WARNING: BAD JOKES ALERT!

[riggable]

So there is this kid in 3rd grade got a vocabulary sheet for homework. He was supposed to define all the words on the sheet, and then bring it back into school the next monday. He worked on the sheet and got through all the words but the last two, Idealistically and Realistically, which he didn't know. He decided to ask his dad.

"Hey, dad, what is the difference between idealistically and realistically?"

"well son, i'll let you find out. Go ask your mother, your older sister, and your older brother if they would sleep with Brad Pitt if they got paid 1 million dollars. That will give you your answer."

So the son went to his mother and asked.
"Mom, would you sleep with Brad Pitt if you got paid 1 million dollars?"

"Yes, I would, that would definetely be a win-win situation." his mom replied with a dreamy look in her eyes.

Then the son went to his older sister and asked.
"hey sis, would you sleep with Brad Pitt if you got paid 1 million dollars"

"Hell yeah I would! He's sooo gorgeous!" She replied enthusiastically.

Then the son went to his older brother and asked
"hey bro, would you sleep with Brad Pitt if you got paid 1 million dollars"

"Yeah, I suppose I would, I mean, he's a good looking guy and 1 million dollars is 1 million dollars" replied the brother thoughtfully.


The son returned to his father and said
"Alright dad I know the difference between Idealistically and Realistically now."

"oh yeah, son, whats that?" asked the father

The son said "well idealistically this family is sitting on 3 million dollars, but realistically we are living with 2 sluts and a fag."*






*note, i do not condone the discrimination of homosexual people, or the belittling of said sexual preference with the name 'fag'. this is not my joke, i'm just the messenger.

[Minister Masket]

As much as I see this thread disappear from the first page, it always manages to come back here again. Interesting....

[millertime13]

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
The sheep run like hell when they hear a zipper pull.

What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?
Boys underwear half off.

Did you see Michael Jackson got his penis tattooed?
It reads "You must be this tall to ride".

What does 85 year poon taste like?
Depends.

[daddy1gringo]

Howard Iverson, the inventor of the interval windshield wiper passed away and was burried last week. He was a much beloved man, and at his funeral there wasn't a dry eye...... Then there was...... Then there wasn't.... Then there was...

Two astronauts are in an orbiting space station. One goes out for a routine inspection of the exterior, comes back 20 minutes later and knocks at the door. The other one says, "Who's there?"

A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

[Snorri1234]

"Yeah, I suppose I would, I mean, he's a good looking guy and 1 million dollars is 1 million dollars" replied the brother thoughtfully.

Sleeping with brad pitt for 1 million dollars is not gay.

[rerdek]

lets see more preist and rabbi jokes

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither are hurt. They crawl out of their cars and the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." And the priest said, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

And the rabbi said, "and look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break, surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. And so he handed the bottle to the priest. The priest said he agreed, took a few big swigs, and handed the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi took the bottle, didn't drink at all, put the cap on, and handed it back to the priest. The priest asked, "aren't you going to have any?" And the rabbi replied, "No . . . I think I'll just wait for the police."

[CrabNebula]

<Nori123> You don't know jack shit
<VioletSky> That's not true, I know him well
<Nori123> Haha
<VioletSky> I'm serious
<VioletSky> Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children
<VioletSky> Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
<VioletSky> However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
<VioletSky> She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.
<VioletSky> Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
<VioletSky> The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
<VioletSky> Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
<VioletSky> So there.
<FiPo> LOL
<Nori123> I have actually chortled coke through my nose

haha epic, I am crying

[Quinton]

Why do black men cry during sex?

The mace.