Ensure YOUR loved ones are 'rapture ready' too

[heavycola]

http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2008/0 ... ts-yo.html

The godless fornicators who wrote this article will be laughing out of the other sides of their faces when they are forced to suckle on the horned teat of bill gates/hillary clinton/the pope/insert antichrist here. Sign up, in the nayme of jaysus, save your loved ones from eternal damnation AND receive a free personal organiser with built-in rapture alarm worth $29.99.

BTW the Rapture index stands at 168 - time to start praying.

[got tonkaed]

these things make me feel sad today.

[jonesthecurl]

Looked at those. Blimey.
I couldn't see how to read the rapture index (i.e are we on yellow alert, red, defcon 1, or whatever?) And if the readings can go down, does that mean the end-times are further away?

And I absolutely love the idea that you'd be worried who could control your worldly goods once you'd been called to Jeesus. Don't let Satan's government get it, oh no. Let us control it. (but won't they be gone too?)

[Juan_Bottom]

Thank you for this HEAVYCOLA. It is, the funniest thing ever put on CC. Not funny haha(though it is), I mean funny, WTF? Man that is crazy.

[PLAYER57832]

It can get a GREAT deal scarier. A large number of folks believe it is their "mission" to actually bring these things forth ... including some very powerful individuals.

Just think about what that REALLY means ....

[2dimes]

I'm kind of scurred to click the link.

Jones, your last question is rhetorical right?

Heavy we need to take an extra set of clothes, lay them out on the steps there and wait outside the offices, piss our pants and when someone comes out fall and screech, "They just dissapeared! What's happening?"

[jonesthecurl]

I'm kind of scurred to click the link.

Jones, your last question is rhetorical right?

Heavy we need to take an extra set of clothes, lay them out on the steps there and wait outside the offices, piss our pants and when someone comes out fall and screech, "They just dissapeared! What's happening?"

Oh, you could go way further than that. get a whole bunch of people to decare that they're ready for the rapture, join a bunch of sincere rapturists, and then all but one go on vacation at the same time. The one "left behind" phones up the genuine rapturists and laments, "where dd we go wrong? why didn't it take us too?"

[2dimes]

Wouldnt it be embarrassing if the rapture actually happened, and it sent an email out to everybody, but the person was STILL HERE?

Posted by: phillip | Jun 6, 2008 2:18:20 AM

[jay_a2j]

Wouldnt it be embarrassing if the rapture actually happened, and it sent an email out to everybody, but the person was STILL HERE?

Posted by: phillip | Jun 6, 2008 2:18:20 AM

I have a feeling "embarrassment" would be the least of his worries.

[jonesthecurl]

Has anyone read the "left Behind " series of novels?

I read about half of vol 1 before abandoning it with raised eyebrows. People in the book were wondering if this was "the Rapture".

I mean, the first thing I would do to check whether this was the "left behind" thing would be to find out if any non-christians were gone...and the second would be (if only christians had gone) to w0ork out which faction was right - I mean, how many Pentacostalists had gone? Were any members of the Baltimore First Bilble Truth of Jesus church still here? Hello, is the Pope stillaround? If not, do they need to appoint a new one?

[Ditocoaf]

Makes me think of what sort of asshole would sign up for this service. You would have to have quite the holier-than-thou ego, because you're assuming:
1) that of course you are among the righteous to say "screw you, I'm going home."
2) that all of the "friends" that you sign up to receive the email are heathens who will be left in turmoil when you go.
Signing up for this service is a way to express your confidence in your own godliness, and your disdain for those around you.

[jonesthecurl]

Makes me think of what sort of asshole would sign up for this service. You would have to have quite the holier-than-thou ego, because you're assuming:
1) that of course you are among the righteous to say "screw you, I'm going home."
2) that all of the "friends" that you sign up to receive the email are heathens who will be left in turmoil when you go.
Signing up for this service is a way to express your confidence in your own godliness, and your disdain for those around you.

yes. Reminds me of a cartoon I saw many years ago, which I may have mentioned before. A beardy guy in a long white robe is sporting a banner.

It says "Ha Ha, I'm Saved and You're Not".

That sums up the smug git attitude of so many religios that I've met.

But then again, if they were right they would be right.

My consolation in the last scenario is that, I might be in hell, but at least I wouldn't be surrounded by all those sanctimonious self-regarding , condescending godsquadders.

[jay_a2j]

My consolation in the last scenario is that, I might be in hell, but at least I wouldn't be surrounded by all those sanctimonious self-regarding , condescending godsquadders.

Your view would change in a moment.

[2dimes]

That was pretty condescending sounding Jay and I don't think you meant it that way.

I think Jay's just trying to say is that the whole hell thing would be nasty and not a terrific party just because some partyer types would theoretically be there. That's like thinking, "If I get kicked in the nuts by a hot woman at least a hot woman touched my nuts!" You wouldn't think that if it happened.

My biggest problem with the concept of a pre-triblulation rapture is it's a bunch of people in western society living comfortable lives of luxury telling people about it.

There's allready been so many nasty things happening to people that confess to be believers in Christ. First to the early church where there was some pretty huge brutalities done to some of them like getting sawn in half.

"Oh but that's nothing compared to the triblulation." Really? So What exactly would that kind of thing be?

Then there's the things that happen all the time in China, Africa and some middle east places.

It's pretty rediculas to me for overweight people with new cars living indoors in safe christian neighborhoods talking about rapture.

'There's going to be a "terrible tribulation so bad even the elite christians would turn away if it were possible." but don't worry because the true christians will get wisked away to a nice roast veal dinner with the J-man.'

[jay_a2j]

That was pretty condescending sounding Jay and I don't think you meant it that way.

I think Jay's just trying to say is that the whole hell thing would be nasty and not a terrific party just because some partyer types would theoretically be there. That's like thinking, "If I get kicked in the nuts by a hot woman at least a hot woman touched my nuts!" You wouldn't think that if it happened.

That's exactly what I meant.

[Juan_Bottom]

I'm no Christain, and no haven't read any of the Bibles cover to cover either. But! I saw a program on the history channel about the history of the Bible. This program said that many of the books that have been removed from today's version of the Bible say that it is actually the damned that will be raptured away. Is there any Christian who knows what I'm talking about? So then maybe I am the one that this program is geared to?

[Snorri1234]

I'm no Christain, and no haven't read any of the Bibles cover to cover either. But! I saw a program on the history channel about the history of the Bible. This program said that many of the books that have been removed from today's version of the Bible say that it is actually the damned that will be raptured away. Is there any Christian who knows what I'm talking about? So then maybe I am the one that this program is geared to?

Yeah, but books removed from the bible turn from Unchanging Absolute Word Of God into just a bunch of silly old stories in an instant.

[Ditocoaf]

I'm no Christain, and no haven't read any of the Bibles cover to cover either. But! I saw a program on the history channel about the history of the Bible. This program said that many of the books that have been removed from today's version of the Bible say that it is actually the damned that will be raptured away. Is there any Christian who knows what I'm talking about? So then maybe I am the one that this program is geared to?

The books that were left out of the official bible, or removed, are considered... well, they're completely ignored. In any case, most Christians don't consider their word worth anything. Those books weren't "divinely inspired."

[2dimes]

Something called the Gospel according to Judas is one of the books people consider to have been removed. The thing is nothing was removed,as was mentioned it could be considered left out.

The new testament as it is typically available was collected into one work by a commitee. The people involved voted on what letters and the 4 gospels to be included.

Those extras don't seem very available to me. I've only encountered one person that has actually read the "gospel according to Judas." I trust his opinion that it was much weaker than the ones included in the cannonised new testament but would read a copy if I get the opportunity. That's the only way to form your own opinion on anything written.

Most people have never read the cannonised new testament never mind the extra works. Typically even christians only know what they've been told about it, having only ever read parts of it. Their opinion is based on something they have heard second hand. That tends to be biased by the teller. Some people have strange ideas about the bible that are ok, then somepeople have strange ideas about the bible that are not cool at all. That goes for christians and non alike.