Divorce Rates

[Skittles!]

Okay, this thread is just what the topic heading highlights - Divorce rates

In Australia, 2 out of 3 marriages end up in divorce, but I want to know why. What's your theory in it? Why would more people be divorcing than keeping their marriage?

Is it because people are getting more stressed by their partners? Is it because people's greed of when you sign to share your possessions with your partner, the partner just divorces you and get about half of what you own?

Also, post the divorce rates of your country if you know it. It'll be interesting to see.

[Backglass]

Because people (at least in the USA) rush into it...marrying in their early twenties or even late teens, and having kids (often in the reverse order) before having a chance to live a free single life and grow up.

[Titanic]

Because people (at least in the USA) rush into it...marrying in their early twenties or even late teens, and having kids (often in the reverse order) before having a chance to live a free single life and grow up.

Yer, I think thats the main reason. In the UK, I think its 1 in 2, but I'm not sure if thats accurate, but the rate is falling because more people now see marriage consellors and try to sort out their relationship rather then giving up hope and divorcing (this is especially the case with parents)

From Wikipedia

An annual study in the UK by management consultants Grant Thornton estimates the main causes of divorce based on surveys of matrimonial lawyers.

The main causes in 2004 (2003) were:

* Extramarital affairs - 27% (29%)
* Family strains - 18% (11%)
* Emotional/physical abuse - 17% (10%)
* Mid-life crisis - 13% (not in 2003 survey)
* Addictions, e.g. alcoholism and gambling - 6% (5%)
* Workaholism - 6% (5%)

According to this survey, men engaged in extra-marital affairs in 75% (55%) of cases; women in 25% (45%). In cases of family strain, women's families were the primary source of strain in 78%, compared to 22% of men's families.

Emotional and physical abuse were more evenly split, with women affected in 60% and men in 40% of cases. In 70% of workaholism-related divorces it was men who were the cause, and 30% women.

The 2004 survey found that 93% of divorce cases were petitioned by women, very few of which were contested.

Rates for every country - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_demography

[magneticgoop]

Because people (at least in the USA) rush into it...marrying in their early twenties or even late teens, and having kids (often in the reverse order) before having a chance to live a free single life and grow up.

just because they married early doesn't mean the marriage will fall apart. my grandparents married right out of high school and i went to their 50th anniversary party this summer, and my mom married my dad when she was 19 and he was 22 and they are having their 20th next year. i think it is because people don't know what is important in a spouse. someone may be care free and their girlfriend loves that about them but the house is falling apart and they are $20,000 in debt and he is still carefree. but i do agree that many marriages are because someone accidentally got pregnate and the man decides it would be wrong to leave her alone with a kid and marries her even though they may only be able tolerate each other and have no feelings towards the other

[nagerous]

Maybe its related to the fact that 1 in 5 fathers are raising a child thats not theirs and they don't know

[luns101]

My take on it is that it boils down to basic selfishness and an unwillingness to compromise. I hear that marriage is 50-50, no way! It has to be more like 100-100 in order for it to work. People think that it's the other person who needs to change when in reality, if you change/compromise first, then your spouse will respect you more for that...(in a majority of cases, not always).

I think another thing that makes marriage work is discovering your spouse's love language. I read this book by Gary Chapman called The 5 Love Languages and it sure has helped.

[static_ice]

from what I know, I'd say abuse, neglect (not necessarily physical), and taking your spouse for granted.

[MeDeFe]

Anyway, is it true that the rates spike after Valentines day and Christmas?

[salvadevinemasse]

In some cases its because ones not ready when the other is.. or one person is deceived, or one person cheats on the other... ect.. multiple reasons

[Coleman]

I think it's because Australians live in a modern facist society and marriage was considered dangerous to the state so secret government operatives ruin most Australian marriages.

I mean this in all seriousness. Australians live in a state of false freedoms and cruel oppressive government.

[jay_a2j]

Marriage has been devalued. Years ago people actually got married "for better or worse". Today, if you aren't happy.... you get divorced. Divorce has gotten as common loses at Cubs games.


BTW blackglass, I got married at 22. I'm still married to her 13 years later.... through the good and bad.

[vtmarik]

Marriage has been devalued. Years ago people actually got married "for better or worse". Today, if you aren't happy.... you get divorced. Divorce has gotten as common loses at Cubs games.

If that was true, there'd be none of you married people left.

[jako]

Because people (at least in the USA) rush into it...marrying in their early twenties or even late teens, and having kids (often in the reverse order) before having a chance to live a free single life and grow up.

Yer, I think thats the main reason. In the UK, I think its 1 in 2, but I'm not sure if thats accurate, but the rate is falling because more people now see marriage consellors and try to sort out their relationship rather then giving up hope and divorcing (this is especially the case with parents)

From Wikipedia

An annual study in the UK by management consultants Grant Thornton estimates the main causes of divorce based on surveys of matrimonial lawyers.

The main causes in 2004 (2003) were:

* Extramarital affairs - 27% (29%)
* Family strains - 18% (11%)
* Emotional/physical abuse - 17% (10%)
* Mid-life crisis - 13% (not in 2003 survey)
* Addictions, e.g. alcoholism and gambling - 6% (5%)
* Workaholism - 6% (5%)

According to this survey, men engaged in extra-marital affairs in 75% (55%) of cases; women in 25% (45%). In cases of family strain, women's families were the primary source of strain in 78%, compared to 22% of men's families.

Emotional and physical abuse were more evenly split, with women affected in 60% and men in 40% of cases. In 70% of workaholism-related divorces it was men who were the cause, and 30% women.

The 2004 survey found that 93% of divorce cases were petitioned by women, very few of which were contested.

Rates for every country - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_demography

wow, i checked out that demography, and i didnt see a lot of asian country's divorce rates. and im surprised to see that US isnt at the top of the list for once.

[Nobunaga]

... I've no data or published material to back up my opinion, but it seems some people enter into a marriage with the idea that, "Well it's not necessarily permanent if things don't work out". ... and they are quick to get out when things get tough.

... Also, American women tend to be major drama queens. I've dated a few American women who honestly were not happy without some manner of conflict in the relationship. These women want to live out TV dramas in their own lives... and they'll marry a guy with all these problems going on. When the reality finally hits them... they're gone.

... And of course western attitudes come into play. In the Asian countries I've been to, divorce places a huge stigma on a person, and they usually end up alone for good.

...

[comic boy]

I agree that a major reason for the higher divorce rates is that there tends to be far less social stigma these days, many couples previously would just suffer in silence. I believe a strong and stable family unit is vital where children are involved but its unimportant if the parents are married or simply cohabiting, any happy partnership is better than an unhappy one.

[Norse]

Hmmm...divorce rates...

Feminism, benefit culture, greed and unreal expectations.

[btownmeggy]

My take on it is that it boils down to basic selfishness and an unwillingness to compromise.

Really, I think this is true in very many cases.

Also, the hegemony of monogamy causes cuckolds and their unnamed female equivalents great agony.

[Backglass]

BTW blackglass, I got married at 22. I'm still married to her 13 years later.... through the good and bad.

I don't deny that there are (like you) exceptions to the rule but the numbers don't lie. Would you want your daughter to get married at 22 ( or less?)? I wouldn't.

my grandparents married right out of high school and i went to their 50th anniversary party this summer, and my mom married my dad when she was 19 and he was 22 and they are having their 20th next year

50 years ago a divorced woman was the subject of whispers, rumor and ridicule. Women didn't work, and HAD to stay with their husbands if they wanted to continue their lifestyle. I would also bet that if divorce was as culturally accepted back in "grandmas" day as it is today, the numbers would be quite different. Also keep in mind "years of marriage" does not necessarily equal "years of happiness & fulfillment".

30+ years ago, couples stayed together "for the kids sake" and raised them in a disfunctional home. People today know better.

I am not saying divorce is right (I certainly don't plan on getting one!) but too many people I know grew up in homes where the parents SHOULD have divorced long ago...and had they, everyone involved would have been better off.

[static_ice]

Hmmm...divorce rates...

Feminism, benefit culture, greed and unreal expectations.

I don't know if its right to use feminism without mentioning...masculinism?... aka the marriage-unfriendly things that guys have been doing all the time but hasn't collected a name because its already well known or taken for granted.

[daddy1gringo]

Here is something I found a long time ago that I think illustrates what many have said here. For once, I think my post will not be controversial.

While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport in Portland, Oregon, I had one of those life-changing experiences that you hear other people talk about -the kind that sneaks up on you unexpectedly. This one occurred a mere two feet away from me.
Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jet way, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family.
First he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other's face, I heard the father say, "It's so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!" His son smiled somewhat shyly, averted his eyes and replied softly, "Me, too, Dad!"
Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe nine or ten) and while cupping his son's face in his hands said, "You're already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!" They too hugged a most loving, tender hug.
While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half) was squirming excitedly in her mother's arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. The man said, "Hi, baby girl!" as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder, motionless in pure contentment.
After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, "I've saved the best for last!" and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed. "I love you so much!" They stared at each other's eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands.
For an instant they reminded me of newlyweds, but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn't possibly be. I puzzled about it for a moment then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm's length away from me.
I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I was invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, "Wow! How long have you two been married?" "Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those." he replied, without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife's face. "Well then, how long have you been away?" I asked the man finally turned and looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile. "Two whole days!" Two days? I was stunned.
By the intensity of the greeting, I had assumed he'd been gone for at least several weeks - if not months. I know my expression betrayed me, I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), "I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!" The man suddenly stopped smiling.
He looked me straight in the eye, and with forcefulness that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person. He told me, "Don't hope, friend... decide!" Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, "God bless!"
With that, he and his family turned and strode away together. I was still watching that exceptional man and his special family walk just out of sight when my friend came up to me and asked, "What'cha looking at?" Without hesitating, and with a curious sense of certainty, I replied, "My future!

© Copyright 1997 by Michael D. Hargrove. All rights reserved. Used with author's permission.
Here is the story as it was originally published: http://bluinc.com/free/secret.htm
Michael D. Hargrove
My Success Company
P.O. Box 1218
Lake Oswego, OR 97035
888.My Success (697-8223)
503.638.0602 (fax)
http://www.mysuccesscompany.com

[static_ice]

well written

[2dimes]

Because people (at least in the USA) rush into it...marrying in their early twenties or even late teens, and having kids (often in the reverse order) before having a chance to live a free single life and grow up.

This is kind of silly, where to start. Sure there's some truth in the fact that as you age your decision making should improve, however.

I would suspect most people wait much longer to get married now as it's socially ok to not get married and just co-habit. I question why a male would bother getting married. "Why buy the cow?" if there was not some form of religious reasoning involved.

A male grow up? Ha ha ha good one, we can't.

Some ways being more mature helps you consider the fact that leaving probably won't fix your life, that you'll probably want to find another companion of some sort and with time the same problems perhaps worse ones will likely develop. So you consider the grass might be greener but not anymore tasty.

One of the problems with getting married when you're older is you're more set in your ways and having to get used to someone else invading your space takes some effort.

I think the main reason such a high volume of marriages end is it's much more difficult in most cases to be married than it appears to be. When it gets too tough, it's perfectly acceptable to quit instead of working it out. People are not held to their word as firmly as they were in the past.

I am allways suprised when you hear of those ones, "...filed for divorce from wife of 22 years." did you just figure out you were unhappy, or did the cheating grow heavy on your concience.

You could get a divorce in the fifties but it would make you "the divorcee". I think the numbers could have been just as high if not for that at the time.

Would you want your daughter to get married at 22 ( or less?)? I wouldn't.

I think that is sensable, question for you. Should she remain a virgin until married, if not what's the age she's good to go for sex?