Conquer Club

In response to the literalists, I've been looking at the bible for the first time in years, especially the very first bit. That would probably please the xians reading this, but I'm finding it sillier than I used to, which for the most part won't please them.

Here's my latest thoughts:
When God said "let there be light", who was he saying it to?
How could they hear him when he hadn't yet said "let there be sound"?
..especially as they couldn't read his lips since there wouldn't be any light until he'd finished talking.

This may strike you as silly or facetious, but we have been told that over half the voters in a certain poll believe in the literal truth of Genesis, and I just want to see quite how "literal" we can go.

We are made in God's image and therefore he has the ability to speak, just like us. God doesn't have to talk to anybody if he doesn't feel like it. I talk to myself sometimes, who cares?

Caleb the Cruel wrote:We are made in God's image and therefore he has the ability to speak, just like us. God doesn't have to talk to anybody if he doesn't feel like it. I talk to myself sometimes, who cares?

At least then you have an attentive audience...

jonesthecurl wrote:In response to the literalists, I've been looking at the bible for the first time in years, especially the very first bit. That would probably please the xians reading this, but I'm finding it sillier than I used to, which for the most part won't please them.

Here's my latest thoughts:
When God said "let there be light", who was he saying it to?
How could they hear him when he hadn't yet said "let there be sound"?
..especially as they couldn't read his lips since there wouldn't be any light until he'd finished talking.

This may strike you as silly or facetious, but we have been told that over half the voters in a certain poll believe in the literal truth of Genesis, and I just want to see quite how "literal" we can go.

He was speaking to Chuck Norris. God said "Let there be light" and Chuck Norris replied "say please." I thought everyone knew that?

Or perhaps he was speaking futurativly* to people or angels....? This is fun!


*a little help Grammer Nazis?

Caleb the Cruel wrote:We are made in God's image and therefore he has the ability to speak, just like us. God doesn't have to talk to anybody if he doesn't feel like it. I talk to myself sometimes, who cares?

Talking to yourself, believing in imaginary friends. You really need to see an expert.
(just kidding, no offence meant)

Well, for starters God had already created angels so perhaps He was talking to them. Of course, He also could have been talking to the other members of the trinity.

'let there be light' sounds like a pretty good, dramatic start to a good story that will grab someones attention immediately, as opposed to a story that starts with a slow introduction. If you're going to write a story that tries explaining the origins of Earth and the story of a fictional God, you're going to need to capture peoples attention right from the start if you're wanting to fool them.

Caleb the Cruel wrote:We are made in God's image and therefore he has the ability to speak, just like us. God doesn't have to talk to anybody if he doesn't feel like it. I talk to myself sometimes, who cares?

Exactly
Who cares !

jay_a2j wrote:Well, for starters God had already created angels so perhaps He was talking to them. Of course, He also could have been talking to the other members of the trinity.

But then surely it'd have been the angels saying "let there be light"? Y'know, because they wouldn't have been able to see stuff in the dark, and I guess they'd probably have been getting pretty bored of that state of affairs.

So maybe the Bible writers have got it wrong? It stands to sense that it must have been the angels saying "let there be light!" and God saying "alright alright, hang on a moment you impatient buggers". Except that he probably didn't say "buggers" because the most important law in the whole universe is that gaymen are forbidden, unless you're a snail, where it's ok because all snails are men. And women. But you get the point.

So yeah, what I'm trying to say is, Genesis is full of typos, and God never said that.

Having never been light before it seems silly to tell that to the angels.

God: Let there be light!
Angels: WTF is Light god?
God: It's a name I just made up! For this:

Then God Ka-chows them in the eyes with light just like the racecar on CARS.

Angels: Ahhh my eyes!
God: Is it too bright?
Angels: WTF is bright God?
God: Another word I just made up!

It must have sucked in the beggining. Everything being new, and God making up names all the time.
Which brings us to the question of eyes too. Are Angels blind? Or were they just before there was light? Otherwise why would God even bother telling them? I wouldn't say a word. Otherwise they'd be all like "I wanna be able to see!" And God can't just lie and say no, cause he's God. He knows all and can do all. I'll bet that he had to be speaking futurativly*.

jay_a2j wrote:Well, for starters God had already created angels so perhaps He was talking to them. Of course, He also could have been talking to the other members of the trinity.

When did he make the angels? Light comes first in my bible.

jay_a2j wrote: Of course, He also could have been talking to the other members of the trinity.

Wakefield Trinity Wildcats?


i didn't know Rugby league was around then, especially Wakefield.

I'll try to clarify a few things. When God said, "Let there be light" He was talking about our world, our universe, his creation. In Heaven there is light. There is no darkness. The spiritual world is a separate dimension than our world.


Yes, creation of the world is the first thing in the Bible. Angels had already been created. Lucifer rebelled, and was cast out of Heaven to the Earth where he tempted Eve. Causing sin to enter the world.

jay_a2j wrote:I'll try to clarify a few things. When God said, "Let there be light" He was talking about our world, our universe, his creation.

Where does it actually say that in the Bible?

Or is this just another of those "Hmmm, this bit of our cherised old book doesn't make any fucking sense. We'd better just add a gloss to it in order to make it vaguely coherent... after all, we can't possibly accept that a single word of this book might be wrong." moments?

The best is

Day 4: God creates plants

Day 5: God creates the sun

Day 6: God creates light

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Simon Viavant wrote:The best is

Day 4: God creates plants

Day 5: God creates the sun

Day 6: God creates light

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

no it was

Day 6: God creates Madchester


i seen it on T-Shirts.


at the start there must of been a lot of incest going on.

jay_a2j wrote:I'll try to clarify a few things. When God said, "Let there be light" He was talking about our world, our universe, his creation. In Heaven there is light. There is no darkness. The spiritual world is a separate dimension than our world.


Yes, creation of the world is the first thing in the Bible. Angels had already been created. Lucifer rebelled, and was cast out of Heaven to the Earth where he tempted Eve. Causing sin to enter the world.

And it says that in the bible where?