Ch. 1: The Day I Set Fire to the Earth

El Capitan X · Post by **El Capitan X** » Wed Mar 12, 2008 7:57 pm

I unsheathed my sword and put it to the man’s throat. “Give me the money, bitch,” I said in a calm, yet harsh tone. He struggled for words. He muttered something which I could not comprehend.

“What’s that?” I inquired.

“f*ck you.” He said.

I chuckled. Keeping the blade of my sword pressed to his throat, I took off his belt, and threw its contents on the street. I placed the cold steel of the Handcuffs into my back pocket. I could see him eyeing his pistol.

He had a puzzled look on his face. I merely smirked. I took the belt off and unbuttoned his pants, which dropped to his feet. He was worried. Mighty. I took the belt and gave him a few playful whips to his bush-like legs. The fearful expression on his face slowly transformed to an expression of excitement.

I saw something rise in his boxer-briefs. “The f*ck?” I said. I sunk the blade of my sword deeper into his skin, just refraining from making a cut. The little bitch thought we were about to get it on. I would have none of that. I slowly moved my free hand up his leg in a seducing manner, to which he began to giggle. A swift knee to his chest and I pulled my sword out from his throat; the blood gushed everywhere.

He was flabbergasted. I found his wallet and looked up his address. No doubt, that’s where the money was. One last kick in the jaw and I was cruising away in my MG RV8.

I busted the door open. It was empty. It was dark. It was silent. I found the motherfucking safe in no time, only to find it empty.

“f*ck,” I screamed in rage, “They’ve beaten me to it.”

I took out my matches and had a smoke in the man’s tub. I finished up and got out of that hell-hole. The engine of my MG RV8 roared. I put it into 1st and floored the son of a bitch. Out of my rear view mirror I could see the flames shimmering. Just as I hit 5th, I heard an explosion and the object in my mirror multiplied.

That was the day I set fire to the Earth,
ECX

DirtyDishSoap · Post by **DirtyDishSoap** » Wed Mar 12, 2008 8:00 pm

When i saw the word "Sword" i assume its a Lord of the Rings rip off

El Capitan X · Post by **El Capitan X** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 7:43 am

Apparently new users are frowned upon.

Perhaps if I changed the thread title?

-ECX

heavycola · Post by **heavycola** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 7:51 am

Not bad. Why here though?

Neoteny · Post by **Neoteny** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 10:57 am

El Capitan X wrote:Apparently new users are frowned upon.

Perhaps if I changed the thread title?

-ECX

It's just kind of an odd first post. Say something intelligent in a debate or spam thread, depending on your preference, to build up some cred.

suggs · Post by **suggs** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 11:05 am

How did Norsey get to be a corporal so quickly? :lol:

MeDeFe · Post by **MeDeFe** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 11:21 am

It's a good first post though, even if it's totally random.

El Capitan X · Post by **El Capitan X** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:00 pm

To answer all questions, I wanted to make my first post somewhat unique and come in with a bang; as opposed to slowly integrating into the forums.

Alas, it may not have been the greatest way, but it was worth a shot.

-ECX

Harijan · Post by **Harijan** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:08 pm

El Capitan X wrote:To answer all questions, I wanted to make my first post somewhat unique and come in with a bang; as opposed to slowly integrating into the forums.

Alas, it may not have been the greatest way, but it was worth a shot.

-ECX

Best to enter with a bang is to get almost entirely naked, take photos, and post them on the "post a photo of yourself" thread.

People here like that shit.

MeDeFe · Post by **MeDeFe** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:24 pm

El Capitan X wrote:To answer all questions, I wanted to make my first post somewhat unique and come in with a bang; as opposed to slowly integrating into the forums.

Alas, it may not have been the greatest way, but it was worth a shot.

-ECX

Don't worry, we've seen a lot worse initial bangs, there was a group of people who joined together, spammed every thread, created several of their own, demanded noone else post in them, threw insults around, and then, when they received some of the same they backtracked and claimed it was an "experiment" and "just a joke" and "they didn't mean it like that". You're doing fine so far.

suggs · Post by **suggs** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:30 pm

Good to see ya back, Norsey.

Neoteny · Post by **Neoteny** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:40 pm

suggs wrote:Good to see ya back, Norsey.

You know, if you want to see him back, then it is probably best not to always point him out (assuming it is him). Especially if he actually does something rather low-key.

MeDeFe · Post by **MeDeFe** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 5:45 pm

This is much too low-key for Norse, not at all like the Polish plumber.

Dancing Mustard · Post by **Dancing Mustard** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 8:28 pm

El Capitan X wrote:To answer all questions, I wanted to make my first post somewhat unique and come in with a bang; as opposed to slowly integrating into the forums.

Alas, it may not have been the greatest way, but it was worth a shot.

-ECX

Actually, I quite liked your style.

You should come over to FW and hang out...

Minister Masket · Post by **Minister Masket** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 3:52 am

What a foolish thing to do.
Not only do I hate him already, I am most looking forward to dipping him in a vat of boiling hydrochloric acid and reading his story back to him.

DAZMCFC · Post by **DAZMCFC** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 6:34 am

thank f*ck for that, for a minute i thought it was going to be some Homo-erotic fantasy story.

now before you start there is nothing wrong with that,but for your first post. :roll:

MeDeFe · Post by **MeDeFe** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 10:45 am

Why're you all so negative? It was a good first post. as first posts go...

misterman10 · Post by **misterman10** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 5:13 pm

I rarely go to IK anymore because the topics are boring, pointless, or too serious. Luckily, I stumbled upon this thread.

Brilliant first post! :lol:

El Capitan X · Post by **El Capitan X** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 7:22 pm

1st off, who is this "Norsey" character?

2nd, what exactly is this "Flame Wars" that you speak of Dancing Mustard. I noticed it's a subforum, but I don't think of myself much as a flamer. In addition, I don't think I have anybody to flame, as no one has made me angry...

And then there was this Minister Masket cupcake. First of all, let me just say, if you already hate me over a single post, you take things way too seriously. Are you honestly saying you hate me because of my total of 3 posts? That in itself shows your character, as opposed to mine.

Anyways, I'm changing the thread title back.

-ECX

suggs · Post by **suggs** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 8:11 pm

You sure you're not Norse :lol:

"what is this flame wars you speak of"-a bit too innocent?
Or too much mafia for Suggs?
No one is who they seem.
Dancing Mustard Is a Mod :twisted:

william18 · Post by **william18** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 8:13 pm

suggs wrote:You sure you're not Norse

"what is this flame wars you speak of"-a bit too innocent?
Or too much mafia for Suggs?
No one is who they seem.
Dancing Mustard Is a Mod

Suggs, mafia games are making you a very suspiscious and paraniod being.

suggs · Post by **suggs** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 8:15 pm

william18 wrote:
suggs wrote:You sure you're not Norse

"what is this flame wars you speak of"-a bit too innocent?
Or too much mafia for Suggs?
No one is who they seem.
Dancing Mustard Is a Mod

Suggs, mafia games are making you a very suspiscious and paraniod being.

Ah, a classic WFOM argument eh? Eh, Eh?
Perhaps you just want to be paranoid and suspicious, so I vote for Norse, leaving you in the clear to night kill Brooksieb whilst...

Shit.

william18 · Post by **william18** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 8:17 pm

suggs wrote:
william18 wrote:
suggs wrote:You sure you're not Norse

"what is this flame wars you speak of"-a bit too innocent?
Or too much mafia for Suggs?
No one is who they seem.
Dancing Mustard Is a Mod

Suggs, mafia games are making you a very suspiscious and paraniod being.

Ah, a classic WFOM argument eh? Eh, Eh?
Perhaps you just want to be paranoid and suspicious, so I vote for Norse, leaving you in the clear to night kill Brooksieb whilst...

Shit.

While you think to hard, I might be a daytime sk!

suggs · Post by **suggs** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 8:25 pm

SHIIIIIIIIIIIT.

Makes sense now-you day timed Norse (Mafia Nutter[/b], got me to Hammer Kyle [b](Vanilla Cock[/b], whilst Xtra Tomato suicided after More Pancakes ([b]Fat Doctor) failed to protect him.

Meanwhile, your scum partner (Wicked?-nah THATS WHAT YOU WANT ME TO THINK!)...YAY18 (Mafia Doppleganger sets up another thread claiming to free Norse, whilst posing under the name Suggs (Bandit Bender/A Twat) to...

I got ya sussed William. Always do the unexpected...
VOTE NORSE

HAH!

william18 · Post by **william18** » Fri Mar 14, 2008 8:26 pm

suggs wrote:SHIIIIIIIIIIIT.

Makes sense now-you day timed Norse (Mafia Nutter[/b], got me to Hammer Kyle [b](Vanilla Cock[/b], whilst Xtra Tomato suicided after More Pancakes ([b]Fat Doctor) failed to protect him.

Meanwhile, your scum partner (Wicked?-nah THATS WHAT YOU WANT ME TO THINK!)...YAY18 (Mafia Doppleganger sets up another thread claiming to free Norse, whilst posing under the name Suggs (Bandit Bender/A Twat) to...

I got ya sussed William. Always do the unexpected...
VOTE NORSE

HAH!

*Pm:

Mod, day kill suggs.*

mwhahahahahahaha