Platoon Report, your headquarters for Clan news on Conquer Club!

[player]IcePack[/player] ushers in the new year in a huuuuuge way for us this edition! He's got the latest on CC4, the 3rd annual 1v1 challenge, and more rankings updates than there are whiskers on your cat! And if you're interested in who moved where in December, check out the Shaker's and Movers.

Thanks for staying tuned to the Platoon Report, we plan to have a very special look back at 2013 in the near future, and lot's more goodies throughout 2014!

[player]Swifte[/player]
Clan Executive

CC4 Update by IcePack

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3rd Annual 1 vs 1 Final 4 Update by IcePack

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F400 New Year Update by IcePack
[spoiler=Jan 1 2014]The F400 is a results based ranking system, based on (almost) all available results that include 12 games or higher. Most league results are reflected within this ranking system, as well as most wars*. (*Unless leagues do not meet some minimum entry requirement criteria, and wars with multiple clans involved)

[/spoiler]
F41 New Years Update by IcePack
[spoiler=Jan 1 2014]The F41 is a results based ranking system, based only upon full war results that include 41 games or higher. No league results are reflected within this ranking system.

Note: LOW did not have the weight to enter onto the ranking this month, but is ranked at 9th Unofficially with 1236 pts.
Note: FALL score error, not 1994 but tied at 1194.
[/spoiler]
Jan 2014 Coaches Poll by IcePack
[spoiler=Jan 1 2014]A opinion based ranking system based on polling done with 1 representative from each clan allowed voting privileges. 18 Clan rep's participated in this vote.

[/spoiler]
CCCS Update by IcePack
[spoiler=Jan 1 2014]A "quick and dirty" compilation of all available current ranking systems available in one area, without all the details that the specific ranking systems provides.

[/spoiler]
December 2013 Shakers and Movers by Swifte

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[anamainiacks]

Hello friends, and welcome to your favourite part of the Newsletter, "War Games", where you can find information about CC Tournaments, and other stuff in the Tournament scene!

In the first issue of 2014, our writers continue to deliver their news staples with [player]mcshanester29[/player]'s latest MTTO Interview with myself, [player]DaveH[/player]'s update of TPA happenings in TPA Wrap, and my selection of tournaments awaiting signups in Join This? Or Not!

Have a blessed year ahead!

[player]anamainiacks[/player]
Tournament Executive


Meet the Tournament Organizers: anamainiacks by mcshanester29

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TPA Wrap by DaveH

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Join This? Or Not! by anamainiacks

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[Seamus76]

The Foundry Team is taking a well-earned break after some very big Issues lately!

See you all next time, and remember.... if you want to help out and write for our section, send a PM to [player]Seamus76[/player] without delay!

[Dukasaur]

Submitting Your Own Articles

If you have a story you think the ConquerClub Community would find interesting, you can submit your articles to [player]Dukasaur[/player] and you may just see your article published in the Newsletter!

Subscription

Did you enjoy this Issue? Have you subscribed to the Newsletter yet?

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ConquerClub Dispatch Team

• [player]Dukasaur[/player] - Chief Executive

• [player]safariguy5[/player] - Freestyle Executive -
  
  • [player]IAmCaffeine[/player] - Freestyle Writer
• [player]Swifte[/player] - Clan Executive -
  
  • [player]Betiko[/player] - Clan Freelance
  • [player]IcePack[/player] - Clan Reporter
• [player]anamainiacks[/player] - Tournament Executive -
  
  • [player]DaveH[/player] - Tournament Reporter
    
  • [player]mcshanester29[/player] - Tournament Reporter
• [player]Seamus76[/player] - Foundry Executive -
  
  • [player]koontz1973[/player] - Foundry Reporter

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[Dukasaur]

Actual publication date Jan. 7th, 2014.

[ViperOverLord]

From the Bigwham interview:

The forums have fallen off as the website has, but perhaps more so. As always, there is not

just one simple reason for this. We have put in place an appeal process for perma bans, so it

is possible to have them removed, however this is only a very small part of the puzzle.

Fundamentally we need to create a more vibrant environment, and that is something we are

working on. We have a new team called Community, that I am leading, and additionally we are

evolving the role of the Discussions Team specifically based around generating more life on the

forum.

The appeals process has been a joke in the past. If the same person is handling them, why would that change?

Also, mods should never be allowed to willy-nilly institute bans in the first place, imo.

[greenoaks]

minor new options like Zombie spoils and Parachute reinforcements

i thought they were huge

[Dukasaur]

minor new options like Zombie spoils and Parachute reinforcements

i thought they were huge

Don't get me wrong. I really like Parachute reinforcements. It's a very nice option, but it isn't a completely new game mode like Polymorph.

[greenoaks]

minor new options like Zombie spoils and Parachute reinforcements

i thought they were huge

Don't get me wrong. I really like Parachute reinforcements. It's a very nice option, but it isn't a completely new game mode like Polymorph.

i think they're huge because they're both mine

[kuma32478]

Suggestion. What about highlighting tournament winners for tournaments that completed since last dispatch in the newsletter?

[greenoaks]

Suggestion. What about highlighting tournament winners for tournaments that completed since last dispatch in the newsletter?

i like that idea.

[iAmCaffeine]

Suggestion. What about highlighting tournament winners for tournaments that completed since last dispatch in the newsletter?

i like that idea.

Quite possibly see it in the Dispatch soon.

[anamainiacks]

Suggestion. What about highlighting tournament winners for tournaments that completed since last dispatch in the newsletter?

If you'd like to join the team as a writer for that, that'd be awesome!

[Shannon Apple]

I agree that the brain of Ace Rimmer warrants closer investigation with some type of razor sharp cutting device.

THIS! 100% this!

[trinicardinal]

I agree that the brain of Ace Rimmer warrants closer investigation with some type of razor sharp cutting device.

THIS! 100% this!

might be safer just to nuke the whole thing actually

[Shannon Apple]

I agree that the brain of Ace Rimmer warrants closer investigation with some type of razor sharp cutting device.

THIS! 100% this!

might be safer just to nuke the whole thing actually

Ehehehe! If you do that, make sure Nietzsche's brain is in the immediate vicinity.

[AslanTheKing]

Great Job guys,
its also time to acknowledge for the CC Community the hard work you have put in,

I joine 2011 as freebee, and could not enjoy this site as much since there are limitations for,
but 2012 i got premium and enjoyed everything so much,
still there is alot i havent discovered yet on CC,
and with all this new changes i will have a long time to go to have alot of fun here.

just what is stressing me out is the option of 24 hours,
i wished there would be an option ( only for premiums) that when u setup your games
the option is something like a one week break ( so you dont need a sitter)
and u can use this in one game 2 times,
i really want to have one week where i stay away from CC ,
because of lack of time ( full and hard working)
except in tournaments, i dont want to hold up anybody
one week of no cc, so i can be excited and focused to play my games