AndyDufresne wrote:Hm...jokes...lets see. I'll use my favorite...and also one I recently heard at work. (I work at a nursing home, and an elderly man told me this one.)
He told it in a little story. The man came over to me and another worker while we were clearing plates in the dining room, and asked us if we knew the history of Pop-eye. We both said no. He asked if we knew that he had a girlfriend named Olive Oil. We said yes. He then asked:
"Do you know what Pop-eye did when he had an erection? He stuck in it Olive Oil." We laughed hysterically as the man rolled off into the distance to the puzzle area.
~~~~~
And one of my favorite jokes:
A man goes to see a psychiatrist to help him with his problems. The psychiatrist spoke with the man for a while and then administered the standard Ink Blot test. "What do you see?" asked the psychiatrist. The man looked closely, adjusting his glasses and responded "Sex." "And now?" "Sex." "And...now?" "Sex." ... "Sex." ... "Sex." ... "Sex." The psychiatrist put down the final card and said to the man "Well, it seems that you are obsessed with sex." The man looked at him horrifically and said "You're the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"
hehe....
--Andy
A young fella with his pants hanging half off his arse, no front teeth and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local unemployment office to pick up his benefit money.
He strolled up to the counter and said:
"Hi there, you know what... I really HATE claiming benefits, I'd really much rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system and getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said:
"Wow, your timing is excellent. We've just received a job opening from a very wealthy elderly man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his brand new Mercedes-Benz CL, he'll supply all of your clothes and because of the unsocial hours, meals will be provided free of charge, you'll also be expected to escort his daughter on her overseas holiday trips, but you will also have as part of your job, to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sexual appetite."
The guy, jaw dropping and wide-eyed said:
"You're bull-shittin' me !"
The social worker said:
"Yeah, well . . . You started it . . .“