This morning I fancied some beer, I told her indoors to do the housework and I told her I was off down the pub.
I went to a new place off the Bethnal Green Rd, a spit n sawdust kind of boozer called "The Captains Arms"
I walked in, told the Landlord "Pint of Stella mate", grabbed my pint and sat down.
As I sat there reading the paper a big bloke walked over. He was about 6 foot 7 (my height), big thick neck, tattoo of a cobweb on his face, scar across his cheek, and a long curly perm.
"You the great poker player Joe Beevers?" he said
"Yeah thats me, I`ll gamble on anything" I said
"Good, I want a drinking competition, we both put 50 grand on the table, winner takes all. The most pints of beer drunk wins, loser under the table"
"Allright" I said, "Lets do it"
I still had the money I won yesterday on me, so I stuck 50K in £50 notes on the pub table, he took out the same from his bag he had slung on his shoulder.
"Landlord, keep the pints coming" I roared
After 15 minutes I had drunk 6 pints of Stella, I was merely getting my thirst up. The big bloke was struggling, he was on his 4th and sweat was running off him.
"Ha, you can`t drink. I`m the king around here" I said to him, he grunted and downed his pint.
I had another 4 pints in quick succession, this was becoming a cakewalk for me. He was breathing funny, and gagging by now.
I drank 5 more pints in 10 minutes, making it 15 for me, he was on his 7th.
All of a sudden he opened his mouth and spewed a pint all over the floor, I laughed and carried on with my 16th pint.
He looked at me then, and slowly got on the floor and crawled under the table.
"I win this one pal" I shouted, "100 grand to me"
I picked up the money, and peered under the table. He was shaking like a girl, I said to him "Anytime you want another drinking competition I`ll be ready for you. Don`t forget Joe Beevers can`t be outdrunk by anyone. Ever"
I walked out the pub to applause, all the regulars were clapping me, they`d never seen such an impressive drinker.
I got in the house just as her indoors finished cooking my Steak n Chips.
"Oi love" I told her. "Get me some Daddies sauce, tonight I`m celebrating the easiest 50K I`ve ever earnt"..
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