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blond jokes
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:34 pmby pyro55
tell your best dumb blonde jokes
ill go first:
To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop of his apartment to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude but fell asleep and burned his penis.
Not wanting to miss out on his date with the hot blonde, he applied some ointment to his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up at his apartment and after dinner they went into the living room to watch a movie.
During the movie, the young man's sunburn began to hurt. After several minutes of extreme discomfort, he asked to be excused.
A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain. So he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned member into the milk. He experienced immediate relief.
The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his shaft fully immersed in the glass of milk. With a look of understanding the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you load those things!"
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:36 pmby Aegnor
Haha not bad.
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:37 pmby hecter
LAME!!!
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:37 pmby pyro55
A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled. "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.
The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "No... it's because you're 25."
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:38 pmby Aegnor
Haha nice, please go on.
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:39 pmby jnd94
pyro55 wrote:A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled. "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.
The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "No... it's because you're 25."
lol HIALRIOUS!!!!
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:48 pmby pyro55
There were 3 girls in high school, they were all best friends and they're moms were all best friends as well, one mom was blonde, one mom was brunette, and the other had black hair.
So one night, the moms are all sitting around talking, and the Brunette says, ''I found a cigarette butt in my daughters trash can, I can't believe she smokes.''
The mom with Black Hair looks over and says, ''Well, I found a beer bottle in my daughters trashcan I can't believe she drinks.''
Then the blonde thinks for a moment and says, ''I found a condom in my daughters bed, I can't believe she has a dick.''
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:49 pmby Aegnor
That wasn't nearly as funny as the first two.
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:51 pmby hecter
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:52 pmby pyro55
i dont really have anymore i was hoping other ppl could give some
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:54 pmby pyro55
hecter wrote:hecter wrote:LAME!!!
your a dumbass
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:57 pmby hecter
pyro55 wrote:hecter wrote:hecter wrote:LAME!!!
your a dumbass
I repeat, LAME!!!
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:06 pmby pyro55
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:10 pmby Aegnor
Hmm ok let's see..
A blonde gets on a plane to London and sits in the first seat she sees. After a few moments a person comes to her and says: "Excuse me miss, you are sitting in my chair" but the blonde refuses to move.
After realizing the blonde will not vacate his seat he turns to the stewardess hoping she could talk her into it. The blonde still wouldn't move, even after the stewardess threatened to get her off the plane.
In a last effort the stewardess calls the Captain, and after explaining him the situation he walks to the blonde, whispers something in her ear and she immediately stands up and takes her seat in the next row.
Before leaving back to the cockpit the stewardess asks the captain what could he possibly say that made the blonde leave so quickly. The captain smiles and explains: "Very simple, I told her the center row flies to Paris"
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:19 pmby pyro55
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But. what happened to your other ear?" "The son of a bitch called back."
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:19 pmby ranck3
Heres some short ones:
"bold is the joke"
What happends when a blonde throws a gernade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
How do you kill a one armed blonde, dangling from a tree?
wave to her. "she will wave back"
Theres 2, i dont feel like typeing for a long time lol.
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:22 pmby pancakemix
How do you kill a blonde?
Put a scratch-and-sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:23 pmby ranck3
lol! i was gonna type that one in. i all rdy knew it. Classic.
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:24 pmby ranck3
How do you keep a blonde busy for the rest of her life?
Tell her to go in a Circlular Room and sit in the corner.
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 7:12 pmby I GOT SERVED
Hokay,
So 2 blondes are walking around, and they both see some tracks. On blonde says to the other that they're deer tracks. The other one replies that they're moose tracks.
The argument goes back and forth untill both blondes are screaming at each other.
"DEER!!!"
"MOOSE!!!"
Both of them were shouting at each other so loud, neither of them heard the oncoming train.
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 7:37 pmby Serbia
A blonde was driving down a country road one day, when she looked out her window and saw another blonde, in a rowboat, rowing away, in the center of a corn field. Puzzled, she stopped her car, went to the side of the road, and hollered "What are you doing out there?" The lady in the rowboat answered that she was trying to cross the field. The driver was incensed. "It's blondes like you who give the rest of us a bad name!" she yelled. "You're in a CORN FIELD! You can't go anywhere! And if I could swim, I'm come out there and beat you on the head with that oar!"
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 9:02 pmby lord twiggy1
pyro55 wrote:hecter wrote:hecter wrote:LAME!!!
your a dumbass
do you hate hecter. if you do vlick the link in my sig and you can join the LDA
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 9:08 pmby Genghis Khant
How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
There's tipp-exx on the monitor. ...and the joystick's wet
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 9:10 pmby jnd94
lord twiggy1 wrote:pyro55 wrote:hecter wrote:hecter wrote:LAME!!!
your a dumbass
do you hate hecter. if you do vlick the link in my sig and you can join the LDA
your a dickfuck
Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 9:29 pmby laffytaffygurl
pyro55 wrote:A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled. "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.
The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "No... it's because you're 25."
This one has to be my favorite...