Conquer Club

I have just discovered that London has a new Mayor.

Boris effin Johnson.

Now, I seriously think that he's a nice guy, that I'd like to go down the pub and have a pint with him.

But I wouldn't trust him to bring the right change back.

This is the only politician in the entire universe that George W could beat at Scrabble.

When it comes to a battle of wits he arrives unarmed.

Now I can no longer ridicule my neighbuours for electing a complete vacuum-for-brains to high office. I mean, what happened when I left the UK? did the average IQ suddenly drop by 50 points?

All day, no matter what else has been going on, I have paused every so often, looked up, eyebrows raised, and said " Boris Johnson? Boris effin Johnson?"

You stupid Lundun-voter bastards.

If anything demonstrates how the British have given up on our crappy politicians and gone for humour value instead, this is it. To be frank, Boris Johnson is the most competent man in British politics, at least everyone knows how incompetent he is from the start instead of getting a nasty shock a few months in.

Balsiefen wrote:If anything demonstrates how the British have given up on our crappy politicians and gone for humour value instead, this is it.

Absolutly true. You can't have two dullards in office at the same time!
How can you balance out the mediocrity of Gordan Brown? With Boris Johnson of course!

I for one couldn't be less happy about the outcome. I think the man is a twat, and his policies are a fucking joke. It's about to be a shit four years for anyone earning under 100K (Read: Me.)

...but on the plus side... down with bendy buses!

The1exile wrote:...but on the plus side... down with bendy buses!

Oh yes, those buses which take 1/3 more passengers per bus, and have a lower emissions per passenger ratio than the double-decker alternative. Those buses which are all brand new, which have caused only two cycle accidents in seven years, and which cost us several million pounds to originally purchase....
Yeah, scrapping them and buying a whole set of shitter ones just for nostalgia value, and for the safety of a couple of imbeciles who like illegaly undertaking on corners sounds like a great plan... bra-fucking-vo Boris, remind me why I didn't vote for you again?

actually, I was being sarcastic, and far be it from me to defend Boris (I would have voted Ken, had I been able to vote, but don't live actually in London - age limit stuff can be overcome far easier) but regarding 1/3 more passengers per bus, surely they take up more room on the roads for the extra passengers, likely creating more congestion? And do you have a source for the emissions per passenger stat?

The1exile wrote:actually, I was being sarcastic

Oh right, my apologies

The1exile wrote:surely they take up more room on the roads for the extra passengers

Yeah, but given that we're replacing them 1:1 with double-deckers, there'll be 1/3 less public transport space available for passengers. During weekday mornings and evenings, and weekend nights, that'll be a fucking nightmare.
Sure they take up more road-space each, but theoretically they reduce the requirement for other road vehicles far better than double-deckers... so that ought not to be a problem.

The1exile wrote:do you have a source for the emissions per passenger stat?

I read it in a paper i'm afraid, might have been the Guardian, but I couldn't be sure.

it's a tragedy really.... Ken has done petty much everything right for his home town. he has largely circumnavigated his traditional politics and pragmatically and cutely defined the position.

He lost, largely because of Brown and vitally his catastrophic attempt to abolish the 10p tax band. Incredible how he has wrong footed himself at every turn.

London has elected a very amusing figure of fun.. the man is a buffoon and i would not trust him to organise a wank in a sperm bank!

jiminski wrote:London has elected a very amusing figure of fun

best thing he can do, host hignfy again as mayor.

Raminhiscock wrote:The Pleasent chap liberal-thought police are out in force!

you first require a thought for us to police it

hello mate

Raminhiscock wrote:The Pleasent chap liberal-thought police are out in force!

Damn those Pleasant Chaps! The whole fucking clan is a breeding ground for fucking liberals and scroungers.

Dancing Mustard wrote:

The1exile wrote:actually, I was being sarcastic

Oh right, my apologies

The1exile wrote:surely they take up more room on the roads for the extra passengers

Yeah, but given that we're replacing them 1:1 with double-deckers, there'll be 1/3 less public transport space available for passengers. During weekday mornings and evenings, and weekend nights, that'll be a fucking nightmare.
Sure they take up more road-space each, but theoretically they reduce the requirement for other road vehicles far better than double-deckers... so that ought not to be a problem.

The1exile wrote:do you have a source for the emissions per passenger stat?

I read it in a paper i'm afraid, might have been the Guardian, but I couldn't be sure.

Is this the same dude I heard about on NPR the other morning who was a game show host and editor for a paper and had zero political experience? If so .

As far as the busses go, I think you need to take into account the tourist value that the double-deckers bring to London. They are Iconic. They should be at least running in the Downtown/Touristy sections of London.

HungrySomali wrote:I think you need to take into account the tourist value that the double-deckers bring to London. They are Iconic. They should be at least running in the Downtown/Touristy sections of London.

Private Tour-Bus companies currently use double-decker buses in precisely the parts of the city that you describe. We're talking about the actual mass-transit publicly run system of buses, which needs to be kept as modern and efficient as possible to cope with the huge numbers of people traveling to and from work in the capital each day. Suggesting bringing back Double-Deckers for that is a lot like suggesting bringing back the horse-and-trap or the Rickshaw, very quaint but utterly impractical.

Dancing Mustard wrote:..The whole fucking clan is a breeding ground for fucking liberals and scroungers.

liberals breed like Catholics!

Raminhiscock wrote:

jiminski wrote:

Dancing Mustard wrote:..The whole fucking clan is a breeding ground for fucking liberals and scroungers.

liberals breed like Catholics!

No they don't. They can't breed, on account of being either pedos or queers.

true enough but you missed the no testicle argument!

The guy is a legend- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWIUp19bBoA

Granted a complete moron but still a legend..

Oh yeah, he's also Champion of the Routemasters of course

I think his justification was "I'm more of a rugby man, myself".

icedagger wrote:The guy is a legend- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWIUp19bBoA

Granted a complete moron but still a legend..

Oh yeah, he's also Champion of the Routemasters of course

Oh i rate the man, no doubt! That is one of the funniest pieces of physical humour ever witnessed!
And as Exile said, The Have i got News for You episodes with him are comedy gold! but please god don't put him in charge of something which does not have the primary goal of making me laugh!

Raminhiscock wrote:Happy days!

Boris for world leader!

I love the man.

Somehow this doesn't suprise me.

I think he's one of the funniest political figures at the moment, though I have no idea if he'll be a good mayor.

hehe, nah ..
Boris is more Liberal than Ken; he is a Liberal icon .. don't be fooled by his shark eyes and authoritarian tone! This is a man who believes in laissez faires at the expense of social justice. In fact he may be an evil genius: his brash, impregnable facade just a thick veneer masking policies of free love and premature retirement for Turkish bus-drivers!

... and the Tories are more liberal in general than the Labour party.. so am i to take it that Labour are in the ascendancy by your calculation brother?

I like your helmet.

Raminhiscock wrote:Now now my faithful droog.

This is simply a matter of the term "liberal" being used inconsistently, with regards to it's meaning.

Yes, he may be a liberal from economic viewpoints, but this does not mean to say that he is one of your flower-chaining buddies down camden market.

He is simply the typical tory-boy. He may not want to involve himself within the labour social engineering think-tank mentality. Not involving himself with this is a conservative thing to do, IMO.

Believe me, Landan will change for the better.

The only real policy that no-one has ever adapted to london, that I would, is to reclaim the city as a taxable region. Does this make me nuu laybor?

hehe i don't think you understand what Liberal means partner.

you bandy the term about like an insult when it describes many of your views you change its definition ... typical.. Liberal with the truth .. (should i wink ? no wink for you yet.. let's get your dander up)

Boris Johnson...sounds like the people of London want to be bored. They keep asking Johnson to bore them (Hahahahaha! Bore Us, Johnson! Get it! Hahaha, I shit my own pants!)

Perhaps there was election fraud going on that Londoneers don't know about? That's how Bush got elected in the US...twice, even! (Florida 2000 and Ohio 2004).

In regards to the Dubl Decker traditional Buses, perhaps Boris is going to have them all overhauled to meet specific environmental standards?

Well, if he doesn't do well, you guys can all collaborate and shoot the bastard...or move to the USA (when Bush is gone, of course).

DaGip wrote:In regards to the Dubl Decker traditional Buses, perhaps Boris is going to have them all overhauled to meet specific environmental standards?

They'd still take less passengers than their bendy cousins, and thus make rush-hour even more annoying and time consuming than it presently is. Unless of course Boris is going to hike up our taxes to pay for even more bus-drives and even more replacement vehicles to put on a greater number of vehicles.

Either way, we lose.

Bendy-Buses are what Jesus would want, and as such Boris is like a mini version of Hitler. Think about it, it makes perfect logical sense.