Funny answers to exam questions

[mr. incrediball]

I'm really suprised at the number of people here that are studying latin...

I don't see a point. It's been a dead language for how long?

Latin is a dead language, as dead as dead can be. It killed the ancient romans, and now it's killing me!

f*ck you, i was just about to post that!

[static_ice]

makes ya smarter I guess?

[ignotus]

In Croatia it has been in official use till 150 years ago (1848), in Church official till 50 years ago (1964). And I'm a historian so I appreciate my high school and college Latin because it had proved to me his purpose. I learned ancient Greek and Cyrillic and I can write some Arab and Hieroglyphic (just a couple names like Cleopatra).

But I honestly believe that if it doesn't interest you, you shouldn't have to learn them.

[mr. incrediball]

In Croatia it has been in official use till 150 years ago (1848), in Church official till 50 years ago (1964). And I'm a historian so I appreciate my high school and college Latin because it had proved to me his purpose. I learned ancient Greek and Cyrillic and I can write some Arab and Hieroglyphic (just a couple names like Cleopatra).

But I honestly believe that if it doesn't interest you, you shouldn't have to learn them.

isn't ancient greek the same as modern greek?

[ignotus]

Similar, but not the same.

[GreecePwns]

In Croatia it has been in official use till 150 years ago (1848), in Church official till 50 years ago (1964). And I'm a historian so I appreciate my high school and college Latin because it had proved to me his purpose. I learned ancient Greek and Cyrillic and I can write some Arab and Hieroglyphic (just a couple names like Cleopatra).

But I honestly believe that if it doesn't interest you, you shouldn't have to learn them.

isn't ancient greek the same as modern greek?

The letters are the same, but the language hs changed quite a bit.

[mr. incrediball]

In Croatia it has been in official use till 150 years ago (1848), in Church official till 50 years ago (1964). And I'm a historian so I appreciate my high school and college Latin because it had proved to me his purpose. I learned ancient Greek and Cyrillic and I can write some Arab and Hieroglyphic (just a couple names like Cleopatra).

But I honestly believe that if it doesn't interest you, you shouldn't have to learn them.

isn't ancient greek the same as modern greek?

The letters are the same, but the language hs changed quite a bit.

ah, that's probably what confuzzled me

[mandalorian2298]

"Many many moons ago, the Peruvians commited human sacrifice to satiate their gods and end the flood that was caused by by El Nino. In today's moder dog-eat-dog work-a-day world of scientists, diplomats, McSalad Shakers, and George Bush Jr., we no longer have access to such solutions. We are too proud. We will not commit human sacrifices. We refuse to satiate the Peruvian gods. Thus, they remain angry and keep killing us and burning down our trees with El Nino."

LMAO. Brilliant.

[Minister Masket]

Quick! Use the Radioactive Ooze!

[Norse]

"Many many moons ago, the Peruvians commited human sacrifice to satiate their gods and end the flood that was caused by by El Nino. In today's moder dog-eat-dog work-a-day world of scientists, diplomats, McSalad Shakers, and George Bush Jr., we no longer have access to such solutions. We are too proud. We will not commit human sacrifices. We refuse to satiate the Peruvian gods. Thus, they remain angry and keep killing us and burning down our trees with El Nino."

LMAO. Brilliant.

not to mention the:

Instead of satiating the god's, many of these "scientists" have tried to control el nino with "science". They put up expensive fish-attracting Buoys that run on flashlight batteries. Imagine, fighting the wrath of the gods with 'flashlight batteries'. Needless to say this didn't work, and everyone died.

[mandalorian2298]

"Many many moons ago, the Peruvians commited human sacrifice to satiate their gods and end the flood that was caused by by El Nino. In today's moder dog-eat-dog work-a-day world of scientists, diplomats, McSalad Shakers, and George Bush Jr., we no longer have access to such solutions. We are too proud. We will not commit human sacrifices. We refuse to satiate the Peruvian gods. Thus, they remain angry and keep killing us and burning down our trees with El Nino."

LMAO. Brilliant.

not to mention the:

Instead of satiating the god's, many of these "scientists" have tried to control el nino with "science". They put up expensive fish-attracting Buoys that run on flashlight batteries. Imagine, fighting the wrath of the gods with 'flashlight batteries'. Needless to say this didn't work, and everyone died.

I like that part too, but I am too lazy to re-type ALL of it by myself.

[Titanic]

Lol, wtf was with the elephant? Sleeping with the boss' wife was just so imaginative though.

[mr. incrediball]

Lol, wtf was with the elephant? Sleeping with the boss' wife was just so imaginative though.

Q.there is a quarter pipe, a weight and a spring, the weight bounces off the spring and goes up, then back down, the quarter pipe. when will the weight stop moving?

A.it can't start-there's an elephant in the way!

[jay_a2j]

I remember in 10th grade, I wanted to prove that our History teacher wasn't really grading the tests and put "Mary had a little lamb" down for an answer...It was not marked incorrect! Point proven.

[diddle]

Isn't that illegal?

fantastic though

[static_ice]

Isn't that illegal?

fantastic though

it looks like it could be the same handwriting


you know all of these could just be kids writing down funny answers and then writing down the teacher's comments in red ink...

[diddle]

Isn't that illegal?

fantastic though

it looks like it could be the same handwriting


you know all of these could just be kids writing down funny answers and then writing down the teacher's comments in red ink...

still fantastic though

[sam_levi_11]

Isn't that illegal?

fantastic though

it looks like it could be the same handwriting


you know all of these could just be kids writing down funny answers and then writing down the teacher's comments in red ink...

still fantastic though

agreed

[mandalorian2298]

This one is for all of you kiddies who joined after 10/01 '07, here's a bit of the classic Norse. Enjoy.

[william18]

lol, the elephant was probably the funniest. The boss one was also funny aswell as the last one.

[autoload]

Wow!

Mandy with a BUMP!

[william18]

This one is for all of you kiddies who joined after 10/01 '07, here's a bit of the classic Norse. Enjoy.

I was here when Norse was around. Then he got banned a couple month's after I joined. Did he make any multi's yet?

[mandalorian2298]

Wow!

Mandy with a BUMP!

You gotta admit that this was bumpworthy. I love that El Nino story it crack me every time.

[super Mario 009]

In my science class we had a test and one question asked to explain fusion and to give an example, one guy wrote as an example: "goku and vegeta when they fight they release energy and when they collide they make one big ball of energy that keeps on growing." or something like that, I translated it, but it was hilarious!

[Pedronicus]

Have been laughing so much,tears have come to my eyes. These are amazing!

It's hard to believe these exam answers are true, I know standards are
slipping but...

They do seem very funny though




Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Presumably also the inspiration of Vivaldi (don't forget the Ketchup)


Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be
made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

(dead sheep could really block your tap)




Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.




Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.



Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.


Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

(can't argue with that)




Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.


TECHNOLOGY


Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

(to keep him cool in the desert ?)




RELIGION
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.


Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot.
The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live
elsewhere.


The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female
moth


Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of that name.


Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.


In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits,
and threw the java.


Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The
Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be
made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."


Joan of Arc was burn to a steak and was canonised by Bernard Shaw.
Finally, Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for
the same offence.


In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of
the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also
wrote literature.


Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple
while standing on his son's head.


It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the
circulation of the blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started smoking


Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote
loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was
calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died of this.


During the Renaissance, history began. Christopher Columbus was a
great navigator who discovered America whilst cursing about the
Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.


The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is
in the East and the sun sets in the West.


My personal favourite paper to mark, was completely empty apart from
one sentence.
" Jesus, Please Help Me."

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the
Bible,Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of
their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"


Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened
bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on
Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever
reached Canada.


Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.


Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.


Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people
Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.



Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the
fiddle to them.



In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of
the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also
wrote literature.



Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple
while standing on his son's head.



Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success.
When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."



It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the
circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis
Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.



The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was
born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much
money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,
comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and
Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be
laid by Juliet.



Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote
Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.



Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's
Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many
people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was
responsible for all this.



One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks
in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the
post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer
had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin
were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin
discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A
horse divided against itself cannot stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and
is still dead.


Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure
domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the
right to keep bare arms.


Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother
died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with
his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln
went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a
moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.


Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire
invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.



Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the
autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.



Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which
he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was
the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was
half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.



The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and
catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his
power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any
children.


Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years.
She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final
event which ended her reign.


The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing
by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of river
to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did
the work of a hundred men.



Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a
naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered
radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.



The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an
anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.