Limericks NSFW

[Spuzzell]

I heard two amazing limericks today. The first was the most disgusting poem I've ever encountered, until the second came along. So here they are.

There was a young maid from Azores
Whose cunt was all covered in sores.
Even dogs in the street
Would not eat the green meat
That hung, in festoons, from her drawers.

It's the use of "festoons" that really makes that a shining example of the genre.

And the second.

There once was a lady from Meath
Who loved to suck cock with her teeth.
It wasn't the cum
That upset her young tum
But the puss from the scabs underneath.

Meath is a small village near to me. I've seen the place and the residents and I'm pretty sure that's a true story.

Any other limericks would be welcome!

[jonesthecurl]

There once was a fella called Spuzzel
Whose girlfriend just wanted a nuzzle.
"You're ugly!" he said,
"here's a bag for your head!"
-She's lucky it wasn't a muzzle.

[jonesthecurl]

In the 1001 nights, the court poet is banished for making a rhyme demeaning to women, and comparing sex with women unfavourably with homosexual encounters.

When playing this character in a game, I decided I shoud reveal what the poem was (there is one in the story but it translates as something vey dull indeed). I made it a limerick - a verse form which I claimed, in the game, had reached me from far across the western seas - al amerique.

Some women are lovely, but some
Are ugly, or smelly, or dumb.
So for unalloyed joy,
give me a young boy,
and I'll give him one up...

[b.k. barunt]

There was a young lady from Laissez,
Whose breasts were of 2 different sizes.
While one was so small,
It was nothing at all,
But the other was big, and won prizes.


Honibaz

[Spuzzell]

There once was a fella called Spuzzel
Whose girlfriend just wanted a nuzzle.
"You're ugly!" he said,
"here's a bag for your head!"
-She's lucky it wasn't a muzzle.

That's fucking genius. I crown you the king of the world.

[jonesthecurl]

Accepted: you're not the first.
Maybe I should start up a third party hear in the US - the Limerick Party.

[jonesthecurl]

They crowned jones the King of the World.
He had hair(not yet grey) thick and curled.
He could make up a rhyme
In double-quick time -
So let's get the banners unfurled.

[Spuzzell]

There was a young vampire named Mable
Whose periods were really quite stable
So every full moon
She'd get out a spoon
And drink herself under the table.

[jonesthecurl]

Spuzzell gave a lim'rick of Mable:
her blood-drinking she would enable
by consuming her "curse"
(so he said in his verse)
But to tell the truth, it's just a fable.