Welcome to rating jokes!!!!

Utafar · Post by **Utafar** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 8:06 pm

Freetymes wrote:4.... maybe 5

I read a Rand corp. study where it says that 85% of the people in the world masterbate in the shower (where there are showers) and I asked Utafar if he knew what the other 15% did...

He said he didn't know...

But then I was pretty sure he would't know anyway.

what the hell is that supposed to mean?

and why are you reading studys about masturbation? curious now that your finally going through puberty at 17?

wcaclimbing · Post by **wcaclimbing** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 8:40 pm

barbie wrote:lol/ yes definetly a womans joke/ this is my second favorite

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.
>
> The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him,
> "What's your IQ?"
>
> The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation
> about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality,
> biochemistry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory,
> nanotechnology, and sexual proclivities.
>
> The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He
> decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and
> comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the
> perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"
>
> The man responds, "about 100."
>
> Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football,
> NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, and
> women's body parts.
>
> Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the
> robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him
> and asks, "What's your IQ?"
>
> The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."
>
> And the robot says... real slowly,
> "So... is.. your... party... gonna... nominate... Hillary... for...president ???

definately a 5+

funniest thing ive heard all day

Utafar · Post by **Utafar** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 8:53 pm

barbie wrote:lol/ yes definetly a womans joke/ this is my second favorite

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.
>
> The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him,
> "What's your IQ?"
>
> The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation
> about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality,
> biochemistry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory,
> nanotechnology, and sexual proclivities.
>
> The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He
> decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and
> comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the
> perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"
>
> The man responds, "about 100."
>
> Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football,
> NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, and
> women's body parts.
>
> Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the
> robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him
> and asks, "What's your IQ?"
>
> The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."
>
> And the robot says... real slowly,
> "So... is.. your... party... gonna... nominate... Hillary... for...president ???

fucking hilarious and i am like 14

P Gizzle · Post by **P Gizzle** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 8:56 pm

barbie wrote:lol/ yes definetly a womans joke/ this is my second favorite

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.
>
> The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him,
> "What's your IQ?"
>
> The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation
> about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality,
> biochemistry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory,
> nanotechnology, and sexual proclivities.
>
> The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He
> decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and
> comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the
> perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"
>
> The man responds, "about 100."
>
> Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football,
> NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, and
> women's body parts.
>
> Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the
> robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him
> and asks, "What's your IQ?"
>
> The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."
>
> And the robot says... real slowly,
> "So... is.. your... party... gonna... nominate... Hillary... for...president ???

the best political joke i've heard in a long time. 5+++++++ :lol:

ok, so this lawyer is at a party. the host says, "i'll give 1000 to anyone who can cross this pool of sharks unharmed" The lawyer accepts the challenge, and , with ease, crosses the pool.
"How did u do that?" the host asks.
the lawyer replies, "professional courtesy"

Utafar · Post by **Utafar** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 8:59 pm

lol 4

gavin_sidhu · Post by **gavin_sidhu** » Sat Oct 07, 2006 12:00 am

A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, ''I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?''

''Why sure,'' said the manager, ''we have something that works especially well for that.''

A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing and he heard another voice. ''No, no! A little to the left,'' said the other blonde inside the car.

***

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. The farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts - although still silent - stink terribly."

The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing..."

Bozo · Post by **Bozo** » Sat Oct 07, 2006 4:41 pm

3, heard it before

The Clintons and the Gores were having dinner one evening and the topic of conversation got around to sex and partners. They all agreed they would swap partners for the night. About 2:00 o'clock the next morning, Bill got up on one elbow in bed and said " Al, what do you suppose the women are doing right now?"

Bozo · Post by **Bozo** » Sat Oct 07, 2006 4:46 pm

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Tony Blair responds ,"It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What¹s on your mind?"

"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. Helms immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb cracker."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb shit, it's Tony Blair!"

Guy · Post by **Guy** » Sat Oct 07, 2006 10:13 pm

joeyjordison · Post by **joeyjordison** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 6:14 am

very nice

thephule77 · Post by **thephule77** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 3:15 pm

Deffinitly a 5

What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.

wcaclimbing · Post by **wcaclimbing** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 3:26 pm

0

the exception to what you said is eventually it will get so small that the baby dies and doesnt make any more sound.

a baby seal walks into a club.

slash1890 · Post by **slash1890** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 3:36 pm

0

What do you do after you've finished fucking a 5 year old girl?

Turn her over and pretend it's a boy!

thephule77 · Post by **thephule77** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 3:52 pm

0 that was too far

What's the deffinition of bravery?

A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

slash1890 · Post by **slash1890** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 4:15 pm

1

What's three feet tall and gives me head?

My son!

wcaclimbing · Post by **wcaclimbing** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 4:26 pm

000000000000000000000000000000

Bob The Bomber · Post by **Bob The Bomber** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 5:15 pm

Here I go.

There's a huge line at the DMV. Two guys are around the middle of the line. Suddenly, the guy in the back starts massaging the guy in the front. The guy in the front turns around and says, "What in the heck are you doing?" The massager responds,"Oh, I'm sorry. You see, I'm a chiropractor. I saw that you had tense sholders and wanted to help. Sometimes I just can't help practicing my art." "That's rediculous!" the other guy says. "I work for the IRS- do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"

thephule77 · Post by **thephule77** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 8:32 pm

4.5

Laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they'll stop laughing

Freetymes · Post by **Freetymes** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 8:43 pm

1

A priest and a rabbi are having coffee. The priest says, "I'm bored lets go over to the rectory and f*ck us a couple of alter boys."
The rabbi says, "Oh ya.... Outta what?"

Bozo · Post by **Bozo** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 8:46 pm

2

A woman walks into the store and purchases the following: 1 small box of detergent
1 Bar of soap
3 individual servings of yogurt
2 oranges
1 stick of women’s deodorant.
She then goes to the check out line.

Cashier: Oh, you must be single
Woman: You can tell that by what I bought?
Cashier: No, you're fucking ugly!

slash1890 · Post by **slash1890** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 9:26 pm

0- It's old, and incorrect. You dragged it on too long.

What's the worst part about fucking a newborn baby?

Putting it in the body-bag when you're done!

jay_a2j · Post by **jay_a2j** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 9:37 pm

slash... I just gotta ask since all your jokes have the same theme... are you a pedophile?

strike wolf · Post by **strike wolf** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 9:42 pm

slash1890 wrote:0- It's old, and incorrect. You dragged it on too long.

What's the worst part about fucking a newborn baby?

Putting it in the body-bag when you're done!

-39045475734989347873! I AM SICK OF ALL THESE GOD-DAMN DEAD BABY JOKES! FIND NEW MATERIAL!

P Gizzle · Post by **P Gizzle** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 10:40 pm

strike wolf wrote:
slash1890 wrote:0- It's old, and incorrect. You dragged it on too long.

What's the worst part about fucking a newborn baby?

Putting it in the body-bag when you're done!

-39045475734989347873! I AM SICK OF ALL THESE GOD-DAMN DEAD BABY JOKES! FIND NEW MATERIAL!

thank you! i hate dead baby jokes!

slash1890 · Post by **slash1890** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 10:42 pm

jay_a2j wrote:slash... I just gotta ask since all your jokes have the same theme... are you a pedophile?

Nope, this thread is just lacking dead baby jokes, so I'm trying to fill in the gaps.

Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms!