Conquer Club

Anarchist wrote: Nope, christians still knocking on my door. Selling God...

I like Anarchist, he's got a pretty good head on his shoulders and I figured I'd send this out to him. Purely for the fun of it, no debate here. I've heard a lot of complaints about how tedious it can be to have Christian after Christian knocking on your door. I don't personally see that many, but if you do here are some sugggestions.

Why waste time and energy, getting upset? Make this a form of recreation. I mean, they sought you out. They were probably trained for the job. They'll probably go have a beer (sweet tea? Hawaiian Punch?) afterward and talk about this or that prospect and swap horror stories. I say give them something to talk about. Make it a form of recreation.

My suggestions (feel free to add your own, but be witty not nasty. Remember this is a positive way to deal with some of life's stresses)

1) When a person asks what religion you are, immediately ask them what
religion they are. When they tell you say "Great! me too!", give them
a glass of tea and say "Get out there and save some souls, brother!".

2) This may take some time but it has possibilities. Whatever they say,
nod enthusiastically, ask a lot of thought provoking open-ended
questions. Keep a stop watch out of sight and see how long you can
keep them going before they catch on. Keep score see who stays the
longest.

3) If you see them coming, run to the bathroom and splash water on your
face. Hunch over a little bit and walk with a limp. Before they can say
anything (very gently) grab one by the hand. Start making beckoning
gestures, for them to come inside. Don't talk, grunt like you don't have
tongue. Very important!! Never smile.

4) If someone asks your religion say "I'm a fundamentalist. Let me
tell you about my religion!"

Just a thought. These types of things can snowball, but the orgininal intent is to be witty, not insulting.

I answered the door naked once. Never came back!

nice one

hecter wrote:I answered the door naked once. Never came back!

You better hope Kyle doesn't return to the latter day saints and end up on mission in your stake, or maybe you should, depending on what you're intent was.

hecter wrote:I answered the door naked once. Never came back!

I did that once, only I wore a football helmet as well. When I tried to explain, they just got in their car and left.

My mother went through school and university with a friend of hers who was a Jehova's Witness. About 10 years ago this woman found Jesus and converted to Catholicism. As her parents were still Jovies she spent her 'first' christmas visiting various friends, including my parents. The day after boxing day some Jovies came knocking on their door, copies of the Watchtower in hand, and trying to peddle their religious claptrap to whoever would listen. My mother answered the door and said, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested... but my friend is", whereupon she called her friend to the door. This woman kept those poor god botherers on the doorstep for almost an hour as she recited their scriptures straight back at them, pointing out all their flaws, and trying to convert them to Christianity!

No Jehova's Witness has called at my parent's door since. There's obviously nothing more intimidating to them than a former believer who's now found a different way.

what I do is politely say that "I have no intention of joining, and you wasting my time only makes me want to join less." They are very persistent, I must say, once I just slammed the door and walked away.

I happened to be enjoying a few hot dogs one time that somebody came to the door. So I grabbed an apron that was hanging around my kitchen, put it on, and covered it in some nearby ketchup. I squirted the ketchup on the apron, then let out a muffled scream. I grabbed the largest knife I could find and smeared it in ketchup.

I then calmly walked up to the door, knife in hand, and answered it in a sincere "Hey there neighbor!"

They quickly left the premises, never to return.

I GOT SERVED wrote:I happened to be enjoying a few hot dogs one time that somebody came to the door. So I grabbed an apron that was hanging around my kitchen, put it on, and covered it in some nearby ketchup. I squirted the ketchup on the apron, then let out a muffled scream. I grabbed the largest knife I could find and smeared it in ketchup.

I then calmly walked up to the door, knife in hand, and answered it in a sincere "Hey there neighbor!"

They quickly left the premises, never to return.

AHHHHHHHHHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFLLOL WHERE IS THE PANIC BUTTON!!!

I don't know what people have against Jehova's Witnesses. I was once at my friend's when they came knocking on the door. My friend sent me to talk to them, knowing that nobody can out-nag me. I had a nice chat with them and they didn't even tried to convert me after I told them that I am not interested. I think that the trick is to show them that you ready to stand there talking longer then they are.


But, I must admit that IGS's method is more fun.

Piss on their boots...

Well just unzipping the flies usually does the job!

I've yet to try this with door to door types, but whenever telemarketers call I always just start speaking in french. They usually hang up pretty quickly after that...

mandalorian2298 wrote:I think that the trick is to show them that you ready to stand there talking longer then they are.

Hmmm....I should probably try this some time.....

Oooh, I DREAM of have two young, studly Mormon missionaries come to my door. I'd invite them in, give them lemonade, ask them to wait a bit while I put on something more comfortable.

You know where it goes from there...

Unfortunately, all I ever get are lady JWs and crack addict magazine salesmen.

btownmeggy wrote:Oooh, I DREAM of have two young, studly Mormon missionaries come to my door. I'd invite them in, give them lemonade, ask them to wait a bit while I put on something more comfortable.

You know where it goes from there...

Unfortunately, all I ever get are lady JWs and crack addict magazine salesmen.

Would you settle for me?

hecter wrote:

btownmeggy wrote:Oooh, I DREAM of have two young, studly Mormon missionaries come to my door. I'd invite them in, give them lemonade, ask them to wait a bit while I put on something more comfortable.

You know where it goes from there...

Unfortunately, all I ever get are lady JWs and crack addict magazine salesmen.

Would you settle for me?

Well, Canadians are rather similar to Mormons, but you'd have to bring a friend.

btownmeggy wrote:Well, Canadians are rather similar to Mormons, but you'd have to bring a friend.

By "friend", hecter means "IGS".

I GOT SERVED wrote:

mandalorian2298 wrote:I think that the trick is to show them that you ready to stand there talking longer then they are.

Hmmm....I should probably try this some time.....

WARNING

This method is not advisable if you are sane....but you should be all right.

mandalorian2298 wrote:

I GOT SERVED wrote:

mandalorian2298 wrote:I think that the trick is to show them that you ready to stand there talking longer then they are.

Hmmm....I should probably try this some time.....

WARNING

This method is not advisable if you are sane....but you should be all right.

z0mg, rofflemuffins!!!1!

Anyhoo, thank you much for the compliment!

I served under a Captain in the USMC who told me that he would invite the "missionaries" inside to talk. Once they were seated he would start acting real paranoid and get out his .45 and start cleaning it really slow, while at the same time asking them if they heard "voices from God" like he did. He never got a return visit.

hecter wrote:I answered the door naked once. Never came back!

That was you!! Dude, I didn't sleep for a week after seeing that whole scene.

I usually say I'll go get my parents, close the door, lock it, never return. They normally leave after around 5 minutes. This also works well with telemarketing. Ask them to hold on for a sec, then just leave it off the hook and do something else.

Get a paintball gun and shoot at them.

btownmeggy wrote:Oooh, I DREAM of have two young, studly Mormon missionaries come to my door. I'd invite them in, give them lemonade, ask them to wait a bit while I put on something more comfortable.

You know where it goes from there...

I don't know. What do you mean? Could you elaborate?

Back when I was in school my Religious Studies teacher (He was Roman Catholic) told us he used to invite them in, grab a copy of his bible and then stop them everytime they would say something not in his bible and make them compare. I think they stopped visiting him after a while.