Welcome Comrades to the 53rd edition of the Dispatch
Hello, hello! Victor Sullivan here, and son, I'm not kidding when I say "Army of ONE". Well, the obvious first one is our interrogated user for this issue, [player]Army of GOD[/player] is actually just one person (otherwise it would be 'Account Sharing' and that wouldn't be so friggity fresh, cuz it don't mesh with the Guidelines, yo, you know what I'm sayin'?). Second, yours truly compiled everything this issue to make sure you get your CC News on time! I hope you enjoy the issue as much as all of us have putting it together
[player]Victor Sullivan[/player] - Your "Phunky Phresh" Newsletter Executive
If you would like to apply to join the news team, please visit the thread below for more details!
Welcome to my last issue as Freestyle Executive. It's been fun doing double-duty, getting to interrogate people and the like, but you are in good, if not, better hands for issues to come, as our beloved Freestyle Writer, [player]safariguy5[/player] will be taking over as Freestyle Executive. And, conveniently, we have a Mess Hall jam-packed with safariguy5, as he informs with another "Advanced Roles and Strategy" and another "Current Events". Plus, we have the ever-anticipated interrogation of [player]Army of GOD[/player]!
Currently, it's the forums. I'm not as into the games as I used to be. Except the forums are starting to suck because now it's all "owenshooter is innocent!" or a generic thread about homosexuality.
Q. If you were to be a mod, to which mod team would you most like to belong and why?
Admins, no doubt. I'm a man of power.
Q. Have you considered venturing into other parts of the forums?
Whoever asked this question is pretty ignorant. I'm pretty sure I have a post in every forum, bar a few international forums.
Q. Which one(s), and why?
The Dutch forum, because I'm pretty sure that's where Snorri is hiding
Q. On a scale ranging from -100 to AoG, how epic will this interview be?
3i*e
Q. WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY SHIIITHEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAADDDD????
Why are you letting nag ask me questions?
Q. Which pony is your favorite?
The one that takes off its clothes
Q. Are you an ass or breast man?
I'm a wing man, to be honest
Q. Of the following, who would you kill kick in the balls, have sex with, and marry? BigBallinStalin, saxitoxin, TA1LGUNN3R.
Have sex with all three, kick self in balls and marry my pet cat
Q. Is there anyone you model yourself off of, personality wise?
Gandhi
Q. How about physically?
tdans
Q. Have you ever wanted to be a model, either the fashion-runway kind or a living statue sort of model?
Is Andy giving you free banana-flavored blowjobs for allowing so many of his questions through?
Q. TheSaxlad or Victor Sullivan?
Kill both, have sex with Robinette, marry AndyD
Q. What's your exact height in metric centimeters (or millimeters, whichever is more appropriate)?
14 yottameters
Q. If your family ever buys shoes, what brand will you pick?
Shoes are for capitalist pigs
Q. Do you call that an ink defense?
WHO WAS PHONE???
Q. What has been your favorite forum/chat vacation and why?
Too many to choose from. I'll say when I "spammed" live chat while I was the only person in it.
Q. How many championships will they win in Miami, and will Lebron have his jersey retired as a Heat player?
4 and yes.
Q. How FAWSOME do you think an interrogation of #1_stunna would be?
Not nearly as as mine
Q. Why do you think CC isn't interviewing #1_stunna?
Because if they wanted to put people to sleep, they would've given free sleeping pills with every purchase of premium.
Q. Who is your most favorite mod?
nagerous, because he knows how I like it
Q. How much do you love Serbia?
Q. Why are you so short?
Because all the extra tissue is in my abnormally large penis
Q. Why doesn't it bother you more?
Because shut up
Q. F*ck yeah, unicorn!
Mama said knock you out
Q. How's your wiener?
Large and in charge
Q. What about your wiener?
See last answer
Q. What off-season moves do you foresee the Miami Heat making?
Pick up aging center. I would rather they develop their young guys, specifically James Jones and Chalmers
Q. Will James retool any part of his game during the off-season/play in Europe with the potential of a lockout?
I heard on ESPN that Olajuwon was giving him low-post lessons. If there's anything he needs to be better at, it's his low post game. He's one of the strongest guys in the league but has massive trouble in the paint with his back to the basket.
Q. Do you prefer your wiener stuffed in a bun?
Yes, but only if it's Symmtry's <3
Q. With or without condiments?
Both
Q. Why do you want Conquer Club to ask about your wiener?
Because shut up
Q. What is your favorite meme?
Asking obvious questions was invented at McGill University in 2011, by this dumbass
Q. Why are you here?
Because I am everywhere, my son
Q. Who is better, and why?
David Ortiz. He's the tits
Q. What's a wiener and where can ManBungalow get one?
It's a wiener, due to the reflexive postulate. He can get it in my pants, but he has to search with his mouth
Q. If someone had some magic beans that, when planted, sprouted a bean that, when eaten, would cause you to grow to a normal height (you know, something taller than 3' 10"), how many cups of sugar would you put into a pot of coffee?
LoL!
Q. What was the mass of the bean stalk?
42 micrograms
Q. Does P=NP? Provide proof!
Yes.
Q. Have you ever considered having a friend sign up, or creating a multi, that is named 'Army of Satan/Devil/etc', and then playing some epic 1vs1 games to the death?
We're such good friends, you could even call us pals
Q. If y'all are real good friends, does that friendship come with benefits?
Yes. Squishy's care and love is everything I could ever ask for.
Q. Are you a normal short person or one of the weird looking ones?
Weird-looking
Q. Why did you ditch your old pokemon avatar?
Because the bash brothers are the tits
Q. When you were younger, did your parents call you Militia of God or maybe Army of Jesus?
My mom used to, and still does call me "Dickie Jimmy"
Q. Jesus and God are the same person or something like that right?
Dude, I don't know.
Q. Is one of them a Bulletproof Bandit?
Both, actually.
Q. How many internet sites do you post pictures of yourself on?
32, 28 being porn forums
Q. How many are NSFW?
28, I just fucking said that. God dammit. LISTEN WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU, YOU IGNORANT PIECE OF SHIT
Q. What is best in life?
Death
Q. Do you agree that the meaning of life is to find the meaning of life?
No, the meaning of life is to shut up and give me free high-fives
Q. If you could change your name, would you change it to Army of DOGS?
No, I'd change it to "lackattack sucks my balls"
Q. If you did change it to Army of DOGS would you join the pack?
I don't think I'm cool enough for the pack anyway
Q. What was the happiest moment in your life?
The day I leave CC
Q. What was the saddest moment in your life?
The day the.killing.44 bought me a gatorade
Q. What was your most satisfying achievement?
Senior year of high school, our baseball team made it to the league championship. We were down 3-0 in the bottom of the last inning and I led off. I lined a single over the third basemen, moved to second on a walk, and then danced around on second base and drew a balk from the pitcher. The next batter was intentionally walked, and then the batter after that got a bases-clearing walk-off double. However; I got absolutely no credit for starting the whole rally. Cunts.
Q. Where do you see yourself five years from now?
Face down in a ditch, crying as I die slowly, wondering why I ever thought a relationship between BigBallinStalin and I would ever work.
Q. Is owenshooter the real black Jesus?
No. Ving Rhames is the savoir.
Q. Do you think Bruceswar looks good in a dress?
Yea, but he looks even better without it.
Q. Are you the bastard son of BoganGod?
No. I'm his lover.
Q. If no, would you like to be (and are you sure)? If yes, does he pay your premium as child-support?
Of course I would like to be. Yet, I'd still be his lover.
Q. What GOD does the GOD in Army of GOD refer to?
The guy that kills thousands of children every day, yet also helps billionaires achieve fame.
Q. If you were Emperor of Earth, what would your rule be like?
>Implying I'm not already the Emperor of Earth
Q. You wanna go see Cowboys & Aliens with saxitoxin tomorrow?
Of course.
Q. Do you really want to sit in a dark theatre with Uncle Saxi?
Of course.
Q. Will you make Uncle Saxi hold the popcorn in his lap?
Of course.
Q. Would you pop Uncle Saxi's corn?
No, but I'd give him a handjob.
Q. If you had the choice to either grow 4 inches or be rewarded $25,000, which option would you take?
The one where I shove my foot up Serbia's ass
Q. Would you have that icky leg lengthening surgery that Ethan Hawke got in "Gattaca"?
The only reason I know the name Ethan Hawke is because of Family Guy
Q. Would you have any other elective procedures to look more like Jude Law?
SHUT UP
Q. Why you are such a HUGE fan of the band Tool?
Because I enjoy terrible music
Q. What is the state of the relationship between you and nietzsche? (Visual aids are allowed)
Here's a smashing edition of War Games with another "Join This? Or Not!" by [player]sonicsteve[/player], and a "Meet the Tournament Winners!" with [player]Dukasaur[/player] and interviewee, [player]belize[/player]. Enjoy!
Victor Sullivan filling in for jricart Tournament Executive
Meet the Tournament Winners!by Dukasaur [spoiler=belize interview] Player [player]belize[/player] came to my attention two different ways. First, he was the winner of Sb's Nuking of the New World 1 by [player]soldierboy[/player]. This tourney ran from January 29th to March 10th of this year, and it came up as my random selection of tournament winners to interview.
Then, soon afterward, belize also won Blitz's Clandemonium 4 by [player]Blitzaholic[/player], which ran from February 19th to April 25th. This was one of many tournaments that Blitz ran on his new (well, it was new at the time) Clandemonium map. One of the features of the Clandemonium series of tournaments was that the final round featured a best-of-51 game series between the two finalists. That's right, not a typo! Best-of-51, and belize knocked out his opponent by the slimmest margin possible, 26-25. I myself had been in this tournament, and belize had knocked me out in the semi-final. When I heard about his amazingly close finish, I absolutely had to talk to him about it!
Originally I was going to interview you about SB's Nuking of the New World, but recently you've had that absolutely amazing 26-25 win in Clandemonium Four, so I definitely want to talk to you about that one too! I was hoping you would win that one after defeating me, and when I saw that amazing photo finish I was just blown away!
So, let's do both. My first question is always, "What attracted you to this particular tournament?"
Sure. I had been wanting to play some tournaments and I just chose ones that had maps I was familiar with, that goes for both tournaments. As for the most resent, I had some personal stuff going on in the real world so I missed some turns and playing so many of the same map at one time is tiresome, so I wasn't confident that I would win.
I made it to round 3 in the first Clandemonium tournament where we had to play 15 games at once, and even then I was getting really sick of the map, and I was thinking, "OMFG, what if I do make it to the finals, and I have to play 51 of these things?" Of course I didn't make it to the finals, but I'm still amazed at those of you who did. It's a BIG map; even one game on it can be a fair bit of work. Did you think at some point that you might not get through it?
There were many times I wanted to just say f--- it and stop playing! My best friend had some medical problems and I was spending the nights at the hospital with his wife, so i missed some turns. Somehow I still won some of those games.
Sorry to hear that. Is he better now?
Yes he is thanks.
I'm still amazed by that 26-25 finish. That's as close as it can get! Was your adrenaline level up on the last few games?
That was a really hectic month so I was just trying to get all my turns in on all my games, but i wasn't really that focused on the games. I was doing my best and wanted to win but in the big picture it really wasn't that big a deal whether or not I won.
Lol, you're supposed to say, "me heart was palpitating, my face was on fire, every muscle and nerve in my body trembled as I surged forward to that last game"
sorry but after 50 games it gets old and compared to what was going on in the real world it was just one more thing to worry about.
Okay, we've talked about the Clandemonium tournament. Let's talk a bit about the Nuking the New World tournament. Do you generally like Nuclear games?
Yes I like nuke games. Other spoils can give an unfair advantage to one player who is already getting lucky with the dice, but nukes are better than no spoils because it can help a losing player come back, like in a game I'm playing now. i had a strong lead and then the guy nuked 3 of my terts and got lucky with the dice and now we're even again.
But isn't that the fun part of nukes? Just when you think you know how the game is going, it isn't...
Yep that's why i love it.
The Nuking of the New World was a Dubs tournament. Tell me a bit about your partnership with Rick1063.
It's hard to explain, but we had a really good rapport from the very beginning. We communicated frequently. I've never had as good a partnership with any other players, although some came close.
How did you discover CC, and how long have you been here? Looking for a free Risk site. I used to play Risk with my uncle as a kid and then with friends and on the comp. I stopped playing for a while then played a game with my brothers and got the itch again, so i started looking for a free online site and found cc. I've been on CC for just under 2 years.
Thank you very much for your time. Good luck in all your future endeavours![/spoiler]
It's time for, of course, my favorite part of the Newsletter: Cartographic Surveillance! OliverFA and I took a break this issue, while new Reporters, [player]thehippo8[/player] and [player]koontz1973[/player] release their third and first articles, respectively. thehippo8 continues on the topic of chess, while koontz talks about white guys (neutral troops, of course!). And to all you readers, I challenge you to comment on the maps in the Foundry, as comments are always, always wanted.
Victor Sullivan Foundry Executive
Chess revisited: What is the essence of the game?by thehippo8
This issue, the Clan section brings you updates on the All Comers Cup and The Clan War Database, thanks to [player]alt1978[/player] and [player]jigger1986[/player]! And, while I'm here, I should give a shout out to my clanmates from Team Ohio! And while we may be getting our butts handed to us by GG, at least we're having a good time, eh? As always, enjoy
Victor Sullivan filling in for Leehar Clan Executive
Stay Tuned for the next issue of the ConquerClub Dispatch for an interrogation of [player]Phatscotty[/player]. Post any questions you may have for them here --> Interrogation with Phatscotty
Submitting Your Own Articles
If you have a story you think the ConquerClub Community would find interesting, you can submit your articles to [player]nagerous[/player] and you may just see your article published in the Newsletter!
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12:17:31 ‹Pixar› im gonna be fappin to that all night long 10:59:12 ‹rhp 1› holy hell... that did it.. I pissed myself 15:15:52 ‹Ace Rimmer› Sackett58, I think I may get some action this weekend 15:16:05 ‹Sackett58› Right hand or left Ace?
natty_dread wrote:I notice the foundry team talks about lots of things these days... pretty much everything except... maps in the foundry?
precisely my thoughts. where's the map spotlight? where's the classic review? i loved those type of articles. bring them back
other than that it's another good issue.
“In the beginning God said, the four-dimensional divergence of an antisymmetric, second rank tensor equals zero, and there was light, and it was good. And on the seventh day he rested.”- Michio Kaku
If you feel the foundry department is lacking in their articles, feel free to contribute! I know they are always looking for article writers, especially from established cartographers.
Thanks DiM and Natty_Dread, I see your point. In my defence I have been trying to cover other aspects of the foundary that have not been written about. My next article is about XML, but I will thereafter focus just on the maps ... unless I get whacked by other CCers with different thoughts. And Nagerous, you are right but I will still go where the people send me ... lol.
natty_dread wrote:I notice the foundry team talks about lots of things these days... pretty much everything except... maps in the foundry?
Yes, I wanted to do a Map Spotlight but never got around to it. You can expect one next issue, though.
DiM wrote:where's the map spotlight? where's the classic review? i loved those type of articles. bring them back
Believe it or not, Oliver decided to use his time checking XMLs instead of writing another Classic Review I would imagine he'll be back next issue with one, though.
nagerous wrote:If you feel the foundry department is lacking in their articles, feel free to contribute! I know they are always looking for article writers, especially from established cartographers.
natty_dread wrote:The ancient mystery: Mine clans. Are they clans that live in mines? Or clans that deploy mine fields? Why are they being ranked?
Will we ever know? Some argue: maybe.
Don't gotta be a db about it natty... we all know qwerts English is not as good as yours...
Don't be a decibel?
i lolled so hard
“In the beginning God said, the four-dimensional divergence of an antisymmetric, second rank tensor equals zero, and there was light, and it was good. And on the seventh day he rested.”- Michio Kaku
nagerous wrote:If you feel the foundry department is lacking in their articles, feel free to contribute! I know they are always looking for article writers, especially from established cartographers.
Always
-Sully
unfortunately map making skills and writing skills are 2 totally different things.
however i'd love to see some articles by qwert (yeah, i'm being a decibel)
“In the beginning God said, the four-dimensional divergence of an antisymmetric, second rank tensor equals zero, and there was light, and it was good. And on the seventh day he rested.”- Michio Kaku
good that naty its in mine foe list,so i dont need to read any stupid post. Are stupid write good, because mine english its not so good like naty english,please give me confirmation abouth these english word "stupid".
qwert wrote:good that naty its in mine foe list,so i dont need to read any stupid post. Are stupid write good, because mine english its not so good like naty english,please give me confirmation abouth these english word "stupid".
nagerous wrote:If you feel the foundry department is lacking in their articles, feel free to contribute! I know they are always looking for article writers, especially from established cartographers.
Always
-Sully
unfortunately map making skills and writing skills are 2 totally different things.
however i'd love to see some articles by qwert (yeah, i'm being a decibel)
hey this good idea DiM have. qwert interview be mine favorite for long time, not like other dribble to me so boring. me funny speak post maybe, but serious idea saying here. Pleasid to put qwert on list for next interview. qwert favorite poster of many here, mine too. and mine questions for qwert, and others questions for qwert, be more better.
nagerous wrote:If you feel the foundry department is lacking in their articles, feel free to contribute! I know they are always looking for article writers, especially from established cartographers.
Always
-Sully
unfortunately map making skills and writing skills are 2 totally different things.
however i'd love to see some articles by qwert (yeah, i'm being a decibel)
hey this good idea DiM have. qwert interview be mine favorite for long time, not like other dribble to me so boring. me funny speak post maybe, but serious idea saying here. Pleasid to put qwert on list for next interview. qwert favorite poster of many here, mine too. and mine questions for qwert, and others questions for qwert, be more better.
Good? I felt like I just read a freak asking questions to a 8 year old immature boy girl
Whats the point of interviewing someone and asking them nothing but BS and getting nothing but BS questions out of it?
horrible
Unfortunately, the newsletter acts only as a facilitator for these interviews. All the questions come from the community. Ask yourself why the community doesn't offer up more serious questions.
“Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” ― Voltaire
Good? I felt like I just read a freak asking questions to a 8 year old immature boy girl
Whats the point of interviewing someone and asking them nothing but BS and getting nothing but BS questions out of it?
horrible
Unfortunately, the newsletter acts only as a facilitator for these interviews. All the questions come from the community. Ask yourself why the community doesn't offer up more serious questions.
I try to add in a few more serious ones (tacked on at the beginning). If you want an interviewee to answer more serious questions, then feel free to ask them yourself
as mine
(yeah, i'm being a decibel) 
