Welcome Comrades to the 71st edition of the Dispatch
Hey all, you look so BIG from down here! So busy digging my hole that I forget to remember why sometimes. Oh I remember now, I was looking for Sully and got into my Hippo brain that he must be down here somewhere. I'll let you know if I find him. Thankfully all those industrious volunteers have been beavering away with their busy fingers for your reading pleasure. And thusly we have another issue!
Last issue Sully's intro discussed the earth-shattering decisions of [player]Natty Dread[/player] in exiting his work from the foundry. So time for a roasting! What that man doesn't know about bakery products or sexy time is not worth knowing. Remember, you read it here first!
From the Office of Strategic Services you can check out [player]Viceroy63[/player]'s take on that most difficult of subjects - alliances. Have you been burnt? He also shows the SoC scoreboard, is your name there?
In War Games, [player]WorldCup4James[/player] interviews [player]heatz[/player] about strategy, football and rock! [player]DaveH[/player] continues to flex his Excel muscles in tournament organization. And [player]Fuzzy316[/player] shares his lessons learned from the fires of tournament management.
In Cartographic Surveillance, [player]koontz1973[/player] keeps us up to date while I get all introspective with Instructions.
Finally, in the Platoon Report we have all sorts of clandestine topics covered. [player]WPBRJ[/player] wraps up Clan League 4, [player]MNDuke[/player] covers the International Clan League and [player]Gunn217[/player] covers the F400 Ranking.
Talk about industrious!! Further proof that [player]Natty Dread[/player] got it right when he said:
I think the best thing about CC has always been the kind of grassroots model, where every user can choose to become part of the creative effort, instead of things being forced down our throats in a top-down model... this model of collaborative creation, of user contributions and such, is the way of the future - it's what makes the internet great, it's also why the old-world media is dying
[player]thehippo8[/player]
Foundry Executive
If you would like to apply to join the news team, please visit the thread below for more details!
Click here for Recruitment Details...
Hello again Freestyle readers. Your editor managed to find time to compile this section in the middle of studying for finals. May his time have not gone in vain. Also, another scum insider and interview with Natty Dread is on tap.
You Stay Classy, CC.
[player]safariguy5[/player]
Freestyle Executive
The Scum Insider by safariguy5
[spoiler=Interrogation of Natty Dread]Hi Natty!
Whoa! Who said that? Am I talking to myself again? Am I hearing voices?
Well, whoever it is, that wasn't a question, so I'm just going to skip to the next one.
Q. You obviously won't remember, but I'll ask it for the sake of the audience: When did you start losing it?
I still have all my hair. No need for viagra either. I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're rambling on about.
Q. If you were president of Conquer Club, what would you immediately change about the mapmaking process on this site?
Well, if I were president, it would mean Conquer club were a democracy, so probably all my decisions would be vetoed by a majority vote from the senate. The Off Topics Party would troll every session so hard nothing would ever get decided. Phatscotty would call for smaller government, BBS would protest against external measures, and Army of GOD would post pictures of ostriches. Meanwhile, the majority of CC members would protest that the forum goers, ie. the 1%, have way too much premium and we'd all get banned.
But setting aside pedantry, and concentrating only on the second part of the question, I wouldn't change the mapmaking process at all. The process is fine. It evolves on it's own according to contemporary needs, it's a true peer-review system. Very scientific and flexible. What I would change is the way this system that has served the site well for 6 years is currently being blindsided and slapped on the buttcheeks. I would change the way secret maps get made outside of that system, by privileged people who can just circumvent the system and don't have to follow the same rules all the rest of the mapmakers have to.
There's really no need for the site to create maps in secret, if those maps are not going to be "surprise" maps or seasonal maps. I think, somewhere along the way, the entire logic behind these "secret" maps has become so twisted that even the admins don't know how to justify them anymore. That's why they're so embarrassed about it, they only give vague excuses and slippery, legalese-sounding explanations when confronted about it.
Think about it: earlier, the justification for making maps in secret was that "the site wants to surprise the players" and "they're allowed to circumvent the foundry because they're only seasonal maps". Now, it seems neither of these justifications apply anymore, but the team making these secret maps has become an entity itself, justifying it's own existence with circular reasoning: the team that creates secret maps exists, therefore we need secret maps, and since we need secret maps, we should have a team to create them...
I think the best thing would be to integrate this secret map team with the regular foundry, let them go through all the same rules as other foundry members, and let any foundry member be allowed to make them. Treat everyone equal. If the admin decides they want to commission a themed map for some event, they can contact the foundry and the foundry mods can decide how it would best be handled - but it should be handled in the foundry, and there shouldn't be these "privileged" inner-circle teams that get automatic preference when it's decided who gets to make which map.
Lastly: if a map is deemed so important to the site that it requires this "special treatment", should it really be rushed, should it be made outside the foundry when we know these maps tend to end up inferior to regular foundry maps? Shouldn't the fact that a map is important to the site be all the more reason to put more effort to it, spend more time on it to make sure it's as good as possible, instead of rushing it through some secret group? The current Classic map is the best example of how this should be handled: a mapmaker started a regular map project called "World cities", then the admin decided this map should be made into the new Classic for the site, and all along the map was made publicly in the foundry. And the current Classic map looks way better than, say, Easter.
Q. The question on everybody's minds, Why bin all of your baps?
According to Wikipedia, "baps" are soft bread rolls made in Scotland and Ireland. I try to avoid wasting food. It's immoral that so much of our food goes to waste when so many of us are hungry.
Q.
crazymilkshake5 wrote:The question on everybody's minds, Why bin all of your baps?
squishyg wrote:If you were president of Conquer Club, what would you immediately change about the mapmaking process on this site?
How much do these two questions make you want to critique them? President? baps?
Me, critique questions? Far be it from me.
Btw, your question sucks.
Q. Where did your underscore go?
Well, according to our organization's guidelines and other miscellaneous stipulations, we're always looking to streamline the process and clarify the syntax for all future enquiries. By getting rid of extraneous control symbols, we're able to save bandwidth and server space, with only a slight decrease in accuracy of error correction. In the next version of the transfer protocol we're planning on implementing a mandatory compression- and encryption algorithm to all communications, which requires all of our clients to submit a unique 1024-bit code to identify them by.
Q. How big is your monitor?
It's about 50cm wide and about 30cm high.
Q. What's your favorite number?
e.
Q. Monitor? Is that what the youths of today call it then?
Are you talking about penises? I call mine "Bronson".
Q. Are you a breast or ass man?
Glad you asked. This interview was getting dangerously low on sex questions.
But on the other hand, this question is kind of cliché. I don't really get off on asses or breasts alone. I mean, if I saw a disembodied arse walking on the street next to a pair of antropomorphized tits, I'd probably try to figure out what kind of mushrooms I had eaten that day. It's more the whole of a person, the situation, the background and sexual tension between all participants... I don't think I could really isolate any single thing that I'm attracted to in any specific person.
Basically, the most important thing about sexual relationships is communication. Sex isn't something that just "happens" between people, it's something you have to contribute to, you have to actively interact with your partner(s) and make sure all of you are on the same page and know each others needs and desires. Between those things, questions about asses or tits really seem pretty insignificant in the long run.
Q. Does Marcellus Wallace look like a bitch?
That is an interesting question. On the surface it seems to seek my opinion on the appearance of one Marcellus Wallace, but if we analyze and extrapolate a bit further, there seems to be an implied subtext that seems to suggest that one would only consider Marcellus Wallace to look like a "bitch" if one were interested in "fucking" him. And, somewhat counterintuitively, the colloquial expression of "fucking" seems to, in this context, to refer to a theft of a suitcase full of glowsticks.
However, if we look at the question in a bit more practical sense, it would appear that you intend to shoot me no matter what I respond. It would seem that you take a certain level of sadistic pleasure in using these kinds of questions as a way to assert your dominance on the situation. It probably has something to do with some unresolved issues. Perhaps you're trying to push aside some kind of internal conflict you're not entirely consciously aware of, which causes you to overcompensate with extreme sadism and violence.
Long story short; since I'm going to be shot anyway, can I get my cheeseburger back?
Q. Why did you choose BpB?
You don't choose BpB. BpB chooses you.
Q. Why do you think lack refuses to discuss or address some of the concerns brought up by longtime contributors to the site?
That's an excellent question.
I don't really have any definite answer, but if you were to ask me to speculate on this issue, I would probably say it's because lack is trying to maintain a certain illusion of control by isolating himself from the community and mostly delegating such discourse to his subordinates. Which I think is a flawed strategy in itself, but it's not my site, and lack can do what he wants with it.
Personally, I think it's the users who make the site, especially a site like this where at least 90% of the content is user-contributed. Lack should really concentrate more on keeping the current users happy, before focusing on advertising and luring in new members. It's no use trimming the leaves if the roots are rotting.
Q. Are Finnish girls hottest?
They're the hottest girls in Finland.
Q. After recently reading about your plans to no longer volunteer your time to the site by creating maps, I (happy2seeyou) was wondering what you have learned from the experience. Also, what would you like to see instilled into the site so something like that won't happen to another generous volunteering CC member.
Well, I have learned a lot about graphic design, and digital artwork in general. The foundry and mapmaking has contributed a lot to my learning about them, at least. I've also learned how to balance between your original artistic vision and feedback from others.
I've also learned that no matter how good a community is, how well a process functions, all it takes is one idiotic decision from someone higher-up to screw it all up.
In the future, I would wish that the site admin would show more support to mapmakers, and also to all the other creative and wonderful people on CC who contribute content to the site: tournament guys, clan guys, the tech guys... I think the best thing about CC has always been the kind of grassroots model, where every user can choose to become part of the creative effort, instead of things being forced down our throats in a top-down model... this model of collaborative creation, of user contributions and such, is the way of the future - it's what makes the internet great, it's also why the old-world media is dying - they aren't in touch with their audience, they are stuck to last-century business models...
Sadly, lately it has begun to seem a lot like lackattack wants to change the site more towards a "top-down" model, one where there's an inscrutable, invisible source of content at the top that trickles down to the users who have no choice to really influence the process, let alone contribute to it... and I think this not only sucks for us users but is a bad idea, business-wise. I hope the course will change in the future, but I fear the worst... it seems to me like lack has this idea that a top-down model is somehow seen as more "professional", but if so, that's a misguided and antiquated notion.
Q. Will you make a map under my (QoH) name? Everyone would think I did it, but in reality, you could continue making maps for the community, which we all know you enjoy doing
Sure, I'll just need your credit card number.
Q. Will you post a more interesting question than this when it's my (Dukasaur) turn to be interrrogated?
Only if you promise to answer it, no matter how embarrassing the answer... and make no mistake; there will be inquiries about your sex life.
Q. How does it take the length?
One centimeter at a time. Sometimes two.
Q. How does it feel to have your CC alas put on a territory on one of Cairns coolest maps? (Cairns being one of my favorite mapmakers on CC, this is a great honor!)
It feels like getting laid on christmas.
Q. Lunar map is still my favorite of yours, but if you had to choose 1 map (being yours) that you had to play everyday for the rest of your life, which map would that be?
I don't know, man. I always think whichever map I made last is the best, and all the previous ones are crappy.
In this way, mapmaking is actually an interesting an deeply thought-provoking analogy for life itself... I always think, "man, I was so stupid 5 years ago, what was I thinking - but now I've finally got it all figured out! now I'm smart!" and then, 5 years later, I'm again all "man, I was so stupid 5 years ago, but now I'm smart"...
Q. Why did you join BPB and who is your favorite BPB member and why (please choose only 1 member, none of this all of them are my fav BS).
I joined BpB because they're the sexiest clan on CC. And I'm all about the sexy.
I can't tell who my fav BpB member is because otherwise the others'll be jealous. So let's just say Dancing Mustard. At least he's banned so he can't rub it in the others' faces. No, I'm not talking about his dick, you pervert.
Q. Which of your maps are most proud of?
Whichever is my latest.
Q. Which map of yours would you like to revamp?
I don't know, maybe Lunar War, but I doubt I'll ever get around to it.
Q. What map of someone else's would you like to revamp?
All the maps. All of them.
Actually, Discworld is probably one that could use some loving, and I don't mean in the carnal sense for once.
Q. American pancakes or French crepes?
I've never been to America nor France, so I'm going to have to abstain this one.
Q. What's up with lefse?
What's up with it is that it exists. All being like, bready and round and shit.
That's pretty much all there is to say about lefse.
Q. What would be your ideal 14-day vacation?
I would come over to your house and we'd talk politics.
We'd start out as a bit wary and mistrusting of each other, and pretty soon we'd get in a huge argument. After that, things would be a bit chilly between us for a while, but eventually we'd find common ground. As time would pass, we'd find subtle things about each other that we never noticed. We'd start to see each other in a new light. Antagonism would change into grudging admiration. Admiration would transition into blossoming attraction, and one night, we'd both be a little tipsy, and we'd be sitting at the table talking about stuff and nonsense, when our eyes would meet and we'd be silent. Then you would see in my eyes something you'd been yearning for all these years. I would tentatively, almost fearfully, touch your hand and gently whisper your name. Your lips quivering, you would lean forward, and...
(to be continued next week)
Q. Which of your own maps would you consider your best and your worst and why?
I don't know, man. I don't really think of my old maps that much. Lunar War probably is the worst graphically, but as for gameplay, I don't know - they all are pretty well functional as far as the gameplay goes...
Q. Do you look down on nippersean for not being innovative enough?
I don't look down on anyone. Well, except Army of GOD, obviously. It just feels too weird looking at the space above someone's head when you're talking.
Q. What historical figures would you like to see on CC?
This seems like a good place for a "your mom" joke.
I'm not going to make one, though. What, you want me to jump through your hoops like some kind of circus animal? Well, guess again. I'm not that predictable. I'm a rebel and I do what I want.
Q. Which would you want to play with and who would you want to play against?
I'd play twister with squishyg, Army of GOD and Mr Changsha. Changsha would win, obviously.
Q. Is it nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them?
You're selling whatnow?
Q. Have you been wearing your sexy slippers that Fruitcake sent us all last Christmas?
Absolutely. The bunny ears got confiscated in customs, though.
Q. What question do you wish you had been asked in this interview (and weren't), and what would your answer be?
There should have been more sex questions. Everyone knows there's nothing I like more than airing out my sex life over the internet for everyone to see.
Thanks for your time!
Time is an abstract concept and you can't really give it out like currency. If anything, I've given you tidbits of wisdom, pieces of my innermost being, and of course rambling, incoherent nonsense. But you're welcome regardless.[/spoiler]
For Issue 71 of the Strategy Section of the Conquer Club Newsletter, I am exploring a new column titled, "Definition of Terms." Feed back on this would be useful and appreciated.
And as always the revised list of the current SoC Students winners for April 16th through the 30th.
Enjoy!
[player]Viceroy63[/player]
Strategy Executive
Definition of Terms: Alliances by Viceroy63
Current SoC Training Fields Winners List By Viceroy63
Hello again my friends, and welcome to your favorite part of the Newsletter, "War Games", where you can find information about CC Tournaments!
In this issue, WorldCup4James interviews long-time veteran [player]heatz[/player], DaveH gives us another installment of his Tournament Tips, and Fuzzy316 offers his own top four tips for new organisers.
[player]NoSurvivors[/player] has retired from tournament reporting; our best wishes go with him.
[player]Dukasaur[/player]
Tournament Executive
Meet the Tournament Winners: heatz by WorldCup4James
Tournament Tips by DaveH
[spoiler=Updating Team Games Results]In Issue #61 I showed you a simple way in Excel of updating a 1 vs 1 tournament game:
[bigimg]http://img844.imageshack.us/img844/2203/tt41.jpg[/bigimg]Columns B and C are the lists of competing players and column D the game number. The next column is blank until the game is finished, then the winning player's name is copied in. The code in column E is:
Code: Select all
="[game]"&D3&"[/game] "&IF(E3="",B3&" vs "&C3,IF(E3=B3,B3&" vs [s]"&C3&"[/s]","[s]"&B3&"[/s] vs "&C3))When the text in column E is copied to your tournament thread in the appropriate place, you get the following:
Game 1234567 Player4 vs Player2
Game 1234566 Player5 vs Player1
Game 1234565 Player3 vs Player7
When you have teams playing then there are various options. You could simply refer to "Team 1" etc in which case the coding would be the same as for singles tournaments. You might always ask the teams themselves to provide a team name, which is more personable!
Another alternative that works well in doubles games where you have fixed pairings is to name a team as "DaveH & Will Lee" for instance. Therefore, once again you can use the single player Excel codings. For trebles and quads it can get a bit lengthy, but, once copied, the coding will take care of names no matter how long!
Alternatively, if you want to have the individual players names (as in a tournament where pairings change), then the coding is only a little different. For instance, let us look at a results format for a doubles single game elimination tournament.
[bigimg]http://img841.imageshack.us/img841/1176/teamud.png[/bigimg]
Note that I have indicated the winning team simply by entering 1 or 2 rather than one or both player's names.
The coding for the results column is:
Code: Select all
="[game]"&F3&"[/game] "&IF(G3="",B3&", "&C3&" vs "&D3&", "&E3,IF(G3=1,B3&", "&C3&" vs [s]"&D3&", "&E3&"[/s]","[s]"&B3&", "&C3&"[/s] vs "&D3&", "&E3))which appears in you thread as:
Game 1234567 Player 1, Player 2 vs Player 3, Player 4
Game 1234566 Player 5, Player 6 vs Player 7, Player 8
Game 1234565 Player 9, Player 10 vs Player 11, Player 12
Of course there are many, many different formats for tournaments: some may have the best of 3 or 5 games; others perhaps terminator games in which the elimination order is used in the results. We will look at these and others in future editions.
(These "tips" are ones that I have tried to make it a bit easier in managing my own tournaments. I am sure there are different and better methods than these, so please let me know. Any queries on the above I'll be glad to respond to! Please note that I use Excel 2003, so there may be variation in the menu instructions if you have Excel 2007)[/spoiler]
Things I've Learned Since I Began Running Tournaments by Fuzzy316
Frankly the talent that exists in our wonderful foundry is astounding. Countless hours are spent by mapmakers, mods and forum Chatty Cathies alike. You get the spoils from their amazing efforts. For anyone who has tried to work out one end of a graphics programme from another will testify to the efforts that these magicians of the visual arts manifest. Week after exciting week! And [player]koontz1973[/player] is also here week after week to bring you the News and What's where!! Cracking effort
Meanwhile I've bunged in an article about Instructions and I'd be delighted to hear your thoughts. Click here to join the thread. And a final word from Simon Sinek:Directions are instructions given to explain how. Direction is a vision offered to explain why.
[player]thehippo8[/player] -- Foundry Executive
Foundry News koontz1973
What's Where? koontz1973
Instructions by thehippo8
Greetings Clandestine folks!
This issue we have an update on the latest scores direct from the stands off CL4 Matches, as well as the unveiling of the 32-clan strong ICL! 33 clans signed up for the competition, but unfortunately Bofm missed out due to late registration!
Gunn217 also returns to our fold with the latest F400 Ranking, so check out the barometer on clan performance and see where your clan fits in!
Our Section is also interested in resurrecting the Clan Spotlight feature, so if you're already an active Participant in the Active Challenges Sub-Forum, how about taking the opportunity to get a medal for reporting on the different Clan Wars in Progress?
Even if you're The War Organizer or a fond patriot of your clan and are already spending the time keeping track of your personal War Progress, spend a few minutes to write a few words and share the exciting events with the rest of the Clan World with your own column in the Dispatch
[player]Leehar[/player]
Clan Executive
Clan League 4 by WPBRJ (DYN)
International Clan League by MNDuke (FOED)
F400 Ranking by Gunn217 (PR)
Stay Tuned for the next issue of the ConquerClub Dispatch for an interrogation of [player]Viceroy63[/player]. Post any questions you may have for them here --> Interrogation with Viceroy63
Submitting Your Own Articles
If you have a story you think the ConquerClub Community would find interesting, you can submit your articles to [player]Victor Sullivan[/player] and you may just see your article published in the Newsletter!
Subscription
Did you enjoy this Issue? Have you subscribed to the Newsletter yet?
If you want each and every issue of the ConquerClub Dispatch delivered right into your Inbox, then Subscribe Here!
ConquerClub Dispatch Team
- [player]Victor Sullivan[/player] - Chief Executive
- [player]Viceroy63[/player] - Strategy Executive
- [player]crazymilkshake5[/player] - Strategy Reporter
- [player]DoomYoshi[/player] - Strategy Reporter
- [player]macbone[/player] - Strategy Assistant
- [player]crazymilkshake5[/player] - Strategy Reporter
- [player]Dukasaur[/player] - Tournament Executive
- [player]WorldCup4James[/player] - Tournament Reporter
- [player]DaveH[/player] - Tournament Reporter
- [player]Fuzzy316[/player] - Tournament Reporter
- [player]sensfan[/player] - Tournament Reporter
- [player]NoSurvivors[/player] - Tournament Reporter
- [player]WorldCup4James[/player] - Tournament Reporter
- [player]thehippo8[/player] - Foundry Executive
- [player]koontz1973[/player] - Foundry Reporter
- [player]Flapcake[/player] - Foundry Reporter
- [player]Isaiah40[/player] - Foundry Reporter
- [player]koontz1973[/player] - Foundry Reporter
- [player]Leehar[/player] - Clan Executive
- [player]skillfusniper33[/player] - Clan Reporter
- [player]BoganGod[/player] - Clan Reporter
- [player]QuikSilver[/player] - Clan Reporter
- [player]DJoach[/player] - Clan Reporter
- [player]alt1978[/player] - Clan Reporter
- [player]gunn217[/player] - Clan Reporter
- [player]DJ Teflon[/player] - Clan Reporter
- [player]Master Fenrir[/player] - Clan Reporter
- [player]skillfusniper33[/player] - Clan Reporter
- [player]safariguy5[/player] - Freestyle Executive
- [player]shieldgenerator7[/player] - Freestyle Writer
- [player]Jdsizzleslice[/player] - Freestyle Writer
- [player]Commander9[/player] - Freestyle Writer
- [player]shieldgenerator7[/player] - Freestyle Writer
