Rules Men Wished Women Knew
Posted:
Fri Dec 07, 2007 8:04 pmby Stymie
Okay ladies, I found out how to make your man truly happy...
Rules Men Wished Women Knew :
1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us, just get your sweet fat bottom to a gym.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, just put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair, ever! It causes arguments when we comment on it.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present.......again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you; live with it.
7. Anyone can buy condoms.
8. Get rid of your cat; and no, it's not different. It's just like every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than any cats.
10. Sunday = Football/Rugby/Any other sport. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides; let it be.
11. Shopping is not a sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine, really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is a twat and your Dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than pissing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, that would look good with your dress?
21. Yes, No and Mmmm; are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem; see a doctor, now!
23. Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.
26. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
29. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty, and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
30. The male models with the great bodies you see in magazines are all gay; face it.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad, and angry. We meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
34. Consider Sport a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
35. Women wearing Wonder bras, low-cut blouses, tight tops, no jackets, chest level logo's t-shirts etc. etc. lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
37. If you want some dessert after a meal - order some. You don't have to finish it. You can just taste it, and if you like; but don't say, "No, I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any," and then eat half of mine.
38. Dieting doesn't work without exercise.
39. If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit-food nouvelle-cuisine style. A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, cold beer, and more cold beer. Please, ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in good quantities. Everything else falls under the category 'garnish'.
40. Do not question our sense of direction.
(I have to disagree with #40. Men are always getting lost, and not only when driving.)
Posted:
Fri Dec 07, 2007 8:13 pmby muy_thaiguy
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Posted:
Fri Dec 07, 2007 8:18 pmby muy_thaiguy
Frigidus wrote:Women don't know this?
Sadly, many do not know these basic rules, so they get angry at us for absurd reasons.
Posted:
Fri Dec 07, 2007 8:18 pmby -ShadySoul-
muy_thaiguy wrote:Couldn't have said it better myself.
im sure u would find something ti say
Posted:
Fri Dec 07, 2007 8:26 pmby satanspaladin
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AAA is not an option. I will win.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole program looking for it...though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator...(applies to engineers mainly).
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, hunting, sex, cars, sex, tractors, sex, fishing, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.... like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
Posted:
Fri Dec 07, 2007 8:38 pmby satanspaladin
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Posted:
Fri Dec 07, 2007 8:50 pmby muy_thaiguy
There are many things that man has come to understand, but one thing he will never, under any circumstances, understand is women.
Posted:
Fri Dec 07, 2007 8:58 pmby radiojake
Im not even going to get started.. I don't think there is much point with you lot
Posted:
Fri Dec 07, 2007 9:09 pmby jcalebmoore
Nobunaga wrote:wicked wrote:25. Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.
Isn't that your job?
... Sexist
...
I agree. I also feel that the ladies should get a try at map making. So, wicked, nobunaga: Snowball...
Posted:
Fri Dec 07, 2007 9:19 pmby Nobunaga
jcalebmoore wrote:Nobunaga wrote:wicked wrote:25. Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.
Isn't that your job?
... Sexist
...
I agree. I also feel that the ladies should get a try at map making. So, wicked, nobunaga: Snowball...
...
... I made a map. It apparently sucks because now it's being revamped.
...
Posted:
Fri Dec 07, 2007 9:25 pmby jcalebmoore
Nobunaga wrote:jcalebmoore wrote:Nobunaga wrote:wicked wrote:25. Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.
Isn't that your job?
... Sexist
...
I agree. I also feel that the ladies should get a try at map making. So, wicked, nobunaga: Snowball...
...
... I made a map. It apparently sucks because now it's being revamped.
...
I know. I was proposing that wicked take a run at map design while you did...uh...whatever it is that wicked does.
Posted:
Fri Dec 07, 2007 10:01 pmby Snorri1234
satanspaladin wrote:Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AAA is not an option. I will win.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole program looking for it...though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator...(applies to engineers mainly).
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, hunting, sex, cars, sex, tractors, sex, fishing, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.... like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
I must admit, that's mostly true.
Posted:
Fri Dec 07, 2007 10:49 pmby btownmeggy
satanspaladin wrote:Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
I do this.
DOES THIS MEAN I'M A MAN!?!
Posted:
Sat Dec 08, 2007 12:18 amby Stymie
wicked wrote:25. Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.
Isn't that your job?
I don't let my hubby check my oil, or transmission oil etc....
I do it myself. I guess this comes from being raised on a farm by a wonderful daddy.
He taught me how to do a lot of the simple things and not so simple about a car.
He actually made me replace the water pump and brake pads on my car.
He didn't stick around to see if I did it right or not. Just told me once and said you better listen cause I am only explaining this one time.
Posted:
Sat Dec 08, 2007 12:34 amby Stymie
muy_thaiguy wrote:There are many things that man has come to understand, but one thing he will never, under any circumstances, understand is women.
Well, you guys would understand us, if you would just listen to what we have to say. Listening to us completely; don't just pretend your listening.
This is a term I use when my hubby is not listening to what I have to say. "In one ear and out the other."
Posted:
Sat Dec 08, 2007 12:36 amby muy_thaiguy
Stymie wrote:muy_thaiguy wrote:There are many things that man has come to understand, but one thing he will never, under any circumstances, understand is women.
Well, you guys would understand us, if you would just listen to what we have to say. Listening to us completely; don't just pretend your listening.
This is a term I use when my hubby is not listening to what I have to say. "In one ear and out the other."
You see, we can pay attention, but when you gals just go on, and on, and on about something, we tend to tone it out.