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You wont get me Copper

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 3:09 pm
by JoeBeevers
Today I was in the Bookies.
I decided to bet on every race, I`m a degenerate gambler after all.
After 10 dog races I was £55K down and needed a win.
Trap 1 in the next race looked good, I bunged £10K on it at 6-1.
The dog shot out the traps and led from trap to line.
I picked up £70K from the cashier desk and thought I`d leave.
Walking down the street with my money inside my suit pocket, I saw a copper coming towards me. It was PC Harry Hunt. He was the worst, most bent Copper in all of London Town.
I`ve had run ins in the past with him, one New Years Eve I broke his nose after he tried to stop me beating up a Traffic screw who was ticketing my Porsche.
Hunt was 10 yards away when he said "Beevers, you`re nicked. Or give me your money"
I looked at him and said "Shut it Hunt, I aint done anything, you aint nicking me"
He smiled and said "Oh I am Beevers, I am"
I saw we were outside the Butchers shop, theres a very quiet alley which runs down the side of it.
"Ok Hunt, take my money, I`ll give it to you down this alley" I said
He grinned and followed me down there.
The alley was deserted, and damp.
He had his hand out waiting for me to give him my dough. Quick as a flash I grabbed his hand, spun him round and slammed him into the wall.
"You think I`d let you have my dough do you Copper?" I snarled into his ear. He was shaking like a leaf now, fear oozed from him.
"I`ll give you something to remember me by Filth" I said.
I smacked his head against the wall, then kicked him in the balls. Hard.
I looked back at him as I walked out onto the street.
He was crying like a baby, his shirt was bloodied and he was squirming in pain.
No-one messes with me. I`m Joe Beevers and don`t you forget it

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 3:11 pm
by spinwizard
lmao, u r a nutter and talking total rubbish but you are the funnyest man on CC!

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 3:11 pm
by firth4eva
im actually beginning to like these

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 3:12 pm
by spinwizard
firth4eva wrote:im actually beginning to like these


same

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 3:21 pm
by 0ojakeo0
firth4eva wrote:im actually beginning to like these


qft

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 3:42 pm
by Minister Masket
firth4eva wrote:im actually beginning to like these

That's what he wants you to do. Do not be fooled!

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 4:00 pm
by JoeBeevers
Shut it Minister Basket. Nonce.
If you`re a grass or a copper I`m after you.
I`m Joe Beevers

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 4:03 pm
by Minister Masket
You spelt my name wrong, genius. Are you typing in the dark?
You're a great big twaddle-bag and I never want to hear from you again.
BEGONE!

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 4:05 pm
by JoeBeevers
Minister Masket wrote:You spelt my name wrong, genius. Are you typing in the dark?
You're a great big twaddle-bag and I never want to hear from you again.
BEGONE!


Look Mister Haircut, I warn you once. I don`t warn again.
Ask the lad who`s screaming in the cellar, ask the copper who I beat up today.

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 4:07 pm
by Minister Masket
JoeBeevers wrote:
Minister Masket wrote:You spelt my name wrong, genius. Are you typing in the dark?
You're a great big twaddle-bag and I never want to hear from you again.
BEGONE!


Look Mister Haircut, I warn you once. I don`t warn again.
Ask the lad who`s screaming in the cellar, ask the copper who I beat up today.

You've "warned" me twice dumbass. :P
Learn to speak better good!

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 4:10 pm
by JoeBeevers
I`ll tell Barny and Ross all about you.
They wont be happy...

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 4:10 pm
by dustn64
SHUT. UP. JOE.

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 4:15 pm
by UCAbears
JoeBeevers wrote:I`ll tell Barny and Ross all about you.
They wont be happy...


Ha! What a joker.

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 4:16 pm
by DirtyDishSoap
getting sick of these stupid threads :roll:

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 4:29 pm
by DeCaptain
all you haters better stop messin with joe...he's obviously a complete badass

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 4:30 pm
by dustn64
Let this thread die...

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 4:33 pm
by Balsiefen
JoeBeevers wrote:Shut it Minister Basket. Nonce.
If you`re a grass or a copper I`m after you.
I`m Joe Beevers


Yer a loony

Re: You wont get me Copper

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 4:38 pm
by riggable
JoeBeevers wrote:
I smacked his head against the wall, then kicked him in the balls. Hard


What a pussy thing to do. Jesus christ, what are you, a woman? kicking a man in the balls, man, thats low. You manly man you, you should know better! frankly, im rather dissapointed :roll:

Re: You wont get me Copper

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 4:39 pm
by dustn64
riggable wrote:
JoeBeevers wrote:
I smacked his head against the wall, then kicked him in the balls. Hard


What a pussy thing to do. Jesus christ, what are you, a woman? kicking a man in the balls, man, thats low. You manly man you, you should know better! frankly, im rather dissapointed :roll:



good question...

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 5:01 pm
by JoeBeevers
Nonce^^^^^^^^^

I`m no woman. I have a bird live with me.
Though I have women throwing themselves at me in the street.
All chicks want a bit of Joe :wink:

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 5:20 pm
by dwightschrute
you are pretty funny joe

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 5:30 pm
by UCAbears
JoeBeevers wrote:Nonce^^^^^^^^^

I`m no woman. I have a bird live with me.
Though I have women throwing themselves at me in the street.
All chicks want a bit of Joe :wink:


They're all unattractive.

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 5:34 pm
by JoeBeevers
UCAbears wrote:
JoeBeevers wrote:Nonce^^^^^^^^^

I`m no woman. I have a bird live with me.
Though I have women throwing themselves at me in the street.
All chicks want a bit of Joe :wink:


They're all unattractive.


Today As I Was Walking Into The Newsagents To Get My Copy Of The Guardian, A Young Chick Winked At Me.
I Smiled At Her. She Said "Hi. My Names Mel. Are You Joe Beevers?"
I Said "Yeah, Awight Mel? You Look Sexy. How Old Are Ya?"
She Said "19"
I Gave Her My Mobile Number, Shes Ringing Me Up Tomorrow, We`ll Be Shagging By 4PM

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 5:35 pm
by UCAbears
JoeBeevers wrote:
UCAbears wrote:
JoeBeevers wrote:Nonce^^^^^^^^^

I`m no woman. I have a bird live with me.
Though I have women throwing themselves at me in the street.
All chicks want a bit of Joe :wink:


They're all unattractive.


Today As I Was Walking Into The Newsagents To Get My Copy Of The Guardian, A Young Chick Winked At Me.
I Smiled At Her. She Said "Hi. My Names Mel. Are You Joe Beevers?"
I Said "Yeah, Awight Mel? You Look Sexy. How Old Are Ya?"
She Said "19"
I Gave Her My Mobile Number, Shes Ringing Me Up Tomorrow, We`ll Be Shagging By 4PM


...and she was unattractive. :wink:

PostPosted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 5:38 pm
by JoeBeevers
Age 19, Baps Like FootBalls. Arse Like A Peach, Boat Race Like A Model.
She Was Far From Being Unattractive