Talk about all things related to Conquer Club
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by SirSebstar on Tue Apr 19, 2011 10:41 am
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Help Wanted Wow. I've been in some amazingly tough battles in the last month. One of note was with a couple former CC champs in a doubles deal. When the match-up was revealed my partner and I mouthed these words to each other from opposite sides of the globe: Oh. Shit. CC Lords. They had squires and matching outfits and everything. But we held our own for awhile. And in the midst of it all I checked our games while at work. I typed these words: "damn this is a crucial moment in this particular game... I'll come back to it after work!" Famous last words. I couldn't let it go. Had to check back in while at work... and take my turn. I do some damage! Right on! Going to make a key fortification to my partner that could lock this sucker up and...? My boss walks in. No worries I think. I have 25 minutes left of my turn. I drop the game to the bottom of the screen. My boss sits down... and chats with me for 25 minutes and 10 seconds. My boss leaves. I miss my fort. "SweetMotherFrickenPoop!!!" I say. My boss comes back in. "Pardon???" He asks. "Damn... stubbed my toe boss!" Damn I say again. Lost that game. Lost that round three games to five. Poop. ~sigh~ Note to self: don't play CC while at work... well... maybe just at lunch. And at coffee breaks. And when things get slow. And... ack. I'm hooked. A steady income is overrated anyway I hear. Dripping, Juicy Sarcasm As a newt half way through his freshman year I've started to keep a running list of players I lurv meeting in The Pit (names are changed to protect the innocent): - Can't Keep It Up. Everything is all hot, bothered and sexy when the speed game is started... but as soon as you are up 23 territories to 5? It's Honkin' on Bobo time pal. Yeah. Suddenly a case of "I'm gonna kick your arse interruptus" hits your opponent. Fine. Honk on this. - The Freak. No. Not that kind of freak. I'm one of those. I'm talking about the "you must be cheating with the dice you forker" kind of freak. Or "freak out" let's say. Happens to me about once a week. I'm pretty aggressive on certain maps with attackers' dice. I get called a cheater about... oh... once a week. - The Smacker. Now, buddies (a loose term to be sure on a website where most are anonymous) will talk smack before, during, and after a game. But isn't it awesome when a player you have never played against before lucks out, hits your 15 stack with an 8 and breaks your bonus... twice... and does the end-zone dance in your face and tells you that you suXorZ!!!!!!! Awesome. Let's play 3 out of 5 I say. - The "it is THAT time of the month club" player. Meh. We all get bitchy at times. All of us. Been there myself. But I'm tempted to hit the "flush" button when a player complains about EVERYTHING. All. The. Time. With a blow-by-blow break down of their sucky game. Dude. Shut. Up. And give me your points. - The Used Car Salesman. The fog game is just at the tipping point and you get this: "Man you are kicking my arse!!! Good game!!! I have never played this map before and you are smoking me!!! Dude, you rock!!!" Yeah. With your 37 stack sitting behind that bush. I'll just wait for my next bonus. But thanks for the sales pitch. - The Elf? Yeah. I'm sure other players in the Speed World could easily call me the "I quit CC for the next 24 hours" guy. 'Cause... I get ticked at the dice... after a bunch of crazy losses and... a bottle of wine and some B.C. greenery. Not that I ever complain about the dice!!!! ~ahem~ One Flew Over the CC-Nest Truth be told... I can complain about the "assault cubes" with the best of them. And, it seems pretty clear, that over the long haul, sun spot craziness notwithstanding, that they even out in the end. But for the sake of argument, let's make some dice assumptions here, shall we? Let us, for the sake of argument, say that the CC assault cubes (read "dice" if you will) are hooped. Let us say, again to just agree to one salient point in a hypothetical manner, that random.org and their brainy math wizardry based in the organic chaos of our universe is full-on-whacked and lack is double-whacked for paying random.org for their bogus snake-oil and that as a result his minions are no more than those flying monkey things from the Wizard of Oz and that we paying members are drunken circus freaks in light of the fact that we shell out coin to be here. Let's just say, shall we? I'm not saying that I believe any of that, but let's just begin here: that we all agree these things are true. So then, with regard to these screwed up aggression squares: what are we observing? - Having certain players on/off foe list? Messes up the rolls. - Posting crazy posts in GD? Messes up the rolls. - Making a MOD grumpy? - Playing late at night? - Too many speed games? - The dice have ALWAYS been crap in January. (Or insert month of your choice.) - They are streaky after you stand on you head for five games. (Or insert game amount of your choice.) - They personally hate you for days and days at a time because you _______________ (fill in the blank). All these things then mess up the rolls. Okay? Well then, here is the kicker: assuming all of that is true it affects us all. Which makes the dice generator fair and unbiased. I'll be damned. Who knew our very own craziness could be used against us?!?! Funny that. (Stupid logic anyway, eh?) Okay. That's it for me this issue. Odd random thoughts all over the map from The Newt. See ya'll in The Pit and may the sun-spots and dark matter of the universe bless each of your battles with rolls that are slightly above average compared to your opponents over the mean average of data collected from 1000's of players in 10,000 games. Or? Just go kick some arse brothers and sisters! E.
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From the Pit… Okay. Let’s list some categories we might need to consider for CC success. Helpful Real-time Elf Chat (Reck) is provided in blue: Drop. Great. They dropped Ozland, and all of Southern Asia. Again. Random my... Cards. Sweet. Two pair. 8's over 6's. For the third time this game. Random my... Partners. Dude. Do you ever read game chat?!?! Maps. Waterloo. My favorite. ~grimace~ Settings. Oh. This is nukes. Sorry partner!!! Strategy. Okay team. How about this time we win! Technique. Stick your tongue out, grab Slim-Willie then you attack! Sheesh. Smarts. Does anyone remember my password?!?! Adaptability. Hmm... Okay then. Those were my troops you killed. Plan "B" anyone? Experience. Yeah! I rock that map. Played it twice already. Discretion. Stop. Stop attacking. Stop attacking NOW!!! Stop... #$%&$%#@@!!! All of these things (and many more of course) come into play when you play at CC. If you were to rate each of these areas from 1 to 5 (1 being low) the higher your cumulative score the stronger the odds that you are going to win. Makes sense doesn’t it. It’s not rocket surgery. So that’s it? Take it to the bank? Hmm… hold on there Steinway. There are a couple of other factors to consider. Your Opponents. They may not play the way you expect, want, like or desire. Sucks don’t it. So just go ahead and yell at them. It will make you feel better. (At least I assume my opponents feel better after yelling at me.) Or they may just be better than you thought. Or… heaven forbid… they might just be better than you in spite of what you think. Sucks don’t it. But it can be exciting too. For instance a long standing doubles partner and I were pushed to the wall a couple of weeks ago by a cook and a private. I mean they pushed us hard. They countered EVERYTHING we threw at them and then some. It was awesome… and surprising. I like those kind of surprises. It doesn’t hurt that we ended up winning either. But still, your opponents will have a say in the outcome of any given game. Some days you just suck. It happens. In fact it happens to everyone from time to time. No matter what your ego says. Maybe it’s because you are busy at work, or on the run from the law, or you have that crazy whacked out exam tomorrow at school: some days you just bite. Or perhaps (CENSOR’S NOTE: The next sentence is PG13) you haven’t had sex _______________ (Please fill in the blank. Answers may range from “ever” to “since noon” depending upon your age and libido.) and this may have an impact on your ability to concentrate. But some days, some games, the moon is in the left quadrant and you just plain old smell bad. Happens. But go ahead and yell at your teammates. It will make you feel better. (At least I assume my teammates feel better after yelling at me.) And finally: The Big Lebowski… This is a dice game. A game of chance. You can score high in every other category mentioned and be prepared in every single way for a game and the damn dice, random or not, can still kick your arse. Dude. Some days. 14 troops just can’t beat 2. No matter the logic. So, you can stop trying to figure it out if you want. Or not. But your feelings will still be hurt and your 14 troops dead all the same... if you can't put down the damn dice! Right. Now that you know all the secrets to success jump in there and get you some! And remember, no matter the outcome of the match, you are STILL sexy as hell... regardless of what they say! From the Pit E.
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I’ve always had respect for CC conquerors. No matter game-type, style, etc. Instinctively anyone should know how tough it is to reach the top of any leader board and stay there. While languishing as a Lieutenant I figured I would see how high I could go following some of the past conquerors advice (hats off to KH and demon in particular for tossing some of their thoughts randomly around) on how to gain and hold rank. I picked my game type and stuck with it. 1v1 speed no spoils sequential fog. I would play nothing else. I picked my “go to” map and my back up and I pledged to work them. I began to figure out what time of day was best to play, both for my attention and type of player who would join my games. I chose to play mid to high ranked players only. Before listing my games I would foe any low rank I saw who was waiting for a game. The risk/reward ratio was too high. I ended up with over 250 low ranks on my list. Most of whom I never even played. I learned to “feel” a streak. If I lost a couple of games in a row due to dice or drop I would stop for a couple of hours. Even if I really wanted to play. Conversely, if I hit a streak I would play as many games as possible until I lost one. My highest streak was 14 victories in a row. I didn’t play many clan games. I didn’t join any new tournaments. I rejected many offers to join games with players I knew. I just focused on the task at hand, day after day, hour after hour. Hell. At one point I was on such a streak I stayed up all night. When I went to work in the morning everyone thought I had the flu I looked so bad. Within three weeks I hit the fancy hat. Game 3000 of mostly 1v1 sequential speeders and weeks and weeks of my life I made it to page one of the leader board!!!! Image Click image to enlarge. image I thought Brigadier here I come! But then it hit me... I was dreading logging on. I wasn’t having fun anymore. It was work. So, the other day, I said “the hell with it” and booted up a ton of casual games on maps I had no clue how to play. And got my ass kicked in many of them. But I had a blast. Now CC is fun again. Sweet. Hats off to any all champs and former champs. It takes a lot of work. That, and the fact, you’re just that good. E.
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snip The Elf's First Date But there was another interesting development recently - I was invited to join a clan. Here is how I think that transpired: I was in a late night speed dubs game with some random dude (another aspect of expanding my horizons) and we were getting smoked. Badly. You know those games. Nothing goes right. Oh, you can blame the dice or whatever, but you just know, deep down, at the back of your primordial cortex, no matter what you do, the fates are against you and soon that big dinosaur is going to be using your femur as a tooth pick. Or your primordial spouse is going to bash your head in with that special pointy rock you found. Either way. End of story. But then The Elf is smacked with the inspiration stick. It doesn't usually work that way. Usually I'm in charge of the stupid stick. That night, even after my random partner was removed from the field of battle, we hammered the other team back and won. Thrilling. Seriously. Here was the other team's response to our come-from-behind victory: "fuuuu...dge" It was brief but heart felt I'm sure. Right on suckers! Coming out of that game I think my random partner from that night figured I was good. And handed my name over to a clan leader looking for a good player. Instead they got me. The guy with the stupid stick. But since I didn't have any other invites to the prom I said sure. I hope they don't think I'm a cheap lay! 'Cause I'm not cheap.
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Now Playing: “The Attack of the Odd Smelling Creature from Under the Outhouse” Narrator: In this exciting issue The Newt explains the thrill of things slipping away… let’s tune in: Maybe it’s human nature. Maybe it’s because I’ve been spending too many late nights playing Speed Crack (please see below). But lately I feel like I’ve been in a made for Television, Funded by Arts Canada, C Grade Horror Movie. And it really, really sucks. You know the movie? The one where you go: “you would have to be an idiot to open that door.” And? Said idiot opens that door. And then gets stabbed in the forehead. Repeatedly. Yeah. I have knives in my forehead. Some of you do too. It is often (but not always to be sure) the reason for the “these dice can bite my hairy (albeit cute) arse” threads on the Board. It’s when you know you shouldn’t attack anymore. You KNOW it. Not even your crazy auntie who is always souped up on cold meds would attack anymore. But you do. Here is the dialogue straight from CC’s secret tapes: Voice of Reason : “Good job Elf. You’ve moved forward well this turn. Now fort-up and move along.” Elfish_Lad : “What?!?! Yeah baby! Kickin’ Arse and taking names you Mother Of An Anteater’s Cousin! Deal with that!!!” Voice of Reason : “Hah, Elf. Good one. Now. Take that little lost 2 over there and place it on this stack of 5 here. Okay?” Elfish_Lad : “Right on! Moving forward! Gonna snag me another country before I’m done this turn, then I’ll get me a righteous bonus next turn and then on to the next territory and then VICTORY you Cow Looking Foppish Goul!” Voice of Reason : “Elf! STOP!!! Sweet Mother of...” Elfish_Lad : “Woo! Hoo! Forward HOOOOOE!!!! What?!?! Where did all my little armies go? Damn... These dice suck.” Voice of Reason : “…” Elfish_Lad : “How did this knife get stuck in my forehead anyway?!?!” Voice of Reason : “F U.” Narrator: Stay tuned for the next thrilling episode of “The Newt Throws Away The Lead Again!” The Elf and His Sexy Striptease Here is an interesting development I haven't figured out how to conquer: (as mentioned above) I've been hooked on speed games for the last month and it is random.org's fault. I want to learn doubles and quads. I want to figure out terminator and kill your neighbour's uncle (or whatever those other game types are). I do. Really. But I need intervention. You see a couple of weeks back I booted up a few 1v1's in Ireland. No spoils. Adjacent. Speed. And I started to win. It was 3:30 in the morning and I had won like 15 in a row. Some against folks with swords on their lapels. It was nuts. This was the result: Image Crazy. In no time at all I went from lowly Sargent-without-the-little-red-dot-in-the-middle guy to Luey! I thought "I'll just make it to Captain and go to bed." No. You don't see a Captain's applet presently there under my avatar. I know you know what happened, but I like to hear myself talk so I'm going to lay it out for you anyway. Ever have this experience as a kid? It is summer time and you're about 8 and you are running to the slide? You are ready to envision yourself as a sky-pilot dive bombing all the little kids at the bottom playing in the sand? You climb the ladder. You sit at the top in your best skater-dude-shorts and you begin your descent... (stop) and... your... (skid) burning legs... stick on the... (skin peals) hot slide all... the... (you don't want to cry but you can't help it) way... down to the... (frick, when is this going to end) bottom. Oh. Yeah. There was sand on the slide too. I went from "Almost Captian" to "Frick I'm A Corporal 1st Class Again" and then to bed in under two hours. Go me. It was inevitable of course. Nothing last forever. But now I feel like a coworker I know. We got her hooked on coffee. The first one's free but then you pay and pay and pay. She likes cappa-mocca-frappa-chugga-cuppa now at about $18 CDN a shot. She's lost her house to pay for the habit. I feel bad for her but hey, no one forced her to drink that first cup did they?!?! Nope. Stupid winning streak anyway. What makes it worse is the fact that at the same time there were all these posts on the board about sucky dice. And I snickered. Foolish little Elf Person. So. There you have it. The fortnightly rant of The Newt. Hope there was something in there you enjoyed. I'm off to play Ire... I'm off to... join in... a game of... Crap. You know where I'm going. Kill 'em all brothers and sisters. Kill 'em all. The Elf
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the elfs first post!! Hey CC how’s it going? Great that you are on the webs. Glad we are together.If the mods and newsletter editors will let me, this is a “New Recruit’s” (and absolutely Unsolicited) addition to the very informative and valuable CC newsletter. Here goes... So, I’m new to the site. Been around about 10 days. Finished two games. Lost them both. May win one out of the last three games I have left. Maybe not. (Most likely not since I went with the “one stack” method of dying slowly and painfully.) Regardless, I think I’ll stick around. Get a premie once I sort out my paypal carp. But I’ve gotta learn the “unlimited reinforcement” angle to things. New to me. Love it. But wasn’t ready for it. In the least. I hope the “chef’s club” will take me on so that I can beat the learning curve a bit faster than I would on my own. Nevertheless, thought I would, as a n00b here, share a couple of thoughts with the two or three of you interested in a new recruit’s take on things. ~shrugs~ If not, carry on and get back to dominating the world why don’t you?!? The Rating System: I find it interesting in a sociological way. I’ve had the last seven days off so I’ve been reading player’s ratings. It’s a pretty good system I think. I’ve played at tons of online sites for many types of games and this system is pretty fair and telling overall. Nice job. Better than your old “feedback” system i think. As a new player it has given me a pretty quick read on who is enjoying the game and who has a stick up... I guess you get the point. What I’ve found most interesting (but not very surprising) is that the players who tend to rate opponents low (ones and twos) and use terms like “Slow, Coward, Sore Loser, Poor Strategy” are the ones who... wait for it... one more second... I know you see it coming... have fairly low ratings themselves. Usually below 4.2 or 4.0. Which mathematically is a pretty low rating when the majority seem to have 4.7 or above. Pot and the kettle and being black or the like. When I’ve had the chance to read some of the game chat the chronic “low raters” tend to start off friendly but quickly devolve into “why are you not playing the way that I think you should?!?!?!” type of comments. Kind of like what I find at work. Those who are most critical and impatient are the ones who call others critical and impatient. My advice? Nope. Got none. This isn’t a pretentious advice column it is an unsolicited reflection by a newt. Flame Wars: As a certified Vet of the Wars on Other Boards (that was an official war... check it out on the Wiki if you doubt the Elf) I’ll tell you what, I’m glad I didn’t walk into that here. I know. It sucks for you CC Flame Wars vets. Been there. You’ve got your style. You know who’s gonna have your back. You check for responses more than you follow the games you are in. Check. Understand. But it is pretty intimidating for us drifters. It’s a closed club... with clubs. Pretty tough for us new posters. We walk straight into the bullets and right towards Google to find another similar (although far inferior) site. It’s just too much. Even for me. And I have the scars to prove I’ve been there. Point? It is refreshing to find a site where the mods have said: “I know some of you will grouse but we are done with the blindfolded-knife-throwing while you turn in a circle threads.” Probably doesn’t work for you. Works for me and (I think anyway) for a community that wants to expand. Nice job. Maps and Add-ons: Holy smokes. I’ve never been to a site that offers the quality “expansion kits” and game variants... FOR FREE!!! that this site does. Never. Maybe those sites are out there. Maybe the CC mods are tapping into to my secret Switzerland bank accounts even now and heisting the WWII diamonds I’ve been hording since they were given to me by my dying grandfather in hospital... who knows... but this is top-shelf quality. To those of you making this stuff, hats off. For those of you offering this stuff for free, the secret phrase to gain access to my secret bank account in Switzerland is “the hot mustard is on the top shelf behind the dill pickles.” Okay. That's not true. I just made that up. My wife is making a sandwich. I'll just buy a premie instead. Farmers: I thank those of higher rank and the many games that are circling the pool of interrogatory punctuation marks for easy... erm... marks. I get it now. We need farmers. Where would the world be without them?!?! Dust. We would be dust in the wind and stray dogs would roam the earth in our stead. But there you are each day, steady and resilient. You are silent. You are steadfast. You kick our collective hind ends. But just remember, not every sentence must end in a question mark forever. Someday, some might just end with “Ha! I’ve finally won my first game!!!!” Well. A guy can hope I guess. Keep up the good work of avoiding your work and conquering the world CC community! I’m glad to be a part of it... so far. Sincerely, Elf.
SirSebstar
Posts: 6969Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 7:51 amLocation: SirSebstar is BACK. Highscore: Colonel Score: 2919 21/03/2011
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