The Universal Jokes thread.

by **strike wolf** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 12:00 am

This is a thread for jokes of all kind whether they be good, bad, indifferent, etc. I'll start off:

If 1337 means being good in math then Im 191 X 7.

by **supercram** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 12:15 am

what did the 0 say to the 8?

nice belt.

by **Senfive** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 12:22 am

supercram wrote:what did the 0 say to the 8?

nice belt.

by **Genghis Khant** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 1:42 am

What's the best thing about screwing twenty-six year olds?

There's twenty of them.

by **supercram** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 1:44 am

by **supercram** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 1:53 am

Senfive wrote:

dude. an eight. is like a zero. wearing a belt. it's not rocket science.

by **Senfive** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 2:07 am

supercram wrote:
Senfive wrote:

dude. an eight. is like a zero. wearing a belt. it's not rocket science.

never heard that one. oh well. thanks.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them. :twisted:

by **Genghis Khant** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 2:14 am

What's blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?

A baby with deflated armbands :twisted:

by **Nyvek** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 4:20 am

What do you call 100 Lawyers chained to the bottom of a lake?

A good start.

by **mandalorian2298** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 4:31 am

What is worse than finding two babies in a trash container?

Finding one baby in two trash containers.

by **Senfive** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 4:36 am

Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of bowling balls?

I don't have a pile of bowling balls in my garage! :twisted:

by **trestain** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 5:37 am

2 eggs in a pan, one says "do you want to see my crack", the other says "no i'm not hard yet"

by **Genghis Khant** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 11:35 am

What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?

The little kid in my cellar. :twisted:

by **millej11** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 1:24 pm

^ha ha

, see you in hell.

What did one cob of corn say to the other

Go shuck yourself

by **Syzygy** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 1:28 pm

What's yellow and eats nuts?

Gonorrhoea

by **Genghis Khant** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 1:39 pm

What's blue and fucks grannies?

Hypothermia.

by **Genghis Khant** on Mon Jan 29, 2007 1:40 pm

I hope I live to be as old as my jokes.

by **BoganGod** on Wed Feb 15, 2017 9:16 am

What is worse than a dead dog on your piano?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A sick pussy on your organ.

by **warmonger1981** on Wed Feb 15, 2017 12:36 pm

What do you call a boxing dog?

Muhammad Collie.

by **BoganGod** on Wed Feb 15, 2017 7:52 pm

What do mechanics never say to Eskimos?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You've blown a seal

by **patches70** on Wed Feb 15, 2017 9:36 pm

What do you say to a chick with two black eyes?

show

by **patches70** on Wed Feb 15, 2017 9:37 pm

What is the biggest problem battered wives have?

show

by **patches70** on Wed Feb 15, 2017 10:09 pm

Some of these are probably NSFW. If you are easily offended, got a stick up your ass or otherwise humorless, probably best not to click any spoilers. However, if you laugh at any of the spoilers then you are going to burn in Hell forever.

What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

show

What word begins with "N", ends with "R" and you never want to call a black person?

show

A catholic priest and a Rabbi are sitting together on a park bench. A little boy walks by and the priest says to the Rabbi "You wanna f*ck him?" The Rabbi replies "Out of what?"

What did a 4 year old black boy ask his father for Christmas?

show

Why don't Mexicans and black people marry?

show

What's the most effective pick up line in the world?

show

Why did Princess Di cross the road?

show

What's the difference between Hitler and Micheal Phelps?

show

An airline pilot announces that the plane is going down and there is no sign of hope. Upon hearing this a beautiful young woman stands up and shouts "Is there anyone on this plane man enough to make me feel like a woman one last time?" To which a man stands up, rips off his shirt and says "Here, iron this!"

A man and a little girl are walking hand in hand into the dark woods. The little girl says "I don't like this, it's so dark and spooky. I'm scared." The man retorts "How do you think I feel? I gotta walk back through here by myself!"

How do you circumcise a white supremacist?

show

What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina?

show

Knock knock?
Who's there?
9/11
9/11 who?
YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!

The problem with 9/11 jokes is that they are just plane wrong.

What's the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

show

Jewish son walks up to father "Dad, can I borrow fifty bucks?"
Father says "Forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for? All I have is a twenty, I'll give you ten and you give me back five in change."

by **BoganGod** on Wed Feb 15, 2017 10:49 pm

patches70 wrote:Some of these are probably NSFW. If you are easily offended, got a stick up your ass or otherwise humorless, probably best not to click any spoilers. However, if you laugh at any of the spoilers then you are going to burn in Hell forever.

What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

show

What word begins with "N", ends with "R" and you never want to call a black person?

show

A catholic priest and a Rabbi are sitting together on a park bench. A little boy walks by and the priest says to the Rabbi "You wanna f*ck him?" The Rabbi replies "Out of what?"

What did a 4 year old black boy ask his father for Christmas?

show

Why don't Mexicans and black people marry?

show

What's the most effective pick up line in the world?

show

Why did Princess Di cross the road?

show

What's the difference between Hitler and Micheal Phelps?

show

An airline pilot announces that the plane is going down and there is no sign of hope. Upon hearing this a beautiful young woman stands up and shouts "Is there anyone on this plane man enough to make me feel like a woman one last time?" To which a man stands up, rips off his shirt and says "Here, iron this!"

A man and a little girl are walking hand in hand into the dark woods. The little girl says "I don't like this, it's so dark and spooky. I'm scared." The man retorts "How do you think I feel? I gotta walk back through here by myself!"

How do you circumcise a white supremacist?
show

What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina?

show

Knock knock?
Who's there?
9/11
9/11 who?
YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!

The problem with 9/11 jokes is that they are just plane wrong.

What's the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

show

Jewish son walks up to father "Dad, can I borrow fifty bucks?"
Father says "Forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for? All I have is a twenty, I'll give you ten and you give me back five in change."