Conquer Club

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 5:48 pm**

I was out today in the Porsche. It was a nice sunny day, and I thought I`d cruise the mean streets of East London.
At 10am I was driving down a little lane when I saw the blue lights in the mirror, it was Plod, and they were after me.
I stopped the car at the entrance to a warehouse and got out.
The copper got out of his motor and walked up to me.
"You aware sir, you were going 70mph in a 30mph area?" he said
"Yeah, I was, now what about it copper?" I replied
He didn`t know what to say to that, most people would have lied or been compliant, not me, I`m Joe Beevers and I don`t like coppers.
"Well sir, I`m afraid I`ll have to give you a speeding ticket" he said, when he said it he smiled, with pleasure.
I didn`t like it so I said "You like the taste of hospital food pal?"
He turned a bit white with fear, and said "W-w-w-why?"
I said "You don`t know who I am, I know blokes who can pay you a visit at 4am, trust me, you don`t want to mess with me"
He now shook from head to toe, sweat poured down his face, "Oh carry on Sir, sorry to bother you" he said
"Ok sonny, don`t bother grassing me up, I got your number pal, if I get caught further up the road then I`ll know where to send my men" I said
I left him sitting being sick with fear on the pavement, as I drove off at speed.
No copper messes with me...

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 5:49 pm**

Organization XIII

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 5:51 pm**

the only fear that copper had was the fear of being ass-raped

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 5:52 pm**

That was actually a pretty entertaining read. :lol:

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 5:52 pm**

lol, but we need some fresh stuff Joe

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 5:53 pm**

Wow...

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 5:56 pm**

I told her indoors about it, she started nagging at me, saying I was an evil man, and a wicked man for threatening a copper. I told her to shut up and go make me a steak sandwich.
I told one of my men Stan the Sawman the coppers number. Stan gave me his name and address 30 minutes later.
I`ll keep you informed if I hear anything from that fearful copper again..

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 5:59 pm**

JoeBeevers wrote:I told her to shut up and go make me a steak sandwich.

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:00 pm**

Stan the Sawman...
Is he friends with Tom the Twanger?
Or perhaps Bill the Buffoon?
How about Joe the Joker?

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:03 pm**

Minister Masket wrote:Stan the Sawman...
Is he friends with Tom the Twanger?
Or perhaps Bill the Buffoon?
How about Joe the Joker?

You trying to annoy me pal?
You want to end up like that copper? spewing his ring up by the side of the road?

Anyway, tomorrow is a busy day, I have a meeting with my accountant Figures Freddie, he needs to put £2 Million through my secret Swiss bank account. For letting him use it he`s giving me 20%.
I guess I`d better wake up her indoors and get her to iron me one of my pure silk shirts

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:06 pm**

Joe, you wanna watch out mate, that missus of yours gets about whilst your back is turned.

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:08 pm**

Norse wrote:Joe, you wanna watch out mate, that missus of yours gets about whilst your back is turned.

Yeah, she'll be meeting up with Adam the Adulterer.
Or maybe Sam the Snogger.

Got it memorized?

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:10 pm**

Norse wrote:Joe, you wanna watch out mate, that missus of yours gets about whilst your back is turned.

She don`t, I have one of my men watch her at all times. He`s a little weasel called Terry the Tail. I rescued him once from a 10 stretch, I got Jack the Ladders to spring him from clink.
Terry was so grateful to me he`ll now do anything.
He has to be watching the house 12 hours a day, he sits in his beaten up Ford Fiesta so not to draw attention to himself.
He tried to screw me over for some dough a few weeks ago, a swift punch to his solar plexus soon put paid to his whinging

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:15 pm**

well, maybe im just too quick for your man, Im in and out of your gaff fast.

Last time I was there, i done your missus doggy style, andd she was moaning like the whore she is. To finish off, I saved up my lob and spewed it into the chicken casserole she was cooking you.

Dinner is served!

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:17 pm**

^^^

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:18 pm**

Norse wrote:well, maybe im just too quick for your man, Im in and out of your gaff fast.

Last time I was there, i done your missus doggy style, andd she was moaning like the whore she is. To finish off, I saved up my lob and spewed it into the chicken casserole she was cooking you.

Dinner is served!

Well as soon as a saw a new thread by this dumbass I said to myself "Time to get to flaming." but you've done it better than I ever could. I salute you sir.

=D>

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:22 pm**

Joe,

When you first got on here at CC I thought you were fairly odd, and with others here calling for your demise I didn't know if your stay here would be short. I am begging you to play a game so you don't get thrown out of here. I now must have my daily dose of your adventures, as well as those who reply to you.

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:23 pm**

Norse wrote:well, maybe im just too quick for your man, Im in and out of your gaff fast.

Last time I was there, i done your missus doggy style, andd she was moaning like the whore she is. To finish off, I saved up my lob and spewed it into the chicken casserole she was cooking you.

Dinner is served!

Haha, that was quite funny, nice one.

Shes now ironing my shirt and moaning, saying why did I have to wake her up.
I told her that if she wants to remain my her indoors then she needs to earn her keep, I might wake her up at 3am to get me a beer from the fridge. That`ll keep her on her toes

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:24 pm**

luns101 wrote:Joe,

When you first got on here at CC I thought you were fairly odd, and with others here calling for your demise I didn't know if your stay here would be short. I am begging you to play a game so you don't get thrown out of here. I now must have my daily dose of your adventures, as well as those who reply to you.

Hehe yeah. Cool. I`ll play a game tomorrow night, I`ll get her indoors to cut my toenails while I`m playing it, when I have my toenails cut I concentrate more on stuff

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:24 pm**

Question.

Does Her Indoors ever go outdoors?

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:34 pm**

Minister Masket wrote:Question.

Does Her Indoors ever go outdoors?

Yes, I send her down the shops to get me packs of Bensons, or I might bung her £500 to get a Mink Coat so she looks the part when we go to a private club of mine.

Anyway, she`s now finished the shirt, and I`m going upstairs to give her a portion of Joe, whether shes tired or not I dont care.

Laters all, the adventures of Joe will continue tomorrow

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:40 pm**

We can't wait..

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:41 pm**

Cynthia wrote:We can't wait..

speak for yourself... :wink:

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:48 pm**

JoeBeevers wrote:boring imaginitive story

do you really think we care so much about your fantasy life? my advise: go see a psichiatrist

now don't tell me you're going to beat the shit out of me or that you send one of your boys (Chuck the Chickenfucker or Gary the Gay) to beat me up.

PS i'm dying to see if he has a guy even in my country :lol:

Posted: **Sun Jul 08, 2007 7:51 pm**

Pain Killer wrote:
JoeBeevers wrote:boring imaginitive story

my advise: go see a psichiatrist

yae, wot hee siad

Conquer Club

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