Party!
Here's some quotes for the occasion. Most are Mitch Hedburg. Yay Mitch Hedburg!!!!
I was going to have my teeth whitened, but then I said "f*ck that, I'll just get a tan instead.
You know, there's a fishing show on TV. They catch the fish, but they let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, but they do want to make it late for something. "Where were you?" "I got caught!" "Bullshit, lemme see the inside of your lip.
I bought a house, it's a two-bedroom house. But I think it's up to me how many bedrooms there are, don't you? f*ck you, real estate lady, this bedroom has an oven in it. This bedroom has a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom is over in that guy's house. "Sir, you've got one of my bedrooms, are you aware? Don't decorate it!
I think they could take sesame seeds off the market, and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine five years from now saying, "Damn, remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!" They're gonna have to change that McDonald's song, "Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a ... bun." How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? Thats fucking magical! There's got to be some sesame seed glue out there! Either that or they're adhesive on one side. Take the sesame seed out, remove the backing, place it on the bun. Now your bun will look spectacular! What does a sesame seed grow into? I dunno, we never give them a chance. What the f*ck is a sesame?! It's a street. It's a way to open...shit
fuckin' hate arrows, man. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like, "f*ck you, I ain't goin' that way, line with two-thirds of a triangle on the end!" Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow? That would suck; an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. "Hey, look at that dead guy... Let's go that way.
I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn my music down, and that made me angry because I like loud music, so when he knocked on the wall I'd mess with his head. I'd say: "Go around! I cannot open the wall. I don't know if you have a doorknob on the other side, but over here there's nothing. It's just flat."
I was in a casino, I was standing by the door, and a security guard came over and said "You're gonna have to move. You're blocking the fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit... Unless you're a table.
One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,"Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." "You son of a bitch! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera!"
Immortal Technique wrote:They say the rebels in Iraq still fight for Saddam but that's bullshit. I'll tell you why it's totally wrong. Because if another country invaded the hood tonight it would be warfare through Harlem and Washington Heights. I wouldn't be fighting for Bush or white America's dream. I'd be fighting for my people's survival and self esteem.
I'll send you a love letter my dear. Do you know what that is? It's a bullet, straight from my gun to your heart.
Avril Lavign sucks
I said to the bartender "Surprise me." He pulled out a naked picture of my wife.
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.
I told my doctor I wanted a vasectomy. He said, with a face like mine, I don't need one.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous— everyone hasn't met me yet.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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