Conquer Club

I just opened a new packet of custard-cream biscuits; I was however shocked to see that not one of the biscuits containd any filling. The packet was simply filled with the top and bottom parts of the biscuits. I realised that this was the government trying to f*ck with me, so rang up MI5 and asked what the hell they were doing to my biscuits. They denied all knowledge of me and my biscuits.

In other words, MI5 is conspiring to piss me off by fobbing me off with shoddy biscuits. The fact that the liberal media have not reported on this is all attributable to the fact that they are in league with MI5.

Post proof that MI5 are not fucking with my biscuits or I have officially proved that a shadow government are oppressing me.

Dancing Mustard wrote:Post proof that MI5 are not fucking with my biscuits or I have officially proved that a shadow government are oppressing me.

If they were fucking with your biscuits there would be semen in there,

Dancing Mustard wrote:I just opened a new packet of custard-cream biscuits; I was however shocked to see that not one of the biscuits containd any filling.

Case closed.

unriggable wrote:

Dancing Mustard wrote:Post proof that MI5 are not fucking with my biscuits or I have officially proved that a shadow government are oppressing me.

If they were fucking with your biscuits there would be semen in there,

Dancing Mustard wrote:I just opened a new packet of custard-cream biscuits; I was however shocked to see that not one of the biscuits containd any filling.

Case closed.

This happened to my Jaffa Cakes.

This is simply unacceptable and unamerican

Theres only one man who can save us.

Ron Paul

Dancing Mustard wrote: They denied all knowledge of me

Sounds to me like a reptilian jobby.

Dancing Mustard wrote:I have officially proved that a shadow government are oppressing me.

Damn conservatives. Also I'd say "is oppressing me" since you're referring to a shadow government as a single object.

The1exile wrote:

Dancing Mustard wrote:I have officially proved that a shadow government are oppressing me.

Damn conservatives. Also I'd say "is oppressing me" since you're referring to a shadow government as a single object.

You do not agree with me and my perfectly argued assertion. Therefore you are in league with them and/or have had the wool pulled over your eyes by their evil lies. You are a sheeple or a traitor boot-licker.

Ron Paul and the CONSTITUTION will save us, but you will be in a FEMA camp before then.

Failiure beckons.

Norse wrote:Failiure beckons.

So does failure.

Dancing Mustard wrote:I just opened a new packet of custard-cream biscuits; I was however shocked to see that not one of the biscuits containd any filling. The packet was simply filled with the top and bottom parts of the biscuits. I realised that this was the government trying to f*ck with me, so rang up MI5 and asked what the hell they were doing to my biscuits. They denied all knowledge of me and my biscuits.

In other words, MI5 is conspiring to piss me off by fobbing me off with shoddy biscuits. The fact that the liberal media have not reported on this is all attributable to the fact that they are in league with MI5.

Post proof that MI5 are not fucking with my biscuits or I have officially proved that a shadow government are oppressing me.

You lucky bastard! Why can't those things happen to me?

Send a letter of complaint and photographic or other evidence to the company that produces those biscuits and you will be awarded with a free-of-charge complete assortment of their biscuitarian products (with filling). I envy you, I truly do.

Who would eat creme filled biscuits in the first place? Unless you guys call donuts biscuits over there.

I'm afraid I can't talk about that, Mr. Mustard. Best not to ask too many questions, eh?
*makes complex Masonic style handshake, then walks off with raincoat folded up round ears, whistling the "The Third Man". Porno mag falls out behind me.*

But seriously, no custard filling-LET THE REVOULTION BEGIN!

muy_thaiguy wrote:Who would eat creme filled biscuits in the first place? Unless you guys call donuts biscuits over there.

No, we call donuts 'donuts'. By 'creme' you are no doubt visualising a filling of cream-like viscosity. Our great british biscuits are filled with what is more like a solid vanilla paste, for want of a better description. Like a little biscuit sandwich. And with practice, and patience, it is possible to remove one half of teh biscuit intact, leaving the lucky eater with a load of creme and less rubbish biscuit.



HAs anyone ever tried the tim-tam coffee trick? That is simply teh ultimate biscuit experience. Although if you are of the 'a penguin is not a b iscuit' school of thought, then the tim-tam manoeuvre is only going to ruffle your feathers.

I'm agog. Whats the tim-tam trick. A penguin is clearly a biscuit.

heavycola wrote:

muy_thaiguy wrote:Who would eat creme filled biscuits in the first place? Unless you guys call donuts biscuits over there.

No, we call donuts 'donuts'. By 'creme' you are no doubt visualising a filling of cream-like viscosity. Our great british biscuits are filled with what is more like a solid vanilla paste, for want of a better description. Like a little biscuit sandwich. And with practice, and patience, it is possible to remove one half of teh biscuit intact, leaving the lucky eater with a load of creme and less rubbish biscuit.



HAs anyone ever tried the tim-tam coffee trick? That is simply teh ultimate biscuit experience. Although if you are of the 'a penguin is not a b iscuit' school of thought, then the tim-tam manoeuvre is only going to ruffle your feathers.

I see, still sounds nasty though.

HC, do you just so happen to own a book named 'a nice cup of tea and a sit down'?


PS. Yes, the Tim-Tam trick is awesome incarnate.

/me Makes a mental note to self to get that book some time

Dancing Mustard wrote:HC, do you just so happen to own a book named 'a nice cup of tea and a sit down'?


PS. Yes, the Tim-Tam trick is awesome incarnate.

No I don't, but i feel my life would be improved if I did.

For benefit of Suggs et al.

1) A timtam is like a Penguin, except it's a bit thicker and the biscuit inside is a little crumblier. You bite a little bit off one corner, and then do the same on the oposite corner - then you dip one bitten corner in your coffee, and suck the hot liquid goodness through the biscuit from the other corner. In effect, you are using a thick chocolate biscuit as a straw. When the coffee reaches your mouth, stuff the whole biccy in your gob, where it collapses into a melty, warm, chocolatey mess that can only be described as mouthgasmic.

2) repeat until sick.

Clearly a biscuit.

You can clearly see that picture has been doctored by the FBI to make it look like there is a biscuit there.


More specifically it has been doctored by an Agent 'Rolf Hick'...

As my confectionery obsessed Grandmother always said*: "Never Turn your back on a ginger nut!"

*As a child she was brutally set-upon by didicoys, armed with shortbreads!

We have found it!

Thanks Mr. Cola the timtam strategy appears sound, incisive, and more importantly efficacious in my "Fat Twat Of The Year" campaign, which i launched yesterday by eating a whole Swiss roll.
Now i need a nice cup of tea, a sit down, and of course, a big old fashion WANK.

suggs wrote:Thanks Mr. Cola the timtam strategy appears sound, incisive, and more importantly efficacious in my "Fat Twat Of The Year" campaign, which i launched yesterday by eating a whole Swiss roll.
Now i need a nice cup of tea, a sit down, and of course, a big old fashion WANK.

Careful not to expend too many calories while having that toss. better yet, use a machine, or a hugo chavez blow-up doll.