Conquer Club

There is a heavyset divorced woman in my office that I flirt with a lot. Well, I tricked/persuaded her to come to my apartment after work (she's been there before) to "clean it up" for money on Wednesday. I turned up the sexual tension a bit by using a lot of subtle innuendo today also.

So here's my plan:

First, I plan to have the place mostly cleaned up so there's nothing to do, and it creates a more pleasant mood. I'll also have a lot of pleasant smells in the apartment.

Then, when we get there, I'll be really touchy-feely with her and continue to lay on the innuendo. When we get inside, I'm going to tell her that I'm going to "slip into something more comfortable", which is a T-shirt and shorts (and making sure she sees my buff upper body without a shirt before changing), but also I'll have a noticeable erection so she gets to think about sex. Then, I'll offer her chilled boxed wine so she has a pretense for falling for me.

Eventually, I'll maneuver her into a stare, and then will kiss her, but pull back and insist that "we can't do this", then try to continue the tour of the place while I continue to touch her. After a few more repeats of the "we can't do this", her barriers will collapse and I'll lose my virginity.

Thoughts?

Either it will work, or you will be arrested for sexual harassment.

Bingo bango I'll take the white fish!

Go for it dude. Doesn't sound like a bad plan; if it's gonna happen (that is, if she's actually attracted to you), this just might do it. Just make sure to let us know if it works out.

You work in an office and have yet to lose your virginity!? Christ Almighty.

muy_thaiguy wrote:Either it will work, or you will be arrested for sexual harassment.

My money's on the latter.

Either it will work, or you will be arrested for sexual harassment.


My money's on the latter.

I welcome alternate virginity loss suggestions that are possible for me. I've spent over a year now improving my demeanor and courage in approaching people, still no real progress.

RustyMonkey wrote:

Either it will work, or you will be arrested for sexual harassment.


My money's on the latter.

I welcome alternate virginity loss suggestions that are possible for me. I've spent over a year now improving my demeanor and courage in approaching people, still no real progress.

I have no room to speak, so you can just ignore everything I say in this thread. I have no experience in the matter, soooo...

*slinks out of the door*

I read somewhere that your chances of getting laid at a college bar go up nearly 20% after 11pm if you just ask.

Juan_Bottom wrote:I read somewhere that your chances of getting laid at a college bar go up nearly 20% after 11pm if you just ask.

They did a study on that?

Ditocoaf wrote:

Juan_Bottom wrote:I read somewhere that your chances of getting laid at a college bar go up nearly 20% after 11pm if you just ask.

They did a study on that?

Yeah... Some college guys did for a Psych class. But for the life of me I don't remember where I read it...

hey sounds good to me...good luck.

she will beat the sh*t out of you

RustyMonkey wrote: also I'll have a noticeable erection so she gets to think about sex. Then, I'll offer her chilled boxed wine

If that would work, you might as well just answer the door naked with a bottle...sorry...box of wine. Oh, and an erection. Hell. You might as well already have a condom on.

This has to be a joke...

Very bad idea. If if you score, you'll have to deal with the psychological consequences at the office. You might not get arrested for sexual harassment (yeah, I don't think arrest is likely ... unless you assault her... or she decided to claim you assaulted her). You might not even lose your job over it. But one of you will end up quitting, or else you'll end up in a "relationship" which is really not good when you are working together.

By "heavyset" do you mean fat?
Cuz if so go for it. And don't take no for an answer. If you see that she's rejecting the whole idea of sleeping with you, slip her some acid. That works every time.

This has to be a joke...

It's not. If you don't want to help me out here, don't reply.

RustyMonkey wrote:I welcome alternate virginity loss suggestions that are possible for me. I've spent over a year now improving my demeanor and courage in approaching people, still no real progress.

"You know what your problem is? You're putting the pussy on a pedestal."

Plotting out a "game-plan for virginity losing" seems almost as good a way not to get laid as calling your date a cheap cunt. Women love a man with confidence, alcohol, flattery, money, presents and alcohol. And cocaine, sometimes. And money. And pretending you are actually interested in what they are saying.

Here's a tip to help you improve your ability with the last point: rent the film "Dirty Dancing" and watch it a few times. Then mention that you love the film "Dirty Dancing" the next time you stumble across a meat-bag you're interested in sexually humiliating yourself with. Just don't set your sites too low.

Shoot for the moon, young man, for even if you miss, you shall land amongst the stars.

If the above advice crashes worse than Princess Diana's limo, let me know, as I have written a 48-step fool-proof guide to getting some tail, titled "Gettin' Yo Dick Wet, Volume One", available for only 48.00 Swedish Kroners. Supplies are limited, order in the next twelve minutes and receive free shipping.

V.I. wrote:

RustyMonkey wrote:I welcome alternate virginity loss suggestions that are possible for me. I've spent over a year now improving my demeanor and courage in approaching people, still no real progress.

"You know what your problem is? You're putting the pussy on a pedestal."

Plotting out a "game-plan for virginity losing" seems almost as good a way not to get laid as calling your date a cheap cunt. Women love a man with confidence, alcohol, flattery, money, presents and alcohol. And cocaine, sometimes. And money. And pretending you are actually interested in what they are saying.

Here's a tip to help you improve your ability with the last point: rent the film "Dirty Dancing" and watch it a few times. Then mention that you love the film "Dirty Dancing" the next time you stumble across a meat-bag you're interested in sexually humiliating yourself with. Just don't set your sites too low.

Shoot for the moon, young man, for even if you miss, you shall land amongst the stars.

If the above advice crashes worse than Princess Diana's limo, let me know, as I have written a 48-step fool-proof guide to getting some tail, titled "Gettin' Yo Dick Wet, Volume One", available for only 48.00 Swedish Kroners. Supplies are limited, order in the next twelve minutes and receive free shipping.

What, no bonus offers to go with it?

What sort of an ugly mutherfucker are you? You're going to loose your virginity to a 'heavyset divorced woman'

and a 'Box of Wine' - You sir, are aiming so low I can only imagine that you are in your mid thirties.

Your plan is a clear winner, it cannot fail.

Plough ahead with it and don't think twice about what all these naysayers and philanderers are trying to tell you. They only want to hold you back.

V.I. wrote:

RustyMonkey wrote:I welcome alternate virginity loss suggestions that are possible for me. I've spent over a year now improving my demeanor and courage in approaching people, still no real progress.

"You know what your problem is? You're putting the pussy on a pedestal."

Plotting out a "game-plan for virginity losing" seems almost as good a way not to get laid as calling your date a cheap cunt. Women love a man with confidence, alcohol, flattery, money, presents and alcohol. And cocaine, sometimes. And money. And pretending you are actually interested in what they are saying.

Here's a tip to help you improve your ability with the last point: rent the film "Dirty Dancing" and watch it a few times. Then mention that you love the film "Dirty Dancing" the next time you stumble across a meat-bag you're interested in sexually humiliating yourself with. Just don't set your sites too low.

Shoot for the moon, young man, for even if you miss, you shall land amongst the stars.

If the above advice crashes worse than Princess Diana's limo, let me know, as I have written a 48-step fool-proof guide to getting some tail, titled "Gettin' Yo Dick Wet, Volume One", available for only 48.00 Swedish Kroners. Supplies are limited, order in the next twelve minutes and receive free shipping.

My girlfriend loved this! She says that "shoot for the moon..." crap all the time.

Some more advice would be to look online for how to make drugs. Or go to county for a day. I learned so much in 30 days without even going to prison..... Anyway, some girls'll do anything for a hit of whatever... just don't make LSD. And no, I won't tell ya'll how to make nothin'.

Then all you need to do is find a kick ass party... --If you're not invited, then wait till everyone is plowed... and then show up dressed like a cop, or pirate. Just make sure that the costume is cheesy. I find that drunkards pretty much want to hang out with pirates and cops. then all you need to do is offer up some of your home-made Ice for some tail. It's probably your best option in life, without taking a trip to Reno or Amsterdam.

Dancing Mustard wrote:Your plan is a clear winner, it cannot fail.

Plough ahead with it and don't think twice about what all these naysayers and philanderers are trying to tell you. They only want to hold you back.

I don't know DM, I think his odds will improve ten-fold with a five gallon fish tank, and a bag of oats.

Juan_Bottom wrote:

Ditocoaf wrote:

Juan_Bottom wrote:I read somewhere that your chances of getting laid at a college bar go up nearly 20% after 11pm if you just ask.

They did a study on that?

Yeah... Some college guys did for a Psych class. But for the life of me I don't remember where I read it...

There are studies about almost everything. And if there isn't yet someone's probably doing one.