So what does it mean to be British!

[Fruitcake]

GREAT BRITAIN!

One of the British national daily newspaper is asking readers
'What it means to be British?' Some of the emails are hilarious but
this is one from a chap in Switzerland...

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a
Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of
all?

Suspicion of anything foreign.

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way
to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries,
and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens
to the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the
drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a
skating rink.

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new
shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while
the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker
pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out
of the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to AandE in the last two years after
opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control
Scalextric cars.

And finally.... In 2000, eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.

RULE BRITANNIA!!!!!

[btownmeggy]

Why does every single condition of "only in Britain" also apply to the United States, accounting that you substitute "dollars" for "pounds"?

[Snorri1234]

Or the Netherlands?

Or almost any western country?

[reminisco]

Why does every single condition of "only in Britain" also apply to the United States, accounting that you substitute "dollars" for "pounds"?

well, there ARE a few specific differences.

and please, British CCers, correct me if i'm wrong.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

this is an English specific Christmas tradition, i think. at least, the only time i've ever seen it done is when my family has spent Christmas with a close friend family of English Ex-Pats. right? isn't that the thing where you and the person next to you pull on the tube, and when it breaks, whichever direction the bigger piece goes so to goes the prize?

there were others too, but i'm already bored of this.

[btownmeggy]

Or the Netherlands?

Or almost any western country?

Ayuh.

[btownmeggy]

Why does every single condition of "only in Britain" also apply to the United States, accounting that you substitute "dollars" for "pounds"?

well, there ARE a few specific differences.

and please, British CCers, correct me if i'm wrong.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

this is an English specific Christmas tradition, i think. at least, the only time i've ever seen it done is when my family has spent Christmas with a close friend family of English Ex-Pats. right? isn't that the thing where you and the person next to you pull on the tube, and when it breaks, whichever direction the bigger piece goes so too goes the prize?

there were others too, but i'm already bored of this.

That's not part of the "only in britain" schtick.

[reminisco]

That's not part of the "only in britain" schtick.

touche.

well, either way, f this. i need to sign off and get to work.

[muy_thaiguy]

I thought it was something about tea and still pissed that you lost the Revolutionary War. Guess it's just me then.

[Fruitcake]

I thought it was something about tea and still pissed that you lost the Revolutionary War. Guess it's just me then.

Which 'revoloutionary' war would that be? We Brits have been involved in so many wars one tends to forget.

[Neoteny]

Or the Netherlands?

Or almost any western country?

Ayuh.

Are you from the northeast or do you just read a lot of Stephen King novels? Because I'm in the latter group.

Ayuh.

[btownmeggy]

Or the Netherlands?

Or almost any western country?

Ayuh.

Are you from the northeast or do you just read a lot of Stephen King novels? Because I'm in the latter group.

Ayuh.

I once played a lesbian Maine fishing guide circa 1890 in a play. I picked up Ayuh. It's a good one.

[muy_thaiguy]

I thought it was something about tea and still pissed that you lost the Revolutionary War. Guess it's just me then.

Which 'revoloutionary' war would that be? We Brits have been involved in so many wars one tends to forget.

American Revolutionary War. You know, began in 1776?

[sam_levi_11]

oh the one war you still harp on about....geeze youd think youd change the record considering we have the best military history in the civilised world

[Fruitcake]

I thought it was something about tea and still pissed that you lost the Revolutionary War. Guess it's just me then.

Which 'revoloutionary' war would that be? We Brits have been involved in so many wars one tends to forget.

American Revolutionary War. You know, began in 1776?

Oh that 'war'...we have been involved in so many since then, often on our own, that that particular skirmish has tended to slide down the lists somewhat. It is only of residual importance I am afraid, sorry. I hope our dismissive attitude towards it does not offend, it is obviously of importance to you.

[muy_thaiguy]

oh the one war you still harp on about....geeze youd think youd change the record considering we have the best military history in the civilised world

Depends on how you look at it.

Oh that 'war'...we have been involved in so many since then, often on our own, that that particular skirmish has tended to slide down the lists somewhat. It is only of residual importance I am afraid, sorry. I hope our dismissive attitude towards it does not offend, it is obviously of importance to you.

Either that, or the fact that a bunch of "lowly, backwoods, and stupid colonists" defeated the most powerful force on Earth at the time leaves many wanting to forget such an embarrassment in your proud history. That is of course, speculation. After all, first colony of yours to rebel and successfully achieve independence, which wouldn't happen again for quite sometime.

[sam_levi_11]

oh the one war you still harp on about....geeze youd think youd change the record considering we have the best military history in the civilised world

Depends on how you look at it.

no it doesnt, its fact

[reminisco]

um, to be fair, the Brits didn't take the American Revolution very seriously at the TIME.

and they didn't send their full strength to fight the war.

but i still say, AMERICA FVCK YEAH!

[heavycola]

Either that, or the fact that a bunch of "lowly, backwoods, and stupid colonists" defeated the most powerful force on Earth at the time leaves many wanting to forget such an embarrassment in your proud history.

This thread is NOT about Vietnam or Iraq. Please keep on-topic.

Thanks.

[muy_thaiguy]

oh the one war you still harp on about....geeze youd think youd change the record considering we have the best military history in the civilised world

Depends on how you look at it.

no it doesnt, its fact

Fact: in a little over 200 years, the US has been involved in what, 50 odd wars? And only 2 of them weren't straight up victories. Those being Korea (still not technically over) and Vietnam (you can thank the media for this one, lugging huge cameras out into the battlefield and making US troops easy targets for the Viet Cong). The War of 1812, though neither side really gained or lost territory, the US proved that we could defend ourselves effectively (Battle of New Orleans with 14,000 veteran troops from the Napoleonic War lost to about 3000, well, only a few were actual troops, the rest were volunteers, etc). ALL of the other wars were flat out victories. How does Britain compare? If you want to look through it as longer, then the Roman, Saxon, Angle, Viking, etc invasions all count as losses.

[reminisco]

Fact: in a little over 200 years, the US has been involved in what, 50 odd wars? And only 2 of them weren't straight up victories. Those being Korea (still not technically over) and Vietnam (you can thank the media for this one, lugging huge cameras out into the battlefield and making US troops easy targets for the Viet Cong). The War of 1812, though neither side really gained or lost territory, the US proved that we could defend ourselves effectively (Battle of New Orleans with 14,000 veteran troops from the Napoleonic War lost to about 3000, well, only a few were actual troops, the rest were volunteers, etc). ALL of the other wars were flat out victories. How does Britain compare? If you want to look through it as longer, then the Roman, Saxon, Angle, Viking, etc invasions all count as losses.

interesting points, muy_thaiguy, but you must not forget our shame at being invaded by The Beatles, a crack commando propaganda unit.

also, i believe there were other crack commando units, codenamed The Rolling Stones, The Who, and a renegade so effective, he only ever worked alone, Mr. Bean.

of course, we fought back valiantly, but could really only come up with Fast Food, Pia Zadora, and the Laughtrack for sitcoms.

[Snorri1234]

oh the one war you still harp on about....geeze youd think youd change the record considering we have the best military history in the civilised world

Depends on how you look at it.

no it doesnt, its fact

Fact: in a little over 200 years, the US has been involved in what, 50 odd wars? And only 2 of them weren't straight up victories. Those being Korea (still not technically over) and Vietnam (you can thank the media for this one, lugging huge cameras out into the battlefield and making US troops easy targets for the Viet Cong).

Yeah, I'm sure vietnam was lost because of the media and not because of the fact the soldiers didn't actually know a lot about fighting in the jungle or that the leaders made bad decisions....


Also, you guys lost the Iraq war too.

[sam_levi_11]

we have been involved in 100's of wars and won the vast majority of them, we lost the war u ramble on about and.....sum other war i imagine

[heavycola]

oh the one war you still harp on about....geeze youd think youd change the record considering we have the best military history in the civilised world

Depends on how you look at it.

no it doesnt, its fact

Fact: in a little over 200 years, the US has been involved in what, 50 odd wars? And only 2 of them weren't straight up victories. Those being Korea (still not technically over) and Vietnam (you can thank the media for this one, lugging huge cameras out into the battlefield and making US troops easy targets for the Viet Cong).

Yeah, I'm sure vietnam was lost because of the media and not because of the fact the soldiers didn't actually know a lot about fighting in the jungle or that the leaders made bad decisions....


Also, you guys lost the Iraq war too.

I would like to direct everyone to my earlier post, which did not deserve to be overlooked.

Yours,

Dr. I. M. Great.

[suggs]

who are you

[Snorri1234]

Either that, or the fact that a bunch of "lowly, backwoods, and stupid colonists" defeated the most powerful force on Earth at the time leaves many wanting to forget such an embarrassment in your proud history.

This thread is NOT about Vietnam or Iraq. Please keep on-topic.

Thanks.