Trump Orders China to Release UCLA Basketball Players

[saxitoxin]

President Donald J. Trump ordered China to release three members of the 11-time national championship University of California at Los Angeles men's basketball team it had been holding prisoner in the Emperor's suite at the five-star Hangzhou Hotel, so that they could return to Westwood in time for this Saturday's game against South Carolina State.

The players had been detained in China because the Chinese felt Americans should have to pay for local trinkets it pleases them to take.

President Trump corrected the Chinese viewpoint and counseled President Xi that Americans do what they want during the Age of Trump, underscoring his message by maneuvering three naval battle groups in the Sea of Japan. China promptly released the basketball players. They are now back in Westwood busy practicing for Saturday's predicted blow-out against SC State.

[Dukasaur]

Apparently, in the Age of Trump, guys making seven-digit salaries should be encouraged to go shoplifting instead of paying for goods.

This is consistent with Trump's legendary sense of ethics.

[saxitoxin]

Apparently, in the Age of Trump, guys making seven-digit salaries should be encouraged to go shoplifting instead of paying for goods.

This is consistent with Trump's legendary sense of ethics.

#FakeNews

They're college basketball players; their UCLA scholarships include an $800/month stipend ($9600/year) which is a four-digit salary.

[Dukasaur]

Apparently, in the Age of Trump, guys making seven-digit salaries should be encouraged to go shoplifting instead of paying for goods.

This is consistent with Trump's legendary sense of ethics.

#FakeNews

They're college basketball players; their UCLA scholarships include an $800/month stipend ($9600/year) which is a four-digit salary.

Oh, I didn't see the college part. OK, they have to wait a few more years to start collecting their 7-digit NBA salaries. So I guess his idea is that they need to start honing their shoplifting skills early, so they're ready for the big time?

[saxitoxin]

Apparently, in the Age of Trump, guys making seven-digit salaries should be encouraged to go shoplifting instead of paying for goods.

This is consistent with Trump's legendary sense of ethics.

#FakeNews

They're college basketball players; their UCLA scholarships include an $800/month stipend ($9600/year) which is a four-digit salary.

Oh, I didn't see the college part. OK, they have to wait a few more years to start collecting their 7-digit NBA salaries. So I guess his idea is that they need to start honing their shoplifting skills early, so they're ready for the big time?

[mrswdk]

"Our president said to Xi, 'Do you know anything about these knuckleheads that got caught allegedly stealing?'" John Kelly, the president's chief of staff, told The New York Times. "The president was saying, 'It's not too serious. We'd love to see this taken care of in an expeditious way.'"

"To say the least, they were very apologetic," Kelly told the Times. "They were just profuse in their apologies for embarrassing the country and embarrassing the team.

http://www.espn.co.uk/mens-college-bask ... ease-china

"Say, erm, Honorable Xi, it's kind of embarrassing to even mention, and you know, whatever you want to do it's cool, erm, but there's a little issue, I was hoping you could help me out maybe, but only if it's no problem..."
"Sure whatever just stop blubbing."
*30 minutes later*
"OMG WE'RE SO SORRY WE'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN CHINA WE'RE REALLY REALLY SORRY AND YOU'RE SO GREAT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING US OFF"

[saxitoxin]

"Our president said to Xi, 'Do you know anything about these knuckleheads that got caught allegedly stealing?'" John Kelly, the president's chief of staff, told The New York Times. "The president was saying, 'It's not too serious. We'd love to see this taken care of in an expeditious way.'"

"To say the least, they were very apologetic," Kelly told the Times. "They were just profuse in their apologies for embarrassing the country and embarrassing the team.

http://www.espn.co.uk/mens-college-bask ... ease-china

"Say, erm, Honorable Xi, it's kind of embarrassing to even mention, and you know, whatever you want to do it's cool, erm, but there's a little issue, I was hoping you could help me out maybe, but only if it's no problem..."
"Sure whatever just stop blubbing."
*30 minutes later*
"OMG WE'RE SO SORRY WE'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN CHINA WE'RE REALLY REALLY SORRY AND YOU'RE SO GREAT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING US OFF"

oh look who woke up and stumbled onto CC *glug glug*