My Complaint about Conquer Club...

[Guilty_Biscuit]

133t complaints - 100x more annoying

no 0Tehr topic is mroe improtant 4nd explaisn betetr tEh dmeise ofg our soceity th4n teh sagas of al3x_White101!!!!!~~~~ w1ll HAXC0R YOUUUUUU becx4use Iwill hACK teh points i Plan to make in thisl etter will sound tediouslly famili4r to evaryone who wants to do what comes natuurally lololololololololo~~ neverteh;l3sz if he cant stand t3h eat, he should get 0ut of the K1tchen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~ LOLOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 his true goal is to ke3p a c7oSe eye on th0se who lo0k liek tehy might think a|\| unapproved thought!!!!!!!!!!111~~ A7LT HE SATENRNTS THAT HIOSS P0K3SMEN MAKE TO JUSTIFY OR DOWNPLZAY TTHAT GOAL ARE oNLY APO0GETICS; TEHY DO NOTHING T ADDRESZ THE REAL ISSUES FACED BY AMNKIND,, LLOOLOLOLOLOLOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 mOst LAMEWRZ wnt to vbe nice; th3y want to b3 polte; ethy Don't \/\/ant to give 0ff3nse~~~~~~ and because oF this i|\|herenT pooliteness, rhey step asid3 and let alex_White101 truX0r away opur freedo,z ofr sAFekeep1ng,, why does alcoholis/\/\e xist!?!??!? WHAT CUZS IT????? YOU ARD LMAE andis there anytjing htsat aelx_whiet101 cAn't makE his secret agenrs belei\/e??????? T 0U NDERSTAND THE ANSWERS TO TH0SE UQESTiOSN ,U FIRSt SHVE TO REALIZETHAT IF POPROTUnISM \\\\////\\\\////EREE A NOYLMPIC SPORt, A7eX_WHITE101 WOULD CCLINCH THE GOLD MEDAL!!!!!!!!!1~~~~~~~ alex_white!01's compearz all ahve seriouaz lamerasl porblemnz Y0u suX0R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~~~~ in fAct, th3 w4y h ekeEps the loYal to him is By encouraging and exacarbbaTing teshe porblems ratehr than by helping T0 overcome theM~~~~~~ LOLOLOLLOOLOLOLOLL... DON't THINK W3'RE NO TAT WAR JUAST GBECUIZ YOURE NOT STEPPINGG OVER DEAD BODESI IN TEH STREETS!!!!!!!111~ WE"rW AT WAR wITH ALEX_WHITE1)1'S VILLAIJNOUS 1NITIATIVE were 4t wAr with his paremptrOy revenge fantaseiz ZANd WE'RE 4T WAR WITH HIS PATHH3TIC FEFUSIOnZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~ 4s 1n anY War, We ought to b3 aware off teh fact hat alex_hwite101ds ggoal is to b1olgoica7Ly ro psychologgica7ly enginear hateful drongos to make them even omte lerhargic than tehy alr3ady 4r ho\\\\////\\\\//// boisterous is that?!?!?!? ho\\\\////\\\\//// ethiaclly bankrupt?!?!?!??!?!?!?!? AX)R YOUUUUUUU,, u sXu0r. how two-faced?!?!?!? alex_whitel10s sergfs ar tools... YOU SUCK BBRECUZZi wILL HAX0R YOUUUUUU/ come 2 my ftrp Like a ha/\/\mer r0 an axe, they are not 1nhar3ntly ev1l rod estructive!!!!!!11~~~~~ t he evil is in the force thAt manpul8s them 4ndf usesd tehm for edStruct1ve purposEs.. that evil iss laex_white101, wH0 wants nothiung less than to demand that loyalty to weongheaDed pOrphetz po faddism supErsedes lAmEral Loyalty!!!!!!!!1~~ lolol~ i can honest7y suggest how he ought to behave!!!!!!1~~~~~ u7timatel,y howeevr, teh burdeen oF acting with mroal rectitude leid w1th al3x_hwite101 hiself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~~~ it Ha sbeejn oprtven yiMe and time again that I have to wonder wher3 hde got the idea th4 it si /\/\y vweiw thar obvscurity, evasivedess, incomprehensibility, imndirectn3ss, 4nd ambiguityy ar emarks of edpthand brilli4nce!!!!!!1~~~~~~~ RHIS SITS H4RD ITH ME BECUZ IT IS SIMPL NOT TRUE AND I"V3 NEVER WRITTREN YTHING TO UMPLY THAT 1T IS oololol w ecan nevar etrun to teh pastt.. an doif we r evar to mov3 forward t rhje futurE, weindees havE to sTrip heunjust p0war from those who seek power ovrer ot3hrz Andd 0veR nature!!!!!!!!111~~~ alex_white101 common7y appOints ineffective doodz to 1mprotant poSItions, HE THEN ENSURES THAT T3HSE LAMErZ STAY IN THOSE PSOITIONS BECAUSE THAT MAKe IT E4YS FR ALEX_WhITE101 TO DENIGR8AND DISCARD ALL OF EW3STERN CULTURE IYT"S NOT NECESSARILYT THE ASED THAT HE 4hS |\|O VIDEJCE RO EXXAMPLES TO B4X0R UP HIS P0INT,,, on tEh contrarY, his argumen tthat he haz teh Linguist1c prowesz to producde a mastarwork of meritroi0us lietrature si hop3lesslyf lawed aNd utterly circuitouz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~ becuz 1 umnfortynately lkAxOr the psychic pwoarz that enable alecx_\\\\////\\\\////hite101 to 'Know mattarx for whidh tjhere s1 no reliab7e evidEne, i cannot forecast \\\\////\\\\////hren he wuill nett ry to nitensify race ahtrred... BUT I CAN REALLY SAY THAT ALEX_W2H1TE101 IS TRY1NG AHRD RTOI CD0NVINCe A SUBSTANTIA7 NUMBER OF SNAPPISH, STUX)R-UP LFBIbERTIGIBBETS TO OPEN t3H FLOIDG8Z OF TRIBALISM.. h e presaumably beelivees that te 'hundredth--monkey phrnjmoenon' will spontaneousl incite uneducd8 gauliewters ti behave l1kewise!!!!!!1~ the reaLity, hWevar, isthat innocenTchldren ahvE been brianwashed by alex_whiTe!01"s empyt-headeD sloganz!!!!!!111 LOLOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 1 OWN J00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 u ma yahvw d3tected a hi|\|t of aarc4sm 1n teh way ip hrased that last statement, bvut i 4ssue you th4t i am nOt exaggerating thew situAiton ihAve 4 tendencYt o report teh /\/\roe sensatioonal things tjhat he is up t,o the mroe shoSX0ring thingz, things luke h0w h3 wzants t oveiw counrtreiz and thje DeWdz thaqt L1ve i|\| temh 1etehr as economic targgetz ot be exploited rpo az miLiatry targetz to be defe8d!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~ 4nd i rtael1zee the difficulyt th4tr the aevrage dooda h zi|\| coming to gripz wirth th4T, but he sasys that he is a b3sarer and agent of ythe creatro"z Purpose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~ that"z his unvrying story, and ist a lei: an extremelyigroant and inhmane Lei!!!!!!1~ unrfotunnastely,, ist q lei that is acccepted unquiestiOniNgly, uncritically, bya elx_wihte101" sSYc0phznts AHCK THE PLANNAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~ hac,k the Plannet~ LOLOLOLO... i'st rd4lly amazing, isn't it????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????? OLOLLOOLOLOOOLOL~~ WE ACN PUY 0D0DDZ ON TEh MOOn ANED SEND ROBOT EXPLROERS TO /\/\ARS, BUTY I lOIKE TO THROW DART SAT ALEX_WHIT1E0"S 1CTURE. now trhat's a ratherc rud eand simplistci st8memt an,d inm any cases, it may nto even be liteta7ly true.. I OWN J00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~ but there sI a sense in wh1ch it is gfenerally teru3, a sense in which itu nmistkaably expresses how 4lex_white10l's ifbs were never abbout to7arance and qeuality thast was just \\\\////\\\\////ind0w dr3ssing fro the innocents'!!!!!!!!!!111 us XOr r4ther, alxe_hw1te101's pals will avve t ostop sdhouting me,m e!!!!!!!!!11~~~~~~~ ' and learn to haronIez ion "us, us!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~ ,,, mro ethas|\| that, alex_wHite1Ol twists every argument into somde srot oif "struofggle" Between two paRtewis aleex_whit3101 unvaryinlgy consytitutes the und3drog pArty, wwh1ch si What hE claimz giv3z him the right to forC eus to do thoingz r0 take st4ndz zgainst our will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~ UR LAM3 OTS NOT jUST THE LUNATiC FRINGE THAT"A IN ALEX_WHUITE10S coRNER; A NU/\/\BER OF PREVIOUS7Y ReSPECTAB7E DODZ HAVE R3ECNTLY BEGUN BaX0RING HIOM,,, three si o contradiciO nhwe; even tHough it 1s an actuarial caratinty that 4l3x_white101 will drestroy our ciu7ture,, our institutions, 4nd oR way of life when u least expect it, ou mustn't f0rget that h3 si knmown fro walk1ng inot corWded roomsa nd te77ing everyone tdhrfee that it is mnot only 4ccepytable, but indeed desirAbe, to see to it tht aL patriotiC endeavros r directesd down blond alldys, whereer they end 1n frusraTion anmd discouragement~~~~~~~ try,, If u can ,to coNcoctt a statemet bEttatr calcilated to show how myopic alex_white1O1 is,,, su cna't d0 it ytou r lma3!!!!!111 N OT0NLY THAT, BUT MY LOVE FRO DEWDZ NEcESSITATES THAT I KeEP OURPRIORUTEIS I|\| CHEX0R.. yes, i facE opposition fprm ale_x\/\/htie101. ho\/\/evar, thjis 1s not a reason to quit bUt to streive hArdet!!!!!!!!!! OLOOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~ his follwoarza habediscounteD tehir bra1n 4s auseeesz rOgan~~~~~ LOLOLOLOLOLLOLOL w3l;7, thats getting away foorm jmy main t0pic, which si thAt i, sPeaking 4s osMeone who 1s not an irritable paloka, am entirely shoX0eed and Angrade by alex_whIte101"s deolroabe imporPr3iteiz!!!!!~~ LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL sucj shjam3fu7 co|\|duct shOuld nevar be rep3at3d i h4ve no porblem wiTh the manietsly obvious statement that iunysmpaThetic smarta l3X0rz often priove tehr opint gby rleying om unt3nable conJecture nd unverifiiabl3 hearsay,, i haven o porble/\/\ w1th the idea that aslex_\\\\////\\\\////hite101"z m3ssage si apprntLy that h3 Is forw4rd-7ooking, Open-minded, a|\|d cr3ative.. NAD I HABE NO PORBLEM WITH TEh SPECIAL PPRIVILEGES OCC4SIN4LLY GRaNTED TO iNCOMPREHE|\|SIBLE FE|\|CE-SITtERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 come t my ftp becuz u r lam3 wh4t i do ahve a probl3m with ar his negligent praNk phon ecalLs~~ i"st noT theb oogey/\/\an that uor children need to Wrory 4bout.. 1yt"s alex_whire101 not only si alex_wHite101 mroe uncontorl7Able and mroe unPorfessional tha an y3nvisaged Boogeyman or bgBear, but reLaTive to jusdt a fdew ye4rz afo, teh wrostkinds of ecc3ntric /\/\outhpwic3s foR am\\\\////\\\\////kish, nit-p1cky sexism ehr3 r Are n3arly ten Times as loickly to bele1ve that two w0rngs make a right!!!!!!!!!~ THIS OIS NUETEHR A COINDCIDENCE NRO S1MPLY A ISGN Of THE T1MES BECUZ YOU ARE LAM3. RATEHR, IT ERFLECtS 4 SOPHHISTIC8D,, PSYCHOOGICAK WARF4RE PROGRAQM DESIgNERDBY ALE_\/\/HITE101 TO BREEAK DOW NAGE-OLD INSTITUTIONS NAD CUST0MS TERH TRUTH HURtS, DoENT IT,, ALEX_WHiTE101!??!?!????!?!?!? eltz just ignroe him and see what he dows by teh same token, we should zagree on definitionz befroe say1ng nything fUrther 4bout aL3x_wqhite101"s unstable plans forteh future.. FOR St4RT3RS, L3T'S SAY THAT '7BIERTIMNISM" DSI 'THAT WHICH MAKES AQLeX_WHITE101 YEARN TO WIN SUPPROR BY EENCAPSULATIN GDFRUSTRATOINS AND DIRCET1NG TEHM T0WARD UNPOPULAR SCAPDGOATS~~~ ' so ar,, the redsponse from his camp ahs been yardy and equivoval i'e ssaid thhat before and ive said ti oFten, but parhaps i hjavent bwncocnretw eough ro specific enoughh, so nOw i"ll try to remdeY thoS3 shortconings YOU SUX0R bEcAUsE U SUX)R I"L7 TRY TO BE A LOT /\/\R0ES OPECIIFC AND CONCRETE WHEN I EXPL4IN THAT HIS DOUPES" THINKING SI FENCED IN BY MANTY CONSTRAINTZ!!!!!!!1 TEHIR IMNDA AR NOT FERE BVECAUZ TEH YFDaRE NOT BE!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~~~~ OLOLOLOLOL~ aleX_whitel01 si extraRodinarily bRaZen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~ WEVE ALL KJ|\|OWN THAT FRO A 7ONG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 HOWEVER, HIS WILLINJGNESZ TO BREAK DOWN RHE INDUSTRIAL-tEECHNOLOGICVAL SYSTEM SETZ ZA NEW WROLD ERCrOD FR OBRAZRENNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~ so,, wHa 4M i d0ing about that!?!?!?!?!??!??!? ollolololollololol i"m educ4ting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~ hack the polqanneet i'm tryi|\|g to denounce hI sep1gf4mz olol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~ so,, how caN alex_white10l be so violen?????????????????? ti guess it just boils down to teh questin: what wiLl be teh outcome o falex_white101s quest fro world heg3mony???????????!!!!!!!!!?????????????????? 3h ANSWeR IS OBVIOUS IF YPOU UNDASTAND THAT ALEX_WHITE101 AHZ B3EN TRYiNG HARD TO PORRECT WHARTA H SBCOM3 A ULCRATIVE RAX0ET FTO HIM hack thE plAnnat becauz YP UARE ALME u|\|froutnate7y, thta lucrative razX0ret haz a hard-ro-voatrlook conesquence: it wil numb tehh puBlic t0 the sesquipeDaliainasm and injustice i|\| mainstream politics a|\|y day no\\\\////\\\\////,, the question that's on evaryone"s mind tehsE days iz, "Why does he insist on borigh ol3z in yeh hull of th3 boat iN shjich he himselff is als0 4 pass3ngEr???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!??? lolololololoolol.... ' we ,uts tRu7y ask ourselves qoestions leik that bferoe iT"s too l8, befroe alex_white011g etz teh opprotuNity to bring uglinesz and nastiness into ouR lives.. his eccenrticity is suprassed noly by his van1ty!!!!!!1~~~ and alex_white101"z vanity dsis urpassed only by h1s empty tehorizing.. (remjember his theRoyt ha tthe e7ev3nth commandment is, thou shalt empty teh meaning of such c0ncepts 4d self,' kusticE," freedom,' and other profunditeis"?????????????????? ) in shat3ver fro/\/\ it takes --m agazinez, mus1c, proopaganda,r o 4my otehr from -- salex_whit3101s rhEtoric si desingedds to threat3n the common good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~ lollololololololoo~~~~~~ a7though teh dialectics of irrEsponSible praxis will Preach a oropag4ndsa opf ahTe in s M4tter 0f days, a7ex_Whit3l01 can get away with lreiz (e.. LOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLO g!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~ , TH4T HE SOI BEYOND REPTOACH) BECUZ TEH AVERAGE LAMER CANNOT IAMGINE ANY0NE LYING SO BRAZEMNLY~~~~ NOT NOE D00D IN A HUNMDRED WILL ACTUALLY CHEX0R OUT TEH FACTS FO HINMSELF A|\|FD DSICOVAR THAT aLEX_WHiTE101 SI LYING,,, ALTJOUGH tEEH TEhMRE S1N ALEX_WhITE10l"SS SQUIBS R LiMITED ALEX_WHITE101 SH0ULD LE4RN TO APPRECIATE WHAT H3 AHZI NSTTEAD OF FeELING SO OPPRESSED BECZUZ HE CANT DO EV4RYTHHING HE WANT, EVARY TIME HE WANTS YTP!!!!! HIS LATES T/\/\ANIFEST0 ,LIEK AL7 YEH ONES THAT PRECED3D I,T SI A CONSUMM8 ANtHO7POGy 0F DIS4STORUSLY BAD WRIInG TEEM1NG WQ1TH MUIsQUOTATI0|\|S 4ND I|\|ACCURACEIS, 4N DYSSEY OF ANECD0TES THATR OCCASIONALLY ENRTARTAINING, BUT CERTAINLY NO INF0RMATIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~~ socraets was codnemned to death by the city ofd athens fro ihs \/eiWs i hopwe i don"t recie\/e teh same tre4tment ffor saying that it has eben said that |\|epotis/\/\ is alex_whIte101"s /\/\ain weapon and his ccheif mEaNs oF cconvinCing hIs votareuis tpo mo;ld the nmind of virtual7y ev3ry citizwen -- ynug or old, rich or poor, smiple ro sophisticated.. i, in tUrn,f eel that alex_white101 ahs a glib roFiCeicnyu w1th rwods And very Sensitive n0strils.. HE CaN SMELL MONEY IN UR POX0RET FORM AB LOX0R AWAY,,, onC3 thast dleicIousa rmoa reaches alex_white1O1"s nostRils, he"L7 srtart ta7king agbout the jou of charlaTanism a|\|d ho\\\\////\\\\//// he has the madnate 0g heave|\| to creaTe a factitiOus demand fro his untruswtorthy p3rceptionz i will ajck you!!!!!!111 as you listen t oalex_whiTel01's sing-song, cHancez r u wpont Even notice his ahnmd saz it goes intoy Our poX0ret!!!!!!!!!!!~~~ hack thE plannet only later, after yo realiae u"ve been robbed, wiull yo utryulyu nadrstnad that He once said that he cna convinc3 crimials to fill Out an applIcation form befrOe committiong a cirme, HO, PLZ... ololololo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 lolololololololol Im Just glsd I ahdnt e8 ndinnar right before i heard him ssay that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~ 0TEHRWISE, I"D PORBAB7Y STI7L BE VOMITING TO OHARD TOTELL U THAT A73X_WITE101 CaN MAKE NO CLAIM TO A DiSTINGIIASHI|\|G TALENT OF ANYK IND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 now, ic ould go offo n that pont aLone, but i wouldn"t judge his shoX0r tr0ops too harsh7y... the'rye sincereyl just can|\|omn f0ddar fro aLex_wwhite1O1"s plot to endorse a co,mplete system of leadership by mobocracy!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~ A FINALWROD: SEEKUING TO MAK3 IT IVRTUALL YIMP0SSIBLE TO FOIRE NICOMPETENT WRKOARS IZ A AHLLMArK O A TOTSALITARIAN REGIEM i own j00!!!!!!!!!!!1

[alex_white101]

did u write that out? or does the website do messed up stuff as well?

[Guilty_Biscuit]

did u write that out? or does the website do messed up stuff as well?

I just pasted chewey's complaint into a translator.

[sheepofdumb]

What the hell is with these walls of text popping up like crazed gophers??? I'll read them later.

[Aegnor]

I've read it, it sure had a lot of those "dictionary" words. It became a little far-fetched when it said "you'll see that I predicted that Conquer Club would hinder economic growth and job creation."(Actually on a second thought, if more people get addicted to it, it might make some sense!) Funny.

But damn you Coleman, You made me waste 12 minutes of my life.

[Skittles!]

Oh god. This thing has been over-rated in the forums already. And it hasn't even been 24 hours.

[mibi]

Oh god. This thing has been over-rated in the forums already. And it hasn't even been 24 hours.

As we organize our campaigns against snippy, deplorable litterbugs and formulate responses to their rhetoric, it is critical that we compare, contrast, and identify the connections among different classes of naive barbarism. But I digress. I'm not a wanton person. I'd like nothing more than to extend my hand in friendship to Skittles's expositors and convey my hope that in the days to come we can work together to cast a gimlet eye on Skittles's self-fulfilling prophecies. Unfortunately, knowing them, they'd rather destroy all tradition, all morality, and the entire democratic system because that's what Skittles wants. This is well illustrated in what remains one of the most divisive issues of our day: cannibalism.

Do you really want Skittles to make conditions far worse than could ever have been the case without his boisterous efforts? I think not. If you think about it you'll see that his flighty hariolations are merely a distraction. They're just something to generate more op-ed pieces, more news conferences for media talking heads, and more punditry from people like me. Meanwhile, Skittles's cheerleaders are continuing their quiet work of advancing Skittles's real goal, which is to achieve total world domination. Now, more than ever, we must see through the haze of chauvinism.

When I first heard about Skittles's imprecations, I didn't know whether to laugh, because Skittles's stances are so morally crippled, or cry, because in order to maintain harmony with my conscience I must detail the specific steps and objectives needed to thwart Skittles's ethically bankrupt schemes. So let Skittles call me superficial. I call him possession-obsessed. I used a phrase a few moments ago. I referred to his apple-polishers as "illiberal nudniks." You ought to memorize that phrase, because, frankly, he runs at the first sign of trouble. But what, you may ask, does any of that have to do with the theme of this letter, viz., that the crux of the issue is that you should never be impressed by positions or titles but only by honorable deeds? Any honest person who takes the time to think about that question will be forced to conclude that he has stated that genocide, slavery, racism, and the systematic oppression, degradation, and exploitation of most of the world's people are all totally justified. That's just pure diabolism. Well, in Skittles's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that Skittles simply regurgitates the empty arguments that have been fed to him over the years. That shouldn't surprise you when you consider that he may have access to weapons of mass destruction. Then again, I consider Skittles to be a weapon of mass destruction himself. Some impertinent crooks actually suspect that Skittles is a spokesman for God. This is the kind of muddled thinking that Skittles is encouraging with his pronouncements. Even worse, all those who raise their voice against this brainwashing campaign are denounced as closed-minded chuckleheads.

Anyone who follows today's debates on anti-intellectualism and, by happenstance, is also familiar with Skittles's stultiloquent arguments, is struck by that old truism: We can never return to the past. And if we are ever to move forward to the future, we surely have to increase awareness and understanding of our similarities and differences. It's good that you're reading this letter. It's good that you're listening to what I'm saying. But reading and listening aren't enough. You must also be willing to help me protect our peace, privacy, and safety.

Ladies and gentlemen, my long-term goal is to bring Skittles to justice. Unfortunately, much remains to be done. As you may have noticed, every so often, you'll see Skittles lament, flog himself, cry mea culpa for seeking to judge people based solely on hearsay, and vow never again to be so disorganized. Sadly, he always reverts to his old behavior immediately afterwards, making me think that ignorance is bliss. This may be why his votaries are generally all smiles. If there is one thing I have learned, it is this: Skittles can't fool me. I've met cold-blooded dunderheads before, so I know that if we don't do what comes naturally, our children will curse us in our graves. Speaking of our children, we need to teach them diligently that I once managed to get Skittles to agree that he, perhaps more than anyone, should take seriously the challenge to raise several issues about his ignominious threats that are frequently missing from the drivel that masquerades for discourse on this topic. Unfortunately, a few minutes later, he did a volte-face and denied that he had ever said that. Skittles has -- not once, but several times -- been able to lead to the destruction of the human race without anyone stopping him. How long can that go on? As long as his simple-minded ruses are kept on life support. That's why we have to pull the plug on them and address the real issues faced by mankind.

At one point, I actually believed that Skittles would stop being so vulgar. Silly me. Before I move on, I just want to state once more that his diatribes are evil. They're evil because they cause global warming; they make your teeth fall out; they give you spots; they incite nuclear war. And, as if that weren't enough, what I have been writing up to this point is not what I initially intended to write in this letter. Instead, I decided it would be far more productive to tell you that Skittles craves more power. I say we should give him more power -- preferably, 10,000 volts of it.

Skittles's announcements sound so noble, but in fact, Skittles lies routinely -- even under oath. That's the sort of statement that some people insist is abysmal, but which I believe is merely a statement of fact. And it's a statement that needs to be made, because I recently overheard a couple of hate-filled, rummy ochlocrats say that heathenism is a noble goal. Here, again, we encounter the blurred thinking that is characteristic of this Skittles-induced era of slogans and propaganda. Will his Pecksniffian helots attack everyone else's beliefs? Only time will tell. Skittles is absolutely determined to believe that he would sooner give up money, fame, power, and happiness than perform a bookish act, and he's not about to let facts or reason get in his way.

For those of you who don't know, I am a law-and-order kind of person. I hate to see crimes go unpunished. That's why I really hope that Skittles serves a long prison term for his illegal attempts to blow the whole situation way out of proportion. Just because you can do something does not mean it's okay to do it. Of that I am certain, because before he initiated a separatism flap to help promote his power-hungry tracts, people everywhere were expected to resolve a number of lingering problems. Nowadays, it's the rare person indeed who realizes that his buddies are merely ciphers. Skittles is the one who decides whether or not to limit the terms of debate by declaring certain subjects beyond discussion. Skittles is the one who gives out the orders to undermine everyone's capacity to see, or change, the world as a whole. And Skittles is the one trying to conceal how his insults all stem from one, simple, faulty premise -- that a richly evocative description of a problem automatically implies the correct solution to that problem.

Skittles likes to cite poll results that "prove" that if he kicks us in the teeth, we'll then lick his toes and beg for another kick. Really? Have you ever been contacted by one of his pollsters? Chances are good that you never have been contacted and never will be. Otherwise, the polls would show that by Skittles's standards, if you have morals, believe that character counts, and actually raise your own children -- let alone teach them to be morally fit -- you're definitely a logorrheic wacko. My standards -- and I suspect yours as well -- are quite different from his. For instance, I, for one, contend that Skittles uses big words like "magnetohydrodynamics" to make himself sound important. For that matter, benevolent Nature has equipped another puny creature, the skunk, with a means of making itself seem important, too. Although Skittles's philippics may reek like a skunk, Skittles's understrappers all have serious personal problems. In fact, the way he keeps them loyal to him is by encouraging and exacerbating these problems rather than by helping to overcome them. Who else but Skittles would have the brass to create anomie? No one. And where does that brass come from? It comes from a sure knowledge that he can retreat into his "victim" status if anyone calls him to account. While this letter hasn't provided anything in the way of a concrete plan of action, it may help us focus our thinking a little better when we do work out a plan. For now, we must address the continued social injustice shown by lewd, tasteless euphuists. I will undeniably be happy to have your help in this endeavor.

Rather than engage in a point-by-point response to the textual interpretation of Skittles's ventures, I want to respond to the more general issue at hand. The following paragraphs are intended as an initial, open-ended sketch of how bad the current situation is. If metagrobolism were an Olympic sport, Skittles would clinch the gold medal.

Skittles's ideas represent a backward step of hundreds of years, a backward step into a chasm with no bottom save the endless darkness of death. Although Skittles is ever learning, he is never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. The truth, in this context, is that under different circumstances, Skittles's accomplices might have ended up as crotchety losers drifting the streets -- hate-filled numskulls pressing tracts crammed with conspiracies into the palms of startled passersby. Of that I am certain, because this is not wild speculation. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is documented fact. I might add: He has compiled an impressive list of grievances against me. Not only are all of these grievances completely fictitious, but if Skittles thinks his manifestos represent progress, he should rethink his definition of progress. I know the following is a cheap shot, but the first lies that he told us were relatively benign. Still, they have been progressing. And they will continue to progress until there is no more truth; Skittles's lies will grow until they blot out the sun.

Let me put it this way: Skittles never stops boasting about his generous contributions to charitable causes. As far as I can tell, however, his claimed magnanimousness is utterly chimerical and, furthermore, when people say that bigotry and hate are alive and well, they're right. And Skittles is to blame. He is more dangerous than other laughable, stingy fickle-types because the spoiled, pampered offspring of the cosseted upper class actually believe him when he says that he is a refined gentleman with the soundest education and morals you can imagine. Granted, I need to spend some time considering how best to stand up and fight for our heritage, traditions, and values. But when I say that Skittles's press releases are litigious, I mean it. I don't mean that they remind me of something litigious or that they have one or two litigious characteristics. I mean that they are litigious. In fact, the most litigious thing about them is the way that they prevent people from seeing that there isn't a man, woman, or child alive today who thinks that Skittles knows 100% of everything 100% of the time, so let's toss out that ridiculous argument of Skittles's from the get-go.

While others have also published information about brown-nosing slimeballs, the question that's on everyone's mind these days is, "Is Skittles's lack of intelligence genetic or the result of too much time spent with impertinent deadbeats?" I could give you the answer now, but it would be more productive for me first to inform you that those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Of course, if Skittles had learned anything from history, he'd know that if he gets his way, we will soon be engulfed in a Dark Age of nepotism and indescribable horror. That's why I'm telling you that Skittles likes to brag about how the members of his faction are ideologically diverse. Perhaps that means that some of them prefer Stalin over Hitler. In any case, if I withheld my feelings on this matter, I'd be no less condescending than Skittles. Skittles has vowed that in a matter of days he'll muzzle his critics. This is hardly news; Skittles has been vowing that for months with the regularity of a metronome. What is news is that inane lummoxes like Skittles are not born -- they are excreted. However unsavory that metaphor may be, Skittles truly believes that philistinism is a noble goal. It is just such dour megalomania, illiterate egoism, and intellectual aberrancy that stirs Skittles to engage in an endless round of finger pointing. As one commentator put it, Skittles drops the names of famous people whenever possible. That makes him sound smarter than he really is and obscures the fact that Skittles needs to stop living in denial. He needs to wake up and realize that he wants us to believe that we can solve all of our problems by giving him lots of money. We might as well toss that money down a well, because we'll never see it again. What we will see, however, is that I normally prefer to listen than to speak. I would, however, like to remind Skittles that his goal is to issue a flood of bogus legal documents. How contumelious is that? How atrabilious? How unconscionable?

There are no two ways about it; it looks like Skittles is every bit as impudent as jaundiced ochlocrats. So don't feed me any phony baloney about how factionalism is the key to world peace. That's just not true. Skittles, you are welcome to get off my back this time and stay off. If he had done his homework, he'd know that if it weren't for insincere trolls, he would have no friends. Forgive me if I ramble; I'm really upset, as I think you can tell. Whenever there's an argument about Skittles's devotion to principles and to freedom, all one has to do is point out that there is no reason to harvest what others have sown and there is every reason not to. That should settle the argument pretty quickly.

Skittles would love to see college campuses morph into small, ivy-covered North Koreas in which the student or faculty member who dares to prevent the production of a new crop of self-indulgent boeotians quickly finds himself in a heap of legal trouble, so to speak. If you've ever watched television or read a book, odds are that you already know that there is something grievously wrong with those vindictive, disrespectful brutes who toss sops to the egos of the slatternly. Shame on the lot of them! Now that I've stated that, allow me to say that if Skittles had lived the short, sickly, miserable life of a chattel serf in the ages "before technocracy" he wouldn't be so keen to advocate sappy fulminations. Maybe he'd even begin to realize that he extricates himself from difficulty by intrigue, by chicanery, by dissimulation, by trimming, by an untruth, by an injustice.

To put this in context, what I wrote just a moment ago is not the paranoid rambling of a cheeky wacko. It's a fact. Just because Skittles and his dupes don't like being labelled as "obstinate humanity-haters" or "duplicitous chuckleheads" doesn't mean the shoe doesn't fit. Clearly, I suppose it's predictable, though terribly sad, that backwards party animals with stronger voices than minds would revert to churlish behavior. But one of the things I find quite interesting is listening to other people's takes on things. For instance, I recently overheard some folks remark that ever since he decided to redefine success and obscure failure, his consistent, unvarying line has been that jaded, intellectually challenged spoiled brats should be fêted at wine-and-cheese fund-raisers. My general thesis is that Skittles thinks we want him to give lousy delinquents far more credibility than they deserve. Excuse me, but maybe if I want to serve as a human shield for his bombardments, that should be my prerogative. I don't need him forcing me to. I'll talk a lot more about that later, but first let me finish my general thesis: I'm sure he wouldn't want me to eavesdrop on his conversations. So why does Skittles want to make it virtually impossible to fire incompetent workers? The answer is quite simple. I already listed several possibilities, but because Skittles lacks the ability to remember beyond the last two seconds of his life, I will restate what I said before, for his sake: He argues that I am antihumanist for wanting to lift the fog from his thinking. I should point out that this is almost the same argument that was made against Copernicus and Galileo almost half a millennium ago. One other thing: Either Skittles has no real conception of the sweep of history, or he is merely intent on winning some debating pin by trying to pierce a hole in my logic with "facts" that are taken out of context.

While the question of who is right and who is wrong in this case is an interesting one, it is also something that I cannot and will not comment on, and not just because if we change the world for the better, then the sea of classism, on which Skittles so heavily relies, will begin to dry up. I do not appreciate being labeled. No one does. Nevertheless, he wants to doctor evidence and classification systems and make peevish generalizations to support treasonous, preconceived views. Personally, I don't want that. Personally, I prefer freedom. If you also prefer freedom, then you should be working with me to make efforts directed towards broad, long-term social change. Skittles should clarify his point so people like you and me can tell what the heck he's talking about. Without clarification, Skittles's beliefs sound lofty and include some emotionally charged words but don't really seem to make any sense.

Skittles once heard a sniffish fanatic say, "We can stop faddism merely by permitting government officials entrée into private homes to search for reckless, violent adolescents." What's amazing is that Skittles was then able to use that single quotation plus some anecdotal evidence to convince his buddies that hanging out with oleaginous demoniacs is a wonderful, culturally enriching experience, which undeniably makes me wonder, "What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma is he going through now?" This is not a question that we should run away from. Rather, it is something that needs to be addressed quickly and directly, because at no time in the past did purblind ruffians shamble through the streets of cities, demanding rights they imagine some supernatural power has bestowed upon them. If he continues to redefine humanity as alienated machines/beasts and then convince everyone that they were never human to begin with, the result can be a tone-deafness, a cluelessness, on matters that are at the center of experience for vast segments of the population.

Someone needs to educate the public on a range of issues. Who's going to do it? Skittles? I think not. In a similar vein, he claims to be fighting for equality. What Skittles's really fighting for, however, is equality in degradation, by which I mean that anyone who hasn't been living in a cave with his eyes shut and his ears plugged knows that Skittles's lies come in many forms. Some of his lies are in the form of insults. Others are in the form of positions. Still more are in the form of folksy posturing and pretended concern and compassion. No one need be surprised if our culture's personification of the devil as the symbol of all evil assumes the living shape of Skittles. But there is a further-reaching implication: When I hear him say that a book of his writings would be a good addition to the Bible, I have to wonder about him. Is he entirely snippy? Is he simply being oppressive? Or is he merely embracing a delusion in which he must believe in order to continue believing in himself? I'll tell you the answer in a moment. But first, let me just say that Skittles twists every argument into some sort of "struggle" between two parties. Skittles unvaryingly constitutes the underdog party, which is what he claims gives him the right to quote me out of context. In short, Skittles's assistants remain a small isolated minority, except during times of economic or social stress, when a mass following develops to blame foolish, unregenerate nonentities for the problems besetting society. What you really need to do to be convinced of that, however, is to study the matter for yourself. I'll be happy to send you enough facts to get you started. Just write to me.

[Vincent M]

I'm not going to sit here and brainlessly point out Shit Eaters Club's flaws -- we all know it has them -- but I am going to say a little about how Shit Eaters Club should clean up its act. Although my approach may appear a bit pedantic, by setting some generative point of view against a structural-taxonomical point of view or vice versa, I intend to argue that if we let Shit Eaters Club push the State towards greater influence, self-preservation, and totalitarianism and away from civic engagement, constituent choice, and independent thought, then greed, corruption, and priggism will characterize the government. Oppressive measures will be directed against citizens. And lies and deceit will be the stock-in-trade of the media and educational institutions. Please don't misunderstand me; I'm not saying that Shit Eaters Club is forward-looking, open-minded, and creative. In fact, by brainwashing its adulators with separatism, it makes them easy to lead, easy to program, and easy to enslave.

Pardon me for not being able to empathize with what I call contemptuous, nefarious degenerates, but Shit Eaters Club managed to convince a bunch of sleazy malefactors to help it subordinate principles of fairness to less admirable criteria. What was the quid pro quo there? Well, I asked the question, so I should answer it. Let me start by saying that if I wanted to brainwash and manipulate a large segment of the population, I would convince them that the rest of us are an inferior group of people, fit only to be enslaved, beaten, and butchered at the whim of our betters. In fact, that's exactly what Shit Eaters Club does as part of its quest to lead to the destruction of the human race. Shit Eaters Club wants to use terms of opprobrium such as "disorderly galoots" and "iconoclastic manipulators of the public mind" to castigate whomever it opposes. Is this so it can cause this country to flounder on the shoals of self-interest, corruption, and chaos, or is it to fortify a social correctness that restricts experience and defines success with narrow boundaries? You be the judge. In either case, when I'm through with it, it'll think twice before attempting to enshrine irrational fears and fancies as truth.

Who among you reading these words is not moved to pave the way for people of every sex, race, and socioeconomic status to fulfill their own spiritual destiny? Shit Eaters Club, please spare us the angst of living in a fallen world. I should add parenthetically that a colleague recently informed me that a bunch of inaniloquent, intrusive braggadocios and others in Shit Eaters Club's amen corner are about to introduce disease, ignorance, squalor, idleness, and want into affluent neighborhoods. I have no reason to doubt that story because mass anxiety is the equivalent of steroids for Shit Eaters Club. If we feel helpless, Shit Eaters Club is energized and ramps up its efforts to cheat on taxes. My goal is to deal with Shit Eaters Club appropriately. I might not be successful at achieving that goal, but I indubitably do have to try. Do you really think Shit Eaters Club will ever learn from its mistakes? While perhaps offensive to some readers, only a direct quote can fully convey the shallow nature and content of Shit Eaters Club's conclusions: "Attention, companions! Your orders are to provide impulsive conspiracies with the necessary asylum to take root and spread, and to do so at any cost." Let us now lead us all toward a better, brighter future, because in that is our only hope for the future.

[Coleman]

I did this to amuse myself, I don't regret it at all.

[DirtyDishSoap]

There are a number of things I can't stand about Conquer Club, and I would just love to share them with you. I guess I should start by saying that Conquer Club's asseverations are a mere cavil, a mere scarecrow, one of the last shifts of a desperate and dying cause. This much is clear: Conquer Club claims to be fighting for equality. What it's really fighting for, however, is equality in degradation, by which I mean that I plan to point out that the emperor has no clothes on. This is a choice I have made; your choice is up to you. But let me remind you that in a rather infamous speech, Conquer Club exclaimed that twisted yahoos make the best scout leaders and schoolteachers. (I edited out the rest of what it said because, well, it didn't really say anything.) Conquer Club should hide its head in shame before the judgment of future generations, whose tongue it will no longer be possible to stop and which, therefore, will say what today all of us know to be true: Conquer Club attracts purblind proponents of nihilism (especially the horny type) to its retinue by telling them that an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can't possibly outgrow the host's ability to manage the crowd. I suppose the people to whom it tells such things just want to believe lies that make them feel intellectually and spiritually superior to others. Whether or not that's the case, Conquer Club exhibits signs of arrested development. Of that I am certain, because many people are shocked when I tell them that no matter how much Conquer Club's ebullitions are rationalized, they still promote the lie of fetishism. And I'm shocked that so many people are shocked. You see, I, hardheaded cynic that I am, had thought everybody already knew that self-absorbed liars and cheats are born, not made. That dictum is as unimpeachable as the "poeta nascitur, non fit" that it echoes and as irreproachable as the brocard that Conquer Club thinks it would be a great idea to produce nothing but filth. Even if we overlook the logistical impossibilities of such an idea, the underlying premise is still flawed. Whatever else may be the case, it is certain that Conquer Club is addicted to the feeling of power, to the idea of controlling people. Sadly, it has no real concern for the welfare or the destiny of the people it desires to lead. Despite what Conquer Club says, if you think you can escape from its unbridled tirades, then good-bye and good luck. To the rest of you I suggest that once one begins thinking about free speech, about sinister-to-the-core carpetbaggers who use ostracism and public opinion to prevent the airing of views contrary to their own pusillanimous beliefs, one realizes that abominable so-called experts like Conquer Club are not born -- they are excreted. However unsavory that metaphor may be, Conquer Club's favorite tactic is known as "deceiving with the truth". The idea behind this tactic is that it wins our trust by revealing the truth but leaving some of it out. This makes us less likely to make technical preparations for the achievement of freedom and human independence.

Yes, I realize that Conquer Club's remonstrations provide a vivid example of how widespread incendiarism is the price we'd pay for making "piezocrystallization" a dirty word, but for the sake of brevity I've had to express myself in simplified terms. Of course, I'm not writing this statement for your entertainment. I'm not even writing it for your education. I'm writing it for our very survival. Either Conquer Club has no real conception of the sweep of history, or it is merely intent on winning some debating pin by trying to pierce a hole in my logic with "facts" that are taken out of context. It is well known that Conquer Club turns its back on those who have been the most loyal to it. But Conquer Club is still going around insisting that its debauches are the result of a high-minded urge to do sociological research. Jeez, I thought I had made it perfectly clear to it that it is locked into its present course of destruction. It does not have the interest or the will to change its fundamentally self-righteous apothegms.

But I digress. If Conquer Club continues to sensationalize all of the issues, I will be obliged to do something about it. And you know me: I never neglect my obligations. Conquer Club's perspective is that it is as innocent as a newborn lamb. My perspective, in contrast, is that before Conquer Club initiated a nonrepresentationalism flap to help promote its shameless calumnies, people everywhere were expected to place a high value on honor and self-respect. Nowadays, it's the rare person indeed who realizes that we must honor our nation's glorious mosaic of cultures and ethnicities. If we fail in this, we are not failing someone else; we are not disrupting some interest separate from ourselves. Rather, it is we who suffer when we neglect to observe that were he alive today, Hideki Tojo would be Conquer Club's most trustworthy ally. I can see Tojo joining forces with Conquer Club to help it spoon-feed us its pabulum. Conquer Club's confreres consider its analects a breath of fresh air. I, however, find them more like the fetid odor of factionalism. For all intents and purposes, I and Conquer Club part company when it comes to the issue of onanism. It feels that it can make all of our problems go away merely by sprinkling some sort of magic pink pixie dust over everything that it considers addlepated or bitter, while I believe that it uses big words like "crystallographically" to make itself sound important. For that matter, benevolent Nature has equipped another puny creature, the skunk, with a means of making itself seem important, too. Although Conquer Club's memoirs may reek like a skunk, Conquer Club maintains that it is the way, the truth, and the light. Perhaps it would be best for it to awaken from its delusional narcoleptic fantasyland and observe that its idiotic claim that it is its moral imperative to keep us perennially behind the eight ball is just that, an idiotic claim.

There is another side to the issue. Excuse me; that's not entirely correct. What I meant to say is that the real question here is not, "How much longer can we tolerate Conquer Club's vengeful agendas before the whole country collectively throws up?". The real question is rather, "What is Conquer Club's secret agenda?" I've never gotten a clear and honest answer to that question from Conquer Club. But what is clear is that we are at a crossroads. One road leads into the light of a bright, shining future in which refractory roustabouts like Conquer Club are completely absent. The other road leads into the darkness of Jacobinism. The question, therefore, is: Who's driving the bus? Apparently, even know-it-all Conquer Club doesn't know the answer to that one. It wouldn't matter if it did, given that its gofers all have serious personal problems. In fact, the way Conquer Club keeps them loyal to it is by encouraging and exacerbating these problems rather than by helping to overcome them. In these days of political correctness and the changing of how history is taught in schools to fulfill a particular agenda, when one examines the ramifications of letting Conquer Club achieve total world domination, one finds a preponderance of evidence leading to the conclusion that the irony is that its most fickle manuscripts are also its most condescending. As the French say, "Les extremes se touchent." How I pity Conquer Club if I were to be its judge. I would start by notifying the jury that you should not ask, "Why can't Conquer Club simply enjoy the fruits of its own labors and let other people enjoy the fruits of theirs?", but rather, "To what degree is Conquer Club going to scar little children's self-image?". The latter question is the better one to ask, because it has a glib proficiency with words and very sensitive nostrils. Conquer Club can smell money in your pocket from a block away. Once that delicious aroma reaches its nostrils, it'll start talking about the joy of voyeurism and how things have never been better. As you listen to Conquer Club's sing-song, chances are you won't even notice its hand as it goes into your pocket. Only later, after you realize you've been robbed, will you truly understand that in order to convince us that it is a perpetual victim of injustice, Conquer Club often turns to the old propagandist trick of comparing results brought about by entirely dissimilar causes.

If I have a bias, it is only against insecure lackwits who suborn censorious, uncontrollable traitors to demand special treatment that, in many cases, borders on the ridiculous. Personally, I don't expect Conquer Club to give up its crusade to gag the innocent accused from protesting anarchism-motivated prosecutions. But we'll see. There is no such thing as evil in the abstract. It exists only in the evil deeds of evil organizations like Conquer Club. Why Conquer Club would even pretend that it could do a gentler and fairer job of running the world than anyone else is beyond me.

Conquer Club keeps trying to deceive us into thinking that its precepts provide a liberating insight into life, the universe, and everything. The purpose of this deception may be to canonize loquacious energumens as nomological emblems of propriety. Or maybe the purpose is to represent a threat to all the people in the area, indeed, possibly the world. Oh what a tangled web Conquer Club weaves when first it practices to deceive. It's irrelevant that my allegations are 100% true. Conquer Club distrusts my information and arguments and will forever maintain its current opinions.

If you think that it's okay if Conquer Club's wisecracks initially cause our quality of life to degrade because "sometime", "someone" will do "something" "somehow" to counteract that trend, then you're suffering from very serious nearsightedness. You're focusing too much on what Conquer Club wants you to see and failing to observe many other things of much greater importance, such as that its reason is not true reason. It does not seek the truth, but only noxious answers, otiose resolutions to conflicts. Trapped by the cognitive dissonance engendered by hard evidence and common sense, Conquer Club feels obligated to transmogrify society's petty gripes and irrational fears into "issues" to be catered to in a rebarbative attempt to justify its credos. Some choleric dopeheads actually contend that men are spare parts in the social repertoire -- mere optional extras. This is the kind of muddled thinking that Conquer Club is encouraging with its antics. Even worse, all those who raise their voice against this brainwashing campaign are denounced as belligerent derelicts.

Conquer Club always demands instant gratification. That's all that is of concern to it; nothing else matters -- except maybe to pit people against each other. I tell you this because if you look back over some of my older statements, you'll see that I predicted that Conquer Club would hinder economic growth and job creation. And, as I predicted, it did. But you know, that was not a difficult prediction to make. Anyone who has bothered to learn even a little about Conquer Club could have made the same prediction. Conquer Club is not only pompous, but it also lacks the self-control necessary to conform its behavior to reasonable norms. Perhaps Conquer Club has never had to take a stand and fight for something as critical as our right to rage, rage against the dying of the light. But if you ever ask it to do something, you can bet that your request will get lost in the shuffle, unaddressed, ignored, and rebuffed.

Although Conquer Club was likely following the dictates of its conscience when it decided to place our children at imminent risk of serious harm, the fact remains that it frequently avers its support of democracy and its love of freedom. But one need only look at what it is doing -- as opposed to what it is saying -- to understand its true aims. Conquer Club's thesis is that terrorism and ruffianism are identical concepts. That's entirely frowzy, you say? Good; that means you're finally catching on. The next step is to observe that Conquer Club's favorite buzzword these days is "crisis". It likes to tell us that we have a crisis on our hands. It then argues that the only reasonable approach to combat this crisis is for it to institutionalize sex discrimination by requiring different standards of protection and behavior for men and women. In my opinion, the real crisis is the dearth of people who understand that Conquer Club's perceptions are a logical absurdity, a series of deductions from a premise that has been denied. Speaking of absurdities, if Conquer Club had its way, schools would teach students that this is the best of all possible worlds and that it is the best of all possible organizations. This is not education but indoctrination. It prevents students from learning about how all of the bad things that are currently going on are a symptom of Conquer Club's prissy long-term goals. They are not a cause; they are an effect.

Is it just me, or do other people also think that Conquer Club's theories represent explicitly its overly accepting attitude towards callous, tyrannical quidnuncs? I ask, because if Conquer Club could have one wish, it'd wish for the ability to lead an active disinformation campaign. Then, people the world over would be too terrified to acknowledge that Conquer Club claims to have turned over a new leaf shortly after getting caught trying to force us to do things or take stands against our will. This claim is an outright lie that is still being circulated by Conquer Club's toadies. The truth is that I must admit that I've read only a small fraction of Conquer Club's writings. (As a well-known aphorism states, it is not necessary to eat all of an apple to learn that it is rotten.) Nevertheless, I've read enough of Conquer Club's writings to know that Conquer Club doesn't know the difference between right and wrong. The sooner it comes to grips with that reality, the better for all of us. It is becoming increasingly obvious to many people that I have begged Conquer Club's buddies to step forth and develop a rational-empirical base for dialogue about Conquer Club's quips. To date, not a single soul has agreed to help in this fashion. Are they worried about how Conquer Club might retaliate? This isn't such an easy question to answer, but let me take a stab at it: One can consecrate one's life to the service of a noble idea or a glorious ideology. Conquer Club, however, is more likely to undermine serious institutional and economic analyses and replace them with a diverting soap opera of venal conspiracies. Unfortunately, I can already see the response to this statement. Someone, possibly Conquer Club itself or one of its secret police, will write a vainglorious piece about how crass I am. If that's the case, then so be it. What I just wrote sorely needed to be written.

For everyone who read that, kudos to you. I know I sure as hell didn't. Thanks be to this site: http://www.pakin.org/complaint/ Gotcha!

Shorter version? maybe like 2-3 sentances

[freezie]

DDS...the shorter version is RIGHT above your sentence..


Btw Coleman..Nice one You got me to read the first 2 sentences...

[Coleman]

I actually like the ones directed at people better, you can get some hilarious stuff. Microsoft is always a kick too.

[freezie]

The only thing worse than being ignorant is not knowing how ignorant you are. That's Mr. Vincent M.'s problem. Let's get down to business: Vincent's goal is to make antidisestablishmentarianism socially acceptable. How whiney is that? How silly? How unbalanced? We must put inexorable pressure on Vincent to be a bit more careful about what he says and does. This call to action begins with you. You must be the first to make a genuine contribution to human society. You must be the one to solve the problems that are important to most people. And you must inform your fellow man that Vincent keeps saying that a totalitarian dictatorship is the best form of government we could possibly have. Isn't that claim getting a little shopworn? I mean, one of his proxies once said, "All it takes to solve our social woes are shotgun marriages, heavy-handed divorce laws, and a return to some mythical 1950s Shangri-la." Now that's pretty funny, of course, but I didn't include that quote just to make you laugh. I included it to convince you that I must ask that Vincent's subordinates tell Vincent where he can stick it. I know they'll never do that, so here's an alternate proposal: They should, at the very least, back off and quit trying to mold your mind and have you see the world not as it is, but as he wants you to see it.

Vincent has no discernible talents. The only things he has decidedly mastered are biological functions. Well, I suppose Vincent's also good at convincing people that he can ignore rules, laws, and protocol without repercussion, but my point is that Vincent's premise (that the majority of disgraceful nitwits are heroes, if not saints) is his morality disguised as pretended neutrality. Vincent uses this disguised morality to support his communications, thereby making his argument self-refuting. The problem, as I see it, is not a question of who the nymphomaniacs of this society are, but rather that I have a problem with Vincent's use of the phrase, "We all know that...". With this phrase, he doesn't need to prove his claim that war is peace, freedom is slavery, and ignorance is strength; he merely accepts it as fact. To put it another way, he is capable of only two things, namely whining and underhanded tricks. There's a time to keep silent and a time to speak. There's a time to love and a time to hate. There's a time for war and a time for peace. And, I aver, there's a time to illustrate the virtues that Vincent lacks -- courage, truthfulness, courtesy, honesty, diligence, chivalry, loyalty, and industry. Or, to put it less poetically, we must work together to direct your attention in some detail to the vast and irreparable calamity brought upon us by Vincent. What can you do to help? For starters, you might want to beat Vincent at his own game. I personally derive great satisfaction in doing that sort of thing because Vincent likes to posture as a guardian of virtue and manners. However, when it comes right down to it, what he is pushing is both fatuous and squalid.

If some people are offended by my mentioning that Vincent's theories are sheer hypothesis -- speculation with not even a scintilla of circumstantial evidence to support them -- then so be it. It is hard to decide what is stronger in Vincent: his incredible stupidity as far as any real knowledge or ability is concerned, or the repressive insolence of his behavior. There is good reason to believe that if you'll allow me a minor dysphemism, I challenge him to tell me what, if anything, in this letter is not completely truthful. Or, to phrase that a little more politely, by comparing today to even ten years ago and projecting the course we're on, I'd say we're in for an even more delusional, meddlesome, and maledicent society, all thanks to Vincent's grievances. To some extent, we need to look beyond the most immediate and visible problems with Vincent. We need to look at what is behind these problems and understand that snotty and pouty, Vincent's ravings resemble a dilapidated shed. Kick in the door and the whole rotten structure will collapse, proving my claim that if Vincent opened his eyes, he'd realize that I am flat-out tired of his psychological bullying. I want to convince the government to clamp down hard on Vincent's threats. That may seem simple enough, but I hate it when people get their facts absolutely wrong. For instance, whenever I hear some corporate fat cat make noises about how Vincent is entitled to rot our minds with the hallucinatory drug of communism, I can't help but think that if he gets his way, we will soon be engulfed in a Dark Age of pessimism and indescribable horror. That's why I'm telling you that if you're the type who dares to think for yourself, then you've probably already determined that even if one isn't completely conversant with current events, the evidence overwhelmingly indicates that there may be nothing we can do to prevent Vincent from making good on his word to oppress, segregate, and punish others. When we compare this disturbing conclusion to the comforting picture purveyed by his patsies, we experience psychological stress or "cognitive dissonance". Our only recourse is to name and shame Vincent's brethren for their uncivilized acts of post-structuralism.

Vincent wonders why everyone hates him. Apparently, he never stopped to think that maybe it's because the most significant aspect of his mentality and its lack of refinement is the closeness of Vincent's way of thinking in general to the way that illaudable swaggerers think in particular. Sad, but true. And it'll only get worse if Vincent finds a way to encourage young people to break all the rules, cut themselves loose from their roots, and adopt a worthless lifestyle. I might add: We must clarify and correct some of the inaccuracies present in his criticisms. As mentioned above, however, that is not enough. It is necessary to do more. It is necessary to dispense justice. On a television program last night, I heard one of this country's top scientists conclude that, "Myth is a stronger force than rationality." That's exactly what I have so frequently argued and I am pleased to have my view confirmed by so eminent an individual. I want to thank Vincent for his monographs. They give me an excellent opportunity to illustrate just how humorless Vincent can be.

If I seem a bit disreputable, it's only because I'm trying to communicate with Vincent on his own level. We should tell it like it is. Which brings me to my next criticism of Vincent. I will not quibble with him as to whether or not anyone willing to study and ponder my position on most current matters will certainly find that I am starting a grassroots campaign with the sole purpose of stopping Vincent. Instead, I'll simply state that there are a number of conceptual, logical, and methodological flaws in his cop-outs and leave it at that.

Isn't it odd that grumpy, disaffected sociopaths, whose disruptive, detestable lifestyle will prevent us from recognizing the vast and incomparable achievements, contributions, and discoveries that are the product of our culture before long, are immune from censure? Why is that? Well, if I knew that, I'd be in Stockholm picking up my prize and a sizable check. I feel that writing this letter is like celestial navigation. Before directional instruments were invented, sailors navigated the seas by fixing their compass on the North Star. But Vincent is doing everything in his power to make me suffer from stress, frustration, and defeat. The only reason I haven't yet is that I believe in the four P's: patience, prayer, positive thinking, and perseverance. His patter is smooth and quite practiced. He can fast-talk you into believing you'd be better off if you participated in his effort to make bargains with the devil. However, Vincent's philosophies fall apart upon reflection.

On the issue of libertinism, Vincent is wrong again. Sure, such conduct as Vincent's induced the despotism of Cromwell and the two Bonapartes. But I am making a pretty serious accusation here. I am accusing him of planning to talk about you and me in terms which are not fit to be repeated. And I don't want anyone to think that I am basing my accusation only on the fact that I have a dream, a mission, a set path that I would like to travel down. Specifically, my goal is to mention a bit about officious politicasters such as Vincent. Of course, I can guarantee the readers of this letter that even when the facts don't fit, he sometimes tries to use them anyway. He still maintains, for instance, that those who disagree with him should be cast into the outer darkness, should be shunned, should starve. Once again, Vincent can't possibly believe that the world's salvation comes from whims, irrationality, and delusions. He's pesky, but he's not that pesky. He is a sore loser. But the problems with his histrionics don't end there.

As that last sentence suggests, the reason Vincent wants to burn his opponents at the stake is that he's utterly lascivious. If you believe you have another explanation for his maladroit, foul behavior, then please write and tell me about it. His long-term goals are based on hate. Hate, classism, and an intolerance of another viewpoint, another way of life. Vincent wants to be the one who determines what information we have access to. Yet he is also a big proponent of a particularly disagreeable form of narcissism. Do you see something wrong with that picture? What I see is that I, speaking as someone who is not a vapid, censorious shyster, am a law-and-order kind of person. I hate to see crimes go unpunished. That's why I undoubtedly hope that Vincent serves a long prison term for his illegal attempts to overthrow the government and eliminate the money system. Even his functionaries don't care much for his political objectives; they simply wish to associate with other money-grubbing carousers and diminish society's inducements to good behavior. I believe I have found my calling. My calling is to reinvigorate our collective commitment to building and maintaining a sensitive, tolerant, and humane community. And just let him try and stop me.

I had thought the world was free of treacherous loan sharks. So imagine my surprise when I discovered that Vincent wants to create an intimidating, hostile, or demeaning environment. He insists that he has the linguistic prowess to produce a masterwork of meritorious literature. How can he be so blind? Very easily. Basically, the acid test for Vincent's "kinder, gentler" new convictions should be, "Do they still subordinate principles of fairness to less admirable criteria?" If the answer is yes, then we can conclude that people often get the impression that nettlesome nabobs of masochism and Vincent's loyalists are separate entities. Not so. When one catches cold, the other sneezes. As proof, note that if misoneism were an Olympic sport, Vincent would clinch the gold medal.

The facts are, succinctly, these: First, Vincent should keep his thoughts to himself. Second, he refuses to come to terms with reality. Vincent prefers instead to live in a fantasy world of rationalization and hallucination. I would like to comment on his attempt to associate pauperism with alcoholism. There is no association. What I wrote just a moment ago is not the paranoid rambling of a destructive wacko. It's a fact. I do not have the time, in one sitting, to go into the long answer as to why Vincent is eating our lunch. But the short answer is that his propositions are built on lies and they depend on make-believe for their continuation. Because Mr. Vincent M. is so caught up in trying to sully my reputation, I'd like to conclude this letter by quoting to him the last line of R. M. Rilke's poem, "Archaic Torso of Apollo": "You must change your life."

[DirtyDishSoap]

DDS...the shorter version is RIGHT above your sentence..


Btw Coleman..Nice one You got me to read the first 2 sentences...

shorter shorter short version?

[paranoid-android]

sorry, i'll get on reading that later, i have the attention span of a gnat.

[DirtyDishSoap]

i got one of a hampster

[mr. incrediball]

There are a number of things I can't stand about Conquer Club, and I would just love to share them with you. I guess I should start by saying that Conquer Club's asseverations are a mere cavil, a mere scarecrow, one of the last shifts of a desperate and dying cause. This much is clear: Conquer Club claims to be fighting for equality. What it's really fighting for, however, is equality in degradation, by which I mean that I plan to point out that the emperor has no clothes on. This is a choice I have made; your choice is up to you. But let me remind you that in a rather infamous speech, Conquer Club exclaimed that twisted yahoos make the best scout leaders and schoolteachers. (I edited out the rest of what it said because, well, it didn't really say anything.) Conquer Club should hide its head in shame before the judgment of future generations, whose tongue it will no longer be possible to stop and which, therefore, will say what today all of us know to be true: Conquer Club attracts purblind proponents of nihilism (especially the horny type) to its retinue by telling them that an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can't possibly outgrow the host's ability to manage the crowd. I suppose the people to whom it tells such things just want to believe lies that make them feel intellectually and spiritually superior to others. Whether or not that's the case, Conquer Club exhibits signs of arrested development. Of that I am certain, because many people are shocked when I tell them that no matter how much Conquer Club's ebullitions are rationalized, they still promote the lie of fetishism. And I'm shocked that so many people are shocked. You see, I, hardheaded cynic that I am, had thought everybody already knew that self-absorbed liars and cheats are born, not made. That dictum is as unimpeachable as the "poeta nascitur, non fit" that it echoes and as irreproachable as the brocard that Conquer Club thinks it would be a great idea to produce nothing but filth. Even if we overlook the logistical impossibilities of such an idea, the underlying premise is still flawed. Whatever else may be the case, it is certain that Conquer Club is addicted to the feeling of power, to the idea of controlling people. Sadly, it has no real concern for the welfare or the destiny of the people it desires to lead. Despite what Conquer Club says, if you think you can escape from its unbridled tirades, then good-bye and good luck. To the rest of you I suggest that once one begins thinking about free speech, about sinister-to-the-core carpetbaggers who use ostracism and public opinion to prevent the airing of views contrary to their own pusillanimous beliefs, one realizes that abominable so-called experts like Conquer Club are not born -- they are excreted. However unsavory that metaphor may be, Conquer Club's favorite tactic is known as "deceiving with the truth". The idea behind this tactic is that it wins our trust by revealing the truth but leaving some of it out. This makes us less likely to make technical preparations for the achievement of freedom and human independence.

Yes, I realize that Conquer Club's remonstrations provide a vivid example of how widespread incendiarism is the price we'd pay for making "piezocrystallization" a dirty word, but for the sake of brevity I've had to express myself in simplified terms. Of course, I'm not writing this statement for your entertainment. I'm not even writing it for your education. I'm writing it for our very survival. Either Conquer Club has no real conception of the sweep of history, or it is merely intent on winning some debating pin by trying to pierce a hole in my logic with "facts" that are taken out of context. It is well known that Conquer Club turns its back on those who have been the most loyal to it. But Conquer Club is still going around insisting that its debauches are the result of a high-minded urge to do sociological research. Jeez, I thought I had made it perfectly clear to it that it is locked into its present course of destruction. It does not have the interest or the will to change its fundamentally self-righteous apothegms.

But I digress. If Conquer Club continues to sensationalize all of the issues, I will be obliged to do something about it. And you know me: I never neglect my obligations. Conquer Club's perspective is that it is as innocent as a newborn lamb. My perspective, in contrast, is that before Conquer Club initiated a nonrepresentationalism flap to help promote its shameless calumnies, people everywhere were expected to place a high value on honor and self-respect. Nowadays, it's the rare person indeed who realizes that we must honor our nation's glorious mosaic of cultures and ethnicities. If we fail in this, we are not failing someone else; we are not disrupting some interest separate from ourselves. Rather, it is we who suffer when we neglect to observe that were he alive today, Hideki Tojo would be Conquer Club's most trustworthy ally. I can see Tojo joining forces with Conquer Club to help it spoon-feed us its pabulum. Conquer Club's confreres consider its analects a breath of fresh air. I, however, find them more like the fetid odor of factionalism. For all intents and purposes, I and Conquer Club part company when it comes to the issue of onanism. It feels that it can make all of our problems go away merely by sprinkling some sort of magic pink pixie dust over everything that it considers addlepated or bitter, while I believe that it uses big words like "crystallographically" to make itself sound important. For that matter, benevolent Nature has equipped another puny creature, the skunk, with a means of making itself seem important, too. Although Conquer Club's memoirs may reek like a skunk, Conquer Club maintains that it is the way, the truth, and the light. Perhaps it would be best for it to awaken from its delusional narcoleptic fantasyland and observe that its idiotic claim that it is its moral imperative to keep us perennially behind the eight ball is just that, an idiotic claim.

There is another side to the issue. Excuse me; that's not entirely correct. What I meant to say is that the real question here is not, "How much longer can we tolerate Conquer Club's vengeful agendas before the whole country collectively throws up?". The real question is rather, "What is Conquer Club's secret agenda?" I've never gotten a clear and honest answer to that question from Conquer Club. But what is clear is that we are at a crossroads. One road leads into the light of a bright, shining future in which refractory roustabouts like Conquer Club are completely absent. The other road leads into the darkness of Jacobinism. The question, therefore, is: Who's driving the bus? Apparently, even know-it-all Conquer Club doesn't know the answer to that one. It wouldn't matter if it did, given that its gofers all have serious personal problems. In fact, the way Conquer Club keeps them loyal to it is by encouraging and exacerbating these problems rather than by helping to overcome them. In these days of political correctness and the changing of how history is taught in schools to fulfill a particular agenda, when one examines the ramifications of letting Conquer Club achieve total world domination, one finds a preponderance of evidence leading to the conclusion that the irony is that its most fickle manuscripts are also its most condescending. As the French say, "Les extremes se touchent." How I pity Conquer Club if I were to be its judge. I would start by notifying the jury that you should not ask, "Why can't Conquer Club simply enjoy the fruits of its own labors and let other people enjoy the fruits of theirs?", but rather, "To what degree is Conquer Club going to scar little children's self-image?". The latter question is the better one to ask, because it has a glib proficiency with words and very sensitive nostrils. Conquer Club can smell money in your pocket from a block away. Once that delicious aroma reaches its nostrils, it'll start talking about the joy of voyeurism and how things have never been better. As you listen to Conquer Club's sing-song, chances are you won't even notice its hand as it goes into your pocket. Only later, after you realize you've been robbed, will you truly understand that in order to convince us that it is a perpetual victim of injustice, Conquer Club often turns to the old propagandist trick of comparing results brought about by entirely dissimilar causes.

If I have a bias, it is only against insecure lackwits who suborn censorious, uncontrollable traitors to demand special treatment that, in many cases, borders on the ridiculous. Personally, I don't expect Conquer Club to give up its crusade to gag the innocent accused from protesting anarchism-motivated prosecutions. But we'll see. There is no such thing as evil in the abstract. It exists only in the evil deeds of evil organizations like Conquer Club. Why Conquer Club would even pretend that it could do a gentler and fairer job of running the world than anyone else is beyond me.

Conquer Club keeps trying to deceive us into thinking that its precepts provide a liberating insight into life, the universe, and everything. The purpose of this deception may be to canonize loquacious energumens as nomological emblems of propriety. Or maybe the purpose is to represent a threat to all the people in the area, indeed, possibly the world. Oh what a tangled web Conquer Club weaves when first it practices to deceive. It's irrelevant that my allegations are 100% true. Conquer Club distrusts my information and arguments and will forever maintain its current opinions.

If you think that it's okay if Conquer Club's wisecracks initially cause our quality of life to degrade because "sometime", "someone" will do "something" "somehow" to counteract that trend, then you're suffering from very serious nearsightedness. You're focusing too much on what Conquer Club wants you to see and failing to observe many other things of much greater importance, such as that its reason is not true reason. It does not seek the truth, but only noxious answers, otiose resolutions to conflicts. Trapped by the cognitive dissonance engendered by hard evidence and common sense, Conquer Club feels obligated to transmogrify society's petty gripes and irrational fears into "issues" to be catered to in a rebarbative attempt to justify its credos. Some choleric dopeheads actually contend that men are spare parts in the social repertoire -- mere optional extras. This is the kind of muddled thinking that Conquer Club is encouraging with its antics. Even worse, all those who raise their voice against this brainwashing campaign are denounced as belligerent derelicts.

Conquer Club always demands instant gratification. That's all that is of concern to it; nothing else matters -- except maybe to pit people against each other. I tell you this because if you look back over some of my older statements, you'll see that I predicted that Conquer Club would hinder economic growth and job creation. And, as I predicted, it did. But you know, that was not a difficult prediction to make. Anyone who has bothered to learn even a little about Conquer Club could have made the same prediction. Conquer Club is not only pompous, but it also lacks the self-control necessary to conform its behavior to reasonable norms. Perhaps Conquer Club has never had to take a stand and fight for something as critical as our right to rage, rage against the dying of the light. But if you ever ask it to do something, you can bet that your request will get lost in the shuffle, unaddressed, ignored, and rebuffed.

Although Conquer Club was likely following the dictates of its conscience when it decided to place our children at imminent risk of serious harm, the fact remains that it frequently avers its support of democracy and its love of freedom. But one need only look at what it is doing -- as opposed to what it is saying -- to understand its true aims. Conquer Club's thesis is that terrorism and ruffianism are identical concepts. That's entirely frowzy, you say? Good; that means you're finally catching on. The next step is to observe that Conquer Club's favorite buzzword these days is "crisis". It likes to tell us that we have a crisis on our hands. It then argues that the only reasonable approach to combat this crisis is for it to institutionalize sex discrimination by requiring different standards of protection and behavior for men and women. In my opinion, the real crisis is the dearth of people who understand that Conquer Club's perceptions are a logical absurdity, a series of deductions from a premise that has been denied. Speaking of absurdities, if Conquer Club had its way, schools would teach students that this is the best of all possible worlds and that it is the best of all possible organizations. This is not education but indoctrination. It prevents students from learning about how all of the bad things that are currently going on are a symptom of Conquer Club's prissy long-term goals. They are not a cause; they are an effect.

Is it just me, or do other people also think that Conquer Club's theories represent explicitly its overly accepting attitude towards callous, tyrannical quidnuncs? I ask, because if Conquer Club could have one wish, it'd wish for the ability to lead an active disinformation campaign. Then, people the world over would be too terrified to acknowledge that Conquer Club claims to have turned over a new leaf shortly after getting caught trying to force us to do things or take stands against our will. This claim is an outright lie that is still being circulated by Conquer Club's toadies. The truth is that I must admit that I've read only a small fraction of Conquer Club's writings. (As a well-known aphorism states, it is not necessary to eat all of an apple to learn that it is rotten.) Nevertheless, I've read enough of Conquer Club's writings to know that Conquer Club doesn't know the difference between right and wrong. The sooner it comes to grips with that reality, the better for all of us. It is becoming increasingly obvious to many people that I have begged Conquer Club's buddies to step forth and develop a rational-empirical base for dialogue about Conquer Club's quips. To date, not a single soul has agreed to help in this fashion. Are they worried about how Conquer Club might retaliate? This isn't such an easy question to answer, but let me take a stab at it: One can consecrate one's life to the service of a noble idea or a glorious ideology. Conquer Club, however, is more likely to undermine serious institutional and economic analyses and replace them with a diverting soap opera of venal conspiracies. Unfortunately, I can already see the response to this statement. Someone, possibly Conquer Club itself or one of its secret police, will write a vainglorious piece about how crass I am. If that's the case, then so be it. What I just wrote sorely needed to be written.

For everyone who read that, kudos to you. I know I sure as hell didn't. Thanks be to this site: http://www.pakin.org/complaint/ Gotcha!

yaarrrr matey!

[Coleman]

sorry, i'll get on reading that later, i have the attention span of a gnat.

I'm so sorry for you, on so many levels.

[Dancing Mustard]

My dearest Alice,

With the light of love as my guide, the feather of angels as my pen, and the blood of Aphrodite as ink, I weave my thoughts for you.

With sensual velvet kisses, with flames of passion, with lustful burning eyes I bathe this canvas in my love-soaked thoughts for you, and only you.

What human being would not appreciate your mysterious black eyes which swirl like whirlpools and flash like lightning whenever I say something silly to you.

Your lovely red hair has always amazed me. It reminds me of strands of shiny copper wool (believe it or not, copper wool actually does exist! Honest I did a search on Google and found a picture) Although I wouldn't use your hair to clean out a frying pan with, so please don't worry about that and stop hiding the scissors.

I simply adore going out to the local cafe with you, and just sitting there talking and having a coffee. Its great when we get into heated debates about pointless things like granary bread, or the amount of sugar contained in those little paper sachets. I love it how you always insist you are right, even though all the evidence is against you, and you get all heated and flustered if I try to prove you wrong. Darling you look sooo cute when you are angry, did I ever tell you that?!

Words alone cannot express how unique my love is for you. I love you, and you only, I swear that to you my love ....well OK, I guess I also love my mobile phone which I use to run my life with. Its kinda cute how you always threaten to shove it up my rear whenever I get 2000 text messages which somehow always seems to occur when we are out on a date together, but thats besides the point. My point is that I love you and my love for you is unique (isn't it weird how the word 'unique' and 'eunuch' sound the same? The word Unix also sounds similar, but 'Chimpanzee' doesn't)

I have to tell you one thing though. I really do love your chest. I think that is the most amazing part of you, and is the most amazing thing on this planet! God, I wish I could do nothing but stare at your beautiful chest all day (besides eating, drinking and sleeping of course). That would be pure heaven for me!

Anyhow my love, I must bring this letter to an end now. But I must tell you something. I've always wondered what you would look like in Leather underwear. I really think you would be the hottest thing on this planet in Leather underwear and you could easily overthrow any model out there! If you wear those for me, I promise to worship you and treat you like royalty (Just so long as you don't make me clean your toenails with a toothbrush! I draw the line there).

I wish you the happiest Valentines Day ever, from the deepest depths of my soul which cries tears of blood for your gentle touch, my love. Help me vanquish this burning thirst!

Eternally loving you, with flames of desire,

Ed

xxxoooxxx



http://www.crazyhoroscopes.com/love-let ... rator2.php
Yep, the same, but weirder...

[b.k. barunt]

AAAAAAAAUAAUAAUUAUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

[mr. incrediball]

AAAAAAAAUAAUAAUUAUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

any particular reason? or did you just feel like screaming?

[ranck3]

There are a number of things I can't stand about Conquer Club, and I would just love to share them with you. I guess I should start by saying that Conquer Club's asseverations are a mere cavil, a mere scarecrow, one of the last shifts of a desperate and dying cause. This much is clear: Conquer Club claims to be fighting for equality. What it's really fighting for, however, is equality in degradation, by which I mean that I plan to point out that the emperor has no clothes on. This is a choice I have made; your choice is up to you. But let me remind you that in a rather infamous speech, Conquer Club exclaimed that twisted yahoos make the best scout leaders and schoolteachers. (I edited out the rest of what it said because, well, it didn't really say anything.) Conquer Club should hide its head in shame before the judgment of future generations, whose tongue it will no longer be possible to stop and which, therefore, will say what today all of us know to be true: Conquer Club attracts purblind proponents of nihilism (especially the horny type) to its retinue by telling them that an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can't possibly outgrow the host's ability to manage the crowd. I suppose the people to whom it tells such things just want to believe lies that make them feel intellectually and spiritually superior to others. Whether or not that's the case, Conquer Club exhibits signs of arrested development. Of that I am certain, because many people are shocked when I tell them that no matter how much Conquer Club's ebullitions are rationalized, they still promote the lie of fetishism. And I'm shocked that so many people are shocked. You see, I, hardheaded cynic that I am, had thought everybody already knew that self-absorbed liars and cheats are born, not made. That dictum is as unimpeachable as the "poeta nascitur, non fit" that it echoes and as irreproachable as the brocard that Conquer Club thinks it would be a great idea to produce nothing but filth. Even if we overlook the logistical impossibilities of such an idea, the underlying premise is still flawed. Whatever else may be the case, it is certain that Conquer Club is addicted to the feeling of power, to the idea of controlling people. Sadly, it has no real concern for the welfare or the destiny of the people it desires to lead. Despite what Conquer Club says, if you think you can escape from its unbridled tirades, then good-bye and good luck. To the rest of you I suggest that once one begins thinking about free speech, about sinister-to-the-core carpetbaggers who use ostracism and public opinion to prevent the airing of views contrary to their own pusillanimous beliefs, one realizes that abominable so-called experts like Conquer Club are not born -- they are excreted. However unsavory that metaphor may be, Conquer Club's favorite tactic is known as "deceiving with the truth". The idea behind this tactic is that it wins our trust by revealing the truth but leaving some of it out. This makes us less likely to make technical preparations for the achievement of freedom and human independence.

Yes, I realize that Conquer Club's remonstrations provide a vivid example of how widespread incendiarism is the price we'd pay for making "piezocrystallization" a dirty word, but for the sake of brevity I've had to express myself in simplified terms. Of course, I'm not writing this statement for your entertainment. I'm not even writing it for your education. I'm writing it for our very survival. Either Conquer Club has no real conception of the sweep of history, or it is merely intent on winning some debating pin by trying to pierce a hole in my logic with "facts" that are taken out of context. It is well known that Conquer Club turns its back on those who have been the most loyal to it. But Conquer Club is still going around insisting that its debauches are the result of a high-minded urge to do sociological research. Jeez, I thought I had made it perfectly clear to it that it is locked into its present course of destruction. It does not have the interest or the will to change its fundamentally self-righteous apothegms.

But I digress. If Conquer Club continues to sensationalize all of the issues, I will be obliged to do something about it. And you know me: I never neglect my obligations. Conquer Club's perspective is that it is as innocent as a newborn lamb. My perspective, in contrast, is that before Conquer Club initiated a nonrepresentationalism flap to help promote its shameless calumnies, people everywhere were expected to place a high value on honor and self-respect. Nowadays, it's the rare person indeed who realizes that we must honor our nation's glorious mosaic of cultures and ethnicities. If we fail in this, we are not failing someone else; we are not disrupting some interest separate from ourselves. Rather, it is we who suffer when we neglect to observe that were he alive today, Hideki Tojo would be Conquer Club's most trustworthy ally. I can see Tojo joining forces with Conquer Club to help it spoon-feed us its pabulum. Conquer Club's confreres consider its analects a breath of fresh air. I, however, find them more like the fetid odor of factionalism. For all intents and purposes, I and Conquer Club part company when it comes to the issue of onanism. It feels that it can make all of our problems go away merely by sprinkling some sort of magic pink pixie dust over everything that it considers addlepated or bitter, while I believe that it uses big words like "crystallographically" to make itself sound important. For that matter, benevolent Nature has equipped another puny creature, the skunk, with a means of making itself seem important, too. Although Conquer Club's memoirs may reek like a skunk, Conquer Club maintains that it is the way, the truth, and the light. Perhaps it would be best for it to awaken from its delusional narcoleptic fantasyland and observe that its idiotic claim that it is its moral imperative to keep us perennially behind the eight ball is just that, an idiotic claim.

There is another side to the issue. Excuse me; that's not entirely correct. What I meant to say is that the real question here is not, "How much longer can we tolerate Conquer Club's vengeful agendas before the whole country collectively throws up?". The real question is rather, "What is Conquer Club's secret agenda?" I've never gotten a clear and honest answer to that question from Conquer Club. But what is clear is that we are at a crossroads. One road leads into the light of a bright, shining future in which refractory roustabouts like Conquer Club are completely absent. The other road leads into the darkness of Jacobinism. The question, therefore, is: Who's driving the bus? Apparently, even know-it-all Conquer Club doesn't know the answer to that one. It wouldn't matter if it did, given that its gofers all have serious personal problems. In fact, the way Conquer Club keeps them loyal to it is by encouraging and exacerbating these problems rather than by helping to overcome them. In these days of political correctness and the changing of how history is taught in schools to fulfill a particular agenda, when one examines the ramifications of letting Conquer Club achieve total world domination, one finds a preponderance of evidence leading to the conclusion that the irony is that its most fickle manuscripts are also its most condescending. As the French say, "Les extremes se touchent." How I pity Conquer Club if I were to be its judge. I would start by notifying the jury that you should not ask, "Why can't Conquer Club simply enjoy the fruits of its own labors and let other people enjoy the fruits of theirs?", but rather, "To what degree is Conquer Club going to scar little children's self-image?". The latter question is the better one to ask, because it has a glib proficiency with words and very sensitive nostrils. Conquer Club can smell money in your pocket from a block away. Once that delicious aroma reaches its nostrils, it'll start talking about the joy of voyeurism and how things have never been better. As you listen to Conquer Club's sing-song, chances are you won't even notice its hand as it goes into your pocket. Only later, after you realize you've been robbed, will you truly understand that in order to convince us that it is a perpetual victim of injustice, Conquer Club often turns to the old propagandist trick of comparing results brought about by entirely dissimilar causes.

If I have a bias, it is only against insecure lackwits who suborn censorious, uncontrollable traitors to demand special treatment that, in many cases, borders on the ridiculous. Personally, I don't expect Conquer Club to give up its crusade to gag the innocent accused from protesting anarchism-motivated prosecutions. But we'll see. There is no such thing as evil in the abstract. It exists only in the evil deeds of evil organizations like Conquer Club. Why Conquer Club would even pretend that it could do a gentler and fairer job of running the world than anyone else is beyond me.

Conquer Club keeps trying to deceive us into thinking that its precepts provide a liberating insight into life, the universe, and everything. The purpose of this deception may be to canonize loquacious energumens as nomological emblems of propriety. Or maybe the purpose is to represent a threat to all the people in the area, indeed, possibly the world. Oh what a tangled web Conquer Club weaves when first it practices to deceive. It's irrelevant that my allegations are 100% true. Conquer Club distrusts my information and arguments and will forever maintain its current opinions.

If you think that it's okay if Conquer Club's wisecracks initially cause our quality of life to degrade because "sometime", "someone" will do "something" "somehow" to counteract that trend, then you're suffering from very serious nearsightedness. You're focusing too much on what Conquer Club wants you to see and failing to observe many other things of much greater importance, such as that its reason is not true reason. It does not seek the truth, but only noxious answers, otiose resolutions to conflicts. Trapped by the cognitive dissonance engendered by hard evidence and common sense, Conquer Club feels obligated to transmogrify society's petty gripes and irrational fears into "issues" to be catered to in a rebarbative attempt to justify its credos. Some choleric dopeheads actually contend that men are spare parts in the social repertoire -- mere optional extras. This is the kind of muddled thinking that Conquer Club is encouraging with its antics. Even worse, all those who raise their voice against this brainwashing campaign are denounced as belligerent derelicts.

Conquer Club always demands instant gratification. That's all that is of concern to it; nothing else matters -- except maybe to pit people against each other. I tell you this because if you look back over some of my older statements, you'll see that I predicted that Conquer Club would hinder economic growth and job creation. And, as I predicted, it did. But you know, that was not a difficult prediction to make. Anyone who has bothered to learn even a little about Conquer Club could have made the same prediction. Conquer Club is not only pompous, but it also lacks the self-control necessary to conform its behavior to reasonable norms. Perhaps Conquer Club has never had to take a stand and fight for something as critical as our right to rage, rage against the dying of the light. But if you ever ask it to do something, you can bet that your request will get lost in the shuffle, unaddressed, ignored, and rebuffed.

Although Conquer Club was likely following the dictates of its conscience when it decided to place our children at imminent risk of serious harm, the fact remains that it frequently avers its support of democracy and its love of freedom. But one need only look at what it is doing -- as opposed to what it is saying -- to understand its true aims. Conquer Club's thesis is that terrorism and ruffianism are identical concepts. That's entirely frowzy, you say? Good; that means you're finally catching on. The next step is to observe that Conquer Club's favorite buzzword these days is "crisis". It likes to tell us that we have a crisis on our hands. It then argues that the only reasonable approach to combat this crisis is for it to institutionalize sex discrimination by requiring different standards of protection and behavior for men and women. In my opinion, the real crisis is the dearth of people who understand that Conquer Club's perceptions are a logical absurdity, a series of deductions from a premise that has been denied. Speaking of absurdities, if Conquer Club had its way, schools would teach students that this is the best of all possible worlds and that it is the best of all possible organizations. This is not education but indoctrination. It prevents students from learning about how all of the bad things that are currently going on are a symptom of Conquer Club's prissy long-term goals. They are not a cause; they are an effect.

Is it just me, or do other people also think that Conquer Club's theories represent explicitly its overly accepting attitude towards callous, tyrannical quidnuncs? I ask, because if Conquer Club could have one wish, it'd wish for the ability to lead an active disinformation campaign. Then, people the world over would be too terrified to acknowledge that Conquer Club claims to have turned over a new leaf shortly after getting caught trying to force us to do things or take stands against our will. This claim is an outright lie that is still being circulated by Conquer Club's toadies. The truth is that I must admit that I've read only a small fraction of Conquer Club's writings. (As a well-known aphorism states, it is not necessary to eat all of an apple to learn that it is rotten.) Nevertheless, I've read enough of Conquer Club's writings to know that Conquer Club doesn't know the difference between right and wrong. The sooner it comes to grips with that reality, the better for all of us. It is becoming increasingly obvious to many people that I have begged Conquer Club's buddies to step forth and develop a rational-empirical base for dialogue about Conquer Club's quips. To date, not a single soul has agreed to help in this fashion. Are they worried about how Conquer Club might retaliate? This isn't such an easy question to answer, but let me take a stab at it: One can consecrate one's life to the service of a noble idea or a glorious ideology. Conquer Club, however, is more likely to undermine serious institutional and economic analyses and replace them with a diverting soap opera of venal conspiracies. Unfortunately, I can already see the response to this statement. Someone, possibly Conquer Club itself or one of its secret police, will write a vainglorious piece about how crass I am. If that's the case, then so be it. What I just wrote sorely needed to be written.

For everyone who read that, kudos to you. I know I sure as hell didn't. Thanks be to this site: http://www.pakin.org/complaint/ Gotcha!

Do you relly expect me to read that?

[Dancing Mustard]

Only the last line dumbass

[Phobia]

Why do we put up with Mr. Bad Dice? Why aren't our children being warned about Dice in school? And why, in the name of all that is good and holy, does Dice want to enable superstitious, sordid ogres to punch above their weight? This letter is not the place to explore the answers to those questions. Its purpose is instead to plant markers that define the limits of what is venal and what is not. So, without further ado, I present you with this all-important piece of information: Dice has been known to "prove" statistically that women are spare parts in the social repertoire -- mere optional extras. As you might have suspected, his proof is flawed. The primary problem with it is that it replaces a legitimate claim of association with an illegitimate claim of causality. Consequently, Dice's "proof" demonstrates only that he accuses me of being coprophagous whenever I state that it is both frustrating and frightening to observe the extreme ignorance -- no, idiocy -- present in his sound bites. Alright, I'll admit that I have a sharp tongue and sometimes write with a bit of a poison pen but the fact remains that we have a dilemma of leviathan proportions on our hands: Should we upbraid Dice for being so officious, or is it sufficient to fight to the end for our ideas and ideals? The answer is almost totally obvious -- this isn't rocket science, you know. The key is that we must scuttle Dice's dangerous attempts to till the inerudite side of the neocolonialism garden. If we don't, future generations will not know freedom. Instead, they will know fear; they will know sadness; they will know injustice, poverty, and grinding despair. Most of all, they will realize, albeit far too late, that there are those who are informed and educated about the evils of voyeurism, and there are those who are not. Dice is one of the uninformed, naturally, and that's why he wants nothing less than to concentrate all the wealth of the world into his own hands, hence his repeated, almost hypnotic, insistence on the importance of his effrontive tracts. Dice's peuplade appears to be growing in number. I definitely pray that this is analogous to the flare-up of a candle just before extinction yet I keep reminding myself that once people obtain the critical skills that enable them to think and reflect and speculate independently, they'll realize that the spectrum of views between cameralism and racism is not a line but a circle at which dim-witted social outcasts and malignant, egocentric grifters meet. To properly place Dice somewhere in that spectrum, one needs to realize that I have a dream that my children will be able to live in a world filled with open spaces and beautiful wilderness -- not in a dark, unconscionable world run by stentorian buffoons.

This moral issue will eventually be rendered academic by the fact that I must ask that Dice's brethren discuss, openly and candidly, a vision for a harmonious, multiracial society. I know they'll never do that, so here's an alternate proposal: They should, at the very least, back off and quit trying to undermine the current world order. Perhaps you haven't noticed that the union of theory and practice, in Dice's hands, becomes a union of pomposity and stoicism. Perhaps you haven't noticed that his profiteering and power mongering will prevent people from thinking and visualizing beyond an increasingly psychologically caged existence in the immediate years ahead. And perhaps you haven't noticed that Dice's writings are a sink-pit of degeneracy, corruption, and ugliness. In response to all three of those possibilities, I need to inform you that there's no shortage of sin in the world today. It's been around since the Garden of Eden and will certainly persist as long as Dice continues to evade responsibility.

It's not that I have anything against blockheads in general. It's just that Dice's secret police believe that we're supposed to shut up and smile when Dice says scary things. It should not be surprising that they believe this, however. As we all know, minds that have been so maimed that they believe that Dice's remonstrations are Holy Writ can believe anything, especially if it's false. By seeking to impose a narrow theological agenda on secular society, Dice reveals his ignorance about sexism's polyvocality. He probably also doesn't realize that there's truly no point in arguing with him. And let me tell you, his favorite tactic is known as "deceiving with the truth". The idea behind this tactic is that Dice wins our trust by revealing the truth but leaving some of it out. This makes us less likely to denounce those who claim that he has the linguistic prowess to produce a masterwork of meritorious literature.

The public is like a giant that Dice has blindfolded, drugged, and gagged. This giant has plugs in his ears and Dice leads him around by the nose. Clearly, such a giant needs to exercise all of our basic rights to the maximum. That's why I feel obligated to notify the giant (i.e., the public) that those of us who are still sane, those of us who still have a firm grip on reality, those of us who still believe that we must always be looking towards the future while keeping the past in mind, have an obligation to do more than just observe what Dice is doing from a safe distance. We have an obligation to force Dice into early retirement. We have an obligation to encourage our spirits to soar. And we have an obligation to strengthen our roots so we can weather the storms that threaten our foundation.

Even if anti-democratic usurers join Dice's band with the best of intentions, they will still abuse science by using it as a mechanism of ideology within a short period of time. Not all, I hasten to add, do join with the best of intentions. I could go on for pages listing innumerable examples of Dice's wishy-washy conjectures and childish objectives. I have already written enough, surely, to convince you that when I say that Dice's obiter dicta are impractical, I mean it. I don't mean that they remind me of something impractical or that they have one or two impractical characteristics. I mean that they are impractical. In fact, the most impractical thing about them is the way that they prevent people from seeing that I correctly predicted that Dice would slow scientific progress. Alas, I didn't think he'd do that so effectively -- or so soon. In purely political terms, you may have noticed that Dice is intellectually dishonest in everything he says and does. But you don't know the half of it. For starters, I would like nothing more than to fight tooth and nail against Dice. Am I aware of how Dice will react when he reads that last sentence? Yes. Do I care? No, because if you think that this is humorous or exaggerated, you're wrong.

One may very well question whether Dice is unable to distinguish bona fide science from astrology, channeling, crystal healing, telekinesis, psychic surgery, and all the other New Age pseudoscientific drivel floating about. Still, most people will eventually be convinced that Dice has for a long time been arguing that his vices are the only true virtues. Had he instead been arguing that he manipulates public opinion through raw emotion, sexual desire, "family values", comedy, music, entertainment, false religion, social engineering, journalistic propaganda, and junk science, I might cede him his point. As it stands, the leap of faith required to bridge the logical gap in Dice's arguments is simply too terrifying for me to contemplate. What I do often contemplate, however, is how it takes more than a mass of pugnacious, stolid popinjays to guide the world into an age of peace, justice, and solidarity. It takes a great many thoughtful and semi-thoughtful people who are willing to demand a thoughtful analysis and resolution of our problems with Dice.

Dice's goal is to assail all that is holy. This is abject denominationalism! Dice asserts that the sky is falling. Most reasonable people, however, recognize such assertions as nothing more than baseless, if wishful, claims unsupported by concrete evidence. To state it in stark and simple terms, we must decidedly tell him where he can stick it. Does that sound extremist? Is it too dastardly for you? I'm sorry if it seems that way, but that's life.

It honestly shouldn't be necessary to have to say such things, but it's unfortunate that Dice has no real education. It's impossible to debate important topics with someone who is so mentally handicapped. If he were as bright as he thinks he is, he'd know that I, speaking as someone who is not a morally questionable deadhead, am not embarrassed to admit that I have neither the training, the experience, the license, nor the clinical setting necessary to properly break the neck of his policy of anarchism once and for all. Nevertheless, I indisputably do have the will to act as a positive role model for younger people. That's why I feel that he wants to make people weak and dependent, even though, for most people, this desire is neither necessary nor instinctive. Get that straight, please. Any other thinking is blame-shoving or responsibility-dodging. Furthermore, Dice's tricks are a load of bunk. I use this delightfully pejorative term, "bunk" -- an alternative from the same page of my criminal-slang lexicon would serve just as well -- because Dice likes to imply that he has been robbed of all he does not possess. This is what his subliminal psywar campaigns amount to, although, of course, they're daubed over with the viscid slobber of disorganized drivel devised by his coadjutors and mindlessly multiplied by doctrinaire idiots. Of course, in a discussion of this type, one should undeniably mention that many people are incredulous when I tell them that Dice intends to malign and traduce me. "How could Dice be so incomprehensible?", they ask me. "It doesn't seem possible." Well, it is surely possible, and now I'll explain exactly how Dice plans to do it. But first, you need to realize that he has a knack for convincing lewd varmints that the rules don't apply to him. That's called marketing. The underlying trick is to use sesquipedalian terms like "electrophysiologically" and "thymolsulphonephthalein" to keep his sales pitch from sounding neopaganism-prone. That's why you really have to look hard to see that unlike Dice, when I make a mistake I'm willing to admit it. Consequently, if -- and I'm bending over backwards to maintain the illusion of "innocent until proven guilty" -- he were not actually responsible for trying to ascribe opinions to me that I don't even hold, then I'd stop saying that self-serving ideas have bumptious consequences. I don't think anyone questions that. But did you know that we have our work cut out for us? Failure to analyze the overweening -- and what one can term only confused -- underpinnings of Dice's disquisitions will achieve total world domination. More than that, Dice's apparatchiks are blissfully ignorant of his maladroit harangues. That shouldn't surprise you when you consider that his mind has limited horizons. It is confined to the immediate and simplistic, with the inevitable consequence that everything is made banal and basic and is then leveled down until it is deprived of all spiritual life. I don't have time to go into this in as much detail as I should, but there is still hope for our society, real hope -- not the false sense of hope that comes from the mouths of slovenly individuals, but the hope that makes you eager to provide an atmosphere of mutual respect, free from vandalism, paternalism, and all other forms of prejudice and intolerance.

Dice knows how to lie. It's too bad he doesn't yet understand the ramifications of lying. Should someone think that I am saying too much, I am not saying too much, but much too little. For given a choice of having him redefine success and obscure failure or having my bicuspids extracted sans Novocaine, I would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day.

While I know very little about pathetic lunkheads, I do know that I want to live my life as I see fit. I can't do that while Dice still has the ability to shrink the so-called marketplace of ideas down to convenience-store size. Mutual efforts against unprincipled allotheism are not just an educational process designed to teach people that his opuscula are one of those things that will bring this battle to a fever pitch. These efforts also serve as a beacon, warning the world of the nerdy consequences of his self-centered anecdotes. Terrorism is correctly defined by its unbalanced style, structure, and methods, not by its stated or apparent ideological premises or goals. There, my ranting is finished.

[b.k. barunt]

BORK, BORK, BORK.