Conquer Club

Here is a new thread for poor warmonger since no one else wants to entertain him with original content.

Feel free to tell your koala encounter stories.

I went with my wife and daughter to visit Australia. We drove west on the great ocean highway to a golf course where kangaroos liked to hang out. Then we went to a place that had platypus but it was day time and we never saw any of them. Then we went to a forest and saw three or four koalas climbing trees. One came down to the ground and went from one tree to another. It was pretty cool.

I had no idea how unusual it was to see them being active. The zoo here had one visit and it was asleep most of the time.

This kind of thread will keep warmonger humming! Like shot in the arm. Just what CC needed.

Dimebag....why did you say yard and not meter? Metre?? Spending to much time in the states manno?

Because I'm old balls.

I know you fancy yourself an expert on Canadiana you should know they switched to metric after I started mesuring things. Maybe you do since this isn't the first time you have asked that sort of question.

I just can't get used to my height in cms. Fortunately I never cared about temperature so I'm not stuck like my dad using Fahrenheit, that's just miserable.

I still buy pints of beer in the bar. Dirty business owners kept raising the price on them, then a few years ago switched to US pints too. Lost four ounces in that deal. I never knew you had smaller pints. Kind of makes me wonder why you broke away from the empire to do that.

In the UK you get a real pint of delicious Guiness.

So after I made a nice new thread for mongo to enjoy, you just has to tromp though with "old topic" on your galoshes and soil it with repeat question.

KoolBak wrote:Dimebag....why did you say yard and not meter? Metre?? Spending to much time in the states manno?

Wait, did he mean "yard" as a unit of distance? I thought he meant "yard" as in the property in front of your house.

2dimes wrote:I still buy pints of beer in the bar. Dirty business owners kept raising the price on them, then a few years ago switched to US pints too. Lost four ounces in that deal. I never knew you had smaller pints. Kind of makes me wonder why you broke away from the empire to do that.

We didn't the UK increased their measurement in our absence.

This difference dates back to 1824, when the British Weights and Measures Act standardized various liquid measures throughout the British Empire, while the United States continued to use the earlier English measure. The imperial pint consists of 20 imperial fluid ounces and the US liquid pint is 16 US fluid ounces, making the imperial fluid ounce about 4% smaller than the US fluid ounce.

I was going to blame Queen Victoria on this one but apparently it happened 14 years before her coronation.

Meanwhile, why don't we have a discussion on your smaller ounces. Sure you get more beer for the chaser, but you've shorted the shot.

They're not my ounces. Who knows what ounces are being used here. Most of our shot glasses are sourced from the US&A, though almost for sure made in China.

Then again if you buy a mixed drink the bartender will probably do that trick where they go real fast and short you the booze.

I'll give you a point for new content in your de-rail though so. Decakudos* to you tzor.













*not a real measurement but I'm just careless now.

tzor wrote:

2dimes wrote:I still buy pints of beer in the bar. Dirty business owners kept raising the price on them, then a few years ago switched to US pints too. Lost four ounces in that deal. I never knew you had smaller pints. Kind of makes me wonder why you broke away from the empire to do that.

We didn't the UK increased their measurement in our absence.

This difference dates back to 1824, when the British Weights and Measures Act standardized various liquid measures throughout the British Empire, while the United States continued to use the earlier English measure. The imperial pint consists of 20 imperial fluid ounces and the US liquid pint is 16 US fluid ounces, making the imperial fluid ounce about 4% smaller than the US fluid ounce.

I was going to blame Queen Victoria on this one but apparently it happened 14 years before her coronation.

Meanwhile, why don't we have a discussion on your smaller ounces. Sure you get more beer for the chaser, but you've shorted the shot.

The fluid ounce is smaller? how does that follow? Not true so far as I'm aware... After all, in the UK the old mnemonic was "A pint of water weighs a pound and a quarter", whereas the equivalent in the US is "A pint's a pound the world around" (Though that's obviously not true). I.e. 20 fluid ounces of water weighs 20 ounces, 16 fluid ounces weighs 16 ounces.

Just don't make them angry


and don't confuse them with drop bears

2dimes wrote:Because I'm old balls.

I know you fancy yourself an expert on Canadiana you should know they switched to metric after I started mesuring things. Maybe you do since this isn't the first time you have asked that sort of question.

I just can't get used to my height in cms. Fortunately I never cared about temperature so I'm not stuck like my dad using Fahrenheit, that's just miserable.

I still buy pints of beer in the bar. Dirty business owners kept raising the price on them, then a few years ago switched to US pints too. Lost four ounces in that deal. I never knew you had smaller pints. Kind of makes me wonder why you broke away from the empire to do that.

In the UK you get a real pint of delicious Guiness.

So after I made a nice new thread for mongo to enjoy, you just has to tromp though with "old topic" on your galoshes and soil it with repeat question.

'Galoshes'

There's a fine old word you don't see very often any more.

I wish more people would say 'galoshes'.

Platypus

wombats = worlds worst speed humps, guaranteed to ruin your cars suspension

Don't you mean speed bumps?

Did I ask that before??

Hmmmmmmm.......

dogs are better...

Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.

Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.

...TG wins this thread.

Mrswdk will be crushed when you roast pandas

lmfao...that was epic...

But at least the poop will smell good and clear a blocked nose.

Gunny's rant reminds me of something. Many years ago when I used to work for money instead of entertainment on occasion, I was at a shop that built artificial lift stations for natural gas. They were building a couple for a remote island in Australia. One of the other guys there was talking about maybe going to help commission the unit. I said that might be fun.

He said, "Maybe but it might not be too fun. His brother inlaw lived somewhere near the place and said you have to be careful there. There are a lot of poisonous things and even the birds will bite you."

Wish I only had to work for entertainment.

You should buy a couple koalas and experiment.

It's pretty simple, quit drinking and don't buy a koala. The cost to bring in their food is pretty high even compared to booze.

I can retire if I quit drinking? Honestly?? Attempt at humor?