Dear Community

[wicked]

I posted this to the mods last week and am re-posting here for everyone. I want to offer the same apology to the entire community as well if I did anything to upset you while I was sick. I expect to take a lot of flack for this, but you all have a right to know what's been going on.

Dear Team,

As some of you know, I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease
recently and have just finished the initial treatment for that, which included 5 weeks of
antibiotics. Having the disease was hell, as was the treatment, as the
bacteria dying off create a toxic gas in the body, wreaking havoc everywhere.

Lyme’s is a disease that passes the blood-brain barrier and causes neurological symptoms, among
other things, if left untreated. My ordeal started last year, although we’re not sure where or
when I was bit by the nasty tick since I never got the telltale rash. If I had gotten the
bullseye rash, I would’ve been treated immediately for Lyme’s and this whole ordeal would’ve
never happened. But as it was, I just woke up one morning in October 2007 and felt extremely
sick with severe abdominal pain. Since it was the day before I was scheduled to fly to
Nationals, I went to the docs right away and was diagnosed with a bladder infection and ovarian
cyst. This would be the beginning of a long and arduous journey filled with misdiagnoses and
being shuffled between clueless guessing doctors. I had many procedures and even surgery as
they tried to diagnose me. I was put first on vicodin, then on morphine so I could better cope
with the extreme debilitating pain. The morphine helped me get back into doing the daily
things I needed to get by. Previous to that, I was housebound with the pain. I mistakenly
thought I was getting better, even though we still had no diagnosis, because the morphine was
masking the pain.

This went on 7 months. For someone who's normally very physically active, this took it's toll in more ways
than one. During this time, the Lyme’s and the narcotics affected my brain. I was in a
constant fog, had no short term memory (I’d take a pill and then 10 seconds later forget, which
was problematic when on narcotics, to say the least), couldn’t concentrate, had to think hard
at how to do everyday tasks. I would be standing in front of the kitchen sink with an empty
dog water bowl in my hand staring at the faucet, and not know what to do or how to do it. I
took a lot of time off from work, since I was constantly in the hospital or in a doctor’s
office, and also worked from home, meaning I spent a lot of time on CC. Even in my altered
state, I still didn’t realize I shouldn’t have been trying to make mod decisions or interact
with others. In fact, I didn’t realize until this week, my first morphine-free week in ages,
that it was affecting my behavior in a negative manner. In reading back over my posts, I was
babbling and incoherent at times; I'd write a sentence and then not understand what I wrote
(thankfully I hit delete a lot). I couldn’t always read through a thread to follow it and comprehend
what was being discussed (so I'd just leave it for another mod to handle).
In hindsight, I should have taken a leave of absence from CC modding
duties, but being housebound, there wasn’t much else to do in between napsand my friends on
here gave me support to perservere through this mess. Plus I didn’t have the mental awareness
to make that decision for myself.

I was sent to an infectious disease specialist at the end of May 2008, the latest in a long
list of specialists I had seen. He tested me for everything under the sun and that’s when we
finally got a diagnosis and began the treatment. He was shocked, as we all were. Lyme’s is
pretty rare up here in the Seattle area.

Anyway, I wanted to share a little bit of what I was going through and explain my behavior over
the last 8-9 months or so. I also wanted to apologize for anything and everything I did during
that time. All I can say is I wasn’t myself and it won't happen again. I am ok now though,
and realize I hurt people and created tension that didn’t need to be here. I’m sorry to say I
don’t remember most of it. My sincere apologies to all. I hope I didn’t burn any bridges and
hope you can forgive me and give me another chance to make it right. I’m here as part of the
team to make CC better and will do my best to work with you all.

[t-o-m]

At least you're ok.

[zsp]

sorry to hear about that, my wonderful wicked

[Natewolfman]

anyone that would give you flack for that is a dick... People here have always taken things too seriously anyways, 90% of the time when i saw you argueing with others i was rooting for you

Its good to hear that things are being done, steps in the right direction and i hope everything works out for you in the end

[Shatners Bassoon]

Wow....don't know you at all Wicked but i'm glad your ailment's been diagnosed because that sounded nasty.....wishing you a speedy recovery!

[demon7896]

anyone that would give you flack for that is a dick... People here have always taken things too seriously anyways, 90% of the time when i saw you argueing with others i was rooting for you

Its good to hear that things are being done, steps in the right direction and i hope everything works out for you in the end

qft

[bedub1]

Can I get some of that morphine?

[cena-rules]

Having been told about this on chat Im cool with it all. Besides you babbling just made people life

hope all is well

LONG LIVE WICKED THE QUEEN OF CC

[alster]

I posted this to the mods last week and am re-posting here for everyone. I want to offer the same apology to the entire community as well if I did anything to upset you while I was sick. I expect to take a lot of flack for this, but you all have a right to know what's been going on.

Hmmm... well, hope you're alright. But honestly I cannot say that I've noted any particular change in behavior.

[decoulombe]

We all love you wicked.....The whole community is giving you a cyber hug right now.

[foregone]

Best wishes for the treatment, wicked. Hope it goes well.

[JBoy]

I wish you a speedy recovery, best wishes..

[GoVegan]

[karel]

I thought you did great wicked

[Androidz]

Get well m8!

[bbqpenguin]

and here i am thinking you're actually an interesting person, and all that time it was just the drugs? how dissappointing. back to the boring wicked...

[wicked]

and here i am thinking you're actually an interesting person, and all that time it was just the drugs? how dissappointing. back to the boring wicked...

no worries mate, the jokester/prankster/sarcastic smart-asser is still here.

And thanks everyone for the well wishes. I truly am better now, and taking baby steps to get back to my normal life and activities.

[sam_levi_11]

ummm i cant beleive it. well get well, oh and free norse!

[blakebowling]

Hope you get better wick
**Hugs Wicked**

[pimphawks70]

I still thought u were doing a wonderfull job moderating. I didn't notice anything different. I glad u are better

[xeno]

Lyme's Disease!?! That's some tough luck there.

[gdeangel]

Wow ... and I sort-of like the idea of a quasi-unpredictable, tyranical mod on this site. Reading the stuff on these forums (my own posts included) is mostly babble anyway, so I don't think you need to do any explaining or appologizing. On the other hand, you do have to explain how you ran a 20 minute 5K time in 20 minutes with lyme disease... doesn't that involve neuromuscular degeneration???

[hwhrhett]

hope that all turns out well..

i dont think ive ever seen you be unreasonable tho, except when provoked by the insubordinate.

[wicked]

haha the 5Ks were before I got sick. I just started back to the gym this past weekend. I haven't been able to run yet; the lyme's causes arthritic aches in the joints as well, so i've been dealing with those residual aches and pains and can just hope it goes away soon.

[Dangerous-Die]

Thoughts are with you Wicked - -

however - get BACK on the morph if any part oof the Dominatrix fades.

I think for most people (not me) on CC you were the closest they got to dirty sex!!

Joking aside - - take a break - be cool and all the best

Regards

DD